Burning Desire [R-18]

CROSSING BOUNDARIES

"I cannot grant your request, Mrs. Faith. Mr. Cruz made sure that his daughter will have the best therapist in this organization, and you, Mrs. Faith, alone have the longest experience among others. I know this is the only time you favor me to do, but I can't. You handle cases that are far tougher than these, and I'm really sure you will handle this with ease. Arya is stubborn, but she is a strong person," she said with a genuine smile as she patted my back.

After being declined, I told myself to keep being professional and focus on helping Arya. It was crucial not to interfere with Arya's feelings for me. I took a deep breath and prepared for my next session. My mind was still swirling with the conversation. I knew I had to push through.

I don't know what Arya gains from doing this. At some point, I can see my past self in her. The eagerness, the craving, and that unspoken thing I couldn't explain when I see her.

Just as I was about to head to my office, Susan, my colleague, approached me. She had a warm smile on her face, and it was exactly what I needed at that moment.

"Hey, Faith," Susan said. "You look like you could use a break. Want to grab some coffee and take a walk?"

I nodded, grateful for the distraction. We headed out of the building and started walking towards our favorite coffee shop, a small, cozy place just a few blocks away.

We ordered our usual coffee. Susan started chatting about her weekend plans. She and her husband were going hiking, and she was excited about it. I listened, appreciating her effort to lift my spirits.

"So, how have you been, really?" Susan asked, turning her attention back to me as we walked. "You seemed a bit off in the meeting."

I sighed. Arya has developed feelings for me. I'm her therapist, and it's bugging me. I cannot help that person if that person has feelings for me. We had a history, just no emotions attached, just a brink of a big mistake. I answered Susan, "I just had to make a request."

I couldn't tell Susan that Arya has feelings for me because it would only intrigue her and possibly complicate things in the near future if she found out about our history. It would jeopardize my profession, even though what happened between us in Boracay happened before she became my client.

"Care to share?" pangungumbinsi ni Susan sa akin pero ngumiti lang ako. "C'mon, atin atin lang naman. Di ko naman ipagkakalat, kilala mo ko, Faith," Susan insisted and crossed her fingers as a sign of a sworn promise.

I laughed. "You know that sharing context and meetings discussed only by two people in our organization is a crime right?" Susan pouted and then regained it with a big smile.

She shrugged. "Okay, okay... you win."

We finished our coffee and decided to take a longer walk back to the office. The conversation had lightened my mood.

Dumating na kami sa building at bago ako pumasok sa office ko ay nagpasalamat ako kay susan. Nag thumbs up sign lang ito sakin.

Bumungad sakin ang portfolio ni Arya, my next session will be her.

I opened the portfolio and I could see that her late therapist really did well. I was focus on her picture. She has a pretty face her eyes gaze so intensely.

I shake my head off as I remembered our last week session. I can't take my eyes of her eyes it's something that I can't looked away.

I started browsing some of the documents of Arya, marami raming trabaho to mamaya, sobrang dami ko pang babasahin na mga notebooks at base sa mga naka indicate sa kanya literal na stubborn at talagang may anger issue siya. Hindi na kataka taka dahil mukhang namana ata niya sa ama ito, good in outside but bad in inside.

Naahhh I'm just guessing on a person who's in politics for how many years but base on hearsays Mr.Cruz is---

Godd, faith why stressing it's only hearsay and your a therapist you should mind on your insights not in hearsay. I shake my head off it really bothers me na ako ang kapalit sa yumaong dating therapist ni Arya.

My work is stress as hell because I was dealing different person with major problems like suicidal, manipulator, disorders , addictions, family problems and neglects but not this kind of situation. We make out in a club 6 months ago and now she clearly have feelings for me and now my client.

Inilapag ko ang mga dokumento at hinilot ko ang aking sintido. Masyado na akong naii-stress sa trabaho ba o sa kanya?

Umiling iling lang ako at isinandal ang aking likod sa upuan.

Sinusundan ko lang ang kamay ng wall clock na umiikot iyon lang ang tanging tunog na naririnig ko sa boung opisina.

I close my eyes enjoying the quiet space right now, and all I can think of is what happen to us in boracay.

Her scent lingers, her touch sends shivers down my spine. I wasn't drunk, but she made me crave her. The way she kissed and touched me, like a f*****g pro.

I heard knocking on the door and immediately opened my eyes and fixed myself before opening the door.

As I opened the door, I was shocked that Arya was in front of me.I never expected her to be so early.

"You're early, your scheduled time is 2 pm. Please wait in the lobby." I abruptly said. Isasarado ko na sana ang pinto ng hinarang niya ang kamay niya dito.

"It's 2pm" she replied.

Kumunot ang noo ko at tinignan ito ng masama. " No, it's 1: 55 pm"

"Nope"

My frustration makes me look into the wall clock and yep, it's already 2:01pm. I looked at her and she smile vigorously. "Okay, you can come." I extended the opening of the door for her.

I was lost in the moment, hindi ko na namamalayan na sobrang bilis ng paglipas ng oras. Naglakad ako papunta sa desk ko para iligpit ang mga documents and notebooks. She just sat down on the sofa, observing my actions. It was my fault for not being prepared on time. Goodness, I'm stressing myself out, and I can't keep my composure.

I could feel the tension inside the room, and I can even get to pick up straight the documents to put inside the drawer.

The folder keeps slipping off in my hands.

"I can help" she said giving a hand. I did not face her even answered.

I just can't deny the tension in this room that makes me want to go out ang grab for coffee then comeback and do my duty.

I can't.

Sa sobrang kaba ko ay nahulog lahat ng folders sa sahig na mas kumalat pa lalo. I was cursing in my mind right at this very moment.

Yumuko ako para kunin ang mga folder hindi ako nagsasalita dahil nai-ilang ako sa nangyayari ngayon. I can't do my job if I'm stressed or uncomfortable.

"Saan ko ilalagay?"seryuso niyang tanong na sobrang lalim kung tumingin. Tinignan ko lang ito na dala dala ang mga folder.

"Ilagay mo nalang dito sa lamesa" pilit akong ngumiting nakatingin sa kanya, para mabawasan ang awkward na aking nararamdaman.

Inilapag ko rin sa lamesa ang dala dala kong makakapal na folder para kunin ang susi at buksan ang drawer, pagkabukas ko ay maglalakad na sana ako papunta sa desk ng pinagtagpi-tagpi niya lahat ng folder at binuhat papunta sakin tumalikod nalang ako at nagkunwaring hindi ko nakita. Humarap ako para tignan kong andito naba at nagulat nalang ako na sobrang lapit ng mukha namin sa isa't isa.

Bumibilis yung pintig ng puso ko sa sobrang kaba at gulat, sobrang pungay ng kanyang mata at dumeretsyo lang ang tingin ko sa kanyang labi.

The tension in the room was strong. I felt it, heavy like a storm about to hit. My breath came in slow, deep draws as I tried to stay calm. It was hard to think straight with her so close to me. Her presence was overwhelminh, and our faces were almost touching. I could feel the warmth of her breath.

She asked me a question, her voice soft but clear. "Which row should I put this folder in?"

Her voice brought me back to reality.

I looked up and met her gaze. Her eyes were curious, the way she look at me longingfor something.

I realized she must have noticed my distraction. My face felt hot as I tried to compose myself of how embarrassed I am!

"Uh," I stammered, glancing back down at the folder. "I think it goes in the third row, on the right."

I pointed to the shelf, hoping she would follow my direction without more questions. She stepped closer, her arm brushing against mine as she reached for the shelf. The contact sent a jolt through me, and I tried to keep my breathing steady.

She placed the folder in the spot I pointed to and then turned back to me, her eyes meeting mine again. There was a moment of silence, and the air between us felt charged. My heart pounded in my chest, the tension almost unbearable.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice gentle but concerned.

"Yeah," I replied quickly, maybe too quickly. "I'm fine." I added, without even thinking that I was too quick to answer again.

She smiled, a knowing look in her eyes. "Doesn't seem so.." she innocently said.

But I knew she was testing me, and god, I fell for it—the look in her eyes, the way I flickered.

Oh goddd, what was I thinking back then???

Mabilis kung isinirado ang drawer ng hindi man lang lumilingon sa kanya, naramdaman ko namang umupo ito sa sofa at tinitignan lamang ang galaw ko.

Kumuha ako ng isang notebook at ballpen, inayos ang sarili bago umupo sa kanyang harapan.

Walang bumasag sa katahimikan na namamayagpag sa loob ng opisina, sobrang lalim lang ng kanyang tungin sakin na animo'y may winari.

Naiilang man ay tumingin nalang ako sa notebook ko na dahan dahang sinusulatan ng petsa.

I took a deep breath before glancing at her. "Glad you came," I said, unsure if I was being sarcastic or just brutally annoyed by her presence.

"Yes, I came. I don't want to miss my session," she replied straightforwardly, instantly raising my eyebrow at her blunt response. I knew she wasn't excited for the session; she was excited to see me.

Putting on a small smile at the corner of my lips, I reminded myself not to feel happy about what was happening. Crossing this line would breach our boundaries if I continued being unprofessional.

"Arya, let me be honest," I leaned back. "I can't really help you if you keep crossing boundaries. I'm uncomfortable with you staring at me intensely. What you did earlier was very inappropriate."

Her expression suddenly turned serious, devoid of playfulness or wit. "I know I should reflect on my actions and the mistake I made."

I nodded, acknowledging that she understood what I was referring to. "Yes, we should maintain our boundaries for this to work, Arya."

She nodded, looking at me. "You feel uncomfortable... when I look at you?" She questioned meaningfully, "Intensely?"

I began swirling the pencil as I looked at her. "No, I was referring to being uncomfortable with your actions that make me unsettled, not intrigued by the good actions you make," I corrected myself, realizing my slip-up.

"Intrigued... Why did I say that!

I saw her smile faintly, I leaned my back, crossing my legs.

"Okay, to settle things out and move forward, you could share anything you'd like to bring up, and maybe that's the only way we can progress. I also want to ask questions so that we can share our thoughts and insights," I said, looking intently at her.

"You can answer them honestly? All my questions?" She inquired.

"I'll try, as long as I see the importance and benefit for you," I replied.

She nodded and adjusted her position in the seat.

"Does it bother you knowing I'm your client?" her first question asked.

I answered quickly, "Yes. When a client develops a crush on me as their therapist, it can create ethical and professional dilemmas because it may compromise our therapeutic relationship, leading to potential biases, boundary violations, and harm to both the client and the therapeutic process."

She simply nodded at my response.

"You said in the last meeting that you would arrange for me to see a different therapist. Did you mean it?"

I quickly responded, "Yes, but sadly, there's no other available therapist around." I stopped swirling the pencil. "Now, it's my turn to ask a question."

She nodded, indicating for me to proceed.

"Do you take any medications or drugs without a prescription?" I asked abruptly, noticing her displeasure at my question.

It took her a few seconds to answer. "No."

"I want you to be honest here, as honest as you were earlier," I insisted.

"No, I do not take any drugs or medication without a prescription," she affirmed.

"Another question is understanding that PTSD can impact various aspects of life, including intimacy, would you feel comfortable sharing any challenges or concerns you may have regarding your s****l health or relationships?"

"My s*x life is great if that's what you're asking," she bluntly answered.

"Can you be more specific about that? I'd like to understand more about what 'great' means for you in the context of your s*x life. Are there any particular aspects or dynamics that contribute to this perception?"

"Well I had a great s*x life, when I say great I mean literally great." She affirmed.

She's stubborn.

"Arya, please elaborate." I shook my head looking at her.

"In what particular, about how we do it?" She paused. "Okay I will tel--" I raised my hand indicating her to stop before she even finish her sentence.

"Is your question even relevant?" The displeasure in her tone can be heard.

I nodded. "Yes the question is important because we may find insights and PTSD can have affect your relationship to others or have impact in your s*x life.

"Well.. the last time I had s*x is with my.." she hesitated to continue. "Is with my ex Megan, I was drunk and that's stupid thing I did. I got drunk because I was frustrated and." She paused. Not a sign indicaion she will continue.

"Frustrated andd..? "

A moment of silencr can be heard in the room.

"I can't forget you."

As she said those words, I felt shocked, making me move slightly in my chair. I couldn't speak, trying hard to calm down, my mind going fast to understand her unexpected words.

"Why me?" I asked, unable to stop myself. It was the only thing that made sense in that confusing moment.

Months passed since that day, yet she still thought of me. It was a mistake, something I regretted deeply.

"I can't forget you." She paused.

"You're like a heroin I can't get high off." she said, looking straight at me. I couldn't look away, feeling drawn to her in a way I couldn't explain.

The air felt tense, filled with unsaid words and feelings. I struggled to respond, unsure how to deal with her confession and our complicated past.

As she kept looking at me, I felt a mix of emotions, guilt, longing, and a forbidden desire. It was a risky situation, crossing the boundaries between a patient and a therapist.