Donna Maria

Everything is fine. He's fine. I'm fine. I am fine. I am not worried. The pit patter of the shower running surrounds me and I take a deep breath and try to peel at the scar across my abdomen. When nothing comes off I stab at it, keeping my gaze fixed on my reflection. It doesn't hurt as much, but it hurts enough to make my heart soar. It's fine. My finger runs along the length of the scar and the skin feels smoother than anywhere else on my stomach. I wonder if he ever noticed it. Suddenly, the door swings open and I let go of my shirt before Dave shuts the door. Dave takes a step and I swiftly turn around, my heart in my throat. His eyes narrow and I watch him ground his jaw. Then I realise; he'd have to be stupid not to notice the scar on his girlfriend's abdomen. It's practically splitting me in half. I smile, holding onto the sink and look at him as he nears. I feel a hole dig through my chest as I keep up the facade. "You better get your a*s out there now." He demands. I shake and I want to say no but his cologne -the one that once made me swoon, clouds my head and I'm nauseated. He's so close, he's everywhere, it's frustrating. I manage to shake my head. "No, I'm not going anywhere." Especially not out there, where his f*****g friends are. "I have to get ready for work." I move aside, leaving him to stare at his reflection and pull off my shirt. I almost make it into the shower but Dave has my arm and drags me back in front of him. In an instant he has my jaw in his hands, squeezing. "You need to pull yourself together." He says gruffly, tilting my face up. "I apologized but don't think for a second I forgive you for what you did." You had no right, he said before. Just over a month ago. But I had every right. I struggle under his touch and tears start pouring from my eyes. I had every right. "You barely gave it a chance." His eyes glisten with tears and I think he's going to cry but his taunting voice hits harder. "It's my body." I say, but his mocking chuckle just makes it painful to forget the loss and abandonment and the control I have over myself. He finally lets go and I breathe. "Well, it was my f*****g child Maria!" He shouts in my face. "f*****g murderer." "I'm sorry." My head hangs low and that's all I have to say for myself. Dave forces my head up and cradles my face in his calloused hands. His jaw is ticking despite the regret and anger swelling in his hazel eyes. "We were going to be happy. As a family." He says calmly. His nostrils flare. "You took that away." He's mocking me, enjoying my misery. "My father is missing, David." I snarl and almost laugh as I walk away but he won't let me go too far. "Look," he sighs, "I get it. Everyone has miscarriages. But we'll try again, you and me." Oh David, if only you knew. I reluctantly nod. "Say it; we're gonna be happy. You are happy." He lightly laughs like he believes I'm happy. I glare at him, not wanting to feed myself the same lie I've been chewing, but he holds my wrist in a death grip and I'm scared again. I should tell him the truth. The hope in his eyes is just bound to finally break me. My heart pounds in my ears and I look between him and his hand around my wrist. Do it. Just get over and done with it. What's the worst that could happen? "We are going to be happy, you and me. I'm happy." When Dave is satisfied, he smiles the same pleasing and genuine smile he gives whenever things go his way. He places a kiss on my forehead and says, "He's okay. We're gonna find him. I will find him. For you, for me, for us." For us. For our family. He promises and swears to this and I believe that he will. If anyone can find my father it's David Murdoch. Dave is off after a minute, but not without leaving a hard s***k on my a*s. I almost smile at the act, remembering when we were first in love. ✩ ★ ☆ At the diner I'm on lookout, watching every person that passes by the window and wishing that someone enters and says, 'Hey, I know where your father is'. But sadly, no one does. I have gone across every single scenario in head. I think I have made enough excuses for him too. "Hey," Miranda nudges my back and I feel her breath on my neck as her head hovers over my shoulder. "Your boyfriend's here." Panic surges in me and blood drains from my body. I look ahead and it's not who I was expecting. Instead, my heart does this weird little flip. "Come here lover boy." Chloe sings with a purr. I stifle my laugh when he looks right at me. His smoky grey eyes are bright and smiling. Much different from Dave. "Oh lover boy." Miranda continues with a whine of her hips. "He probably wants you to serve him. Here, I got you." She takes the bills and receipts from my hands replacing them with a pen and notepad. "I'm dating your brother." I tell her. I don't mean to laugh as I say it but the corners of my lips are uncontrollable. Miranda merely shrugs, "Doesn't mean you're blind." With that she shoves me forward, through the counter doors. I shake my head as my feet carry me to the smiling customer. "Hey, what can I get for you today sir?" I think back to the second time I served him. He was smiling just as he is now. He told me to call him by his name; Lorenzo. But he doesn't look much like a Lorenzo to me. He rubs his index finger just below his lip while blatantly staring at the chain around my neck. In an instant the smile on my face is gone. I'm exposed. I want to put down the things in my hands and tuck the necklace under my shirt where it's hidden from prying eyes. "Nice chains." He nods at the necklace. The smile comes back but it's forced. His eyes drift to my finger then my face. "It's a pair." I frown, "Yeah. Thanks." He doesn't say anything much after that. He looks ahead, at the empty seat in front of him then remembers I'm still standing. He tell me he's not ready to order and that he is waiting for someone. When I walk back to the kitchen, I wave off Chloe and Miranda. I couldn't seem to shake off the feeling that he knew more about the set of jewellery than my father. As I chewed on the end of the pen, I contemplated going back and talking to him.