PLAYBOY'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT

Chapter 13

JEAN

6years ago

I hear footsteps approaching . I don't even bother looking up. Whoever it is most probably won't even notice me back here. I sigh quietly,i then close my eyes and lean my head against the wall behind me. It is a little bit quiet out here and i needed to think clearly for a moment This has been my chilling spot since i moved, it's right across the street from where i live and it's modest enough. Today was a tough day. It is usually chill but today is friday its a bit rowdy than it's usual days but not unbearable. One of the reasons i love this night club is its rooftop parking, you can see the entire city from up there.

I love it when the sky makes me feel insignificant.

I like tonight. It's like it knew exactly the kind of calm i needed

Well... Let me rephrase this so it reflects my feelings appropriately in past tense.

I liked tonight.

"what are you doing up here alone ?" he asks startling me out of my deep thoughts

I feel his voice in my stomach. He has one of those voices deep, confident alittle bit raspy.

I finally gather the courage to look up at him, he is tall broad shoulders, his gaze is narrow and his mouth is drawn tight. His expression holds no shock, nor does it hold amusement.

“well that's really none of your business” i say irritated, who goes around asking strangers stupid questions like that.

“you know it could be dangerous to be up here alone at night,”

“And why is that, because am a woman?”

He chuckles “Hey i honestly didn't mean to offend you”

“Am not offended, am just wondering if you go asking random people personal questions”

“Touche’ but could it hurt answering politely, i mean we are in a club and you chose to come6up here alone”

"i needed some fresh air, sober up" i finally say. In a very timid voice

I stand up and walk across him to the other side of the rooftop and as i do i can't help but notice how beautiful the man is. When i reach the other side of the building that overlooks the street i lean forward and stare down at the streets below trying not appear impressed. I can tell by his haircut he is the type of man people are easily impressed by.

I hear footsteps approaching from behind, he leans against the rail next to me. He looks at me, his eyes meet mine and he just stares hard. I have never seen eyes as dark as his:or maybe i have but they seem darker attached to an intimidating presence. He leans into the wall so that he is directly looking at me "fresh air is overrated " he puts his hands in his pockets and starts fishing for something until he finds it, he lights up a joint

"So is sobering up apparently " i say,

He is facing me again looking directly at me"You here with your boyfriend or something? " his comment somehow makes me feel cheap, it was too easy an amateurish pick up line. From the looks of this guy i know he has better skills than this. It makes me think he saves the most difficult pickup lines for the women he deems worthy.

He lifts up an eyebrow waiting for an answer

"Your name?" as soon as i say it i regret it

He smiles"its Alex , "he says" Alex Crane. "

We are both quiet again for a while, and then he says" Do you wish people were more transparent? "

" how so? " i ask regarding him

He looks at me for a while then says" i think everyone fakes who they are, when deep down we are really all screwed up in one way or another. "

" I don't think being a little guarded is a bad thing, " i say" sometimes the truth ain't always pretty"

He stares at me for a moment then walks to the middle of the rooftop and takes a seat in one of the chairs , i claim the empty seat next to him.

"Tell me something about you that most people wouldn't say out loud to a stranger."

"what?"

He shrugs, "I don't know, just anything ."

He is staring up at the sky, waiting for me to answer. My eyes follow the line of his jaw, the curve of his cheeks, the outline of his lips. I don't understand why, but i find him intriguing so i try to think about his question and an honest answer, when i come up with one i look away from him and back to the sky.

“Why would i tell you something like that Alex ?”

“Because we are strangers, remember and am actually in this town for a business meeting. Chances of us ever meeting again at all are close to zero”

“Well daaamn! When you put it like that” i say trying think of what to say to him " I am a virgin,"

His mouth falls open, i think he might be speechless

I look at him innocently "you asked and i gave it to you straight ." i chuckle "or was that too much, too personal " i ask looking away flushing with embarrassment

“No it's not too much, i just didn't expect you to say that”

“Well, your turn”

He regards me silently for a moment, but then he breaks eye contact. "the thought of marriage repulses me, he says" am alittle over 30 no desire for a wife, i especially don't want children. The only thing i want is success and to be able to travel the world freely and do what i want but if i admit that out loud to anyone, it makes me seem arrogant. "

" Professional success or social success? "

He says," both. Anyone can have children. Anyone can get married that's easy but success is hard. "

" You're right it does make you seem arrogant. "

He smiles," my mother thinks am wasting my life"

"Are parents ever really happy with their children, ever?"

He shakes his head, "my children wouldn't be. I would only be setting them up for failure, that's why i will never have any." he says his face suddenly serious

"i actually think that's respectable Alex , alot of people will never admit they are too selfish to have children." i actually think about it, my parents for example they haf me and then gave me up for adoption, why have a child you know you won't keep. I respected his choice because atleast he didn't pretend to say the right thing just to impress me

He shakes his head, "So how come you're a virgin? You don't like s*x? " he asks winking at me

His question makes me feel a multitude of things i can't even look at him "Its not that i don't like s*x i have always just wanted to wait, i always had this idea that the perfect man is out there so i tend to get bored easily because no one seems to fit my standards. Am on an infinite search for the Holy grail."

He cuts his eyes to me, and their's a slight grin affixed to his face" love has never appealed to me"he says "it has always felt more like a burden to me."

"i wish i looked at love like that, it would make my life alot easier, i envy you." i say actually meaning it. I believe there's pure love out there i just hadn't found it yet. But maybe he was right love is an illusion

He drags in a slow breath, then looks at me directly "if you wouldn't have s*x with just anyone, exactly how far are you willing to go?" he says looking at me with those sexy eyes

I don't have an answer for that, the way he is looking at me makes me want to rethink my virginity.

“Do you always say exactly what's on your mind Mr Crane?”

He shrugs” Not to most people, i guess you are just easy to talk to and your aura makes me comfortable to speak my mind if that makes sense”

This makes me smile, i like that he doesn't even know me but for whatever reason, am not considered most people.

He moves closer his face inches away from mine, my whole body stiffens i can feel the warmth of his breath, i refuse look at him because he would probably kiss me and i know absolutely nothing about this guy apart from his name.

"How far would you go??" his voice is decadent smooth "i never got your name"

Against my better judgment. I face him and look him straight in the eye "that's because i never told you my name, it's Jean williams" he looks at me hopeful and hungry and confident then bites his lower lip, "so how far is too far Jean Williams ?" with a grin his fingers begin to crawl up my shirt until a part of my stomach is showing

"i don't know" i whisper, in all honest with the way he was making my blood boil i didn't know how far i would let him go. I guess we were going to have to find out.

I can feel him watching me for a moment, and then he says “I like your honesty”

He likes my honesty, i think i might be blushing

We are both quiet for a moment before he speaks up again

"is this too far?" he asks grinning

I don't even know where this side of me is coming from, but i shake my head, "not even close"

His fingers brush the underneath of my bra gently before his phones rings, he drops his head to my shoulder. "hold that thought "

I frown when his hand slides out of my shirt, he fumbles his pockets for his phone then stands up walking several feet away.

He listens intently then seconds later the phone disconnects, he turns to face me he looks a little dissapointed. He points to the door that leads back to the night club. "i have to..."

I nod "it's fine"

"it was nice meeting you Jean williams" he says “Maybe we will meet again someday”

I smile, equally saddened and confused by this guy. Am not sure i have ever spent time with someone like him before.

He looks down at his feet for a moment as if he is suspended between the desire to say something else to me and the need to leave. He glances at me one last time before he walks away, i can hear his footsteps fade as he rushes down the stairwell. Am alone at the rooftop once again, but to my surprise am alittle sad now.

Present

Oddly, i feel quite low, i never expected it to be this hard considering we hadn't been together in over a year. But i loved Alex , still do. But i could not possibly compete with Tera, i needed to go.

The sight of him on the sofa sitting leisurely with a bowl of cereal in his hands. His hair was in complete disarray, with the way he was running his fingers through it this morning. He was following me around the apartment as i packed my things, watching me with sad eyes as I walked out of the door, refusing to walk over and hug him goodbye.

Now hours later, looking back, I cursed myself internally for not giving him one last kiss or hug. It didn't help that all i could think of all day was all the good time we spent together over the years.

Regardless of how hard i thought, i still could not make sense of anything, why was i feeling this way. It was just too hard because this time it felt real, he didn't want me to go. I remember i haven't checked my phone since i left Alex 's house this morning. I shut it down because i didn't want to deal with him trying to call me.

As soon as i turned it on, over ten missed calls were from him and i saw the last message

“Alex : can we please talk about this after you have settled, this can't be how our story ends