SWEET CONFUSIONS

CHAPTER 2

    You see that girl wearing a heavy grey goat over a white shirt, black sweatpants, and heels walking out of her apartment is me, Natasha Whitfield 28 years young (‘OLD’ is a bad word), 5’3” with long light brown hair, light green eyes, and voluptuous woman. 5 years travelling and working as a Fashion Stylist for an international fashion magazine, Prestige. I just came from a Brand launch in Singapore. I re-booked my flight to surprise my husband, James but apparently I was the one surprised. It’s not the first time that he cheated on me.

“Hello, Connor?”

“Hey, Nat! What’s up?” Yawning.

“Connor, I have a favour to ask. Is the loft available?”

“Yeah. You need it for a photo shoot?”

“I need a place to stay. I found James in bed.” I wasn’t crying but my voice was shaky.

“Umm... I see. People sleep in beds most of the time. I do too.”

“I meant, something happened I sent you a photo.”

“I haven’t seen it yet. Wait.... what you are saying... ‘Something happened’?? You sent me a picture of a dead body???  You know how I feel with blood!”

“I should have, but I didn’t. Just click on the picture.”

“As long as it’s not a crime scene, I’ll be okay. Hold on. Let me check.” He was silent for a couple of seconds, “OMG! Why send me a naked lady? That’s so gross.” Making gagging sounds, “James’ body is so hot though, can I borrow him?”

“What?”

“I mean... that bastard doesn’t deserve you.”

I let out a big sigh.

“You okay, baby girl?”

“I guess, I’ll be okay.” My eyes starting to tear up, I cleared my throat before speaking again “You can have him, if you want to...” I dry laugh while bursting into tears.

“Oh deary. Let me get my butt to the office fix some stuff and I’ll come over your place.”

“I’m not going to my apartment. If the Loft available right now?”

“You still have the keys to the Loft?”

“Yeah. I just need somewhere to hide from James.”

“Stay as long as you like. You are still part owner of the place.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry to disturb you so early though.”

“You just take it easy. I’ll come by after work, Okay?”

“Okay. Thanks again, Connor.”

    I truly believe my life is perfect... Living on my own, losing weight, eating healthy, doing exercise, I still drink occasionally but I don’t smoke. I have my dream job, my own place, and I bought my first car from my own pocket. Married for four years to a charming, funny, muscular, tall, brown-eyed and blonde boy band wannabe, James Voht. Everything should be perfect, I should be happy...

“Bev...” I whined her name like a child.

“I just saw your message. Where are you?!” she sounded frantic.

“I’m still driving to the loft. ETA is 20 minutes.”

“Okies, sissy. I’m on my way there. Kisses.”

“Kisses.”

    That’s how we three are, we drop everything whenever there’s an emergency. My support group: Beverly is head turner with her shiny long black hair, beautiful black eyes, and pouty lips, 5’7 and a body like a model, owns an Interior Designer firm, and Connor tall, lean body, blonde, blue eyes, all the ladies fall head over heels, too bad he’s a proper gay guy and a lawyer of celebrities. These two are my forever best friends since high school and the only people I could trust.

    Us, three are like brother and sisters. We have our ups and downs, left and right. We share everything clothes, shoes, and secrets. They both act like mother hens to me. It was a surprise and was expecting to have a series of nagging from both of them, when I told them about my marriage and now divorce. I was thankful that they didn’t blame me, nor said, ‘I told you so!’ I know a lot of people who would gladly rub salt on my wound, and assume that it’s my fault.

    I was thinking that it wasn’t my fault, but I did let James do whatever he wanted to do. Mainly it is my fault I can’t deny that. If I told my parents, and knowing them so well, they’ll be telling me to stay married, serve, and obey my husband, blah, blah, blah sh*t. I don’t need my loved ones making me feel more miserable.

    Seeing the familiar street, memories flooded my thoughts. I parked in front of a 3-story warehouse. Twisting the key to our loft, I was relieved that we didn’t sell the unit. We had great times living in this place. It would be a shame to sell something that has sentimental value to all three of us. Connor had a party here recently, everything is clean. And the refrigerator has a couple of sodas, and some bottled water. I placed the fruit basket on the kitchen counter. I climbed up the stairs, I needed a hot shower. I was putting on a white shirt when I heard the door bell. I hurriedly pull up my sweat pants and ran to the door.

“Hey Nat, I bought nourishments.” It was Beverly struggling with 2 huge grocery bags.

“What are these?” I was looking through one of the bags.

“Well, I figured that with everything that’s on your mind, you wouldn’t think of buying stuff while you stayed here.” Unpacking a bag that has the berries, chocolates, crackers, cheese, and sausages.

“This is too much, Bev.”

“But you like all of these and it will cheer you up, noh?” winks at me.

“Just you coming here cheers me up.” Smiling weakly, my eyes starting to water.

“Aww Natie...” hugging me tight, “Don’t start crying. You’ll make me cry and we haven’t opened the wine yet.”

“I know...have you had breakfast?” I wiped away my tears and rummaging through the other bag for the eggs, wheat bread, cereal and bacon.

“You just sit down and let me make us breakfast. Relax.” She led me to the couch and hand me the remote.

    As soon as I turned on the TV, Elle Woods from Legally Blonde doing her line, “I’m never gonna be good enough for you, am I?” I know how she feels. You work harder than you would and everything you do is not good enough. I’ve provided and supported him with everything he wants, and what do I get in return? He cheats on me. Three times?! I blame myself. It makes me angry and sad at the same time. I’m getting frustrated, and it’s making me tear up. I changed the channel, the TV series of Vampire Diaries where Elena said, “Something’s changed between Damon and me...” My eye getting dark. My heart cracking every second, I had to change the channel again. Cartoons! Yes! That should change my mood, SpongeBob SquarePants so adorable, he can help me. I doubt there would be breakup scenes. I was enjoying watching Patrick and Spongebob engaged in a snowball fight. I was feeling so much better until the commercial. Jeff Goldblum doing an ad with a guy holding an engagement ring and crying while looking through ‘Apartments.com’ typical. Slumping back on the couch, I turned off the TV. Standing up, I walk towards the kitchen.

“Bevs, what’s wrong with me?” setting up the table. Pouring brewed coffee in two mugs.

“Nat, nothing is wrong with you. It’s him who cheated on you with that blonde bimbo. Don’t blame yourself from what he did.” She placed the plates of toasts, fried eggs, and bacon on the table.

“He keeps going back to her. Why did I marry him?” grabbing the sugar and creamer from the pantry.

“Because you loved him. But apparently he doesn’t love you like you do. Come sit down.”

“Yeah, I guess...” I slide onto my chair, “Do you still take your coffee with milk and one lump of sugar?”

“Yup!” emphasizing the P with a pop. “Connor will be here shortly. He just needed to file your divorce.”

“That’s good news...” I was playing with my food when I heard Bev sniffed. Looking up at her, she was turning red, “You look disappointed.”

“No. I’m not disappointed.” Sniffing again and then looks at me weird.

”Stop doing that face...” I warned her.

“W-what face? I’m not doing any f-face.” her eye brows shifts from angry to sad, wide open and not blinking her eyes are watery, and she’s trying to smile but her mouth twitching the other way.

“S-stop it...” my face imitating her face, “I’m already regretting being with him...” we both burst into tears and hugging each other.

“Your nose gets bigger when you cry, you know that?”

“You look like you should be on Botched (TV series about surgeons fixing patients’ bad plastic surgery)

“We look stupid ugly when we cry!”

    We were both half crying and half laughing, when Connor arrived he joined our stupid ugly symposium. I miss having a get together, chatting, dancing, and watching movies just to cheer me up. It has been years since we took a break from our work and feel good to just hang out. Looking at my friends, I am thankful that our paths met. James might not love me but these two, I love them for showing me that they care.

    Leaning back on my chair, I stare at my Pink Moscato, swirling the liquid in my wine glass I thought about what I’m doing. I could hear my dad saying, “It’s not the Roman Catholic way”. We were taught that getting a divorce is looked down upon, but under these circumstances three times being cheated on is an exception, don’t you think so? Hell yeah! It’s about time that I stop being a martyr, I am not a saint. I made a vow to love and cherish him through sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until death do us part... The Bibles also stated on the 6th commandment, ‘thou shall not commit adultery’, I guess James didn’t get the memo.