Dangerous To Love

Chapter 5

Kyle's POV.

I left her home. It was harder than ever, but she hurt me so much. I wanna be next to her, to protect her. She can't imagine how guilty I feel. What happened to her is no one else's fault than mine. I should have warned her, I should have told her about the threats and this heavy business we are dealing with. But now that I want to make her forgive me, she just pushed me away. She is so stressed, and I can absolutely understand that she got attacked but I can feel that something's not right. I need to talk to someone. Maybe Jade. She is her closest friend. I won't be having a conversation with Leo. I can't stand him. He hates me. He didn't even give me a chance to get to know us. He thinks I am the arrogant asshole who just uses her best friend and who hurts her time by time. And what I think? That he should get the f**k away from Natasha. He doesn't keep any distance. How he looks at Natasha, makes me angry at instant. He looks at her with that love, that only I can look at my love. Yes, I am jealous. But he is hell sure giving me a reason to be.

I need to ask Jade whether she knows something about Natasha or not.

I call her. It's faster than reaching her through my assistant.

"Hey Jade. Sorry, it's Kyle. Do you have a minute to talk about something? I need to ask you about Natasha."

"Hello, Mr Know. I mean hello Kyle. Yes, ask anything. Are you at home?"

"No. I am at my office. Could you come up?" I hope she says yes. All in all, she works for me too.

"Yeah. I'm on my way. "

In 5 minutes, time Jade is in my office.

"What do you want to ask?" She asked with curiosity and worry at the same time. She loves Natasha so much. I respect her for that.

" Natasha sent me to work this morning. But something was not right with her. She was so angry, she yelled at me to leave her alone. I have never seen her like that. She was unrecognisable. And truly hurt. Did something happened to her? Tell me Jade, please. With your full honesty."

She hesitated to answer, I could see that. But she started to speak. But what she said was not something I wanted to hear.

"I think we should have Leo as well. She knows Natasha more than me in that state. Listen Kyle. Natasha trusts Leo for a reason she might have never told you. There was a time in her life when Leo was the only one that she let close to her. She even shut me out. But not Leo. How much do you know about Natasha's parents?"

I didn't think we will end up there. She is making me worried by some reason.

"I don't know that much. She hesitates to talk about them. I only know that they died in a car accident. But she doesn't tell me anything else."

"Did she tell you that she was there at the accident as well? And that she was the only one who survived?"

I panicked. Why didn't she ever tell me about this? My love had to go through the deepest hell that I can imagine. We talked a bit cause my parents also died but I wasn't with them. Why doesn't she trust me enough?

"No, she never told me. And what happened? I know nothing about her. She doesn't trust me." I lowered my head in disappointment.

"It's not true Kyle. She doesn't talk about that to anyone. That was the time that she shut me out too. And I don't know much. She only trusted Leo. And Leo made her a promise not to get me involved. She wanted me to not know her deepest past. And I appreciate that. But right now, you need to know that. And I don't want to disappoint you, but Leo is the only one who can tell you exactly what she has been through. I can only tell you little details. "

"I would appreciate that if you could tell me anything you know. Then I will talk to Leo. I love Natasha more than anything in the world. I need to help her." She nods and starts telling me the very little she knows about the accident. 

"It was not so long ago. 6 years ago, as I remember. They were going home from a hike with her parents, and they crashed with another car. The other driver was drunk. Little do I really know but they crashed from the right side. Her mum and dad were sitting at the right cause she was the one driving. She just got her licence, but she drove really well. She wasn't the one who caused the accident. But she will never accept that. After they crashed, the driver could leave the place somehow. And there was no one around in the middle of the night so they were just there waiting for someone. The car got upside down and all of them got serious injuries. But her parents died before anyone could arrive there to help. The worst part was that Natasha was bleeding heavily too but she was conscious. Till they reached the hospital. She saw everything. She saw her parent die in front of her very own eyes. She could see them got wrapped up cause it was already too late. She got shocked and was taken to hospital where she needed several operations after her heart and lungs collapsed. She was in the hospital for two months. And she came out with no one. No relatives, no parents, just me and Leo. Mostly Leo. He helped her cause she pushed me away. She didn't want to see me cause I had my parents alive while Leo didn't. That was one of the reasons that she let Leo close. That she could share feelings like Leo had when he lost his parents. But I am not blaming her for shutting me out. I love her. I just hate the thought that I couldn't be next to her. And still can't be."

She nearly cried. My heart just got shattered in pieces. It's not fair. What Natasha must have lived through. She sure can be emotionally weak. I wouldn't be alive after that amount of pain. I need to talk to Leo. As soon as possible.

"It's all right Jade. She loves you.  You are a perfect friend. But I need to talk to Leo. Will you stay?"

"Sorry but no. I am still not wanted to know the things Leo will tell you. But please Kyle, don’t fight with him. He had enough problems in that past too. And you will find out why he is so protective of Natasha. Like a brother. Don't hurt each other. Cause you only hurt Natasha with that. I'll call him up."

I thanked her and she left my office. I should prepare to meet with Leo, but I am tired of fighting.  I just want the truth.  Leo arrives in 5 minutes.

"Hello. What do you want from me?" He is not different from his typical asshole tone. But I need to be on control.

"Did Jade tell you why I wanted to talk to you?"

"Mostly. About Natasha I guess. And I think you want information that I shouldn't be the one telling you. "

"Yes, you should be. Cause she just shut me out. And I heard that you could guess why she like that is. I know about the accident.  Jade told me everything she knew. But I need to know the aftermath. What only you can tell me. Cause she doesn't talk. She is always on edge. Cries and yells. I can't help her if I don't know details."

"Maybe you don't know them because she doesn't want you to know them." He nearly shouted at me. I should have known that it won't go without a fight.

"Listen Leo. She doesn't tell me things cause she thinks she is weak because of them not that she wants to keep secrets from me. She told me about her addiction. But after that she just shut me out. You need to tell me what happened to her."

Leo got tense when mentioning addiction. He must know that too.

"If I tell you everything, you need to keep that as a secret even from her. That you know that. I only tell this to you to teach you how to handle this state of Natasha. But you need to tell me how the addiction topic appeared. "

Leo got a bit calmer. " She got medicines for the doctor not just for her injuries but for her sleeping problems and something that calms her down. And she didn't take any of that. But suffered huge amount of pain. And I started to complete the puzzle. She doesn't get any painkillers not even for a headache. I could feel that something's not right. Cause she always refused the pills. "

"Is she taking them now?"

"Yes, as often as I can make her."

Leo got scared. I have never seen him this frightened. "How often does she take them? And for how long?"

"As I remember maybe 3 times a day and for the third day today. But she got so angry today. She loses control. She is always on edge. What happened to her Leo?"

"She is getting back to that. Please God, let that not happen again. I don't wanna lose her. "

Something broke. Leo got crying. Something's really not right. But he carried on.

" When she got into the hospital, she was so fragile. Kept alive by machines. Her legs were heavily injured, she couldn't walk for 3 months straight. And she cried. Jesus, how much she cried. Sometimes I was just sitting there, listening her crying. Sometimes she was just hitting me, shouting at me to leave her alone. But I never left. I knew that she needs me. Than after a week she started talking. We talked a lot about the accident, how the devil made her remember every minute of it. Her parents dying, her own herself not feeling her legs to move at all, waiting for her own death. And you know what was the worst to hear? That she wanted to die. So eagerly. And she wanted to die after that as well. I tried everything. I was with her nearly all day. Someone could think that she got better when everything got worse. That was when the addiction started. She had to take those pills. She had huge pain. And she couldn't fight with depression, so her doctors made her take antidepressants as well. That's when it got worse. She had terrible mood all day, she didn't eat normally, she got so weak and thin that it was frightening. I never left her side. But she just didn't talk to me. Some weeks passed, she was sleeping through days, not talking but getting several panic attacks which just resulted in more medicines. I thought everything will be fine if she will get out of the hospital. When she got out, she needed one month to recover fully physically. It was hard to stand up again, but I was spending most of my days with her. And she started to get better as she stood up, started to walk slowly again. And when the time came, she was left alone for more and more time. She told me to leave. And for the first time in months, I believed that it will be good for her. To think through things, just be alone, not checked all the time. And I will never forgive myself for the mistake I made. I should have paid more attention. I haven't heard from here all day, so I decided to check on her. She didn't open the door. I didn't want to be intimate, but she gave me a key earlier, so I went in with that. And then I found her. She took many pills. She didn't get her prescriptions at that time, so she needed time to collect her last pills. She didn't take them for two weeks than took it at once. She was nearly dead. I took her to the hospital in my arms, crying for someone to help. She was unstable for days. I realised that she had cuts all over her veins as well. She was hurting herself for a long time that I couldn't realise. So, after she got out of the hospital again, I made a promise to her that I will be next to her no matter what. I did everything to help her and go through that hell together with her. I stayed with her all the time, bearing the pain to see her in that state when she had to fully put down any meds. The anger that she felt, the pain, the disappointment, the guilt. She can never go through that. I am pretty sure about that. She got too many chances from life. If we won't protect her, no one will. "

As he finished, I got shocked. I have never thought that I will get to know this amount of secrets. But I know that she keeps them because she is ashamed.

"I am afraid of her. She seems to be having the same symptoms. What can I do? Leo, I am sorry whatever I've done to you. Believe me when I say that there is nothing more important in this world to me than Natasha. We need to do something for her. But what can I do? "

Leo was understanding. We might not be friends, but he knows that it's not just him but me too who needs to be next to Natasha.

"All you can do is to not give up. Never give up on her. No matter how much she hurts you. You need to bear the pain for her. I always made myself more determined by the fact that my pain will be nothing like what she went through. So, I could go on with her. And protect her at any cost. And just one more thing. Don't lie to her. And by your standards as well, don’t lie to her by not telling her the whole truth either. Cause it hurts too. And pain is the last thing that she needs now. And don't ever think to shut me out. Cause I made a promise to her. And I am not the kind to break one."

With that I know all of these, I know I can't be here anymore. I leave the office, shaking hands with Leo and promising him to inform him. He loves her as much as me. Now there are much more important things than fighting.

She is threatened by that demon again. The demon of her own past. But right now, I wanna be the one to chase that demon away.