I was standing outside my bedroom window thinking what had I done wrong, why did it happen to me. Letting out a sigh, I tried to pick my self up and make a plan. A viable plan for my future.
Tears in my eyes tracing down my cheeks. Dropping my self on the floor hugging my knees I cried, god knows how many times already today.
It had been a week since their funeral. It hurt me to remembered that I wouldn't get to see my parents again. Couldn't have dinner with them again, sharing our days. Couldn't confide with them no longer.
Still crying, I made up my mind. I could do this. I could survive this. I had to survive this. Couldn't let the accident get in the way. Smiling at Barney, knowing I still have him. He would listen to me, when others would not.
As the night came, I was still sitting in my one bedroom apartment. Wondering what I should do first tomorrow. To think it was all so easy when you were young. Now so many things, would have to be considered. I was still reluctant to go anywhere, especially after dark. Feeling like some one was watching.
Having the ability to see the dead, was not all the hoorah as people might think. For those that didn't have it, they wish they did. And for those who did, they would either accept it or try to deny it. For me it was the latter.
I would preferably go where I would know the history of the place. I needed to know what I would be up against to better prepared my self with. Sometimes, they would just pop up out of no where, dusty shadows, the sound of a woman crying, or just a face appearing out of no where, looking sad or even angry some times. I know they wanted to communicate, sometimes they just wanted to convey their message to their loved ones. But this was not me.
I never wanted this!
I missed my parents, life was so easy with them guiding me... Now I was scared. To think I was so annoyed back then, when they would tell me when and where not to go. After their accident, I had realised that I needed them the most. Alone in this world, was not how I imagined my life to be.
When their lawyer contacted me the next morning and delivered the news, I was beyond shocked. While still feeling sad and confused I agreed to come to his office and finish all the legal processes.
It was a huge office with large windows, overlooking the dense mid afternoon traffic. He welcomed me and gave me his card "Aiden Monroe" was the name on the business card along with his contact details.
Charming man probably in his mid thirties, glasses and all that. I was sure the ladies would glance when he passed by looking tall and confident. While I considered my self not short, usually men would slightly move away from my direction at bars or parties due to my height, especially when I was in heels. But he looked right at me and shook my hand professionally, and directed me to sit on the chair in front of his desk.
"Look Ms. Marsden..." He said, "Lisa...call me Lisa, I'm sure we can loose the formality now that you know more about my family, than anyone else." I said to Mr. Monroe. I didn't know why, but at this stage I was sick of everyone calling me Ms. Marsden. It reminded me of my parent's last name.
"Well then, you should call me Aiden." He said with a smile, a very business like charming smile.
I couldn't seem to look away from his smile. It looked so genuine, like he really cared about all his clients. Maybe it was the glasses. I had never considered men in glasses. Well maybe it came down to their professions like doctors, lawyers, accountants. I was more drawn to an exciting profession in a man. Like athletes, I had dated from basketball players to even golfers. But none who worked behind the desk.
"Look Lisa.. I know it's a lot to process right now, but I want you to know that your parents loved you very much, and they wanted you have a settled future in the event of their death." Aiden said to me while getting up from his chair, behind his large dark wood mahogany desk. He moved the vacant chair next to mine, so he could face me. He sat casually on the chair next to mine, looked into my eyes like we had known each other for years.
I guess it came with the profession. Him dealing with other people's businesses, in their moment of grief like mine. Staring into his eyes my eyes watered, I was trying to contained my grief, but it hurt. It hurt, if it happened when you least expected.
Aiden gently tapped my palm for assurance, "Shh...Lisa I'm sure your parents would like you to be strong. I had met them before, and they spoke very highly of you.. how you're their only child, and they wanted you to be able to stand on your own should anything happen to them. Hence, the will they composed with me in this office a couple of months ago." Aiden said with comfort and calmness, that made me hang to every word he said. Every word, that my parent said to him.
After signing all the necessary documents, I was ready to leave the office. "Lisa, you have my number. You can call me, should you need further assistance. I owe a lot to your parents. Just call me... okay? it'll ease my mind." Aiden said abruptly, upon me leaving the office.
It made me wonder, what a person like Aiden would owe my parents for. But I shake his hand, nod and say goodbye to him. It all still feels so surreal to me.
Walking out of his office, I glanced around and wondered how my parents had the kind of money, to pay for this kind of lawyer. Those looking expensive in their designer suits and luxurious offices. It was one of those prestigious lawyer's office, in tall buildings, right in the business side of town.
Going back to my car, I threw my bags and all documents, to the passenger side. I took a deep breath, grabbed the steering wheel and shifted the gear, and drove off to my childhood home. Once again in my own mind. Feeling left behind.