Fated to Espresso

6 years ago "Wait, why are you all here?" I asked as I walked through the door. My voice sounded shaky, as if the gravity of the moment was too heavy to handle. The silence in the air was palpable as I walked in the door, the stillness enveloping me. It was so rare for me to have all my siblings and mom present here at once. My heart started pounding as I looked around—everyone was here, their faces gazing at me. "Why are you here now, mom? I know you have a reason," I said, my voice shaking, but for all I could do, the tears continued to flow. It was the proposal again—the one she always reminded me of. The mere thought made me scared and nervous. I was still too young to marry, and it was not right. I didn't know what would become of my life if I failed to complete school, considering we still had an empire to safeguard and so much business to run. Mom had so much expectation from me, but I did not want to be a problem to her. I needed to demonstrate that I was able to be on my own, that I did not need anyone to support me through life. I glanced at mom. I noticed her begin to cry, but rather than reply to me, it was my older sister Sarah who replied. She was attempting to soothe mom, handing her water, but I could see the tension in her features as she struggled to steady herself. “It's for your own good, Alea," Sarah replied gently, her voice laced with a sort of resigned pity. I loathed that tone. "Yeah, it's for our empire and businesses to defend, Alea," Samantha went on in a chilly, detached manner. She didn't care about me—just the empire, the business. It was always about that, wasn't it? “What are you waiting for? Just marry. After you get married, all will be well. You won't lose anything. You'll have done a good deed for Mom and our empire," Luna snapped, her tone biting, her words cutting like her vision of life was so straightforward. Like marriage was the answer to everything. "Luna, you're being too hard on her. Alea is already struggling, and you're just making it worse," Sarah said, sounding defensive. She was the only one who appeared to care that this was killing me. "So what then? If she just says yes, doesn't that mean we're going off to the altar? What comes next, then?" Sarah threw up her hands, clearly annoyed by Luna's offhand demeanor. I didn't care what they thought anymore. I did not care what they believed was best for me. I just wanted to put myself first at that point. But part of me also felt guilty for not taking mom's offer, even though she said it was for my own good. It ached so much to think that way, but I could not live a life that was not my own to live. I had worked diligently for the future that I had desired. "I already explained it to you, mom, I do not wish to accept your offer." I stated clearly, my voice shaking. They wished me to wed someone I did not even know—someone whose name I did not even know. I did not know him, only his family, yet nothing about the man I was supposedly to be marrying. The prospect frightened me. I had not even been able to learn this individual and now they wanted me to abandon everything for him. I watched as mom's face contorted with anguish as her tears started falling even harder. Sarah tried to soothe her, but nothing appeared to work. I could tell mom was imploring me wordlessly. "But you have to accept this, Alea. We don't have a choice. We have to accept the proposal. I know it hurts you, but this will benefit our empire," mom said, her voice choking with emotion. "Why does it have to be me?" I screamed, my chest constricted with terror. "I have siblings too, mom. Why not them? Why does it always have to be me? Please, not me. I'm on my knees, begging you." My head is spinning as if I stood at the edge of a cliff. I could hardly stand. The burden of their expectations was too heavy. I grasped for balance on the arm of the sofa as I fought to breathe. Everything seemed to be crashing down on me, and I didn't know how much longer I could hold on. "Alea, don't be selfish. It's also for your own good," mom replied firmly, but that only made me feel more trapped. Good? Was this supposed to be good for me? “Mom, isn't it enough that I've done all that you wanted me to do before?" I asked, my voice cracking. "I never tell you what I want because I don't want to be burden. But please, mom, just this once. I'm begging you, please decline the offer. I already declined to run the business, but please—not this. I don't feel well today. My head is spinning.” I tried to steady my hands as I talked, my heart full of fear and anger. No one was assisting me. No one could see the effort this took out of me. I stood and went down the stairs, yearning to get away from the madness which was engulfing me. But as I touched the bottom stair, I listened to Luna's words stay inside my head, an echo. "You're so selfish." And in that instant, something clicked. I couldn't keep it inside anymore. I spun around to confront them, my heart racing in my chest. This was it. I had to get it all out. "I've always been good to all of you my whole life. Why does it have to be me? Why did you choose me? Do I look like I'm not your sibling or your child? Though I cannot accept that, you don't want me because you want to preserve the empire and mom's businesses. Why can't you do it yourselves if that is what you really desire?" I shouted with each word having to fight its way past a constricted airway. It was as if the dam within me had finally burst. I had held everything within me for so long, fearing to open my mouth, to let them down. But now, I could no longer remain silent. And then, finally, I said it. Finally, I stood up for myself. As I struggled to breathe, I saw them leaving speechless, stunned by my words. They didn't know what to say. They didn't know how to deal with me standing up for myself undefined. In that moment, I knew things would never be the same. But for the first time in years, I finally felt free but I suddenly lost consciousness, and everything around me went dark.