Abused and secrets

Dealing with pains

What have I done I have killed my son I just  lay down on the bed facing the ceiling of the hospital all I want now is to just die and leave all the suffering and pain and  I am feeling right now and my son which I just murdered a week later my dad brought me from the hospital with his truck and I went inside all I could do was to cry my eyes out cuz it's all I wish for was something to just happened and reverse all that had happened in the past few weeks it's going to be Christmas the next day I don't wish to celebrate anything all I wish was my child back and this seems impossible to happen I called Davis and told him what happened he couldn't believe his eyes what how could you do such a thing how could you kill your child why would you he said I cried trying to find words to say I did it but they tricked me to it I didn't even know it was their plan I am so sorry even sorry now can't heal the wounds in my heart that night I sat down and how God don't let me have another child out of wedlock if the father is not going to take care of the child don't let the child come but if the father will please I want my son back that was only my prayers about that day New year came I vow to myself this year is going to be a new me and letting anything hold me back for my dreams then my mum came back few weeks after New year my dad went to pick her from the airport we welcome her warmly and she asked me what happened to the child I said I killed it said what said yes I did it and from there on I was serving two Masters I was working day and night for both women sometimes without food going for errands searching of water washing of clothes cooking I was doing them all what is my life going to turn into I was able to finish my high School which I barely survived from cuz my dad barely paid the enrollment fees for the exams and I did the rest myself transportation money feeding and everything I was working a part-time job selling cards and other stuff for people just to bring up some money for my transportation to school and feeling I did this all throughout my exam. And finally I was done with high school I was so much Happy now I have to go the evening came that day I took few of my things that I could use I ran away from the house god I don't know where I'm going to I don't know where I'm going to stay but definitely not staying in that house cuz they want to kill me not just with work but emotionally and every other thing how to make matter worse I was the one feeding myself and working same time while still in the house so I  better still do it while hustling in streets then I met a guy who said he could help me with a  work but I will be staying with him I said no problem just for the meantime to resolve money to get my own apartment or maybe leave the state and get a better job so I got the job the problem is this guy always want s*x from me and I have no other choice but to succumb to his demands cuz no  other place I could go to he started treating me badly sometimes locked me outside holding the keys saying he can't give me his spare keys because he doesn't trust people  and my working place the payment was so low I needed a better job to be able to leave here I got to a quiet environment I cried and thought what I would do then a stranger came to me saying why are you crying alone lady what happened he said and I said well I'm looking for a good job that can provide me a house in no time he said ok he has a job hire that pays more but I will be staying with him since I don't have an apartment or rather if I leave to go to work and not working in my other place the guy that puts me in this house would definitely throw me out I said ok the next day I told the guy I got a better job he said no problem just have to pack your things and leave my apartment and my girlfriend called me today saying she will be around by tomorrow so I was even planning to tell you to stay out so she wouldn't see that I'm living with a girl so I took my bag and thank you for taking good care of you I was painting then I went to the other guy's house yea the good stranger immediately got me the job and I was staying with him and gathering little money from my new job which pays quite well and then  he started saying well you staying here you have to be sleeping with me to keep for you keep  on staying here," what" ?I said can't you just help someone I will be paying you half of the payment of the house then when I could gather up my money I will leave he said if I don't agree to what he say he is going to throw me out before I knew it I came back from work the next day I met my things outside I pleaded with him all to no avail then I said I work in the street the company he called them not to employ me anymore cuz I stole his stuff and you don't want a bad reputation for yourself so that I would steal their stuff and he will have to pay for it immediately I got sacked for no reason and I started roaming the streets nowhere to sleep it was a raining night I stood under the rain sitting by the roadside with no shelter and the whole rain fall down on me that night I was shivering I felt sick so the next morning I took my bag I said looking for job I got to restaurant where there was an hotel attach to it so I met an old lady and who was the owner of the restaurant immediately she said she has been looking for someone to help her out in the restaurant I should begin the work I put down my fence and started cleaning washing later on we started cooking and serving the customers with an inside the hotel lodge and the restaurant itself I was working there for weeks and sleeping there at the restaurant so the old lady noticed and said young lady don't you have a house why are you sleeping here if the real owner of the restaurants comes in he will be mad at her for letting someone sleeping at his restaurant I should find somewhere to go and be sleeping every night I pleaded with her I have nowhere else to go she said her hands were tied that her job was at stake here so after closing hours I run around the hotel or restaurant then slept at the convenience room in the morning I quickly take my shower and get back to work without no one knowing so one day I was in a restaurant or fair lady came in and said she wanted rice and rice sauce and I said okay that I should bring it to a room 206 and I said ok ma then immediately clear where a lot of customers to attend to and I was busy attending to all of them at the same time cuz it was just me doing the job and I totally forgot what she said later I brought fried rice to her room after not knocking the door and she said what's this I asked you for rice and rice sauce but you gave me fried rice I don't want to eat this please I let down immediately I started pleading with her with tears in my eyes cuz if the manager which is my boss knew about this I am done for I am still going to get sacked and she said okay no problem I told her let me go and get you the rice and the rice sauce she said okay I got her the rice and the right source she said wow your kind is hard to find do you have a friend that works like you that have the same character as you I told her I have no friends you just she said can I work in a bigger restaurant can I manage a bigger restaurant I said yes she gave me a contact and said I should call her that she stays out of the states that when I call her she will send me directions to her restaurant where she works and she is the owner offered to employ me as a manager what this is so big for me thank you so much madem u are welcome my dear just keep on the good work she said now this is going to be a real turn around I am going to the big city wow this is huge I could never dream of such but what will I face in the unknown....