My Jaded Love, Dangerous Desires

“Happy Sweet sixteen. What did you wish for?” I open my eyes, smiling at the most handsome boy I’ve ever seen. His dark brown hair always looks ruffled, like he has been scraping his hands through his smooth locks, deep blue hooded eyes that swim with mischief and would make any girl swoon and for a sixteen-year-old, he’s tall. He has smooth, flawless, sun-kissed skin that makes his eyes look even bluer. Oliver Wilson. The boy next door. The boy I have loved since I first laid my eyes on him and he has no idea how I feel. We have been best friends since we could walk. All the girls in school are constantly chasing after him but he’s not had a girlfriend since Molly last year. I was devastated when he told me he had asked her out and she had said yes, and then I heard them as he took that final step with her. His room is directly opposite mine, our windows face into each other’s room. He had left his window open that night, and as I lay there trying to sleep, I heard her moans of pleasure and his grunts of satisfaction. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night. That was the night I realized we will only ever be best friends. As long as he was in my life, I didn’t care. He holds a cupcake out in front of himself with the candle still sending a small wisp of smoke into the air after I had just blown it out. He looks so dashing and I can’t help smiling at how sweet he is with me. I've never seen him like this with any of his other girlfriends. “I can’t tell you or it won’t come true,” I answer. His eyes smile brightly, and he leans closer to me. “I can’t make it come true if I don’t know what it is. Can I?” He whispers. I lean closer to his face. His minty breath brushed against my skin. SMUSH “Oli!” I sćrėam and start laughing. “Yum, delicious.” He says, scooping some of the cake off my face with his finger and eating it. “Come on princess, let’s get you home before your dad decides I’m no good for you again.” He teased. He places his hands on my hips and lifts me off the wall. As he places me on the floor, he looks into my eyes, holding my gaze, making my breath catch in my throat. His face is inches from mine and I can’t help but look at his beautiful, plump lips. He smiles, taking my hand and pulling me along. He doesn’t let go as we walk home. He locks his fingers between mine, making my head spin. I don’t care that I have cake on my face. When I’m with Oli, nothing matters but him. My house looms in front of us. I push the small gate open but I’m tugged back. Oli pulls me into his chest. My body is flush against his, making my legs feel like jelly and my stomach flips over in excitement. His aftershave makes him smell divine. My eyes open wide in shock just as his lips brush against mine so softly. I’m stunned, unable to move. I feel his tongue brush against my lips. My eyes pop open wider as his tongue slips inside my mouth and moves against mine. I shut my eyes and try to copy what his tongue is doing, but it feels strange. I’m not sure what to do with my hands either. I feel like they should be doing something, but I’m not sure what, so I just let them dangle by my side. Whilst his tongue is starting to swirl around inside my mouth, I raise my arms and wrap them around his neck, I’ve seen the girls in movies do this. And it probably looks better than me just standing like a scarecrow. He pulls away smiling that big bright smile that always makes my knees feel weak, and right now they feel like they're made from jelly. “Happy birthday.” He mumbles, pecking at my lips one last time and brushing my hair behind my ear. I feel my cheeks heating up from how he is looking at me, it feels so intense. The air feels charged between us. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He whispers into my mouth and quickly pecks my lips one last time before walking off to his own house. I walk down the small pathway in a daze. Daydreaming of my first ever kiss and the fact it was with Oliver Wilson. “Have you had a good day?” My mom asks as I waltz inside, unable to control the smile plastered on my face. “I take that as a yes.” She smiles back at me. “Mom, what was your first kiss like?” I ask wondering if she was just as confused as to what to do as I was. “Oh, I see.” She says, wiping her hands on the tea towel and sitting beside me on the chair. She pats her legs, so I lay my head on her lap as she gently strokes my hair. “My first kiss was with a boy called Reggie Holmes. It was far too wet and sloppy. It got better eventually, though.” “Mom, are you talking about dad?” I ask. I tilt my head back so I can see her face better. She starts laughing, shaking her head. “No, his brother.” My mouth drops open and I sit up, looking at my mom. She giggles at my shocked face and pushes me back down onto her lap and continues to stroke my hair. “Tell me everything.” TAP TAP TAP I walk over to my bedroom window half asleep and open it. “Cait, come down here.” I look out and see Oli standing below with something in his hand. “Ok,” I say sleepily, closing the window and pulling my robe on, and pulling it tight around myself. “What!” I snap as I push the door open and walk outside into the cold night air. It bites at my skin that’s exposed, making me pull the robe even tighter around myself. “I thought we could watch the stars together.” He says, taking my hand and pulling me along. He doesn’t care that I’m moody or just snapped at him. He is used to it. Oli has a habit of waking me up and making me sneak out of the house. And who am I to refuse Oli for something so sweet? Usually, he wakes me up to tell me something or to go for a walk because he can’t sleep, but he wants me to look at the beautiful stars. I would have given my left arm to sit and look up at the night sky with Oli and here he is dragging me to do it. He pats the ground next to him, so I do as I’m told and sit beside him, leaving a small gap. He pours out some hot chocolate from the flask he had and passes it to me, then drapes his arm over my shoulder, pulling me closer to his warm body. “Cait, can I ask you something?” He turns my head so I’m facing him now and looks into my eyes. I would let him ask anything when he looks at me like that. His dark hair was sticking up like he had been running his fingers through it. I wanted nothing more than to run my own fingers through it. “Sure,” I whispered. His proximity is making it hard to talk. My brain is non-existent when he’s this close to me. “I really like you, Cait. I have for a long time and I’ve been scared to say anything, but then today when you let me kiss you. I thought maybe you felt the same.” I couldn’t help blushing. He liked me, but he was scared. The boy of my dreams, who I have loved for as long as I can remember, likes me! “Will you go out with me, Cait?” Oh my god. He is asking me out and I’m in my pajamas. “Yes,” I say with my head down. “Yes?” He repeats, lifting my head back up with his finger so I’m looking into his eyes. “Yes.” I smile and nod my head. He puts his lips against mine again. This time, it’s not like a washing machine in my mouth. This time it’s soft and gentle. This time it feels good. It makes my head spin and my stomach dance with excitement. My arms snake around his neck, wanting more. ~ Six months later… “Oliver, don’t you dare,” I say, standing by the river, trying to keep my hair dry. “Or else what?” He shouts as he swings his arm around in the water, splashing me. “Your gonna pay for that,” I sćrėam as I run into the river to splash him back. His arms swing back and forth, soaking me more, but I can’t stop laughing. I try to splash him back, but he leaps forward, pushing me under the water. His arms come around me as he pulls me close to his body. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and hang on to him. “Caitlin I love you.” He declares, crashing his lips into mine and kissing me. His arm is across my back, holding my head and deepening the kiss and I can feel his erection against me, making my body sing with excitement. “I love you too, Oliver,” I reply, crashing my lips back into his and tangling my fingers into his hair. Kissing him now is incredible. It makes me excited for more. I have never felt this way before and I don’t know if I ever will. Oli makes me feel alive. He makes the world a better and brighter place. He makes everything exciting and when I’m not with him, I crave him. I crave his hands running up my arm and the feel of his lips against mine. I know we are young, but when I’m with him, I feel like I could take on King Kong and win. His hand slides down and grabs my bottom. I feel him squeezing it lightly. “Oli, I’m ready,” I say, my voice sounding so sure. I look deeply into his eyes, trying to read him, but I’ve never been good at guessing what he’s thinking. When he smiles, his eyes light up. “Really?” He asks. I nod my head with a big smile of my own. His lips gently brush against mine, and his teeth nip at my bottom lip. Nothing has ever felt this right before in my life. ~ 18 months later… I have never truly understood what people meant when they spoke about true love. But now I do. Oli is the air that I breathe. I feel like, without him, I’m nothing. I leave for college tomorrow and the thought of being away from him is breaking me in half. I feel like I’m been torn in two different directions. My head wants to go to college and have an adventure, but my heart wants to stay here with Oli. I'm lying in the meadow close to where we live. Oli is rubbing my arm as I close my eyes and doze on his chest. His body is starting to go firmer and his muscles are starting to look bigger and more defined. “Hey, do you think we will be ok?” He asks, making me open my eyes to look up at him. “Of course we will. I love you, so we will make sure this works.” He runs his fingers up my arm softly, making me shiver. “I love you Cait so much.” The vibrations from his talking make my head bob up and down. “I don’t want to go,” I admit, holding him tighter. The tears are threatening to spill now. “I know, I don’t want to either, but like you said, we will make this work.” I close my eyes and absorb as much of him as I can. I want to remember the way he smells and the way he sounds when he laughs. The way he makes me feel when he looks at me with his big blue eyes. The way his lips feel against my own. The way his hair feels as I run my fingers through it and the way I feel when I hear those 3 little words from him. “I can’t do it,” I say as the tears finally fall. “We will see each other soon and we will talk every day.” He sits up, so I have to sit up as well. He pulls me so I’m facing him. “I love you, Caitlin Holmes, more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything. I have faith in you and in us.” His lips collided with mine. His tongue dived in as he devoured me. I pull at his top to try to get it up over his head, and I can feel his smile against my lips. He lays me down gently in the tall grass. His hands promise things only his hands can. I don’t care if it’s hard, I will make this work. A life without Oli is not a life at all. The sky is black now, a few stars still twinkle above us. “Come on Caitlin.” My mom shouts. “I love you,” I say, kissing Oli one last time. The kiss is long and gentle. It gives me goosebumps. “I love you.” He copies what I had just said. His voice cracks, and a tear slides down his handsome face. I hold his hand as I climb into the car. He closes the door and puts his hand against the glass. I lift my hand and place it against his. My tears are big and fat and pour from my eyes. “I'll miss you,” I say louder so he can hear me. “I'll miss you more. I love you.” The car starts up, and he walks slowly along it, speeding up more and more until he’s running. I turn around and watch through the back window as the boy I love slowly disappears from view. “You will see him soon,” Mom assured me, looking back at me through the rearview mirror. My heart feels like it’s been ripped from my chest and kicked around. I lean against the glass, watching as the world passes by in a blur of green and grey. ~ 6 months later… I pull up outside the dormitory, ready to surprise Oli for his birthday. It’s been 4 months since I saw him and it has killed me. The fact I’m going to see him in a few minutes has butterflies fighting in my stomach. “Hey.” a guy says, walking out of the building. I grab the door so I can sneak inside. This is working out perfectly. I route through my bag to see what number he was in again and find it. Room 375 I head to the stairs as some girls come down giggling about some cute guys. I can’t help smiling. I reach the floor and look at the door numbers. 360. I walk down a little further. 374, 375. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. No one answers, so I knock again. “Just walk in, everyone does.” A guy says as he walks past. I shrug and try the door. It’s not locked, so I push it open. My eyes adjust to the dark room and my world feels like it’s been thrown upside down. The room starts to spin and I feel like someone is twisting my guts from the inside. Oli is in bed with a girl draped across his chest. The sheets are barely covering them up and I can see they’re both naked underneath. His eyes flutter open. He looks at me and then down to the sleeping girl before dashing back to me. His eyes go wide as he registers that I’m standing by the open door. He pushes the girl off, making her fall to the floor and pulling the cover with her, revealing Oli and all his glory. My head starts to spin and my ears buzz. I feel like I’m going to pass out and throw up all at once. I turn and run from the room, not wanting to look back. “Caitlin, wait!” His voice sćrėams from behind me. “Caitlin stop!” He says, grabbing a hold of me. I look at him with just some pants on. His chest glistens as he moves from the layer of sweat covering it, and her red lipstick on his face sćrėams at me like a knife to the gut. “Get off me!” I shout, pushing him away from me. “Cait, no.” He pleaded, his voice gruff. He grabs my arm, pulling me closer to him again, but all I can see when he touches me is her and him together. “Get the fück off me, Oli, now!” I sćrėam. My hand came up and slapped him across his cheek. The sound echoed in the corridor. He didn’t even flinch. He just stood there and took it, pissing me off more. “Please let me explain.” He begs, his voice was soft and pleading and if I hadn’t just seen him with another woman, I would have given him anything he wanted. “What’s to explain?” I snarled. The tears are falling freely now. “That’s not what it looked like. Please, Cait, you have to believe me. It didn’t mean anything to me. She doesn’t mean anything to me.” “Well, it means something to me,” I shout, pushing on his chest to get him away from me again. Having him this close to me makes it hard to think properly. Right now I need to get as far away from Oli as I can. “I have to go. I can’t stand to look at you,” I cried, pulling my arm out of his hold and running down the stairs. “Caitlin stop, don’t go.” I don’t stop or turn around. I keep running, my heart in a million pieces and my cheeks drenched in my tears. I feel lost and broken. My heart feels like someone has taken a hacksaw and tried to cut it from my chest. Every beat that it takes feels restricted, like it’s been held tightly in someone’s hands, squeezing it every time it tries to beat. The darkness has consumed me and I can’t find the light anymore. ~ 8 years later… “Did you hear some famous person is staying here?” Mikayla, my best friend for the last 7 years, says slamming a pile of paperwork down on the front desk of the hotel we both work at. It’s not a big hotel. It’s a small town with not much happening. “No, I didn’t hear that,” I say, looking up at her and rolling my eyes sarcastically. “He’s meant to be so handsome. Have you seen him yet?” She asks, all doe-eyed. “No, I didn’t know he had checked in yet.” I look through the guest register and see a name that wasn’t there yesterday. “Bradley cookie?” I say, raising an eyebrow. Mikayla comes over and laughs when she reads the name aloud. “I wonder what he looks like.” She walks over to the sofa and rests her legs on the small coffee table in the center. I walk over, pushing her legs off the table and tidying up the area. “If you don’t get some work done, you will never know because we will both be fired,” I say, looking at her sternly. She pulls her tongue out before standing up and walking away. I go back behind the desk thinking of all the celebrities I can think of that it could be. I’ve never met a famous person before and I don’t think we have ever had any stay here before. The rest of the day flies by. I mainly have to answer calls and fill in paperwork and make sure the guests are happy. My neck aches from standing all day, so I place my hand behind it, gently massaging it as I roll my head from side to side, trying to ease the tension. Suddenly I get the sensation of being watched, so I open my eyes, looking around to see if anyone is there. The foyer is empty, so I shrug it off as me being silly and get back to work. I can’t shake the feeling, though. I feel like I’m being followed by eyes I can’t see. It makes me feel on edge, but I am over paranoid, always thinking the worst of things and letting my imagination run away with me. “Cait, can you do a shift in the bar later?” Justin the manager asks. He’s quite handsome. He has light brown hair and grey eyes. He’s tall and works out, so he’s in good shape, but he knows it and is constantly posing and flexing his muscles and he’s a huge flirt with every woman that he comes across. He smiles at me, making me blush. He’s asked me out a couple of times and I’ve been very tempted to say yes. “Sure, but you owe me.” “How about a drink Friday night?” He has a cheeky grin, and I can’t help but smile at him. “Sure.”