Hidden In These Walls

17- Loved Me Back to Life

//Emma//

This stupid ringing wouldn’t freaking stop and I’m here trying to finish studying for my important test tomorrow! I can hear it so clearly; it’s obviously coming from the room next to me, Jason’s room.

“Jason! Would you for the love of God answer your stupid call?!” I screamed hoping he would hear me.

I got no answer in return though.

“Jason! Quit being a douche and f*****g answer the phone!” I yelled again.

No answer.

Ugh, why does he always have to be such a pain in the ass? It’s enough that I can’t stand this house all because of him and his problems. I got up and walked to my door, opening it and heading straight towards Jason’s room. 

I knocked first, but when he didn’t reply, I quickly barged in. I looked around and didn’t find him near his bed so I walked in and turned towards his bathroom. It sounded like his phone was in there.

“Jason? Are you in there?” I asked, but still no reply.

Now this got me slightly worried. I know I haven’t been such a great sister to him over the past years but I still do worry for him. I knocked rapidly on the bathroom door but he wouldn’t freaking answer.

I quickly opened the door and saw the most horrific sight in front of me. Jason, Jason was lying lifeless on the floor in a pool of what I’m guessing is his own blood. I felt my hand crawl up to cover my mouth and my eyes slowly started to water.

I slumped down next to him and cupped his cheeks. He wouldn’t open his eyes.

“Jason! Jason! Please, please wake up Jay! Jason! Don’t do this to me! Not you too please! Wake up!” I started yelling.

I could still here his ringtone in the background and it wouldn’t stop but I couldn’t care less.

“Jason!” I screamed more, my tears now rolling freely down my face.

I shakily got up and ran towards the room door and out to the hallway.

“Mom! Dad! Help me! Please! Call an ambulance now! Do anything please!” I yelled for them to hear me.

Mom came rushing from the kitchen and saw my messed up state.

“W-What? What’s wrong Em?” She asked while climbing up the stairs.

“M-Mom, Jason, Jason is dying mom. Please help him, help him.” 

Her eyes widened and she instantly ran towards his room. A few seconds later, an ear piercing scream erupted through the whole house.

“What the f**k is all that noise?” Dad appeared from the living room.

“Jason needs an ambulance. H-He is dying. P-Please call an ambulance.” I whimpered.

“Let him rot in his room.” He had the nerve to say that.

Before I could answer him back, I heard mom speaking while sobbing, trying to tell them the address of our house. 

I turned and made my way to Jason again. I sat down and laid his head on my lap, stroking his curly hair softly while waiting for the paramedics to arrive. I know he is still alive, he is still breathing but not for long.

I then heard the phone ring again, so I took it and answered the call without looking at the caller ID.

“H-Hello?” I answered.

“J-Jason? W-Where’s Jason? Please, please tell me he’s fine.” A very worried boy spoke through the phone. I could tell that he was crying as well.

I shook my head as I started to tremble. “N-No, Jason, he … He is d-dying.” I broke into another sob.

I was met by a heart wrenching sob which led me to cry even more.

“N-No! No, please don’t let him die. Please save him please!” The boy pleaded.

“We’re waiting for the ambulance.” I informed him.

“Who are you?” I continued.

After a couple of silent seconds, he replied. “I…I’m Jason’s best friend.” 

“Oh…Uh, the ambulance is here. Bye!” I said when I heard the sound of the car approaching.

“Hang in there Jay. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me.” I cried to Jason and then kissed his cheek right when the paramedics appeared at the bathroom door.

//Hunter//

“Don’t call me that! I had the best time of my life with you! You were my last reason to live, but now that I know the real you, there is no reason for me to stay alive. Bye Hunter, I love you.” Those were the last words he said before hanging up on me. 

It feels like a part of me just broke and chattered into tiny little pieces. I did it, I just broke my love’s heart and I don’t even know how, but it’s like I can feel everything he is feeling right now.

What did he mean by his last bye? Will he never talk to me again or was he leaving for good? This mere thought made me cry out more and the tears started to pour rapidly down my face blaring my vision. He can’t leave; he just can’t leave me alone.  I wouldn’t forgive myself if I was the reason behind his death. It’s enough that I already lied to him; he can’t die because of me.

I was supposed to be the person who gave him joy and happiness and love, yet all I did was turn him into a more miserable guy. I hate myself; I hate myself so damn much. If anything happens to him, I won’t be able to handle it. 

I’m such a screw up. Somehow I managed to kill both of my boyfriends by just influencing them in every way possible.

I kept on calling him and calling him, but still he wouldn’t pick up. This was driving me crazy. I need to know if he’s alright.

“Jason, please pick up baby. Please, please let me know you’re okay.” I muttered while wiping my pathetic tears away.

I started pacing through my room, just walking back and forth while waiting for someone, anybody to just pick up and tell me that Jason was fine.

About half an hour later, someone finally answered the phone.

“H-Hello?” A feminine voice sounded through the speaker.

Why wasn’t it Jason’s voice? Oh God, please let him be okay.

“J-Jason? W-Where’s Jason? Please, please tell me he’s fine.” I cried into the phone, hoping Jason was okay and he just didn’t want to talk to me so he passed the phone to this girl.

“N-No, Jason, he … He is d-dying.” The girl broke into a sob.

This in turn made me sob even louder. He killed himself. My baby, my life just ended his own life because I betrayed him. It was all me. I caused him that terrible pain. I was the only person he could trust and yet I had the nerve to step on that fact and continue with my lie.

“N-No! No, please don’t let him die. Please save him please!” I pleaded while balancing my weight on the wall next to me.

“We’re waiting for the ambulance.” She informed me.

“Who are you?” She continued.

I closed my eyes dreading this question. I couldn’t tell her that I’m Jason’s boyfriend. How can I tell her that I’m the reason why he just committed suicide? 

 After a couple of silent seconds, I replied. “I…I’m Jason’s best friend.”  I couldn’t find anything better than that.

“Oh…Uh, the ambulance is here. Bye!” The girl shrieked.

“No, wait! Please-

She hung up. I just wanted her to let me know if Jason’s state gets better later. Who will let me know?

“Ahhhhhhhh!” I yelled while punching my fist into the mirror in front of me causing glass to chatter and fall to the ground.

I just hate my reflection. I can’t even glance at myself without getting disgusted. 

Didn’t Liam kill himself because of me? Didn’t I leave him and broke his heart too?

And now it feels like I’m repeating the past. My love killed himself because I broke his heart. 

“What the hell happened?! What’s wrong?” Mom barged into my room.

She looked at me and then registered my tear stained face and my bleeding hand.

“Oh my God! Hunter, sunshine what’s wrong?” She asked while walking towards me. 

She took my bleeding hand in hers to inspect it. She then looked up at my face and wiped my tears away keeping her palm on my cheek.

“Honey, what’s wrong? Please tell me. You’ve been distant for the past week and I can’t even figure out the problem. I’m so worried about you Hunter.” 

“M-Mom…Mom I hate myself. I did something terrible. I-“ I sobbed into mom’s embrace. I couldn’t hold myself in front of her any longer. I needed her.

She caressed the back of my head and said, “Shh baby, don’t say that. I’m sure everything will be alright.” 

“No! No it won’t! The only person who I cared about needed me and I lied, I betrayed…” I was going to say “him” but stopped myself at the last minute.

“I… I got to go mom. I should go.” I mumbled while taking my duffle bag from under my bed. I started piling clothes into it when mom stopped me.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She asked.

“Back to Cheshire.” I replied.

“What?! But you just got back from there! I won’t let you leave.” She said with a stern motherly voice.

“No! I’m leaving this time whether you agree or not! I have to be there. I have to mom. I can’t leave him alone.” I yelled.

“Leave who alone Hunter?” She asked.

Oh s**t! I can’t deal with this right now. 

“No one.” I said while I continued to pack my bag.

“Let me take care of your hand Hunter.” She said.

“There’s no time for that. I got to go.” I said.

I quickly put on my hoodie and sneakers then ran downstairs. 

“Hunter! You can’t just go without any explanation. I’m your mother!” Mom was on the brink of yelling.

“Please understand mom.” I pleaded while embracing her in a tight hug.

“Tell Toby that I did it if he asks about me. He’ll know what it means.” I told her before running out the door.

I need to take the nearest train to Cheshire so I ran to the train station, hoping that I’m not too late for being next to my angel.

I don’t know how many hours have passed, but I finally found myself in Holmes Chapel Cheshire. All what I need to do now is find out in which hospital Jason is.

So, I tried dialing his phone number again. There’s got to be someone who can answer me.

I was standing in the middle of the street in front of the hotel I spent my whole time with Jason in. My feet wouldn’t move though. I can’t bring myself to enter the place where we shared our love for each other for the first time. It’s hard.

After what could have been the hundredth call, someone finally picked up.

“Who is this?” A guy asked.

“I…Who is this?” I asked the same question.

“Is this Hunter?” This stranger asked.

How did he know it’s me? 

“Uh yes it’s him. How did you know?” I asked.

“Well, when you see that you’re saved in Jason’s phone as ‘My baby’, it’s hard not to guess that it’s you.” He said.

“W-What? I’m confused. Who is this again?” I asked.

“I’m Edward. Jason’s cousin. I’m sure he told you about me, right?” He informed me.

“Oh, yeah he did. P-Please tell me, is he fine? Please just tell me, is he… is he still alive?” I asked.

I heard a sharp intake of breath before Edward finally answered, “He’s alive. We managed to save him at the last minute.” 

I closed my eyes, thanking God for keeping my angel on this earth as tears escaped my eyes.

“Which hospital?” I asked.

“What? Why? Are you here?” He asked.

“Y-Yeah, I am. Please just give me the name.” I answered.

After he did, I took a cab and went straight to the hospital where I could finally see my angel again. The ride there was so slow. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion and I started to get nervous. Will his mother and sister be there? His father? 

After ten torturous minutes, I finally arrived at the hospital. I instantly paid the taxi driver and ran outside. My bag was still with me but I couldn’t care less at the moment.  I entered the hospital and straight to the nurse at the front desk. 

“Jason Miller.” I said.

She eyed me curiously, obviously wondering why I need the “damned boy”. Well, she can go to hell with the rest of the town.  

“Room 204, third floor.” She said with a bitter voice.

I directly ran to the elevator, thanking the heavens that it was open and waiting for me. I clicked on the third floor and waited to finally be able to see my angel. After the elevator finally reached the third floor, I got out and searched for room 204. I found it, but there were people standing outside. A young guy with blond hair and blue eyes, a young girl who resembled Jason and a woman who I assumed was his mother.

I guess his father didn’t bother coming here. That asshole.

The blond guy looked up and his eyes locked with mine. 

“Hunter?” He asked.

“Edward?” I asked.

He nodded. “Jason is sleeping inside. The doctor is checking on him. We already saw him. You can see him when the doctor comes out.” He said.

I nodded. Now that I was finally near Jason, I couldn’t find the right words to talk to his family. How will I even look at Jay knowing that I caused his pain?

“Who are you?” His mother asked.

“Jason’s best friend right? You were the one on the phone earlier?” His sister, I’m guessing, answered.

I just nodded again.

“If you weren’t calling Jason, I wouldn’t have found him. You were the reason I found him. Thank you, thank you so much.” The girl said while jumping on me and engulfing me in a tight hug.

If she only knew that I was the reason to his almost death.

“Uh, no worries. I-I didn’t do anything.” I replied.

Just then, the doctor finally exited the room. I didn’t wait for him to say anything or even give me permission to enter. I quickly walked past him and into Jason’s hospital room.

I could feel the tears rush down instantly at the sight in front of me. Jason looked so pale, lying lifeless in the hospital bed. He had both of his hands on either side of him, his wrists wrapped up in white bandages. I could hear the faint beeping of the heart monitor, making me feel worse.

I slowly walked towards him, and sat next to him on the chair placed next to the bed. I took his pale hand in mine, careful not to hurt his wrist and kissed the back of it. I kissed all the way to his fingertips and then looked up at his peaceful face. I placed my other hand on his cheek caressing it softly with my thumb. I cleaned my wound when I was on the train so I didn’t have to worry about it.

“Jason, baby. It’s Hunter. I’m here angel. Please open your eyes.” I started.

“F-Forgive me Jason. I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I love you too much to even dare to hurt you, but I did and I can’t forgive myself. You mean the world to me baby. You’re my whole life and…and I was going crazy when you said your good bye to me. I thought I was going to lose you forever. My love for you has grown too much over the past few weeks that I can’t even think of a life without you Jay. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please just open your eyes and let me see your amazing green eyes. I-I miss you Jason. I love you so much.” 

It seemed like my eyes didn’t want to stop shedding tears. I could feel them getting puffy and swollen.

I got up and hovered my face over his. I gently lowered down until my lips touched his. I missed those luscious lips of his, I miss kissing him so much. I closed my eyes as I kept my lips settled on his, barely touching them yet savoring the soft feel of them.

“Open your eyes for me baby.” I mumbled against his lips.

I pressed my lips harder, kissing him and drinking into his incredible taste. I then left his lips to cover his face with kisses all the way to his forehead. Then, I kissed his perfect yet not so perfect nose. 

“Aren’t you going to wake up?” I cried.

//Jason//

 I feel cold. It snapped at my motionless fingertips, and it spread. The cold it surged, straight to my core. The unconnected feeling registered, but it felt distant, unobtainable. 

Pulse, I could feel my pulse. It thumped in my head, all I could hear is that constant pounding. I should feel something, but I didn’t. Numb, everything was numb. My eyelids felt heavy, I felt detached. Darkness was clouding my vision and I couldn’t open my eyes.

Then I heard it. I heard his voice.

“Jason, baby. It’s Hunter. I’m here angel. Please open your eyes.”  He’s here? Where here? Where am I?

“F-Forgive me Jason. I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I love you too much to even dare to hurt you, but I did and I can’t forgive myself. You mean the world to me baby. You’re my whole life and…and I was going crazy when you said your good bye to me. I thought I was going to lose you forever. My love for you has grown too much over the past few weeks that I can’t even think of a life without you Jay. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please just open your eyes and let me see your amazing green eyes. I-I miss you Jason. I love you so much.”

Everything came back to me and a pang of hurt hit my chattered heart. 

Hunter is Helda.

Hinter lied to me.

Hunter betrayed me.

I tried to… I tried to end my own life.

Then, I felt a moist feeling on my mouth. It was the taste I’ve been dying to feel for ages now. Hunter was kissing me. I could feel him kissing my whole face until he lastly kissed my nose. I desperately wanted to open my eyes and look at him but it was hard.

“Aren’t you going to wake up?” I heard him cry. 

Hunter was crying and his voice was weak and raspy, like he was crying for a long time now.

Don’t cry Hunter.

After all what he did, I can’t stand hearing him cry. I still love him and will never stop loving him. 

“I love you angel.” He whispered against my neck.

He loves me. He does. Was I so stupid when I did what I did? Did I judge Hunter quickly and irrationally? 

He loves me and I knew that, yet I was so hurt that I dared to dig a razor in my hands. 

He brought me back to life, his love. He always will keep me alive as long as he loves me.

I tried to open my eyes, just for him. After a couple of struggling minutes, I opened my eyes, barely slivers. Bright lights, unnaturally white hurt my unused pupils. But then, a face appeared in front of my vision.

Hunter.

“D-Don’t cry H-Hunter.”