LOSSING EVERYTHING AT ONCE

As I walk through the narrow road leading home,my mind is filled with thought and tears flowing from my eyes like rain in summer,I cannot believe after all this time what I had hoped for has finally failed and no going back nor would I be able to reverse time to mend everything which seemed unacceptable to me,who else has gone through this am I cursed for sure I wish I can die and be forgotten , the shame I fell for myself need no ones sympathy. My life has been so tough ,now am 23 years and has just finished highschool I know its awkward but in my case my life was such a maze to handle,I have repeated many times in primary school and I did pass with just enough Marks to take me to highschool, I also repeated four times and after receiving my result I felt like melted plastic bag was rapped all over my body and set on fire,the result was so disappointing even to my own self,For seven years years I have spent in school just because or repeating three classes out of four and now I got a D which could barely take me to my dream course to add it all ,the humiliation I lived with my whole life school just because of my chubby and angry face I had,the patient I had and endurance of the bully and words which hurt like hell and lack of friend this is all I got. For some life was smooth and me not only was my school experience bad but also my family matter ,my dad had left us and got another family and my mum always doing any work she get with her unhealthy body,she always get sick and she worked really hard to give me education ,out of all my siblings I am the only one who got to go to highschool, Our life was the best example to describe poverty and my dads family a good example to royalty, I was so tired of life and everything it had even the dusty blowing wind would get on my nerves to curse until I am breathless. I had no friend ,only my life who encouraged me and help me move on but after the result I don't wanna face anyone and especially my dad who would mock me to my last breath, Seeing life was nothing but pain and struggle I decided not to go home and took the road which lend to the dam which was not far away from home,I was so certain to do it that day not even the angle in charge of message would stop me,not even the best thing in this life would hold me back ,I would commit suicide and wait for the judgment day whatever the case would be I would take it ,what would be worse than living an unfortunate life .When I arrived at the dam I decided to think of happy memory so I would smile my last,I remembered before my mum divorced with my dad that Christmas we celebrated with everyone and neighbours, we were so happy ,I had received many gifts from dad and he called me his kiddo and that I was his pride,he would do anything for me,he promised me a lifetime love of a father ,I thought it was true but he lied and I was encaged in illusion. I took a deal breath and sang a song I loved,you can let go now daddy ,it was my childhood part of memory ,then another one Mama am sorry. I closed my eyes and I let myself go without regret in fact it felt so satisfying ,as I gup the salty water I watched as the light faded and tears come out and I thought, I'll never cry again. the pain ,hustle ,humiliation and miserable life was done no more shame. What is this,how can the dead have such a home,and all white, I thought there is only darkness ,I commuted suicide I shouldn't be in such a place or did God have mercy on me for my struggle in my past life?I tried to wake up so I could have a better view of my new life,"no don't lay still you are still not okey "I heard a voice and looked to my side and saw a tall brown man with black sharp eyes wearing white looking at me," which angel are you?I asked as I turned to look at him properly, "sorry am a doctor ,you are in hospital," that's when I realized I was in hospital not dead and I come back to the world I was running from,tears rolled down my cheeks and I knew I had to face the worst now. "am doctor mark and you were brought here by someone you have been unconscious for eight says its a miracle you woke up I'll call him because he has been so worried," he said and left. Miracle my foot ,I thought . After a few minute he come back,he was followed by another guy who seemed to be at his thirty ,he was well fit seem to be rich and liked to smile,his gaze was mesmerizing and it gave me a wired feeling ,he looked at me and said," hello my name is mike am the one who rescued when you fell in the dam,it was such a miracle that the side you were wasn't deep enough and I was a good swimmer I got you on time before anything worse could happen,"he smiled and looked at me maybe to see my reaction . oooh! such a misfortune lizrose ,he thought you fell and you were in a rush to die,poor me,I though."thank you for your kindness and risk you took to save me ,you are such a rare diamond ,"I said felling like I wanted to struggle him