Star Blind

On nights like this, I come here to clear my head. The sky above is a deep navy blue, littered with stars; with dark grey clouds that drift along lazily, hints of pale light from the full moon winking at me through the tree canopy above. I bend over and swish my hand through the river in front of me, my body tingling as the vast forest i’m surrounded by seems to breathe in synch with me. My visit to this place was long overdue, and I could feel my worries and problems being gently guided away with each passing breath. I notice a bird watching me from just a few meters away. Her colours were gorgeous, and I could only imagine what she looked like in the daylight. She hops closer to me, and the haunting yet familiar pain settles itself in my stomach once again. Not even birds are scared of me. If my sister was sat where I was - the wildlife in this forest would run (or fly) for their lives. I’ve always been different from the others in my pack. In fact, I’ve tried my hardest to hide it ever since I first realised. It started on my 16th birthday, the day that our kind - or their kind - finally become connected to our wolves. I had been training for years for that moment, excited and terrified to finally meet my own. I come from a long line of Alphas and knew that my wolf would be a force to be reckoned with. But when it came time to let out the presence I could feel at the back of my head, she wouldn’t come forth. I still remember the disappointment in my Father’s deep brown eyes. “Maybe if you took your training more seriously, you would be ready.” He said to me. He tried to hide it but his embarrassment was evident. After that moment I tried to bring her out every hour of every day, but to no avail. When word started to spread that the Alpha’s daughter was wolfless I wasn’t able to leave our house without garnering curious stares and hushed conversations about my predicament. My family tried their very hardest to help me, I know it was hard for them too. But no matter what we tried, we weren’t able to figure out what was wrong with me. Why I wasn’t like the rest of them. That situation took a toll on me. I stopped leaving the house, and started taking my classes online. I only went out to go to my special place in the early hours of the morning and sobbed until the sun made it’s daily appearance, sitting on top of the mountains in the distance taunting me with it’s confidence. It was almost two years before I finally started to come back out of the igloo of isolation that I had created for myself. I slowly reintroduced myself to the pack, and the members had already started forgetting about my issue - a lot of them weren’t sure if it had been fixed or not and I wanted to keep them in the dark. My family stood behind me at all times, but in the back of my mind I knew the same question was running through their heads. ‘Why isn’t she like us?’ I come here sometimes, to ponder it. The forest rejuvenates me, and brings back the curiosity and creativity that I possessed before I realised that I was different. By the time I interrupt my thoughts for a moment to focus on where I am once again, the bird is right next to me. I turn to my side and slowly bring a hand around to pet her, but that’s when I notice the other animals gathered around me. I swing my head around and realise that whilst I was reflecting on my life, I had unknowingly picked up an audience of the entire ecosystem in this forest. Fuck sakes. I stand up then. The animals stare at me, not phased by my sudden movements. I doubt at this point I’d even be able to intimidate a fly. Some Alpha blood you’ve got there, Sierra. I begin the walk home, and it only takes me a moment to realise all of my new found animal friends have decided to trail me. “Why are you stalking me?” I direct this question to a brown rabbit, who just stares back at me; Nose twitching. I roll my eyes. “You guys need to stay here, I don’t know why we have to have this conversation every time. If you come home with me, you’ll be wolf chow.” I state, shaking my head in hopes they’ll understand. And at this point they probably do, I’d like to think after countless times of me telling them off for their creepy behaviour that they know what I mean. I wave my hand at them as if to say ‘shoo’ and they simultaneously turn to leave in different directions. Sometimes I like to pretend that I’ve just produced the same guttural growl that my Father sometimes does when his leadership is challenged, and the animals leaving is because I’ve finally been able to scare someone off; but everyone knows that’s not the case, including my stalker animals. I turn around, dissatisfied with my interaction and make my way home. The sun has already started to rise by this point, but I don’t mind. Day dreaming - or night dreaming - in the forest does wonders for visible signs of sleep deprivation. Must be something in the air. I get to my front door and pause, listening for signs of my family being awake. I love them but I really don’t feel like interacting with them right now. I can already imagine how it would go. My mom would stop me at the door, her brows furrowed in concern. “Why have you bought half of the forest home in your hair? Have you been out all night? You must come and plan your 18th birthday with your sister and I! Who knows Si, you could find your mate!” She would wear me down with questions, and fuss over the way I look; wanting me to be presentable at all times so as not to show any weakness to the rest of our pack. It just wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have right now, and so once I hadn’t heard anything I opened and closed the front door as quietly as I could and tip toed my way in. But I didn’t make it very far before my Father called out from their bedroom. “Sierra? What the hell are you doing at home this time of the morning? Come here!” f*****g wolf hearing, I should’ve known. I trudge my way up the stairs and quickly re-tie my hair before I stand at the open door of their bedroom. My Mother and Father scan my appearance, and I know they’re looking for signs of wolf-shifting. I solemnly shake my head and my Mother looks away. “Where have you been?” Father asks. I raise my eyebrows at him in answer and he chuckles. “Of course, I shouldn’t have asked.” He pauses, looking hard at me before continuing. “Your Mother and I have been discussing your 18th tomorrow. We don’t want you to feel pressured to have a gathering, but you know what the traditions are. You’re the future of this pack and our members need to see that you’re capable of leading them when the time is right.” I look at him, unsure of what to say. I know that I need to make more effort with the rest of the pack but I’m tired of pretending. How am I supposed to lead by example, when I’m the complete opposite of what a leader should be? I can’t tell them this though, I have to be strong for them. They already worry enough. “No, It’s okay. I’ve had some time to think and I’d be happy to have a gathering. Someone needs to show the pack how it’s done.” I wink. My Mom looks overjoyed, even while she’s laying in bed I can tell she wants to jump up and cheer. My Father just smiles knowingly and waves me off. “Alright then little one. Go and get some sleep while you can, your Mother and sister have been waiting for a long time to hear you say those words.” I turn to leave, but not before Mom chimes in with “It just could’ve come a lot sooner than the day before your birthday!” I smile at that and walk off to my bedroom. I don’t feel tired, and honestly if I’m going to have to wake up in a few hours to help my Mom with the event planning there was really no point in trying to catch a couple extra Z’s anyway. I open the door to my ensuite and take a look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I tilt my chin up and examine myself. I was definitely my Mother’s daughter. We shared the same warm, brown eyes with the long brown hair to match. I carried myself just as she does, I had to watch her for years to figure it out but it just came naturally to me now. I was elegant, as she so effortlessly is. I had a very short temper, one that seems to run in the family. The only thing missing was the intimidating glare. She was a woman you didn’t want to mess with, but no matter how hard I tried to replicate her powerful stare - I couldn’t. Something about me just screamed ‘Im harmless’ so people didn’t really take me seriously. I pull the remaining leaves out of my hair, turn the shower on and spend half an hour just letting the water pour down my body before finally turning it off and stepping out again. Today was going to be a long, long day. By the time I get dressed in something simple, and finish drying my hair a knock on my door startles me. “Sierra?” My sister calls out, and I grunt in reply. She opens the door slowly and her face lights up when she sees me sitting at the foot of my bed. “Oh good. I thought you might be asleep, night owl.” She says before opening the door fully and plonking herself down next to me. She brushes a hand through my hair, and I sense that she’s upset about something. You’d never know it though, like me, she hides her thoughts well. I scan her eyes and she rolls away. “Stop, stop doing that.” she groans. I c**k my head in question and she rolls her eyes. “Stop quietly psychoanalysing me, that’s not what I came in here for. We have party business to discuss.” she laughs. I make a note to ask her about it later, but decide to let it go for now. “Already? it’s been like an hour since I got home. It’s only eight o’clock for crying out loud.” I protest, but she shakes her head. “Well maybe if you weren’t out all night you’d be more receptive to my superior party planning skills. This has to be the biggest event of the year Si.” I knew what I would be in for but I didn’t realise just how much effort I would have to put in. She pulls out her phone and starts furiously typing. “Alice… What are you doing?” I ask, warning in my voice. I had hoped we could keep the gathering to an absolute minimum, but with my Mom and Alice involved I should have known that wasn’t possible. She throws a smug smile in my direction and I groan. I move back to see what she was doing, only to find that she’s creating an event page and inviting - the whole pack?! “Alice! Absolutely not, are you kidding me? That’s like 300 people!” I exclaim, trying to snatch the phone out of her hands. She dodges me with ease, her wolf reflexes superior to my own. I swear under my breath and she laughs. I start racking my brain for excuses as to why we should cancel preparations. “It’s too late notice to invite so many people, they might have other things on!” she smirks at that. “You’re the daughter of the most important wolf of this pack, they’ve kept their schedules clear for your 18th since you were born. When I turn 18 It’ll be the same for me. But I’ve had mine planned since I was 7.” “Yeah well, what if that’s too many people for Mom to plan for? She’s getting old Allie, you can’t expect her to do all of that.” I say. I’m trying to guilt trip my way out of a party celebrating my birth. I know I seem ungrateful, but I really wish I could keep to myself this year. “You already know she’s had a million plans on the go since you turned 17. She’s always prepared for anything, and she wants to show you off to the whole pack. They’re proud of us, Sierra. They’re proud of you.” Nice, she played me at my own game. It’s good to see that she’s learning from me, but don’t use it against me for crying out loud. I sigh in defeat. There’s no way I can avoid this, so I might as well do what I can to help; I’ll have to leave my wallowing in self pity for tomorrow evening I suppose. Our coming of age celebrations are a huge deal around here, the traditions behind them are long lived and very strict. When a wolf turns 18, and is able to find their mate they’re officially an adult in all regards. You get a lot more freedom, as the elders of the pack have carefully raised each and every cub to ensure that by the time they are of age they are able to handle themselves and take on the responsibilities of adulthood. It’s a beautiful tradition, really, and perhaps i’d be more excited if I thought there was even a small chance at finding my moon-given mate. But I wasn’t a werewolf, it was a fact I had come to accept by now but it didn’t stop me from hiding it from everyone I knew. I didn’t know what I was, but I knew I still had responsibilities to uphold and a family name to protect. Alice waves a hand in-front of my face. “Earth to Sierra? Are you even listening?” I shake my head apologetically and she grumbles. “I said, what are you going to wear? If everyone’s going to be there you have to look super hot!” I nod thoughtfully. I wasn’t even sure what my absolute best would even look like. I was always well presented, my wardrobed lined with a myriad of different outfits and accessories. So i’m not sure what I could do differently this time. “Maybe I’ll take a look at Deanna’s” I say finally. Alice nods in excitement. Deanna was a very good friend of our family, and always made sure we were dressed in the highest quality of clothing. Her shop had been closed recently but we knew she would make an exception for us. Alice stands up suddenly, giving me a pointed look. “You don’t need to worry about the organising Sierra. Mom and I have got that sorted already… and honestly, have done for a while. But you do need to make sure you’re looking extra goddess-y tomorrow. I’m going to go and chat to Mom about venues and I’ll send Geralt in and he’ll go with you to Deanna’s.” I smile at her. For a 16 year old, Mom has transformed her into someone so mature and ready to get s**t done. My heart was full with pride as she walked out the door. I sit up and grab some lip gloss. I didn’t want people to see me today but I knew it would be inevitable. At least if I didn’t try as hard with my outfit today as I normally would, no matter what I walk out in tomorrow would be an improvement. I stand up as Geralt knocks on the open door, peering around the corner. “Come in Ger, it’s okay.” I assure him, and he flashes a toothy smile at me. He walks in until he’s at my side and i’m reminded of how tall he’s getting. He already towers over Dad, and he’s the same age as Alice. “I wondered when you’d come around to this whole party thing.” He chuckles. I roll my eyes and make sure I have everything before I leave my room. He follows dutifully behind me. “You know how hard it is to say no to Mom and Alice when they put their minds to something.” He nods knowingly without saying anything. We walk outside and get into the back seat of the car waiting out the front for us. Our driver, Markus, smiles at us when we get in but says nothing. Always the silent type that one. I assume Alice had already told him where we wanted to go, because as soon as we’re buckled up he starts driving. I look out of the window to our expansive home. To my knowledge, all Alpha families make a concerted effort to show off their wealth and status. But while we certainly lived in luxury, our parents still raised us to be humble. We were taught from a very young age that there are people less fortunate than us, and it’s never kind to brag about things that other people can’t have. You really have to admire my parents, they did an excellent job parenting us all. I look to Geralt and smile. While he was less mature than Alice was, he was really growing up in his own way. He had been selected to be part of the elite warriors, and it wasn’t often that he was found anywhere but the training grounds. It was a huge honour for him, as he used to be the runt of our family and was never taken very seriously. It’s funny how quickly we traded places really. I’m about to compliment him on how he’s dressed before I’m interrupted by the car coming to a stop. Deanna’s storefront was gorgeous, her name etched in gold on the sign. Despite warnings from other wolves, she painted the front a vivid blue - and contrary to their warnings it didn’t look tacky in the slightest. We step out of the car, thanking Markus briefly before going through the back entrance to Deanna’s. Before I can even knock on the door it swings open to reveal Deanna’s smiling face. “Sierra! I had hoped I’d see you today Darlin’!” She brings me in for a hug. I smile warmly back at her as she leads me inside. “I’ve been making all sorts of outfits for you for months now. I can’t wait to see what you think, sugar plum!” I c**k an eyebrow at her. “But the store has been closed for… months.” I falter on the last word, and my gaze shoots to Geralt. He smirks triumphantly. Looking back at Deanna she seems to have adapted the same smug look. This had to be my parents doing. “Don’t worry your pretty little head, Alpha Franklin paid me handsomely for my time. Now come! I’m DYING to see you bring my creations to life!” I knew it, my parents really do go above and beyond for their children. She grabs my hand and leads me to the back of the store. Her sewing room is almost as large as the boutique out the front; but nowhere near as clean and tidy. Rolls and rolls of various materials are scattered around, and scraps litter the ground. Right in the middle of the room sit seven different mannequins, and my eyes light up. I may be tired of having to be on top of my game all the time, but by the gods do I love playing dress up.