He Called Me Gorgeous. Disaster Engagement Series Book 2

Episode 4

“So you had a few drinks and decided to come up here and give me a hard time? that's what Stefan used to do” he looked like I had just punched him in the face. “please don't compare me to him Gorgeous, I'm upset and I took it out on you but I would never hurt you" he looked devastated but I really didn't care because I wanted to be as far away from him as I could get. Then I thought entered my head. Why was he so upset? What did he mean that if I shagged Fran it would be the end of he world? "what's it got to do with you if I had been sleeping with Fran?" "It's got everything to do with me. I'm in this band too and if you two are screwing and it doesn't work out then that's the end of the band and where does that leave me" I had been so selfish, the band was our little family and it would have been ruined if I would have pursued a relationship with Fran. I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been but I was still angry at the Big Man "Listen Big Man, I'm not sleeping with Franco, I've never even kissed him before and I'm telling you right now don't you ever speak to me like that again or there won't be a f*****g band" "Lydia please don’t be like that, I'm sorry if I scared you that's the last thing I want, I was angry" he was looking at me with the saddest look on his face. "Big Man I don't want to speak to you, I want you to leave before I ask Harry to throw you out" he looked shocked and I was shocked as well because we had never argued like this before "ok Gorgeous I'll go. I'm sorry again... you know I love you" "just go Big Man” I said and turned my back to him. He came up behind me and cuddled me and kissed the top of my head "I'm sorry" he whispered. "Just go" is all I managed to say, I had went from being terrified of him to wanting to kill him.

Chapter 9

Stacey finally arrived home after two and a half hours and by that time I was livid and I wasn't in the mood to go out. I had drunk the whole bottle of champagne and loads of vodka. I thought I better have a few drinks so I could fall asleep on my own in my own bed. I was standing in my living room in my new dress with no shoes on singing along to Abba songs on my juke box. I had decided that I was going to go solo. I didn't want to be in a band with those horrible boys anymore. When Stacey came in she let out a little laugh "I'm sorry I'm late Lyds? Are you ok?” but I could hardly see straight "no I'm not ok STACEY" I don't know why I shouted her name but I knew I wanted to slap someone. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I met my ex boyfriend Josh and we ended up going for a drink" this was typical Stacey “oh your ex Josh! I think Josh is a wee prick" She was looking at me in disbelief "oh god Lydia you're so Scottish when you're pissed. Are you actually listening to Abba? What's going on?" She said with a laugh. "I love Abba STACEY, that's why I'm listening to them" And if she was my real friend she would have known this. "Lydia what's up? Are you upset" I sat on the sofa and let out a drunken moan. "yes I'm upset, you're so late and the Big Man and I had an argument" she sat down next to me and took my hand "I'm sorry I was late Lyds, why did you guys argue? Was it because of me?" Her eyes lit up with excitement "NO" I snapped "He accused me of sleeping with Fran and when I said I hadn't he didn't believe me and he was really angry. I don't know what his problem is?" she stroked my hair "oh Lydia isn't it obvious?" I didn’t have a clue where she was going with this "No, why do you think he was so pissed off with me?" "Well I think he's jealous" I looked at her like she was talking rubbish as usual “Jealous of what?" I asked “He's jealous that you and Fran might be together" this didn’t make any sense “what are you saying Stacey?" "I'm saying that he wants what Fran has with you, that he's in love with someone and he wants a relationship with them but doesn't know how to tell her" I had to take a moment to process what she was saying. “Stacey are you saying that you think the Big Man is in love with me?" was that the reason he was so upset? She interrupted my thoughts "Don't be silly Lyds he's in love with me" she started to clap her hands and giggle with excitement. "Isn't it obvious? Well I love him too, and I've decided I'm going to tell him because we can't go on with this song and dance any longer. We should be together! We would make the perfect couple" "Stacey darling I feel sick, so I'm going to bed" I staggered into my bedroom. That girl was deranged the Big Man didn't even like her, but I couldn't think about her, I had to make sure I wasn't sick on my new dress. I lay on my bed and I must have drifted off and that’s when I had a dream about Fran. I dreamt that I crept into his bedroom in the middle of the night and it was in total darkness, he was naked except for a sheet covering his bare legs. He was holding his huge d**k in his hand I couldn't move because I was in shock. He threw his head back and clenched his jaw. His skin was glistening with sweat. His body was amazing. The sheet had slipped down and I could see his whole c**k in his hand. My god he was big. I kept thinking I shouldn't be watching him but I couldn't take my eyes off him. I was wet as I watched him stroke his d**k. He was glorious, I loved to watch Michael do this it had always been my biggest turn on. He began to speed up his pace and I was mesmerised. He suddenly noticed that I was watching him. He stood up totally naked and walked towards me in silence. He pulled me close to him until I was pressing my t**s into his bare chest then his mouth was on mine he was kissing me, I ran my hands over his rock hard shoulders to try and push him away but I didn't want to. He had turned me on so much and he was a great kisser. He lay me on my back on the bed and started to kiss my neck down to my cleavage. Hard lustful kisses, I wrapped my legs around him, he rubbed his huge hard d**k against me and I was so turned on. I wanted him badly, I ran my hands down his back. He started to kiss me again, it was even faster and deeper than before. He grabbed my dress and dragged it over my head. I ran my hands through his hair as he kissed my neck and the top of my t**s. When suddenly a voice came out of no where and it was the Big Man “Lydia wake up, wake up" Fran stopped kissing me and I woke up from my dream with a fright "whats going on? why are you here?" I asked as I tried to focus on him. “I'm sorry I can't sleep. I wanted to speak to you and explain myself. I'm sorry I woke you up, but I thought you were having a nightmare" I actually wanted to kill him because that dream was amazing. I really hadn’t released just how much I wanted and missed Fran. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I was still wearing my dress and I must have looked awful but I was still fuming with him. "Big Man I don't want to speak to you. I'm tired and I'm drunk so we should talk tomorrow" he looked upset "please Gorgeous, I'm sorry but I can't wait until tomorrow, I've been up all night" I was still half pissed,I looked at the clock and it was 5am and I felt a pang of guilt, the poor thing must have been worried sick. "ok what's up?" He stood in front of me and he looked so worried "about earlier... you have to understand how I'm feeling" Was he trying to play the victim? I was just standing in my kitchen minding my own business, he was the one that started the argument "I don't understand, why were you angry with me?" He sat on the bottom of my bed "it's just that...well I came home from filming and Fran and I went out the other night and all he could talk about was you. He was going on about how he had been looking after you. And I felt guilty, I should never have left after everything that happened with Stefan. And since I've been back it seems like you and him are hiding something. You are both acting weird and it made me paranoid, I'm sorry Gorgeous" He looked really depressed, I sat up and took his hand "Big Man I'm not your responsibility, you need to live your own life. But the way you spoke to me earlier really scared me" he looked deep in thought "I hate to think you’re scared of me" I should never have said I was scared of him, I knew how sensitive he could be sometimes "I'm just scared of everything at the moment after everything that happened" he stroked my face "I'm sorry I scared you, but I think you should speak to someone about all this Lydia, if you went to a therapist you could talk about it. It could really help you" I gave him a little smile. I wondered why he would say that when he knew that I'm not the type of person to sit around talking about my feelings and I certainly didn't want to do it with a stranger. "I don't want to talk about it Big Man, what’s happened has happened, let's move on" he shook his head in disagreement. “I think the reason you are struggling with all this Stefan stuff is because of what happened when you were a little girl. If you went into therapy you could start to deal with your issues" my blood ran cold, why was he bringing that up? I always tried to put it to the back of mind and try to get on with my life and now he wanted to talk about it after all these years. I was screaming on the inside but I managed to control myself "why are you bringing him up? I'm fine the way I am and I don't want to hear you bringing him up again" he looked a little shocked. "Lydia why are you still scared?" "Because I'm scared Stefan will come back here and kill me" he took a deep breath "is that all you’re scared of?" "I'm confused, isn’t that enough?" "I think you’re scared that he comes back here and he r***s you" it was like he had dropped a bombshell, I couldn’t believe he was even talking about that but the sad thing was that he was right. I could take the broken arm and the beating but I couldn't live through something like that again. It was the reason I couldn't sleep on my own and it was the reason I was so scared, but I couldn't admit it to him and I certainly didn't want to talk to some stranger about my feelings. I sat there trying to process what he had said when he interrupted my thoughts "therapy would do you good Gorgeous. I feel so much better for talking to someone about it all." I let out a sarcastic laugh and stood up in front of him. "Well it hasn't exactly done you any good, you’re still the same old s*x addict you were before you started therapy, so if I were you I would ask for my money back" he shook his head "stop being a b***h, I shouldn't have brought it up, it's just that we are all worried about you" he was starting to get on my nerves "what do you mean you are all worried about me?" They think I'm damaged goods. Stefan was right they think I'm damaged goods "Me and the boys love you and we want you to be happy" "I will be happy when you stay out of my f*****g business" "don't be like that Gorgeous” he was right I was being a b***h “so you all think I'm nuts and that I need a therapist? And you have all been plotting behind my back. You guys aren't exactly perfect" "no one thinks you’re nuts. You have been through so much s**t and you never talk about anything. We’re just worried about you moving back here and being on your own" he looked so concerned. "I love you, no one thinks your nuts" I sat down next to him on my bed. "Yes you do and you’re right, I'm a mess, this is the first night I've slept on my own since that night with Stefan and I had to get pissed so I could fall asleep" I put my head in my hands and he put his arms around me. "Gorgeous you’re not a mess, you’re amazing and maybe therapy isn't the right thing for you, but I think moving back in here too soon won't help you either. Why don't you stay down stairs with me? Let me look after you" I looked up at him and he gave me a little smile. I was so tempted to pack a bag and move in with him there and then, but I had to at least try to get my independence back. I couldn’t give up at the first hurdle "thank you so much Big Man, you’re one in a million but I'm a big girl and I need to stand on my own two feet" I sat up on the bed and hugged him but he wasn't hugging me back. I pulled away from him. "Are you ok honey?" I asked “why would you stay with Fran and let him look after you but you won't stay with me?" This was typical of him. He constantly needed reassurance. "Because I don't want to be dependent on anyone I need to grow up" he gave me a look as if I was lying to him. "Is that the only reason?” He asked. I was totally confused "Yes, why?" "Because you called me an animal and a s*x addict earlier and I'm wondering if that's why you won't live with me." I knew what he was getting at. “I think that you compare me to him, that you can't look at me without seeing my brother and what he did to you" his eyes were full of tears. This was the first time in years that either of us had mentioned his brother. The Big Man was a good person and I never compared him to Jimmy. "No Big Man. I'm sorry I was angry with you and I said some stupid stuff. I don't think that you’re an animal or a s*x addict, and you are nothing like him" he just nodded his head "I shouldn't have acted like that tonight but I was angry with you for constantly picking Fran over me. That's why I went away to film the movie. I needed to get away from you and now I'm back nothing has changed" he looked devastated, where was all this nonsense coming from "Big Man what are you talking about?" I asked gently "I just feel like you always pick him over me and I feel guilty every time I look at you because I let you continue to see Stefan after he slapped you that night in Rome and I feel guilty for what Jimmy did to you." I quickly stood up in front of him and hugged him "Big Man you’re all over the place honey, and I thought I was a mess. Maybe I should move down stairs so I can look after you" he gave me a little smile "Big Man you need to give yourself a break. I would never compare you to your brother. He was a monster. You’re nothing like him." He pulled away from our hug and looked me in the eye "I promise I would never hurt you Lydia"

“I know you wouldn't hurt me and I don't pick Fran over you. I moved in with Fran because I was scared to come back to this building and you were going away for a few months and I couldn't stay here with Stacey because she's a selfish b***h and she steals all the covers and her tea is horrible. What happened with Stefan wasn’t you’re fault either. He's just a nut case. You have just built all this up in your head." He let out a big sigh "f**k me, I'm sorry Lydia, you must think I'm crazy" I gave him a soft kiss on the forehead "no I don’t think you’re crazy. I just think that what Stefan did had an impact on all of us, but we all need to start moving on because I'm still here and it could’ve been a lot worse" he nodded his head "you’re right Gorgeous" he grabbed me onto his knee "I'm so sorry. I don't think we've ever argued like that before” he said as he tucked my hair behind my ear "only that one time you pulled my hair really hard when we were little"

“oh I forgot about that" he said with a smile "well I didn't forget about it! You big bully" I said as I nipped his arm "I was in bits tonight, I was worried you were going to leave the band because of me" I was starting to feel embarrassed about all the stupid things I had said. "I'm sorry, I was upset, that's why I ended up sitting here alone and why I got so drunk" he kissed my cheek "I was down stairs thinking that you were out enjoying yourself and not giving a s**t. Why didn't you go out?" I rolled my eyes "Stacey stood me up and I was stuck in here on my own and I think I went a bit bonkers, and that's why I got so drunk"

“I meant what I said, I think you should move in with me, your mate Stacey isn't really there for you" he was right she was a selfish cow but I wanted my independence back. "I appreciate the offer honey, but I moved back in here because I need to get back to normal" he nodded his head in agreement "ok Gorgeous, but the offer is open. Anytime you’re scared or if you need some company you can run down stairs and get me" he was such a sweetheart "Thanks Big Man” I said and I gave him a tight hug “is it ok if I stay here with you tonight?" He asked with a petted lip. I couldn't ask him to leave and I didn't want to sleep on my own "of course you can” I said and he looked relieved “thanks Lydia you know I’m a terrible sleeper at the best of times” he always said he couldn’t sleep but any time he stayed at my place he always dropped off right away. I could tell he just needed a bit of comfort “let's go to bed my head is pounding after all that champagne" I climbed under the covers and he took off his T-shirt and got in beside me and I switched off the lamp and he snuggled into my back. I felt safe because he was there. It was the most relaxed I had felt since I stayed with Fran but I couldn't switch off "promise me you will never mention your brother again, it breaks my heart to think about it" he took a deep breath “it breaks my heart too, I promise I will never mention him again Gorgeous. I love you Lydia" "I love you too Jamie" he kept cuddling into my back then he then gently kissed my shoulder and dragged me closer to him. And after a while I could feel myself drifting off to sleep in his arms.

Chapter 10

I woke up the next day and the place didn’t seem as scary in the daytime. When the Big Man woke up he was really quiet and he still wasn't himself. He didn't even hang around for breakfast, he said he was going to the gym and left without saying goodbye. I made myself a big coffee and started to return a few phone calls and emails for work. A few hours passed and I couldn't concentrate. What was I going to do about the Big Man? I was really worried about him. When he woke up he looked like he wanted to tell me something but he just left and I hadn’t heard from him since and to top it all off I couldn’t stop thinking about Fran either. Just then my front door buzzer sounded and I got a fright. I had to pull myself together because I was a nervous wreak anytime there was a loud noise and it was really beginning to piss me off. I decided to ignore the buzzer because I didn't want to see anybody, especially Fran. So I just ignored it, but whoever it was, was very keen to get in. They kept their finger on the buzzer until I finally answered. I said hello through the speaker then a loud angry voice rang out "Lydia Knight let me in right now!" It was Chris and he was using an authoritative tone that I'd never heard him use before. I wondered what had got into him because he’s always so laid back. “What’s wrong Chris?” I asked but he just said “Let me in” It was very demanding and I could tell he was annoyed with me. By the time he made his way up to my flat I was sweating buckets and pacing in front of the elevator doors waiting for him. I had a terrible feeling he had spoken to the Big Man about our argument "Lydia what the f**k are you playing at?" He said as the doors opened into my flat "Why what's wrong Chris?" I said trying to play innocent "you know what’s wrong. I've got one of my best mates sleeping on my sofa, miserable because you've left him and my other best mate has been on the phone saying that you want to leave the band because of some argument, what the f**k have you been up too?" "Oh Chris it's such a big mess, honestly I don't know how this has all happened. I was so happy staying with Fran but then he obviously wanted rid of me” he shook his head "expect that he didn’t want rid of you and he's heartbroken" I laughed at how dramatic he was being, as if Fran was heartbroken. “Chris why are you saying that he’s heartbroken, he clearly didn’t want me there anymore." He let out a loud moan as if he’d had enough “if you don't believe me go round and see him right now. I finally managed to get him to go home this morning so he could change his clothes. The poor bugger hasn't had a shower in three days." "What? He usually has like five a day" I said "and what about the Big Man? Why does he think that you're leaving the band because of him?" I started to ring my hands “Because he shouted at me" his face was bright red and I can honesty say I had never seen him so angry. “Lydia I swear to god I could throttle you" Although he wasn’t at all intimidating it still upset me that he was raising his voice at me. “please Chris! Don’t be like that. I’ve already fell out with Fran and had a big argument with the Big Man, I really don’t want to argue with you too.” His face softened and he took both my hands “You’re not leaving the band because the Big Man is in a bad mood. But we do need to talk about what you are going to do about Fran? He’s in a bad way Gorgeous! You know how he feels about you" He was looking deep into my eyes but I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. “What are you saying Chris?” He let out a laugh “god your naive sometimes. Fran is in love with you, he has been crazy about you since we were kids.” I shook my head because I didn’t believe what he was saying “Remember the black eye Fran gave the Big Man on your 18th birthday because you liked his present better. Or the time they got suspended from school because they fought in the playground about who was taking you to the school dance" I didn’t have a clue where he was going with this “yes neither of them wanted to take me, so they had a fight" "no Lydia Fran wanted to take you that's why they were fighting. He is in love with you he always has been." I was in shock "how have I been so stupid? This has been going on for years right in front of me" he jumped up and down on the spot “YES” he shouted with a huge smile. “Oh my god” was all I could say. “He’s in bits because you moved out and it's about to get worse because the Big Man thinks that you want to leave the band and if he tells Franco that it's because of him it's going to explode between them" “Dont worry Chris. The Big Man and I had a chat and we have both calmed down, in fact he stayed over last night" His smile faded "and you think Franco is going to be happy to hear that he's been staying up here with you?” I rolled my eyes “It wasn’t like that Chris. What am I going to do?" He held both my shoulders and stared at me “first you need to be honest with yourself. Do you have feelings for Franco?" I couldn't deny it any longer, this situation was getting out of control and I had to be honest. "Ok I kind of like Fran" I whispered, Chris started to laugh "Lydia tell me the truth" he said as he shook my shoulders "Ok I'm crazy about Fran isn't it obvious?" I said in a hushed voice "Aww thank god for that, it's about time you bloody admitted it! Please go to his place right now and tell him" he said with a little giggle "what if he tells me he doesn't want to speak to me" "you need to tell Franco how you feel. You both deserve to be happy" I thought about all the times I compared Stefan and Micheal to Fran and how they had both never lived up to him because deep down it was him that I really wanted to be with, I had been so stupid “I'm sorry Chris, this is just big mess, but I have missed Fran so much these past few days. I’m miserable without him." His face broke into a huge smile "I'm so happy that you finally feel the same way about him, you need to go round there right now" I took a deep breath. I had to hand it to him, he was right. I had to tell Fran that I had feelings for him. But was he right about how Fran felt about me? There was only one way to find out “ok I will go and speak to him right now. Will you come with me?" I asked “Of course Gorgeous, lets go" I went into my dressing room and put my jacket on and brushed my hair. Was I really going to do this? Was I really going to start a relationship with Fran? Was he boyfriend material? Did I even want a boyfriend after everything I had been through with Stefan? All I knew was that I had feelings for him and the rest would sort itself out. Chris walked with me to Frans place and I was super nervous. When we got outside his house I froze "what am I going to say honey?” he thought for a moment then he said " just go inside and say I've missed you, I'm sorry and I love you Francis. He loves when you call him Francis for some….