Between Love and Hate

Your First

*Violet's POV*

The next morning, I wake up very warm and when I breathe in a familiar smell, I remember where I am. I open my eyes and realize I’m connected to Jace’s side with my arms and legs wrapped around him.

I bring one hand up to rub my eyes and Jace stirs a little. As I begin to untangle my limbs, his arms wrap around me holding me into him.

“Morning,” he says sleepily.

“Good morning. How did you sleep?”

“Excellent with you here. Although it was quite warm. You were like a lil koala all night,” he says and then kisses the top of my head. I giggle and say, “You know you loved it.”

“I know I love you,” he replies back.

I tilt my head up and say, “I love you too.”

“Are you hungry? We could go make breakfast.”

“I could eat. Can I shower first though?”

“Only if I can join you,” he says with a wink.

“Deal,” I reply and then we grab a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt along with the rest of my shower supplies and head to the bathroom.

Once we get downstairs, I follow Jace into the kitchen and there are a couple guys seated at the large dining table. One of them is drinking a beer and the other has a red cup with God knows what in it. I vaguely recognize them from last year’s visit.

“Hey guys, this is Violet, my girlfriend, Vi, that’s Colin with the beer and that’s Robbie” Jace introduces me.

I wave and say, “Hi.”

“Hey. I think we met last year and Jace talks about you all the time. You go to Harvard now, right?”

“Yeah I do.”

“So my question is, if you’re smart enough to get into Harvard, how did you end up with Jace?” I laugh and he comes to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and says, “She couldn’t resist my charm and good looks.”

“Sure, baby, whatever makes you feel good,” I say, patting his hand and turning my head to look up at him. “Wow, rude,” he says and then kisses my cheek.

“Alright, let’s start coffee,” I tell him and he releases me and starts getting out the grinds and putting them in the machine.

“So do you guys have real food here or does that beer count as breakfast?”

“Usually beer does count as breakfast around here but I bought some groceries yesterday for you,” Jace says.

I look at him suspiciously and say, “You bought them for me? Or is it because you really just want me to cook for you?”

“Both? Your cooking is just so good and I love it so much” He says with a cheesy smile. I roll my eyes and say, “Alright alright no need to suck up. I’ll cook. What do you want?”

“Chocolate chip pancakes?” He says with a smile. I laugh and say, “Of course you would pick that.” I start going through the cupboards and getting out all the things to make the batter. I take out a giant bowl and mix all the ingredients together before tossing in a bunch of chocolate chips. Jace looks at the bowl and says, “Woah, how many do you think I’m gonna eat?”

“They’re not just for us. Other people live here too.”

“Oh yeah, but I don’t expect you to make food for them,” He says.

“I know you don’t, but I’m going to.”

“You’re way too nice for your own good,” he says hugging me from behind as I start spooning batter into pans. I have to use multiple so it won’t take me all day. As I’m cooking, more people start to come downstairs to see what’s going on. I guess they really never do eat breakfast. Jace introduces me to each one as they come in and I don’t really remember their names. They all kind of blur together.

Once I’ve made enough to feed a small army, we set them on the island with a stack of paper plates because apparently they don’t use real dishes here. The guys start serving themselves and then Jace and I grab some and sit on the stools at the island.

“f**k, these are so good,” Robbie says with his mouth full. “You know, you can come stay here anytime you want. Actually, you could just move in here.”

I laugh and say, “Thanks, Robbie. It’s a little far from campus for me though,” I joke.

After we finish eating, Jace cleans up the mess and everyone thanks me before dispersing to go do whatever they do around here.

“So, I figured for the afternoon we could go have a little walk around campus and then there’s a party at the house tonight but if you don’t wanna go, we can find somewhere else to hang out.”

“No, that’s fine. We can go to the party. I do those now, remember?" I say with a wink.

He smiles and nods and then we head out for our walk. When we return, the guys have ordered pizza for dinner so we hang out with them waiting for it to arrive. We eat it and then Jace and I go hang out in his room alone for a bit before the party starts.

Around 9pm the music starts shaking the house so I change out of my tshirt and into the purple cropped long sleeve shirt that Stella made me buy. Apparently she has a thing for clothes that don’t cover one’s entire stomach. I add a little makeup to my face and Jace looks me up and down when I return from the bathroom and says, “Woah, you look good babe.”

“Thank you,” I say and then reach my hands around his neck and kiss him. He taps my bum and says, “Alright, let’s go before I change my mind and just trap you in here with me all night.”

I giggle and say, “You’re right. And we’ll still have plenty of time for that later,” and kiss him on the cheek.

We head downstairs hand in hand and he leads me to the keg in the kitchen and fills up a cup for himself and then pours me a vodka soda. He knows I’m not a big fan of beer. I take my cup and we start making our way around the party. We play some games and hang out and I don’t even know how many drinks I’ve had at this point but I’m definitely feeling a buzz.

“Hey, I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Be right back,” I tell Jace. He nods and I make my way through the crowd. Naturally there’s a line and I stand behind a pretty blonde girl who’s a bit taller than me and has curves that anyone would be envious of.

She turns to me and says, “I hope you don’t have to go too badly, I think someone is throwing up in there. It could be a while.”

“I can wait,” I reply politely.

“I’m Ana by the way,” she tells me.

“Violet.”

“So what are taking here?” she asks me.

“I’m taking sociology, but not here. I go to Harvard. What are you taking.”

“Oh cool, I’m a biology major. So what brings you all the way out here? No good frat parties at Harvard?”

“Oh there are. I'm just here visiting for the weekend. My boyfriend goes to UMass. He’s actually part of this fraternity.”

“Oh no way, what’s his name?”

“Jace,”I reply.

Her eyes snap to mine and she says, “Jace Harding?”

“Yeah, do you know him?”

“Uh, yeah, kind of. How long have you been dating?”

“About 4 years.” Her mouth drops open and she says, “Like, continuously?”

What a strange question, “Yeah, continuously. Sorry, I’m confused, what-”

“Violet! There you are, I was-” Jace says as he rounds the corner. His eyes flicker to Ana and his face pales.

“You were what?”

“I was looking for you. You’ve been gone a while.” His eyes focus on Ana again and says, “Ana, I see you’ve met my girlfriend. Ana and I have some classes together.” His voice is weird and strained and I’m still no closer to understanding what is going on here.

“Oh is that what you’re going with, Jace?” She says. I look over to her and she’s got her hands on her hips and she looks pissed.

“Jace, what is going on?” I ask him. A thick knot has begun forming in my stomach. I don’t know if I want to know the answer to this.

“Yeah, Jace, please do explain. Because if you don’t I will.”

“Violet, love, come on let’s go somewhere quieter and I’ll explain everything.”

“No, Jace. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what is going on. Start talking. Now.”

“Look, it was a huge mistake. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“You didn’t mean for it to happen 5 times?” Ana says incredulously.

“For what to happen? What did you do? Did you kiss her or-or-or what?”

“We- kind of, well we slept together. It was my freshman year during frosh week and everything was a little wild and then the first weekend I came home I realized how stupid it was and I never saw her again, I swear.”

I feel all the blood drain from my face and I think I‘m going to vomit. I look at Ana and she says, “I am so sorry, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend until just now.”

“It’s not your fault,” I whisper to her. I start to do the math and then I look at Jace and say, “That means- that means I wasn’t your first?” He shakes his head and then drops it in shame. 

“It’s all been a lie. The last year has been a lie?” I say, my voice barely audible as tears start to slide down my cheeks.

“No, Violet, it hasn’t been, please, I love you,”

“How can you even say that right now?” I say, louder than I thought I was capable of. I shove past him and then squish through all the drunken bodies and up the stairs to his room. I slam the door and lock it behind me, leaning back against it.

A couple of seconds later I hear the knob turn and then banging on the door when he finds it locked. “Violet, please, open this door. We need to talk about this. Please Vi!”

“No! I don’t wanna talk about anything with you! Just leave me alone!”

“I won’t leave you alone. I’ll wait outside this door all night if that’s what it takes.”

I slide down the door, bringing my knees into my chest and put my head in my hands and cry. I need to get out of here. I‘m too drunk to drive. I have nowhere to go. I check my phone and it’s almost 2am.

Why is this happening to me? Here I was feeling so guilty about kissing Kane when the last year of our relationship was based on lies! 

Before my brain can register what’s happening, my fingers scroll down to Kane’s contact in my phone and press the call button. It rings a few times and I have time to consider that this is a terrible idea and almost hang up when I hear his voice on the other end.

“Violet?”