So Far From I Expected

15

Mama returned with the twins and Tommy as I started the stew cooking for dinner. The rain had stopped and the twins raced back outside to play with their little friends as soon as they had said hello.

Mama sat at the table after putting Tommy on the bed. I poured her a cup of tea and one for myself. We chatted about her day and she seemed in good spirits. She looked up from the table at me quizzically, ‘Your hair is wet, why?’

I had plaited it down my back the way she used to do when I was little. ‘I fell earlier in the rain and I decided; while the cottage was clean and I had some time for myself, to have a hot bath to myself!’

Mama nodded, ‘You didn’t think to come and see Granny then?’ I looked at the table and took a deep breath. ‘Mama, I see Granny on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I go every other Monday and today I took some time for myself. I’m sorry if that’s not OK, it won’t happen again.’

I looked up at Mama expecting her to be furious, but her eyes were sad. ‘I only asked a question Caireann, she asked for you is all! I don’t have issue with you having a bath. It’s nice to see you rested for a change.’

I went round to her side of the table and hugged her shoulders. My nose nuzzled her cheek, ‘I love you Mama.’ She kissed my nose and we laughed.

I loved when Mama laughed, her face came alive and she looked her age, she looked beautiful, she looked free.

‘Mama, can we maybe talk? I have something that I need to tell you; or ask you.’ I sat on the bed and tickled Tommy’s belly, the feeling in my tummy made me want to be sick, Papa was going to talk to Mama; but I needed to too.

‘I think I’m falling for someone.’ Mama’s jaw dropped. Her eyes lit up and she started to laugh. ‘So that’s where you were last night! Oh, girly I’m so happy! Who is he? Is it Tomin O’Driscoll? No, its Ciaran McNamara isn’t it? He’s always had a thing for you!’

‘No Mama!’ I stood up, not really able to cope with Mama’s outburst, ‘Mama, it’s not one of the local boys. And yes I was with him last night but I didn’t mean to be, he just turned up and we got talking.’ I was wringing my hands together; I wished I’d kept my mouth closed, what had I been thinking? This was not going to go well!

‘What’s wrong Caireann? Why do you look scared? Oh God, you’re not in trouble are you?’ She blessed herself and began to fret quietly to herself.

‘No Mama! For God’s sake are you serious? Do you and Papa have no faith in me? I am not in trouble and I have more sense than that!’ I had raised my voice and Tommy was crying on the bed. I lifted him and snuggled him into my chest.

I rocked him gently and felt tears well up in my eyes; Mama had a low opinion of me too. I turned and faced the window, it was getting dark outside; Papa would be home soon.

Walking towards the door I told Mama I would get the twins and left before she could respond. I cuddled Tommy close and took some deep breaths to compose myself.

The twins were playing with Mrs O’Driscoll’s son, I called out to them but they were so deep in their game they couldn’t hear me. I called again and the dog in the door way barked. Bobby came running towards me when he realised I was there, followed closely by Jack. ‘Caireann, Caireann look what we found!’ I looked towards their little friend and saw that they had been playing with a kitten, probably one from the big house that had gotten lost.

I feigned interest for a few moments before calling them back to me and insisting we get home. After a few moans and groans they heeded and ran ahead of me shouting and laughing at the events of the day.

When I got back to the cottage the boys had washed their hands and were patiently sitting waiting for their dinner. The dog and her puppies were curled up in front of the fire and Papa was sat in the rocking chair. Mama stirred the stew as I lay Tommy in his basket, I noticed how he had grown and would soon be able to tip it over.

Papa looked at me, winked and smiled knowingly at me, Mama must have said something when he arrived home. She sniffed and wiped her face at the fireplace. She was crying.

I washed my hands and sat beside Jack; he squeezed my hand and gave me a kiss on the cheek. ‘Tomin said to do that!’ he giggled to himself. I shook my head and thanked Mama for the stew she put down in front of me.

We ate quietly, the twins almost asleep in their bowls. I took them one by one and lay them on the bed before facing Mama and Papa.