Hidden In These Walls

18- The Start of Something New

//Jason//

 “D-Don’t cry H-Hunter.” I croaked out with a raspy voice.

My throat just feels so dry. I need water so badly.

Then, Hunter’s eyes widened that I was afraid his eyes might fall off. He instantly cupped my cheeks and started kissing all over my face. I didn’t even move, just waiting for him to finish what he’s doing.

“Oh thank God. Thank God you woke up. I didn’t even know what I’d do if you didn’t wake up. I…I felt like I was slowly dying inside. A-Are you alright baby? Need anything?” He started rambling while crying as well.

I was stunned. I’ve never seen him so weak and vulnerable. Usually, I’m the one who cried endlessly and the one who was always weak.

“J-Just water.” I said.

“Yeah, yeah sure.” He muttered while gripping a glass of water from the table beside the bed. I guess they knew I’d ask for water.

“Let me help you.” He said while gripping my waist to help me sit up.

“I can do it on m-my own.” I muttered while slowly taking the glass from him and taking a quick sip.

I just don’t want his help right now. I still can’t look at him because I would remember everything that happened. Somehow, the look of love and admiration in his eyes still seems fake to me; not like before. After I found out the truth, I have lots of doubts.

“J-Jay…I-

“Why are you here?” I interrupted him.

He winced at my question and sat back down on the chair. His face looked pained, like I’m the one who’s hurting him.

“Jason, I’m here because I care about you and-

“Bullshit! Stop lying to me!” I yelled.

“N-No! No please baby, I swear I’m not lying to you. At least not right now. I never lied to you about my feelings angel. My feelings have always been true. I-I only lied about Helda because I was scared Jason. I was just scared you wouldn’t want to talk to me if you knew I’m a guy. But then, after we met I liked you even more and I felt so guilty for lying to you. It felt like I was torturing myself. I’m so sorry Jason.”

“I’m sorry this whole thing had to happen. I’m sorry I ever dared to lie to an angel like you. I’m sorry I made you try to kill yourself. But, I’m never sorry for hearing your voice through a wrong phone call.” He finished, now looking straight into my eyes.

All what he said seemed so genuine and I just couldn’t stand seeing him so broken. Just when I was about to answer him, a loud voice interrupted me.

“It was you?! You’re the reason he almost died? And I was here thinking it was his father!” Edward barged in and was quick to grip Hunter by the collar and back him against his chair.

Hunter’s eyes widened at the same time as mine did. He gripped Edward’s hand and tried to pry it off him with no success. Edward was strong with those perfectly sculpted muscles.

“No! W-Wait, I can explain…” Hunter started.

“Explain what?! You were supposed to be the one who loved Jason and protected him, not the other way around!” Ed continued.

“I-I know! I know, okay? It’s not like I’m happy with this. It all feels suffocating! I can’t even stand the fact that I was the one who hurt him that much. After everything that he went through, I was the one who hurt him the most! And I feel ashamed; I hate myself for that! Now please freaking stop!” Hunter yelled in one breath as frustrated tears ran down his cheeks.

I was shocked. I didn’t know Hunter was feeling like that at all and even though I was supposed to be hurt by what he did, I truly was hurt for seeing him like that; in this state.

“E-Ed, please stop. It’s enough.” I mumbled.

Edward then looked at me and his blue eyes slowly softened. He left Hunter alone and sat next to me on the bed before holding my hand.

“How are you feeling Jay? Do you need anything? Just ask.” He said.

“I’m fine, thanks. Um, I need to talk to Hunter if you don’t mind.” I said.

He looked at me and then at Hunter, like he was debating between leaving us alone or staying in here. A few seconds later, he stood up.

“Okay, I’ll be in the cafeteria. Emma and your mom are there.” He said.

“What? They are actually here? Uh…why?” I was confused because they never really cared about my well-being.

He sighed. “Emma was the one who found you. Both your mom and her are worried about you.”

“Oh…Well, it’s kind of hard to believe you know?” I muttered.

“Yeah I know. Everything will be fine Jason, don’t worry.” Ed replied.

I just nodded and waited for him to exit the room.

Silence suffocated the room after that with neither me nor Hunter making any move to start talking. I looked up to see him still sitting there with his head down staring at his lap. He was sad, mad, hurt, pained, and I don’t know what more.

I can’t stand this.

“Hunter, come here.” I finally said.

I just couldn’t take being away from him any longer. We were away from each other for over a week already and now having him near me yet far away from me is menacing.

His head shot up pretty fast I was afraid his neck might snap. Our eyes met for a fracture of a second and as soon as I cracked a small smile, Hunter shot out of his chair and directly to my bed. He instantly wrapped me in a warm hug, squeezing me so tightly. I didn’t mind though.

I hugged his waist and snuggled my face into his warm chest, breathing into his smell which I missed so badly.

“I missed you so much angel.” He mumbled, his voice coming out muffled for pressing his mouth on my neck.

“I missed you too baby.” My voice came out slightly muffled as well.

He kissed my neck, sending a shiver to erupt through my body. “I missed hearing you calling me that.” He mumbled.

I looked up so I was facing him and then slapped him. I don’t even know what made me do it but I did.

Hunter hissed at the sudden contact and his arms loosened around me. “Ouch, I deserved that.” He mumbled.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry. I don’t even know why I did it.” I rushed to apologize.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me.  And well, you just had to ruin the moment.” He replied.

I smiled muttering “Baby” before smashing my lips against his. He was surprised at first but I soon felt his lips turning to a smirk. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he did the same to my waist, deepening the kiss.

Our lips moved in perfect sync against one another, savoring the soft feel of them. I then traced Hunter’s bottom lip with my tongue causing him to directly allow me to slip my tongue in his sweet tasting mouth. He let me dominate the kiss so I ran my tongue over every inch of his mouth, wanting to memorize every corner of it. Our tongues played together for what felt like a life time, but then I ended the kiss since we were both losing our breath.

I pulled on his bottom lip between my teeth, teasing him a bit. This in turn caused a deep groan to escape his throat.

I giggled which led Hunt to grin. He kissed my nose and rested his forehead against mine.

“This was the best kiss in the whole universe.” He breathed out causing me to blush a deep shade of red.

“Yeah. I-I love kissing you, H.” I confessed.

I’m sure my cheeks were burning by now and are going to fall off at any minute.

“Hmm, I love kissing you too baby. Gosh, the things you do to me are pretty hard to describe.” He replied while closing his eyes.

I stared at him for a minute, how his eyelashes are so thick and long making him look even more beautiful. I loved his pointy nose which was sending those little breaths and fanning my face. Mostly, I loved those luscious lips of his. So full, so red, so perfect. I got addicted to them so easily.

Then, he opened his eyes and saw me staring at him. Those shimmering hazel eyes of his were shining with true love and admiration.

And, hell if I hadn’t reveled in it. It would be pointless to deny how great it had felt to have him look at me that way; as if the sun rose and set with me, as if I could make his whole world right. It was as frightening as it was addicting and I was almost terrified of what that meant.

“What?” He asked.

“Nothing.” I said while smiling.

“So does that mean I’m forgiven?” He asked while attempting an innocent puppy face.

He looked so cute.

“It depends.” I answered.

He scowled, his bottom lip pushing out a bit. “On what?”

“If you’re willing to kiss me again.” I said seductively.

He mustered a wolfy grin. “You bet I am!” He growled before crashing his lips on mine again.

We kissed for a couple of minutes more, but suddenly the door opened breaking our kiss in a panic.

“Oh, sorry. I was just coming in to check on you, but I guess you’re doing great.” Ed said.

I’ve never felt so relieved in my life. What if it was mom? Or Emma?

“Yeah, he’s perfectly great.” Hunter said while tugging me even closer to him if it was possible.

“Uh yeah. Good.” Ed said awkwardly.

“Um, your mom and sister are coming up. They know you’re now awake.” He informed me before going out and closing the door behind him.

I felt my face fall instantly. It will be awkward, I know it will. Even though we live under the same roof, we haven’t talked to each other in so long. What will they even say now? Or do?

Then, Hunter lifted my chin up and kissed my forehead. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. I’m here with you yeah?” He reassured me.

I just nodded. He pecked my lips before standing up.

“I better move away from you before they come in. I know you’re not ready for them to know anything.” He said.

I just nodded again. I already miss his warmth.

Just then, the door to the room opened and in walked mom and Emma. They both looked like they were crying and I just couldn’t believe my eyes.

“J-Jason…” Mom mumbled.

Yep, it was awkward just like I guessed it would.

“Jason! Oh thank God! You scared me to death and I didn’t know what to do.” Emma said quickly while running towards me and wrapping me in a hug.

I couldn’t bring myself to hug her back though.

“I’m sorry Jason. I’m so sorry for everything I ever did to you.” She started to apologize.

I looked at Hunter and he sent me a reassuring smile. I knew it was fake though. Something was up with him.

“Uh, thanks I g-guess.” I mumbled.

“I’m so sorry baby boy.” Mom said.

She was now standing next to my bed, tears running down her face. I felt the tears well in my own eyes after what I just heard her say. She hasn’t called me that since the accident four years ago. She always called me “baby boy”. It was her thing, the way she expresses her love to me. It used to make me feel special.

Then, the tears did slip and I started crying. Mom surprised me by launching herself at me and engulfing me in the first hug since forever.

“Baby boy, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry! I am such a terrible mother. I always watched but never did anything to help you. I don’t even deserve to be a mother. I just realized what I did when it was too late.” She cried into my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and hugged her even tighter. I missed her, I missed her so much. She is my mother for God's sake! I deserve to feel her love every day.

I wish I could though.

"I missed you." I cried in her embrace while squeezing my eyes tightly.

"I...I missed you too baby boy. I miss you every single day." She said.

Then, I felt hurt. Why would she say that when she obviously didn't? How did she miss me when she didn't even look at me?

I broke our hug and pushed her away gently.

"How so? If you really missed me, you wouldn't have stayed silent and did nothing to help your own son!" I snapped.

Her eyes slightly widened.

"I...Jason it's complicated. Your dad..He-

"He is not my dad! My dad is the one I knew four years ago. He never used to hit me and he would be in his son's hospital room checking on him! Where is he now?! I can't see him." I interrupted her.

Now, I was trembling and the tears were rushing freely down my face. I hate to have this talk, especially in a dull hospital room, but it was bound to happen anyways.

"J-Jason, I...He is umm..." She started.

"Stop making excuses for him! I am not stupid and I am not the innocent child you used to have. I changed. You all changed me!" I sneered.

"Leave me alone." I said.

"B-but-" she stuttered.

"No, I want you to leave me like you're used to. I'm used to it and I'm sure you guys are used to it too so just leave." I said.

"But, we should stay and take you home tomorrow. I won't leave you here alone." Mom explained.

"I'm not alone. I have Hunter and Ed. They both love me, not like others. And I won't be coming home tomorrow. Maybe after a couple of days." I don’t know where I mustered the courage to say all of that but I suddenly felt brave and powerful.

I needed to finally stand up to myself and defend myself!

Mom and Emma both looked shocked. They just nodded sadly and finally left me alone. This time I didn't even care... I was too angry to care.

However, as soon as the door closed behind them, I broke into a sob. Why now? What's the difference between now or before?

Hunter was quick to react and I instantly found him sitting next to me. He wrapped his arms around me like before and let me sob in his chest.

I clutched his hoodie tightly and pulled on it. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.

"Shh baby. Stop crying, you did great. I'm proud of you." He mumbled into my curly hair.

"It...It hurts H. Why now? Do I have to kill myself every day for them to care?"

"Don't you dare say this again angel! You deserve to live a happy life. And what you did just now was a start. A start of something new." He said.

"I-I don't want to be here anymore. I'm tired of it all." I said in a low voice.

"You shouldn't give up Jason. Everything will appear in the end. Everyone will know you're innocent. Just be patient baby." He said.

I nodded and rested my head sideways on his chest so that I can hear his heartbeat.

“Sleep with me here…” I said while moving a bit to the side in order to make room for him.

He quickly laid down next to me and dropped a hand over my waist pulling me flush against him. I placed my face in the crook of his neck and closed my eyes.

“Try to sleep baby. I’m here and I’m not leaving.” He said before kissing my head.

Before I knew it, his hand which was running soothing circles against my arm slowly calmed me down and I found myself drifting into a soundless sleep.

//Hunter//

Jason finally fell asleep leaving some room for me to think clearly.

I need to do something in order to always be with him and not leave him, but what?

Today, he stood up for himself and faced his family. I felt incredibly proud of him. He began a new start and I want to continue this. I want to do something new which keeps me beside my angel.

However, will I have to face my fear and finally let my family know?

What would my family do? How will they react?

Is it even worth it?

For Jason, a thousand times over.