What Are We?

Chapter Nine

"You wanted to talk to me?" He stepped in and I closed the door.

"Yeah... But let's go upstairs." I grabbed his hand and lead him up the stairs. We entered my room and I closed the door. He laid on the bed and stretched out over it. I sat awkwardly at the edge with my back against him.

"Well, what's up?" He asked.

“Well, first I wanted to apologize. I-”

“Stop.” He cut me off, sitting up. I looked at him and he had a look of frustration. “I know what you want to apologize about. But, I’m not going to let you. It was a mistake and we already moved past it.” He smiled at me softly. “Now what did you want to talk about? Please don’t tell me I drove over here to get an apology.” I shook my head. “Then what’s wrong? Is that shithead Ronald messing with you?” I shook my head again.

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

"It's kind of a question..." I looked down and played with my fingers.

"A question?" He put an arm around me.

"Yeah. I'm scared of how you'll react when I ask you though.." He lifted my head by my chin.

"Just ask." He gave me a genuine smile. Why do you always have to trap me in your smile?

"Chris, I-" I hesitated, and he put me on his lap, in a straddling position, as he kissed my chin.

"I won't get mad or anything... Just ask." He kissed me down my chin to my chest.

"Umm okay.." I tried to think, but he continued to touch and kiss me.

"It's okay, Sam." He flipped us, so I laid on the bed and he was on his knees in between my legs. Just like my dream... "You don't have to ask me right now." He kissed my neck.

"But, I want to," I whispered.

"Then ask, baby." He pulled my shorts down and rubbed his finger over my covered slit.

"I- want you to b-be my first..." He stopped. His face went from lust to a blank look.

"That's not a question, Sam." He said standing.

"Oh. Yeah. You're right..." I pulled my shorts up and sat up.

"Best friends don't have s*x, Sam." Best friends don't do half the things we do. I looked up as he started to pace.

"I-I know... I just thought that it would be perfect to have you be my first because I know you'll be gentle." He stopped and stared at me.

"How do you know that?" His features were covered with intense emotion. He was generally upset about me asking him to be my first time and I couldn’t understand why.

"Because- you would never hurt me." You love me too much to hurt me...

"How do you know that!" He raised his voice.

"Lower your voice," I whispered. "I just wanted you to-"

"No." He interrupted.

"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows. He sighed.

"I said no." He repeated rubbing his temples.

"But-"

"What part of 'No' don't you understand!" He yelled sending me taken back.

"Don't yell at me! I'm not some little girl!" I stood yelling.

"You could have fooled me." He scoffed. My mind was racing. I couldn't believe how he was acting about this…

"You know what," I stood and opened my door. "get out."

"You don't mean that." He said rolling his eyes.

"Get. Out." I said slowly.

"Whatever." He walked out and didn't look back. I slammed the door and fell onto my bed. I screamed into my pillow in frustration and let my tears flow. I felt so stupid. We have never argued like that before. I never would have thought that the conversation would take such a negative turn. I regret kicking him out. He’s my only true friend that I can talk to when I'm angry. But, since I'm angry at him I can't talk to him. I hate him. I hate the way I feel about him. I hate that whenever he touches me I feel like everything's going to be okay. I hate how right it feels when we kiss. I hate that when his lips touch my skin I want more. But, what I hate most of all is that I've always wanted more.