Begging for Chances

                                                       Ngumiti ako nang makitang successful ang operasyon nang isa sa pinakamalapit na kaibigan ko rito sa hospital. Hindi ako ang doktor na nakatalaga para mag-opera sa kanya kung kaya't labis labis ang kaba ko kanina. Patakbo akong lumapit sa doktor. "How is she Doc? Does the operation were successful?" I nervously asked. Last week, I lost my dear friend. Dito siya nagpa-opera sa ibang bansa because she knew I was working here. My name were known as Doctor Angel instead of Doctor Hérra. After arguing with my mom, dad and relatives I finally took the path of being a doctor. I already know that the people I argue with won't understand what I wanted to pursue. "She's fine Hérra. She just needs to rest because she lost a lot of blood. I'll leave you. They will put her into a private room later." he uttered and left. Napabuga naman ako nang hangin at tinanaw ang Operating Room. Iniwan nila ang batang kinse anyos rito. That girl who have a heart failure has a bright future and I searched a willing donor. Ang pamilya nang babaeng hiningian ko'y willing na ibigay ang puso niya pero ayaw nang nobyo nito. The donor died the exact day I was looking for a heart donor. She died exactly here in the hospital. Iyak nang iyak ang nobyo nang babae noon, nakakaawa. Pumasok ako sa operating room at pinagmasdan ang nakakaamo nitong mukha. Her name is Selene Charlotte Peralta. Pinakiusapan ako nang mga magulang niyang alagaan ko muna siya dahil wala pa silang sapat na pera. Kinuha ko ang kamay nito at marahang hinaplos. Ang dating masigla nitong mukha'y naging mahina ngayon. "Magpagaling ka, Selene. Ako na mag-aalaga sayo. Diba kinwento mo sa'kin na gusto mo maging isang engineer? Dalian mong magpagaling.." marahan kong sambit. Isang butil nang luha ang lumabas sa kanyang mga mata. She was crying when I asked if is she okay. Pinahid ko ito. "Doctor Ramos! The patient moved! Naroon na rin ang mga doctor na nag-opera kay Selene!" bulyaw nang isang filipinong nurse. It's been two days after Selene got operated. Tumakbo akong pumunta sa kwartong nalipatan niya. She cried when she saw me. Ngumiti ako sa kanya at agarang lumapit. "How is she doc?" I nervously asked at patuloy parin sa yakapan ni Selene. "She's fine.. I was shocked, some patients who had heart failure and operated afterwards waked up after two weeks. Get well, soon hija." they said and turned their back. Kumalas na ako saka sinapo ang mukha niya. "May masakit ba sa'yo?" I asked. Umiling siya at marahang hinawakan ang mga kamay ko. "Thank you for this.. W-What should I call you? A-Ayaw mo naman po nang ate.." nanghihina niyang tanong. "What do you prefer? Mommy? We have eight year gap at okay lang kung tawagin mo akong ganoon.." Napahikbi siya habang tinitignan ako. "Thank you mommy.. I hope my parents were safe..." she said. A month after Selene woke up, I let her rest for two weeks. I and Selene decided to go back in the Philippines. Tapos na sa pagtatrabaho ang asawa nang kaibigan ko sa hospital na ipinagawa ko. I named it using my nickname. "Hera General Hospital." "Smile baby Selene! Dito tayo sa bahay kong pinagawa ko last month. Do you liked it?" tanong ko habang inaakay siya papasok sa bahay namin. Umiling siya kaya napasimangot ako. "No mommy.. I didn't liked it! I love it!" she joyfully said. Her eyes sparked like a diamond. She really have a bright future. "Upo ka muna sa sofa, ako na magluluto.. Ano gusto mo?" I asked while she's comfortably sitting in the couch. "Usual strawberry cupcake with milktea po." she uttered shyly and closed her eyes. Nagtungo nga ako sa kusina at hinanda ang mga gagamitin. I called Samantha when we're still in airport. I texted her the location where she'll go. Binili ko rin ang mga kagamitan para milktea at kung magrequest man si Selene sa akin. The house has second floor. I told Elliana to let her chose the interior design of our house and she never failed me. Asawa ni Samantha ang nag-asikaso rito sa bahay ko. He's trustworthy, but I don't like him for my bestie. Natapos ang isang oras sa paghahanda ko sa mga kakanin. There are six cupcakes and three wintermelon milktea. "Mommy! Nandito si Tita Sam! Pinaupo ko na muna.." sigaw ni Selene. Kinuha ko ang tray at inilagay ang mga pagkain at inumin. I walked towards our salas. My bestfriend Samantha is beside Selene who's busy checking Sam's face. "Bruha! Hiwalayan mo na kaya yang asawa mo? Jusko lagi lagi ka na lang niyang sinasapak jusko!" I histerically said. Selene was shocked either Samantha. She laughed. "What?! No bestie! We are actually good and there's nothing wrong in our relationship.." she uttered nervously. Napa-iling ako at napainom nang milktea. Busy na si Selene sa kakalantak nang cupcakes ko. For the past years I've been building myself because I never know what the future would be. I cut my connections for him. Ganyang ganyan si Samantha mula pa noon, she keeps on denying everything. She just treat them like they wasn't the reason of her pain. Hindi ako ganon, lagi kong nilalabas ang sama nang loob ko pero ngayon lang ata.. h-hindi ko mailabas labas. Samantha coughed making me gaze at her again. "Do you.. somehow misses him?" aniya. Tumango ako at marahang ngumiti. Bumaling sa'kin si Solene at agad niya akong sinenyasan na sa taas raw muna siya. Tinanguan ko ito at nginitian. She's been like my daugher to me. "Oo, Samantha.. Siya pa rin lagi. Siya parin ang lagi kong iniisip. Ang tagal na mula nung sinabi kong magaarchi ako at pipiliin ko yon kesa sa kanya. Kahit doctor naman talaga ang pinapakuha nila sa'kin. Sira ako nung mga panahon na yun.. Sirang-sira dahil kina mommy at kanya. Kaya... I took the chance to build myself and to let myself be my priority this time.." ani ko at napayuko. She immidiately went in my side and caressed my back. "Reign.. Am i selfish for choosing myself this time? Do I look like a greedy for prioritizing my own happiness this time?" hikbi ko at yumakap sa kanya. "You just chose what it suits you the best, love. Hindi masamang piliin ang sarili mo ngayon. You've been with them for so long, and you have the rights to chose yourself this time. You are always worth the wait, Herra. You risked everything before so you aren't selfish at all. I and Eli both love you our Doctor Herra.." she said. Kumalas siya sa yakap namin at pinalis ang luha ko sa pisngi. "I'll call Eli later, we'll go party hmm? Gotta go. My husband is waiting." aniya at tumalikod na. I noticed how she walked, paika-ika. Nadako ang paningin ko sa isang pasa sa likod nang binti niya. Napapikit ako nang mariin saka bumuntong hininga. Tangina non. It's eleven o'clock in the evening when my two besties came at my house. Nakabihis na rin ako. I let Selene chose what I should wear. I wore high waist denim shorts and paired with black tank top. Flatshoes ang ginamit ko dahil masakit ang paa ko kanina. "Tara na?" I asked. They both nodded. "Yung Mercedez benz ko na lang gamitin natin.. T-Tumakas ako sa bahay namin, p-pwede niyo ba akong ipaalam kay Luke?" tanong ni Sam. Ngumiti ako at kinuha ang cellphone. Pumasok na rin ako sa passenger seat at ganon rin si Eliana. Pindot ko ang cellphone number ni Luke at tinawagan. "What do you need b***h? I am still in the bar." he asked furiously. Nagtagis ang bagang ko sa tinawag nito sa'king kaibigan. Putangina, iniinis talaga ako neto ah. "Putangina mo. Ipapaalam ko lang sana si Samantha, magn-night swimming kami sa bahay ni Eliana.." usal ko. I heard him scoffed. "Your place or mine?" rinig kong usal nang babae sa katabi niya. "Are you sure it's a night swimming? Sabihin mo kay Eliana nandito sa bar ang nobyo niya.. Nag-away ba sila?" "Tangina mo kuya! Sinamahan lang kita rito! Wag mo akong idamay sa katangahan mo." reklamo ni Liam. Luke then ended the call. Ngumiti ako saka ibinalik kay Sam ang cellphone. We arrived there at exactly eleven thirty. Lumabas kami sabit sabit ang sling bag. We entered at the club. Maingay at malakas ang patugtog dito. Pumunta kami sa isang sulok na kung saan ay iilan lamang ang pumupunta. "Inom lang ba tayo?" I asked and they both nodded again. Napabuntong hininga ako. It wasn't really my ideal, gusto ko yung sumasayaw habang umiinom. "Kuha lang ako inumin, kayo na kumuha nang sa inyo. Sayaw rin ako sa dance floor." ani ko at gumiling giling palapit sa bartender. "One chivas regal and black label please. Kunin ko maya yung black label ha?" I asked. Kinuha ko na ang botelya nang chivas regal at pumunta sa dance floor. I swayed my body as the rythm of the music flow. Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko at hinayaan ang sarili sa pagsayaw. I giggled when someone bumped in my arms. I have low alcohol tolerance kaya madali akong malasing. Napaupo ako sa sahig nang may nagtulak sa'kin. "Give us space." bulong nito. "Let us all welcome the Foxter Band! They actually had an event but since suki na sila rito they went here." pahayag nang isa. "Good evening.. I am Honer Cruz the lead of this Band. You already knew my name, right?" the man said emotionless. Nagising ang diwa ko sa pamilyar na pangalan nang lalaki. I can't be! I immediately went back on the bartender at linagok ang black label. Tumakbo ako palapit sa upuan namin nina Samantha. I was about to sit when someone talked. "It's been a year since we last talked and always about our seperation and how would it affect me painfully. Pero hindi ko pinagsisisihan na hindi tayo noon, I am glad that you are here after so many years of being in abroad. Sinundan kita kaso parang huli na rin. I love you..." Pinalis ko ang luha ko at dumeretso sa upuan. Nag-aalala ang mukha nang dalawa kong kaibigan. Ngitian ko sila at sinabing okay lang lahat. "Para saan iyon master? Did you saw her again?" one of his bandmates asked. "It's because I am glad that we saw each other again.. Nice to meet you again.." Naghiyawan ang mga tao sa sinabi ngunit kaming tatlo ay nanatiling tahimik. He also grow. From his light aura turned into a beast and had a dark aura. Maskulado na rin siya hindi gaya nang dati. His veins were visible through his arms. How handsome. I stared at his dark eyes and let myself drown in his eyes that has full of pain, sorrows, and misery. After the years I thought I won't never feel any romantic feelings towards him but after seeing him again, hindi pa rin talaga nawala. He's just like a curse and nightmare that won't fade permanently. Babalik at babalik pa rin. Once it owns you, you will never be free from it. I am his lyrics and he were my rythm. His eyes darted on me. It feels like I am his sky wherein I am the thing who'll give him the peace when he wanted to. Laging sasabay sa ritmo nang kanyang paghinga at paggalaw. I am his sky who'll give him an unending support. "Fairy Manuel my guitarist. Ikaw ang tahanan ko at ikaw lagi ang uuwian ko. Without you, I am still miserable. Thanks to you I had to moved on, and think for my future including you. You're as lovely as the sky. Would you be my sky and I would be your moon and also your sun. Ikaw palagi ang pipiliin kong tahanan. With you I could fly the world even without any money..."