Hidden In These Walls

16- Trusting You was a Mistake

//Hunter//

“Jason! Freaking tell me what you mean by bad!” I almost yelled through the phone speaker.

All what he was saying was bad and bad and bad. I’m slowly becoming frustrated sitting here oblivious to what Jason knows and seems scared off.

“H-Hunt, they are just bad. I used to hear about them when they still lived here. Mr. Lamberg was known to be the boss of some crazy group.” He explained, his voice sounding shaky.

“O-Oh. Is it just Mr. Lamberg or the whole family?” I asked, curious of what Nick’s been hiding from us this whole time.

“I-I don’t know H…Baby, please stay away from your friend! I don’t want you to get hurt, please just stay away.” Jason started.

“Jason, angel calm down. Nick would never hurt me, I know he wouldn’t. He can’t hurt a fly.” I tried to reassure him.

“I-I just don’t want you to be hurt. If anything happens to you, I don’t know what will happen to me H. Please be careful.” 

“Shh baby. Nothing will happen to me okay? I know Nick, he’s my best friend.” 

“Y-Yeah well best friends aren’t always what you think they are. You know that perfectly well Hunt.” He said with a very low voice I was surprised I even caught it.

He was referring to Jared. Ugh, that bastard of a pizza boy.

“Yeah I know love. I’ll be careful just for you. Don’t worry about me Jay.” 

“I’ll try.” He whispered.

He sounds so adorable right now when worried about me. The boy to whom I get crazy worried about is currently worried about me, and from non-other than Nick. I just can’t believe Nick would have anything to do with what Jason informed me. The most he can do is glare at someone and that’s it.

“I love you, my angel.” I breathed out.

“I love you t-too.” He stuttered.

“What’s wrong, Jason?” 

“N-Nothing. I-I just feel like everything is crashing down around me. I mean, why did my grandparents remember me now? Where did Edward come from all of a sudden? I feel like this all is a set up against me and will blow in my face at the end.” He said, his voice cracking at the end.

“Baby, think of it in a positive way. They said they couldn’t tell you for your own safety so you should try and communicate with them to get something out. They are your family after all and it makes me feel more relaxed when I know you’re in a safe place for now.” I said.

“Yeah, but I’m not used to them, Hunter. It’s been years since I’ve seen them, and I have this empty sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I’m going to lose you at the end.” He murmured.

“Why would you lose me? I have nothing to do with what happened four years ago, babe. No one knows me. Just relax love, I’m not going anywhere. You won’t get rid of me easily.” I assured him.

“I never want to get rid of you, baby. You’re the first and only person who means the world to me. Well, after my brother.”  He said, making my heart swell with happiness.

“You are the first who made me fall in love by just hearing your voice, baby. I didn’t even have to see you; your voice did the job.” I confessed.

“W-What do you mean? My voice?” He questioned.

I felt my body freeze and my heart stop beating. I held my breath afraid that if Jason hears it, he might know my secret. How on earth didn’t I realize what I was saying? How could I be so stupid? I could feel my palms starting to sweat and my heartbeat increase.

“Hunter?” He said and my clutch on the phone tightened.

“H, baby are you there?”

I quickly snapped out of it and thought of something reasonable to say.

“Err, yeah. What I meant was that I-I uh loved your voice from the moment I heard it in the park that day we met. I knew then that I was destined to save you and protect you baby.”  I said with a shaky breath. I am such a liar. I don’t even deserve to be with Jason or even have him love me the way he does. I’m betraying his trust.

“Oh, thank you, H. I know I can depend on you and trust you.” He had to say those words. He just had to make me feel even worse than I already feel.

“Y-Yeah. Err, listen love, I got to go. I’ll text you at midnight to see if you’re still up okay?” I said, trying to get out of this messed up situation.

“Oh, um okay. I um love you…” He said in a small voice, sensing that something is wrong.

“I love you too, bye.” I replied quickly.

“Good B-

I cut the line before he can even continue his sentence. I’m being rude to him when he doesn’t deserve it but now the guilt started crawling through my veins and eating me up inside, especially after this phone call. The way he said that he trusts me made me want to kill myself because I even dared to live a day while lying to my angel. I hate lying to him. He is the only person who I can be true to but I didn’t. I’m such a pathetic wimp. Jason thinks that he is the weak one who gets beaten up every day when in fact he is the strongest person I know. The weak one here is me. I’m the one who lifted him up and got him to depend on me and trust me when in fact he should stay away from me because I wasn’t honest with him. I’m the loser and never him.

If I make Helda never reply to Jason, he would be devastated and hurt, believing that no one wants to be friends with him and if I finally confess to him, I would be breaking the trust I managed to build between us in a very short time. I would hurt the most precious thing to me.

I am sitting here on my bed thinking of this when there are bigger problems at hand. I clutched my hair tightly between my fists, with my elbows propped on my crossed legs. Ugh, I feel torn, but I know the best thing to do is to tell him. He should know that his boyfriend is a liar. The only thing I’m worried about is his reaction.

Then, I received a text. I looked at my phone and saw that I didn’t have any messages. Well that’s weird.

After much of stupid thinking, I remembered that this phone is made just for Jason. So my real phone must be the one that beeped. I quickly grabbed it from the bed side table and opened the text.

Jason:-Hey Helda, sorry I didn’t reply again. It’s just too much is going on. :)

Damn it, damn it, damn it! This isn’t making me feel any better at all!

Suddenly, I felt like crying. This empty feeling just seeped into my heart and I wanted to just let go and cry for everything that’s been happening lately.

For hearing Jason’s voice for the first time.

For inventing the good girl, Helda.

For getting too attached to Jason from the start.

For visiting Holmes Chapel.

For falling in love with an angel.

Mostly, for lying to that angel.

Finally, tears did slip from my eyes and I wasn’t too quick to wipe them away because more tears managed to break the barrier and run down my face. I just, I just hate myself at the moment. I resent my own self.

I picked the phone and starting typing none the less.

Helda:-It’s fine Jason, don’t worry about it :) So how are you? Wanna talk?

I want to desperately beat up myself right now.

Jason:-Um, do you have time to hear all of it? Coz it’s a very long story…

Helda:-Off course :)

Jason:-Okay, well remember that guy I told you about? The one who defended me and all? Um, well we’re together now. He’s my boyfriend. Um haha it’s still weird for me to say it.

Is he about to talk about me with me? Oh my God, when did this become so messed up? But I couldn’t help the smile that creped on my face through the ushered tears when he said I’m his boyfriend.

Helda:-Aw Jason I’m so happy for you. You are happy right?

Jason:-Ever since I met him, I’ve been happy. Every time dad does something, thinking of him makes me stronger. I love him so much…

I closed my eyes because I just couldn’t look at those words sprawled in front of me on the screen. I don’t deserve his love. I would never deserve his love. I feel so angry at myself, so enraged. 

“Ahhhhhhhh!” I screamed. I wanted to just scream and shout and yell at everything. I feel like destroying everything around me.

“Why, just why did I have to do that? I’m so stupid. So, so stupid!” I mumbled angrily while wiping my tear stained face.

I angrily started to type a text, clicking so hard on my screen.

Helda:-Aw, I’m so happy for you! Oh, I really have to go now. Ttyl

Jason:-Okay :) and thanks.

I looked at the time to see it is eleven pm now. I quickly stood up and threw a hoodie on over Jason’s shirt. I took my phone and stumbled downstairs towards my front door. I slipped my shoes on just as mom came around. 

“Where are you going at this hour sunshine?” She asked.

I didn’t look at her when I answered. I didn’t want her to see my puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

“Toby’s house. I’m sleeping there.” I said before quickly opening the door and running outside. I didn’t reply to mom’s calls for me as I kept on running towards Toby’s house which wasn’t so far from mine.

When I arrived to his house, I knocked at his door desperately and madly. A few loud knocks later, Toby’s mom opened the door.

A gasp escaped her mouth before she asked, “Hunter dear, are you alright?” 

“I-Is Toby here? Please I need to talk to him.” I replied while wiping the sudden tear that escaped.

“Yeah, he’s up in his room with Nick.” She replied.

I directly entered the house and ran past her and up the stairs to Toby’s room. I burst through the door without bothering to knock and found Nick eating Toby’s face out.

I groaned out loud because it really pained me to see in front of me something that I can’t do. I slumped back, my back hitting the now closed door behind me and threw my hand to cover my face.

“Wha- Hunter? What’s wrong man?” Toby questioned while pushing Nick away from above him and standing up to walk towards me. 

“Hunt? Are you alright mate? I’ve never seen you like that.” Nick continued.

“I-I can’t do this anymore.” I said and a sob escaped my mouth. It was the first time I ever cry in front of my best mates so I don’t blame their surprised expressions.

“Wow there, Hunter. What’s wrong? You were happy just a few hours ago. You shooed us out of your house earlier just to talk to Jason.” Toby said.

“Y-Yeah, that’s the problem, Jason. I can’t handle this lie anymore. It’s breaking me up inside. He told me he trusted me guys when he shouldn’t, and he was texting Helda too. You know what he told her-me? That ever since I entered his life, he became happy and stronger. I couldn’t just sit there and act like this is normal to betray him like that. I just c-can’t do this anymore!” I explained all in one breath as I slid down to the floor, placing my head between my knees.

I felt two pairs of arms wrap around my shoulders. Toby and Nick were trying to make me feel better by hugging me, but it won’t work. The only hug I want is Jason’s hug.

“H, stop crying. We can figure this out. You just should calm down and think rationally. I think that you should tell him, Hunter. Better now than later.” Nick spoke.

I shook my head repeatedly while fisting both of their shirts tightly. “No, no he would leave me if I told him. He won’t understand why I did it. I can’t lose the love of my life, not again.” 

“Again?” Nick questioned, confused.

“Yes again! Why do you think I moved here in the first place? I lost my first boyfriend and had to move! I didn’t think I will be stuck in this messed up situation again!” I busted out.

“Okay sorry H…Please just calm down.” Nick tried to calm me down but this s**t wasn’t working.

“Why? Just why do I attract all the problems? I chose my first boyfriend to be a sick bastard and kill himself after killing me a million times inside. And the next one had to be broken for me to fix him up by starting a freaking lie!” I kept on rambling and spilling my guts out.

“What are you talking about?” Toby gasped.

I scoffed. “He was sick okay? That’s all you need to know now.”

“Does Jason know about him?” Nick asked.

“Off course he does! Are you saying that I lied about that too?” I snapped at him.

“N-No no, I’m not. Was just curious.” He replied instantly.

Yeah right, like I believe you.

“Oh, and what about you, Nick? Does Toby know anything about your life?” I said, pushing on the subject now that we brought it up.

His blue eyes widened in fear. “W-What? What are you talking about?” He growled at me.

“Oh, you know what perfectly well! Jason told me everything!” I retorted.

“What is he talking about, Nick?” Toby asked, looking hurt and confused.

“Yeah, Nick. Who is your dad? What does he really do?” I pushed more.

“S-Stop it, Hunter! You don’t know what you’re talking about! Please, please just stop.” He said while tears started to gather in his eyes. He looked scared but why.

“Nick, baby, what’s wrong? Please Nicky, tell me, love.” Toby murmured while grabbing Nick’s shoulder supportably. 

Nick moved away from the embrace and sat back on the floor staring at his lap.

“M-My dad is dangerous. H-He is the boss of some gang which I have no interest in knowing about. I never said this before b-because I don’t want anyone of you to get hurt, especially you Tobe. If he knew that we’re together, he’d, h-he’d k-kill you.” Nick explained, fully crying now.

“W-What? Oh my God, Nick. Why didn’t you tell me before? I-I don’t know how to react to this.” Toby said while pushing himself onto Nick’s lap and nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck.

Jason. I want Jason.

“I swear if your dad had anything to do with my boyfriend’s misery, I’m going to kill him!” I threatened, my voice sounding murderous even to my own ears.

Both Toby’s and Nicks eyes widened, and Nick quickly hurried to tuck me out of it. “N-No Hunter! You have no idea what you’ll get yourself into. Please don’t do anything stupid. I don’t even see my dad. I try to avoid him as much as I can afraid he might kill me.” 

“I don’t care. If he’s the reason why Mason Miller died, if he’s the reason why my angel is tortured, then he’s going to pay.” 

//Jason//

I couldn’t help but feel a pang of hurt when Hunter ushered to end the call. Was I nagging too much? I think I was being annoying. He probably doesn’t want to hear about my problems anymore. I don’t blame him though. They are a lot and I’m sure as hell tired of them. 

But, he was kind of rude to me. I never expected the sweet, passionate Hunter to act like that with me. I guess I should ease my pathetic crying and nagging a bit. I probably look so weak to him that he’s tired of me.

I won’t cry. I won’t cry. I won’t cry.

Then, a light knock could be heard on my door.

“Come in.” I said.

“Hey, Jason. Mind if I come in?” Edward asked.

“Y-Yeah sure, come in.” I replied.

He walked in and sat next to me on the bed. “Can we talk?” He asked again.

“About?” I asked.

“Um, I kind of heard you earlier when you were in your room.” He declared.

I froze when the realization of what he just said seeped in. He heard me? He heard me talking with Hunter about, about t-touching myself?

I couldn’t move or even look at him. I gulped as the silence stretched between us, wanting nothing but this awkward talk to end.

“Relax, I won’t judge you or anything. I’ll support you, Jason.” He hurried to calm me.

“Y-You will?” 

“Yeah, off course. I’m not against gays at all. I had a couple of boyfriends myself.” He explained.

My eyes widened at what he just confessed. “Really?”

He nodded with a smile plastered on his lips. “Want to talk about it?” He asked.

“Um, I’m not sure.” I replied. I just don’t know if I can trust him. What if he’s lying to me?

“Jason, you can trust me. Mason used to.” He spoke.

My head whipped up to stare at him. He used to talk to Mason? Mase really trusted him?

“Mase?” 

He smiled sadly. “Yeah. We used to talk a lot. I was his best friend and he was mine. He used to tell me everything.” 

“Did he tell you about Nick Lamberg?” I asked.

His grey eyes widened when I asked that. “What? How did you know about that, Jason?” 

“Um, well my boyfriend, uh the one you heard me talking to, he is best friends with Nick. He found out that Nick was in a relationship with Mason, and he told me. The Lambergs are bad, aren’t they?” I said.

Ed sighed. “This story is complicated, Jason. You have no idea how complicated it is.” 

“Then let me have an idea! Please just tell me and make my guilt leave for once.” I pleaded, now staring at him straight in the eyes.

“Jason, I can’t. Please understand, if I tell you, you’d freak out and your safety will be at risk.” He explained.

“But why?! Why, just why? I don’t deserve to live like that when I didn’t do anything. You know I didn’t kill him right? I’d never kill him, Edward. I would never dare to kill him. I-

Then suddenly I was crushed against a hard broad chest with arms circling around me in a safe hug. “Shh, don’t cry, Jason. I believe you, I knew you didn’t kill him from the start but I couldn’t do anything. I promised Mason that I would take care of you and I will.”

I didn’t realize that I was crying until he mentioned it. I surrendered to the warmth of his arms and clutched him tighter to me. 

“T-Thank you. Thank you for showing up, just thank you. It’s good to be with someone who was close to my brother.” I thanked him because he truly meant his words. He will take care of me. Mase wanted that.

“I’m here. Won’t leave you alone again.” He said.

After that night, I slowly started to warm up to Ed and slowly started to tell him everything starting from Helda to Hunter.

Hunter, he’s been acting so weird lately and I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Every time I ask about it, he makes an excuse and ends the call. Even Helda started to ignore me.

What did I do?

It’s now that I really need Hunter again because the vacation ended and I’m back at home. It’s my first night back and I’m currently sitting on my bed when finally, Hunter called after two days of not hearing anything from him.

“Huntee, I missed you so much.” I answered the call.

Silence.

“Hunter?”

“J-Jason I, I have something to say.” He croaked out and he sounded tired and like he was crying. 

What’s wrong? Is he going to break up with me?

“H-Hunt? Are you crying, baby? What’s wrong?” I questioned.

“Forgive me, Jason please. I did it because I love you. I love you so much.” He said, making my heart race faster, not because he said he loved me but because of what’s about to come. 

My breathing quickened as I asked this question, “Did what?”

“J-Jason…Jason I’m so sorry, I’m so s-sorry. I know I should have told you earlier but I was scared. I love you no matter what your reaction will be okay? Please know that I love you and will never stop loving you –

“Hunter! Just spit it out already.” He was rambling and sobbing through the phone. I was also on the brink of tears because I have a feeling what’s coming will chatter me.

“H-Helda, Helda is me, Jason. I am Helda. I’m so sorry baby. I really am-

“W-What do you mean you’re Helda?”

“Remember the time a girl called you by accident? She was my sister. That night I heard your voice on speaker, I directly liked you. I then invented Helda j-just to talk to you because I was afraid you wouldn’t want to talk to a boy if you’re straight. I’m so sorry Jason-

“No! How could you lie to me like that, Hunter? All this time y-you were lying to my face! I freaking talked to Helda about you when it was you all along? How could you do this to me?! I trusted you! I trusted you with my life!” I whimpered.

By now, I was standing in my bathroom. I don’t know what made me come in here, but I just did. I searched for the one thing I promised Hunter not to use. But, what’s a promise even worth when the boy you thought he would never betray you was lying to you all along?

“Jason, please. I swear I didn’t mean to-

“Do you even love me? Or was that a lie too? Are you playing with me? Using me?” I asked broken, my tears flowing down my cheeks and staining my shirt.

I finally found what I was looking for and grabbed it tightly in my hand, drawing a bit of blood.

“Off course I do, baby!” He started.

“Don’t call me that! I had the best time of my life with you! You were my last reason to live, but now that I know the real you, there is no reason for me to stay alive. Bye Hunter, I love you.” I said and cut the line after.

I quickly brought the sharp razor to my wrist and dug it into my skin. I couldn’t think straight. All what I could think about is that I can’t live when the only person I trusted with my life was lying to me all along.

After digging deep into my left wrist, causing blood to ooze out of my hand in a great amount, I switched to my right wrist.

Slowly, I started to feel dizzy as I slumped to the floor. I could hear my phone ringing non-stop in the background knowing perfectly well who is calling.

Good bye Hunter, I will always love you.