So Far From I Expected

14

I ate in silence, listening to Mr Avital and Theodore discussing Junaath, farming and little stories of similarities in their lives. I soon became distracted, thinking about how we would make things work. He wanted me in his life, but what would his father think? How would I be with him?

I shuffled uncomfortable in my chair at the thought of being someone’s mistress. To stop them noticing, I cleared the table and collected some water from the pump to wash the dishes. When I returned Theodore was leaving and Mr Avital sent me home to wait for Mama. He reassured me that Theodore would return. He had gone to speak with his father.

I walked home with my head held high and smiling at those who had whispered earlier. It began to rain, heavy and unrelenting. I kicked my way through the puddles and decided I may have a bath when I got home. My own bath, it was early and I wouldn’t be disturbed.

I lay in the tin bath soaking in the water, the fire was roaring and the sound of the rain on the roof was deafening. I began to think about Theodore, his kisses, the feelings his touch aroused in me. I ran my hand over my breast and felt a similar pull in my stomach, that heavy feeling returned between my legs.

My hand lowered from my breast to my stomach and down into the hair between my legs. My fingers found what they were looking for and began circling. I felt my n*****s harden and my heart beat hard in my chest.

I thought of how his skin smelled, how his body had felt when he pressed it against mine, his sweet kisses, his soft tongue urgently meeting mine. My body began to react to the movement of my hand between my legs, my back arched and a wave of sensation crashed through my me, every hair on my body raised, my senses overcome by feeling and Theodore.

I lay still in the water replaying in my mind what had happened. I couldn’t help but smile, I was confused and excited by this feeling and very eager to experience it again.

Combing my hair by the fire a short time later, I remember listening to the older girls who helped at the convent talking about the ‘knee trembler’ and laughed to myself at my own innocence and inexperience with boys. My first kiss was with Theodore, and my first ‘knee trembler’ was about Theodore. What else would experience first with him?