North Star

Death, the unknown realm of mystery. Without death, there cannot be life, there cannot be new beginnings. I lay here in the darkness, not sure of how I got here. I feel cold. As my body is being swept away by the river, I can't help but wonder, what next? I was always a kind person, sure I had some sarcasm problems and maybe was always a little too honest, but I was strong willed. I try to think back and recollect how I got here. I was out with my friends, just a normal Tuesday night without a care in the world. It was the one night we let loose. I remember leaving the bar by myself, but then it's all blank. A dark cloud shrouded over my memory. Now I drift off into the darkness. I dont feel pain, I don't feel anything except cold. This is it, this is the end. There was so much more I had to do in my life. You see, I was on a journey to find my birth parents. The same people who left me in a basket on some ladies front porch. Thankfully that lady took me in and raised me instead of dumping me at an orphanage. Claira was a free spirit, a kind woman, who thrived off of nature. She taught me everything about herbs and plants, all of their healing properties and effects. I always joked about how she was a witch, but I had my reasons. She loved her crystals and different "spells". She had some weird ways, I grew up seeing all of that as normal. Claira was respected in the community, people would come to her for all different remedies. She worked more wonders than modern science. However, she did get a lot of hate. In the 21st century, certain people ridiculed her for her ways, condemned her because she wasn't Christian. She did say jokingly once that she was a druid and wouldn't succumb to Christianity. All of that aside she was my mother, the only mother I had ever known, she loved me like I did come from her womb. It wasn't until my 18th birthday that she told me I wasn't hers. I wasn't mad, not at her. I wanted answers to why they didn't want me. I kept hitting dead ends, not able to find anything about them. I think I was so fixed on finding them, not because I wanted to see my parents, but to find out why they would abandoned a 4 day old baby, why I felt like I didn't belong in this world. I remember the first time I watch the show Outlander, about a woman who touches sacred rocks and goes back in time to find a hunky Scottish highlander. Every once of my being screamed that where I belong. I was almost jealous of this fictional woman. I was always longing to be in that world. Claira would always chuckle and say "maybe one day". I blame Claira for that part of my craziness. All the nights of my childhood that we spent under the stars and moon, with her telling me stories of this far away world. That seemed to really have made an impression on my young vulnerable mind. What would Claira's life be without me now, would she continue on like the last 23 years never happened, or would she be heartbroken over my disappearance. As I drift further and further away thinking of all the wonderful memories of my life, I can't help but wonder when the darkness will end. Then I hear it, a faint voice calling my name. "Amara......Amara....". What would happen if I opened my eyes. I willed them to open and sure enough, away goes the darkness only to be replaced by light. A bright ass light as a matter of fact. And there she was, illuminated in a silver white light, her arms outstretched as if waiting for an embrace. Her snow white hair flowing all around her, cascading down almost mimicking a cape, merging with her white flowing gown. Her face soft and welcoming, with silver glowing cresent moon in the middle of her forehead. I felt safe. I felt welcomed. "Am I dead?" I ask her. She just smiles and shakes her head. "It is not your time yet little one." I stare blankly at her, "Then if I'm not dead, who are you?". She clasps her hands together and closes her eyes, when she opens them, her eyes are as bright as the sun. She steps forward and placed her hand upon my head. Her touch is warm and send tingles throughout my body. I feel a wave of what I can only describe as power, sear into my core. So strongly that I feel out of breath. She steps back and removes her hand. "All will come to light in due time little one. You have many challenges ahead of you and only then will all your questions be answered. Just remember that it is your destiny." I shake my head. "I'm sorry but what is my destiny?". Instead of a response she simply smiles. "Wake up little one." With that I was jerked by into the darkness. No goodbyes, no answers. However this darkness wasn't the same as before. I was cold, but I also felt heavy. I felt my body laying on something hard. I hear birds chirping and water flowing nearby. She told me to wake up. Was this all a dream? My eyes heavy, I try to open them. They feel as if I have been asleep for months. Finally having them adjusted, I find myself staring up at a clear blue sky, the sun beaming down on my cold skin, instantly warming it. I am alive.