PLAYBOY'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT

Chapter 17

TERA

We are sitting on the couch, eating popcorns as we watch our favorite show.

Clare looks at me with curious eyes as if she is about to ask or reveal something scandalous

“Why are you looking at me like that? “i ask her

"I am deadass serious when i ask this question" Clare says, her words only slurring the slightest bit.

"what's the question?" i ask now curious

"Are you ready for the question?"

"I just said so, dammit, am ready, what's your question Clare?"

"Where are all the brothers who eat booty like groceries? The tall dark chocolate handsome brothers?" She aks looking at me as if i actually know the answer to that

It's completely silent for several seconds and then we both start giggling uncontrollably.

"is this keeping you up at night?" i ask "Not is the overall temperature of our planet rising at an unsustainable rate? Not how will we address the problem of mass incarceration? Or equal pay for women? But your existential question centers around men who eat ass?" i ask her amused

"I need a man who is not afraid to put in the work. I mean, girls can do it for ourselves, but we can't do that. And i get sick of getting myself off. I want to share the burden."

I snort. "ain't that the truth"

"my vibrator gets the job done, yeah but its not..intimate. You know what i mean?" the amusement fades from Clare's expression. "There's nothing like being touched"

Like the urgent squeeze of Alex's hands on me, the caress of his breath. The gentle touch of something as simple as being helped down to the ground. The desperate need in how tightly he clutched me, it had bren affirming.

Clare is right. There's nothing like the touch of someone who wants you as much as you want them.

"I miss being f****d" Clare says. She sits up and reaches for her wine, shunning the glass amd taking the bottle straight to the lips. "Feeling a man inside me, hitting that spot over and over, that makes me lose my mind. Clawing and scratching because the s**t is so good. I miss being kissed and held."

She lies back down, "Hell, i miss waking up to somebody besides me. That morning wood poking you from behind." her laugh is bittersweet. "My ex liked to f**k first thing. Said there was nothing better to start off his day with" she shakes her head leaving the thought incomplete.

"You miss him?" i ask softly

"He cheated on me," she bites her bottom lip and takes another swig of her wine, "Yeah i miss his trifling ass"

"Am sorry Clare, you never told me that. How did you find out?"

"Oh, he was decent enough to tell me himself because he wanted out. Sat me down and said he had met someone at work. She was younger, skinnier and lighter than me, but ofcourse, none of those things mattered to him. Their minds had met on a na intellectual level"

She shot me an icy look "i didn't tell you because you were dealing with the death of Cam, it would have been selfish of me"

"But still you just never talk about him, at all"

"Yeah it was a hard one, i really loved him and the way he was flaunting that b***h all over my face." she sits up again, cross legged and flings her hair over her shoulder. "I could have cheated, i had offers opportunities, but i could never i thought he was the one"

I sit up leaving my legs in the air resting against the back of the couch, but propping my elbows on the edge.

"I told Alex about the pregnancy" as soon as the confession hits the air i feel much better.

"Okay woow," she says "how did it go?"

"Let's just say it went" i say sitting up completely "and btw Jean left him, that's why he came here, he wanted to tell me that"

She starts laughing "And you then dropped the pregnancy bombshell" she says again laughing "And how do you feel about the Jean situation now that she is gone?"

"I don't really know Clare, he says he still has feelings for her meaning if she hadn't found out about us in the gala they would still be together" i say calmly, and in regards to the pregnancy the man didn't say anything he just walked away and i haven't heard a word from him ever since" i say dryly.

"Wait so he juts uped and left?" she asks in shock

"Yeah he just left, its been three days," i say "i thought I will give him some space to process and then he will call me but he has not"

"well, he did say he wasn't ready to be around kids when he found out about Kyle so this news might be hard on him, considering this is actually his child and he just lost another one a a year ago" Clare says "maybe he is taking the news kind of hard and you should maybe reach out see how he is doing"

"You really think so?" i ask kind of shocked at this suggestion coming from Clare.

She made a compelling point, maybe i should just be the bigger person and reach out,but i didn't know if i had the courage to actually do it.

"Yeah, call him or go by his place see if he is doing okay, this is a man who lost a child and has not fullly healed from that loss, it must be hard to know he has another one on the way, and don't forget he also just lost Jean he might be in a dark place"

"Wow, who knew you would campaign for Alex this much," i say nudging her with my shoulders

"Am actually not campaigning for him, am doing it for my unborn nephew or niece" she says smiling.

Alex.

Destroy, defeat, deceive.

I scanned my partner's black clad form for weakness i could exploit. Right now,during the heat of the match, was the only time i gave free rein to the base, selfish instincts he battled daily. And it felt so f*****g good.

No matter how hard i fought against it, at my core, sometimes the darkness engulfed me, especially when I bottled aloot of things inside.

I shoved and went for a head shot. When his partner's sword rose to block the strike. I pushed for that extra burst of speed and arched his weapon down. The tip of his sword cracked against his partner's side.

Clean point, match over

Everyone bowed and we set our swords on the blue matted floor before kneeling. I hated this part of the class, not because it meant practice ending but because it was time to remove my armor and return to my normal self.

This was the beauty of apparel. A suit transformed you into a certain kind of person. The gear weighed around thirty pounds. As i shed the layers, cold air touched my skin, and reality crept back into my head. Heavy thoughts stacked one upon the other like bricks, returning him to his regular burdened state. I honestly was in no state to deal with the reality of my life.

After the class officially ended, I put my gear back on the shelf along the back well.

"Hey man, i haven't seen you around for a while" said a voice i recognized so well, my best friend Jeremy .

"yeah I have beem dealing with a lot of things in my life, still am" i say as i pull my trousers over my boxers. "I will tell you all about it back in the house, i don't want my business all up in these streets"

"Okay, let's go then" he says picking his bag as we walk out of the gym.

It's been three days since i last spoke to Ella, i have been trying to understand what was happening in my life, there were a lot of changes going on i didn't understand at all. Everything was moving way too fast. Jeremy drove us quietly back to the house, i was glad he didn't push me to talk about my feelings, or what i was going through.

In no time we pulled up in my house and we went straight away for a swim. Some beers are brought over to us by the pool,

"So are you going to talk to me about what's been happening to you Alex?" he says as soon as the house manager walks away, "something is eating you up, what is it"

"Where do i even start Jeremy , everything is falling apart men!" i say the frustration coming back again. "Jean left me, Terawas at the party and Jean saw us together she left"

"Well it was about damn time she did" Jeremy makes a passive comment

"Whaaat?" am the one amused now

"Alex that chic bolted when you needed her the most, but when she reads headlines that you are getting serious with someone, she suddenly decides to divorce her husband come on" he says

"well that's not the only news i have, after Jean left I went to sew her and shw also dropped another bombshell on me" i pause

"What did she say? She doesn't love you?"

"Nope, i wish, she said she was pregnant for me"

"Ha ha ha, nice try buddy" i say

" oh i am serious Jeremy she is pregnant and it's mine" i say

“Okay wow, now that is some news I wasn't expecting to hear”he says shaking his head “so how do you feel about all of this? What did you say?”

“Nothing, i said nothing. I panicked and i just got out of there as fast as i could, and i have not talked to her ever since” I say with finality.

“So you do know you can't assume you don't know what's happening, eventually yoi are going to have to talk to her”

“I know that Jeremy , I just didn't expect that so soon, I don't even know her yet that well, she has a son from a previous relationship, there is a lot of things i wanted to figure out about her before we had big things like a baby on the way you know”i say scratching my hair again “plus it's just too soon after Zuri am not ready to be a dad again and you know how I felt about kids and marriage before zuri, and when i opened myself up to that possibility my wife left me Zuri died, i am not even sure i want Kids again” I say shaking my head “So how am i just supposed to accept that am having another baby just like that, or even respond to such news”

Jeremy takes a sip of his cold beer, he seems to be deep in thought for a moment, it's quiet,

“I just dont know what to do Jeremy , and I also fee like I will be betraying Jean by having another baby, how am i going to even break the news to her?”

“Hey, Alex calm down, one step at a time ans the first thing you need to do is talk to Ella, because you can't deal with all that when you don't even know what she is thinking”he says patting me in the back “For all we know she might not even keep it, so just call her ans talk to her first before you go downhill spiraling”

“What if I say the wrong thing? Look at me am a mess,”

“Alex deep breathes, deep breathes.”he suddenly has his attention over my shoulders, he is looking at something or someone “You look like you have seen a ghost” i say laughing

“when you see who the ghost is you won't be laughing i can promise you that much”he says grinning. I immediately turn around to see Terawalking towards the pool.

“what is she doing here?” i whisper to Jeremy through my teeth

“Hey boys”Teragreets us smiling and with so much enthusiasm.