My Jaded Love, Dangerous Desires

2

Oli POV

“Have you seen the front page?” Max, my publicist, and best friend shouts, as he walks into my hotel suite without knocking.

“No, I’ve not,” I grumble, squinting against the bright light coming through the door he left open.

He pulls the drapes back, making me wince from the light that comes in through the window and the sharp pain that shoots through my head.

A groan from beside me has him raising an eyebrow at me.

I climb out of bed and wrap a robe around myself and walk out of the room so my companion doesn’t get disturbed.

“What is it now?” I ask, pouring myself a coffee and lighting a cigarette.

“You were parading around with a bunch of different women, Oliver. If Sophia sees this,"

Sophia is my supposed fiancée. She’s only with me because of some deal Max made with her. She gets time in the limelight and supposedly makes my image better but all she does is make my head throb every time I see her.

“She was ready to leave you last time. I’m surprised she hasn’t called you to call this whole deal off. This is bad for business, Oliver.” He shouts, shaking the paper around in front of me.

I take a sip of coffee, not really caring what Sophia thinks.

“This is her calling now!” He panics, his usually olive-toned face pales slightly making me feel bad.

Sophia is a real bítch and I can only imagine the shít she is about to give Max because of me.

I hold my hand out toward him and wiggle my fingers to tell him to give me the phone.

I glance at it and see Sophia’s name and I swear my balls crawl back up inside of me just seeing her name. I look at Max as I answer the call.

“Sophia.”

“How could you Oliver? How could you do that to me so publicly?” She sćrėams down the phone.

Images of the only girl that ever mattered to me flash through my mind and I feel like I’m back at that day again.

The day I lost her.

It's been haunting my dreams ever since it happened and I try to make it disappear by throwing myself into other women and drinking far too much, but it never works.

She will always haunt me.

“He’s sorry,” Max shouts, leaning toward the speaker of the phone.

“Well, I’m not doing it again. Sort your shít out, Oli.”

I cringe when she calls me Oli. Only one girl has ever called me Oli and it doesn’t sound right when someone else says it. Usually, I correct people when they do, but she’s already hung up.

I pass Max the phone back and take a drag on the cigarette.

I need it after talking with Sophia.

“Let’s get away for a bit. You have an engagement in Cherry Hill. Maybe we should go early?” He asks me, looking hopeful.

“No!” I say with annoyance as I walk back into the room to vacate the girl.

I put the cigarette out in the ashtray by the door before I walk into the room.

“It will be good for you. Some time to find yourself again. Some time away from the press and the stresses that come with it.”

I stop in the doorway of the room and turn back to look at Max.

“If I say yes, will you shut up?”

He nods his head with a large grin plastered across his face, so I turn back and walk into the room, closing the door behind me.

“We leave at 6!” He shouts quickly.

Maybe Max is right.

I’ve been a bit of a loose cannon lately. I’ve been trying to run away from my feelings of loneliness and emptiness.

A break will do me good.

Somewhere I’m not known to anyone.

I can't get back to sleep after talking to Sophia, so I decide to lose myself in the girl a few more times before kicking her out so I can get cleaned up before leaving.

I throw some things into the suitcase I’ve been living out of for the last six months and head out to go meet Max.

“The car is waiting downstairs, and the plane leaves as soon as we get there.”

He is waiting outside the room for me.

This has got to be the best perk of the rich and famous lifestyle, private jets, and big ass cars.

I sit back and relax with a glass of whiskey as the plane takes off, taking me away from the hustle and bustle of the big city.

I can already feel myself relaxing the higher into the air we go.

When we land, Max has a car waiting for us.

The airport is busy but because we came on a private plane, I don't have to worry about all the people inside.

We can slip through and leave without any of the hassles that come from trying to get through any airport.

Max drove the rental as I gazed out of the window, admiring the small but charming town that we are driving through.

The sun is setting, casting a warm pink glow over everything, making it seem more peaceful.

The streets are clean and lined with trees.

All the stores have window boxes full of colorful flowers.

The air feels cleaner here, and it smells fresher.

The car passes a grocery store and I have to do a double take.

I spot a girl getting out of a car and walking into the store and she was a dead ringer for Caitlin Holmes.

She has been on my mind a lot lately and now I’m seeing her in a small town shopping for groceries. Maybe this is the universe, punishing me for what I did to her, the way I hurt her.

I’m tempted to make Max turn the car around so I can check if it really was her, but I know it’s just in my head.

That it is just me wishing it was her.

This is my penance for the pain I caused her. I see her everywhere I go.

The hotel we pull up outside is small but quirky.

Flowers surround the front, giving a beautiful floral smell to the entrance.

I actually think this was the best idea Max has had.

He strolls over to the front desk and signs us both in.

I sit down in one of the chairs and wait for Max, picking up a magazine and flicking through it.

“You are in the suite and you’re under Bradley Cookie. Do you want to rest or get something to eat?”

“I’m going to get some sleep. I will catch you tomorrow.”

Max passes me a key card and I grab my bag and head over to the elevator.

I slept like a baby. I’ve never felt so at peace.

I get dressed and walk over to Max’s room.

He opens the door for me, letting me in.

His room is smaller than mine, but still just as nice.

“What would you like to do today?” He asks, pulling his phone out to make arrangements.

“I think I’m going to have a look around. This town seems nice and peaceful.”

He nods and puts his phone back into his pocket.

“Are you ok to go alone? I have some work I need to do. I can put it off for an hour or so.”

I shake my head and open the door.

“Don’t worry, some time alone is just what I need right now.”

Max smiles and turns back to his work as I head for the elevator.

The doors slide open and I step off. A young boy is loading bags onto a trolley next to the elevator. He looks up at me and smiles widely.

“Hey, can I get a picture with you?” He asks, his grin bigger than the Cheshire Cat.

“Sure,” I say, smiling at the phone as he stands next to me.

I leave the hotel and make my way toward the town. It really is charming.

Everyone is so polite, saying hello or smiling at me.

It’s refreshing not having cameras flashing in my face or fans chasing me.

I find myself actually feeling relaxed, a feeling I’ve not felt for a long time.

My stomach starts to growl, so I head back to the hotel to see if Max wants to get some food.

He might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he’s my only real friend.

I have known him since college and he’s stayed with me, working with me and helping my career take off.

As I walk into the foyer, I hear a voice I’ve not heard for a long time.

My palms start to sweat and my hands shake.

I feel my stomach drop.

I stand behind one of the square columns in the foyer, hiding like a coward.

Afraid that if she sees me, she will get mad or throw me out or, even worse, disappear.

I look out across to where I heard the angelic sound, and that’s when I see her. The world stands still and I find it hard to breathe.

Time has been very kind to Cait.

She’s just as beautiful as I remember.

Her short, light brown hair is now long and flows down her back.

It waves and frames her perfect face.

Her beautiful blue eyes sparkle as the light hits them.

Her smile makes my heart flutter still, even now.

She rolls her head from side to side, trying to ease her neck.

I used to be the one to rub her neck for her.

That thought fills me with sadness.

My biggest regret was letting Cait go, for not fighting harder to get her back.

For never proving what she truly meant to me.

She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved.

The only girl I will ever love. Even now, the feelings I have for her are so strong.

I would give her the moon and the stars if she let me.

She looks up, but I’m not ready for her to see me yet, so I duck behind the column.

When I think it’s safe, I look again.

I can’t take my eyes off her. It feels surreal, like I’m in a dream.

I watch as some guy walks over and starts to talk to her.

The way she smiles at him and laughs when he speaks fills me with rage.

She used to look at me like that. Her beautiful smiles were for me and me alone.

I can’t stand to watch anymore, so leave and head up to the room.

No longer hungry, I sit by the window, watching the clouds move across the sky.

~~~

Cait POV

My shift at the front desk is finally over, so I quickly dash home and get changed for a shift in the bar.

It's a different uniform, but it's more comfortable. It's a pair of black pants and a black t-shirt with the hotel's name on it.

Justin is working the bar shift with me, and I’m actually looking forward to it.

He has always flirted with me and even though he does it with everyone, I actually enjoy the attention.

Trusting men has not been easy for me, but I’m trying to be better. I’m trying to let go of my old insecurities and live life again.

I’m willing to give Justin a chance. He’s different from most men I’ve met. He actually wants to get to know me.

I thought Oli was different though, and look how that turned out.

Maybe Justin is just showing me a side of him he thinks I want to see.

I shake my head to clear the negative thoughts and feel like slapping myself.

I hate that every time I even contemplate having a new relationship, I always come back to him.

I hate how he still affects me.

I have been tempted over the years to see how he’s been doing, but it was always too painful.

He became some big actor, so sometimes it’s hard to not see his face plastered in the newspapers or on the front page of a magazine.

Always with some girl draped across him like an accessory.

It still makes me sick thinking of him with another woman, but that’s what a first love does to a girl.

It hurts like hell, but I will cherish the good times we had. At least I knew that to be true.

I have one last look in the mirror, satisfied with my appearance.

I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and topped up my makeup and I head back to the hotel bar feeling excited. The hotel bar is always busy. Locals come and drink here as well as guests.

“Hey Caitlin, it’s good to see you.” Toby, a regular, says whilst smiling at me.

He works at one of the farms in town and comes here most nights.

He has muck stuck to his clothes, but I don't care.

“Toby, what can I get you?”

“My usual please.”

He sits down on a barstool, placing his hat next to him.

I get him a cider, placing it on a fresh beer mat for him and slide some nuts from behind the bar over to him, and smiled as he dived in.

“That’s the guy that came with the famous guy. Have you seen him yet?” Justin asks from behind me.

I feel his fingers graze my arm, sending tingles down my spine.

“No, not yet, you?” I ask, turning to him with a big smile.

He smiles back at me, making me blush.

“No, but Steve got a selfie with him. Said he was some actor.”

I look over at the man sitting by himself and grab a menu for him.

I can't help but feel like I've seen him somewhere before, but soon push that idea aside.

I don't know anyone that works with anyone famous.

As I walk over, some of the guests start to whisper and point toward the door.

It must be the famous actor that’s staying here.

I feel quite excited.

I’ve never actually met a famous person.

I walk to the table and smile widely.

“Hi, I thought you might like this. Can I get you a drink?”

I hold the menu out to him, but he just looks at me with disgust.

“No!” He says abruptly.

I look down at the rude man, but he just shoos me away like I’m an annoying fly.

I turn to leave but crash into a firm chest, banging my nose really hard.

“Owww I’m sorry,” I say, looking up.

The world stops moving.

I feel myself sway slightly, but two strong hands hold me firmly in place.

“Stupid girl, watch what you're doing.” The rude man shouts. He stands up and stands beside us looking at me and then at him.

“Max shut up. Cait, are you ok?” I shake my head no.

There’s a loud ringing in my ears and everything seems surreal.

My brain is no longer working. His handsome face is so close to my own that I can feel his breath across my skin. His eyes scan my face, stopping and looking into my eyes.

Deep pools of blue make me forget what was happening. Instead, I picture myself getting lost in him.

“Cait, sit down.” His voice is still just as sexy as ever.

Having him so close to me and touching me is making my knees feel weak.

I feel myself being led to a chair and being gently pushed down, so I’m sitting now.

“Cait, are you ok?” Justin says, running over to see what’s going on.

“She’s fine.” Oli snarls.

He stands up and blocks my view of Justin. His back is broader than the last time I saw him.

“I’m ok Justin. I don’t feel too good though. I’m gonna go home.” I answer, standing up.

I keep my eyes firmly planted on Justin. I can’t look at him, I can’t look at Oli right now.

I thought if I ever saw him again I would be ok.

I wouldn’t be affected like this by him anymore.

He turns to look at me and I feel my head starting to cloud.

His eyes still have that sparkle in them. They look mesmerizing like they speak directly to my soul when he looks at me like that.

“Let me take you home?” He says he places his hand gently on my arm.

“No,” I snap, snatching my arm away from him.

His touch burns, but I desperately want to feel it again.

How can I feel all these things after so long still?

The rude man is watching us closely, his dark eyes squint together as if he's trying to work something out.

I push past Oli and run to my car. Slamming the door shut as I get in.

My head is swimming.

All I can think of is Oli.

I tried so hard to move on and I thought I had, but seeing him again has made me feel things I didn’t think I would ever feel again.

I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him, but I also wanted to slap him silly and never see him again.

My head was a mess. I can't even think straight, so I decided to walk home instead of driving.

My head is not in the right place right now.

I lock the car and start the walk home. The sensation of being followed again makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

I look behind me and sure enough, Oli is following me.

“What do you want?” I shout, letting the annoyance leak into my voice.

“To make sure you get home ok?” He replies with a smile.

He has some light jeans on that seem to hug his body and a black T-shirt that leaves little to the imagination.

His body has changed a lot since I saw him last time.

His arms seem too big to fit in his shirt.

The material stretches over his biceps.

I find myself scanning his body and feel like such a fool.

“I’m fine. Go away,” I snarl, turning on my heel and walking faster.

“Please Cait, don’t go.” I stop in my stride.

He had said those words the last time I saw him.

I did walk away that day.

Maybe this is what I need, some closure.

I never did get it.

I hear him walking closer to me. He walks around me, so he’s standing in front of me now.

He reaches across and places his hands on my arms.

I shake his arms off me and step back, away from his touch.

“What do you want, Oli?”

Shít.

This was a bad idea.

Being this close to him and seeing his beautiful face was not a good idea.

He smells amazing, and it clouds my senses.

Everything becomes a fuzzy haze when I’m near him.

I've never been able to think clearly when he's around.

He is my weakness.

“I’m sorry.” He quietly says.

I look at him, waiting.

“For what?” I ask, the sarcasm dripping from my voice.

“For everything. I wish I had never met that girl and I wish I had never drunk that night.”

I hold my hand up. The tears are brimming in my eyes.

“Don’t! Don’t come here and say sorry now. It’s too late, Oli. What you did broke me. I loved you with everything I had and you threw it all away for her so you don’t get to come here and say sorry to make yourself feel better.”

I pushed past him again and turned onto my street.

I could still hear his footsteps behind me, but I didn’t look back.

I can’t stand to see his face at the moment.

I got to my front door and turned to see him standing behind me again.

I had to stop myself from smashing into his hard chest once again.

“I’m home now. Please go. I can’t deal with this right now.”

I say, a little too harshly. His eyes flash with hurt, but he smiles at me and walks away.

As he gets to the end of the small path that leads to my front door, he stops and turns.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” I feel the butterflies dance in my stomach at his question and curse myself for feeling like that around him.

“I’m busy,” I snap, opening the door and slamming it shut.

I walk to the window and peek out to see him take one last look at the house before walking back towards the hotel.

I threw myself onto my bed and let the tears I’d been holding in for the last 8 years out.