Dangerous To Love

Chapter 19

Leo's POV.

I was quite confused when Kyle called me. I knew that they are going back to the doctor today, but I hoped Natasha gets out fine. She is so not ready to stay in that damn hospital. And Kyle asked me to watch over her. I am glad that he asked for my help, but I am afraid. I don't think I am enough for this. That time when we were at the hospital, I wasn't able to calm her down. I needed to get her out of there. But now what? I don't think she trusts me enough that I will be able to calm her down even when Kyle is not there. It's hard. Those times were hard for me as well. I suffered this whole together with Natasha. And if someone really loves her, it’s torture to see her like this. But I must do it for her.

As I hang up, I quickly get my jacket and head for my bike.

As I reach the hospital, I search for Natasha's room. When I find it, the door is crackly open, and I can see that Natasha is sleeping. I hope they did not sedated her already. I try to avoid that. Those are the worst. When she is sedated and after she wakes, she is confused, angry and terrified at the same time. After the accident, she had to be sedated a lot, she was ripping out the needles from her arm, so they had to make her sleep and not hurt herself. Those are some memories that burned into my mind. Watching my best friend go through that was painful. But I need to hold myself together.

As I enter the room, Kyle stands up next to her bed and shakes my hand. He feels s**t as well.

"Hey, great that you can watch over her. Thanks for that, I am really grateful. "

"Still no thanks are needed. I love her. How is she asleep?"

Kyle looks at her for a moment then back to me:

"No idea. Maybe to calm herself down. I was sure freaked out how to tell her that I need to leave, and one moment later she was asleep. But our lucks won't betray us. I am pretty sure she will wake up when I am not here. So, I needed you here. "

"Of course. Just be back soon. I try my best but there were times when I wasn't enough. So just make it quick."

"You can be sure, I will. That's why I called Jade to help me at home. I have no idea what to pack her. "

I smiled at Kyle and comforted him:

"No worries, I wouldn't have a f*****g clue either.  Jade will be the fastest ever. So, you have chosen the best for the job."

Kyle is a good guy. I realised lately that I was always an asshole to him. But Natasha is my best friend. And not just that. Natasha is like my sister, my only family. And I am his only too. Of course, I try to protect her from everything.

Kyle smiled back at me and left the room. Now I am waiting. I am killing time with drawing. I am really into drawing. Of course, it should be obvious as a graphic designer, but it isn't a necessary hobby. It's a passion for me. I love drawing people. But not the pose type of drawing if that's even an existing word. I love capturing a moment and draw emotions that can go by so fast and unnoticed. Of course, I draw Natasha. I have tons of drawings of Natasha. She is beautiful. But for my artwork, she is living the moments at their full emotion. I could say that her emotional state became these stormy after the accident, but she was always like this. If you know her, you read her like a book. Her eyes are telling stories, waves of emotions are going through in those eyes in every second. But it's not just her eyes. She is a living emotion even now when she is sleeping. How she has her hands and her body even when asleep screams that she is terrified. I hate seeing her like this. But capturing this moment in drawings will make her stronger when she gets through this. Bad memories are memories too. But we tend to hide them when they also shaped us to be who we are. I lived through a lot too. I miss my parents, I miss Natasha's parents. They left us alone, but they never wanted to leave us alone. Life is like that. It has an order. And it was their time. I had to accept this to get on with my life.

As I am drawing Natasha, she starts to wake up and already looking to be on edge.

I try to smoothen the air:

"Hey princess. Happy to see me? Just came to cheer you up."

She is a bit confused but thankfully starts to talk:

"Leo, how are you here? And where is Kyle?"

"Not jealous but you could be a bit happier to see me and forget about Kyle for a second. But I am here because of him. He and Jade went to grab your stuff. They will be back soon. I hope you don't mind my terrible company. "

"No. Of course, not Leo. I just.. I just need him. And I am sorry that I just said that, but he promised me Leo.. He promised me that he won't leave. "

She is crying. She is really relying on Kyle that's for sure. And I am a little bit jealous that it's not me who can calm her after these many years, but I am happy that she opened up and gave herself to Kyle. Now it's his job not to mess up.

"Calm down angel. I just told you he will be back soon with Jade as well. But until he comes back, you need to be calm and try to listen to me. I know it's always hard for you to listen to me but I'm trying to minimize the bullshit leaving my mouth, okay?"

I am trying hard to make her a bit happier but seems to be working cause she is now smiling.

"Beautiful smile on your face angel. I love that. You wanna talk?"

"Not really. Thanks to be here Leo. I love you, you know that. I am so sorry for everything."

I interrupted her in a hurry:

"I am not here to get apologies princess. And we can talk about anything. The stupid weather, the projects at work, me being an asshole to Kyle and finally realising it? See? Don't let your mind revolve around pain and sadness. We have a lot to talk about not just this s**t. "

Now another smile, thank God.

"I know Leo. That's why I love you. And what about the part you being an asshole and realising it? Aren't you the one who needs a doctor?"

"Got me angel. I should be the one apologising. I know Kyle loves you, but I always want to protect you girl. The stupid asshole big brother you never wanted but came into your life."

"Noo..The always wanted but never had. But I need to realise that I always had you. "

As we were chatting about everything and nothing at the same time, a nurse came in and told us that Natasha needs to get her medicines. She thought that she will have them in pills but no. She told us that she will have an IV.

And then I could see that she is so not ready to be next to needles. She is afraid of needles, of blood. She had them enough and everything about them reminds her of the accident.

And it was like a nightmare living through those memories again where I can't help her.

She got shaky and started crying.

"I don't want that. Leo, I don't want that. Get me out of here. Pleeease. "

"It's okay angel. Remember what we talked about right. Don't think about it. You will get through it in a few seconds, and we continue our conversation like nothing happened. "

But she was already losing it and cried desperately.

"I don't want this Leo. I don't want any of this. I need Kyle. Where is Kyle?"

As she started to have a panic attack, she started to get the tubes and everything off of her arms. She ripped down all the tape and everything that was meant to hold the IV at its place. I know I need to calm her cause the nurse will have enough of it soon.

And her physical state is not good enough too for a panic attack.

I stand to her side and hold her arm to stop her from hurting herself. She's digging her nails into her flesh. The old bad habit again. I can't bear watching her fall apart again.

"Calm down angel. Listen! You need to calm down. It's okay. You know it's okay. It won't hurt. She won't hurt you. Me neither."

It seemed to be working. She is slowly but calming down. To be cautious I don't let go of her hand and squeeze it to comfort her.

But of course, the f*****g nurse had to ruin everything. She went out for medicines and came back in the room not telling me what she will give Natasha.

I successfully calmed her down when she and I realised at the same time that the nurse didn't just got the IV but an injection as well. And Natasha knew that hell well what it's for. She let go of my hand and got an even worse panic attack when she was breathing heavily and now shouting with the nurse:

"Don't touch me. I don't need that injection. Just get out of here. Call James. I will tell him that I don't need that injection."

The nurse was a total i***t and extremely rude:

"Dr. Davis doesn't have time to have silly discussions. If your behaviour wouldn't be like this miss, we wouldn't need that, now sit calmly or I will have to call someone else to help me."

And I just froze. The nurse grabbed Natasha's arm extremely hard while she was sobbing and shaking, still with heavy breathing. Doesn't this stupid nurse realise that she is having a panic attack? She should ask for help not to risk anything happening to Natasha.

But she just dug the injection deep into her arm not paying attention to causing bruises. She was brutal.

And I had to watch through all this. What she had done to my princess who is suffering enough. s**t. I was so angry. I could calm her down bloody hell, she didn't needed to be sedated.

As I would say something to her she is already at the door, looking back and just saying vaguely:

"I'll be back in 10 minutes to put in the IV when she is finally not hysterical."

Stupid b***h. She is not hysterical but dealing with severe anxiety and depression. Not the same. I couldn't help Natasha, but I won't let this woman near her anymore. I will tell Kyle to talk to whoever he needs to. Natasha shouldn't have lived through this if anyone would have been informed about her state.

I sit on the bed next to her, she is looking a bit calmer but there are still some more minutes for this s**t to make her deeply asleep. The nurse ignored her state, but her breathing makes me worry a lot.

"Calm down angel. I am so sorry I couldn't help you, I was an i***t. But what could I do? Just please calm down. You need to breathe slower. Stop hurting yourself baby girl, I am here with you. "

I grabbed her hand again from hurting herself and digging her nails into her flesh and she squeezes my hand so hard. She is so afraid. She knows what happens now. And once you have been sedated out of your will, you know the feeling how you lose control over your body. She is slowly getting calmer, and her breathing is a bit slower too. She is silently crying cause she knows that she lost for today. But hell, she should know that she f*****g won over that s**t if the stupid nurse wouldn't have ruined everything. And she took away that feeling from my princess to know that she could win over a panic attack and fear. She was as close as never before. I am f*****g angry, but I try not to show it to her.

"Lay down angel. I will be here next to you.  I won't let her close to you. Never again. I am so sorry.

You will be awake again soon. I love you so much. "

And as she laid down I put the blanket over her, and she was fast asleep in some minutes. But it's that sleep that she didn't want. She never wanted these sleeps. They say it's for your wellbeing and safety but it's a freaking lie. It's for their comfort. And while it should be their last step to sedate you, it’s their first when problems show up.