My Triplet Lovers

Can We Start Over?

We left as soon as we were finished. We walked together on our way back to school.

As we reached the school's gate, we waved goodbye to Luke as Troy and I went upstairs to our room.

- 12 noon -

We got in while no one has arrived yet other than me and Troy.

We sat down on our seats, took a deep breath in 'til one of us decided to talk.

"Hey... Maya?" Troy said but he couldn't avoid sounding anxious as he talked to me.

"Can we start over?" Troy without any hesitation asked me.

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion.

"Can we start over? as friends this time?" Troy answered.

I mean it's better than him ignoring me his whole life while I chase after him. It's better that we make amends now rather than regret not doing it in the future.

"Can we be friends now like for real? I think we rushed things so, in the end, we crashed..." He added.

It made sense, we did go too fast. Eventually, we did crash and end up ruining everything... even our newly made friendship.

So I thought about it seriously this time, how can I be friends with him even though I still like him? like, I like like him-

I guess I'll just see where this goes. I mean I might lose interest in him when we become best friends and maybe my heart won't pound like this anymore once I got used to seeing and being around him every day.

"Of course! as long as there aren't anymore lies and you won't just leave me there hanging again, but as a friend this time. ok?" I agreed and asked Troy.

"I promise" Troy answered.

I was more hopeful once I heard him say that so sincerely. I don't know how to explain how he sounded sincerely this time, but I guess it's because it sounded different this time.

I reached one hand out hoping to get a handshake but what he did surprised me.

He forwarded one step closer to me and opened both his arms widely then grabbed me to pull me into a tight squeeze while both my arms were at the side caused by his hug.

It made me even more sure with his promise because it seemed like he wasn't planning on doing the same mistake again in the future.

I then raised both of my arms and hugged him back, we stayed like that longer than before. Now it lasted for a whole 10 minutes without any of us thinking to let go. At that point I didn't think of it looking weird and didn't want to let go because his hug was just so warm but only thought it would look weird if someone else was there seeing it but hey, it was just the two of us.

Eventually, we had to let go once we heard footsteps outside of our room because if anyone saw us, they might get the wrong idea about me and Troy.

We sat back down then looked at each other and smiled, we just smiled. No hand gestures nor words, just a genuinely happy smile. I assumed that with that big happy smile we both had, we both felt free. We finally removed the heavy feeling we had towards each other. Although I wished I got an answer from him about why he did those things but I guess this is a start and I should probably learn my lesson by not rushing into stuff.

- 12:30 pm -

Our classmates started coming in and it's finally not just the two of us there. The rest of the day felt lighter inside as the hours passed by. Although I can't help but feel guilty because we promised to start over and...

I put one hand over my chest and clench it into a fist as listening to both my thoughts and heartbeat.

We promised no more lying...

I promised that there won't be any more lies...

I guess it's better that I come clean already than wait longer?

'Cause I mean it might get worse if I hid it more from him...

I looked down to the floor, sighed deeply and took a moment to think about it even more.

He'd probably get mad at me because I already agreed to us being friends yet I'm here hiding feelings for him again.

I'd lose him either way...

I guess it's better to hide it for now and maybe one day I won't be faking it anymore.

I stared blankly at the wall trying to understand my thoughts then someone waved their hand in front of my face.

"Hey... Are you ok?"

Oh, it's just Troy. He asked me while sounding concerned.

Should I tell him what thought's were bothering me? Should I tell him that my feelings for him are bothering me? Should I tell him? I got confused with my own thoughts again and forgot to answer.

I guess I shouldn't tell yet.

"I'm fine" I answered Troy and faked a smile to convince him nothing's wrong.

He smiled back and said "ok".

I'm still surprised with what a simple smile could do, it can make faking things easier.

As I continued faking these feelings, it made me feel a lot more guilt once I saw him smile back at me like he was saying that he trusted me.

I guess I'll get over it 'cause I guess I'm doing this for the better?

I mean, being honest all the time isn't good too nor is lying.

I'm not saying we should lie more than telling the truth 'cause people might lose trust in us once they found out but they could hate us too by being too honest and think we're being too insensitive with their feelings.

Oh God, I don't know what to do or think anymore...

What if I don't want him to leave and always be around each other because I'm being selfish?

While thinking of these, I never noticed the look of uneasiness was etched on my face at that moment and I think Troy noticed.

*school bell rings*

I was too busy with my thoughts and never noticed that class was over. As soon as Troy stood up and took his bag, he looked at me from where I sat then he caught me by surprise when he suddenly carried me to stand up then hugged me tightly.

Again I was surprised because this happened two times in a row already in one day.

"Hey, you can tell me whatever's bugging you. I'm your friend now after all and there's nothing's wrong with this" Troy said while his voice was deep and sounded so worried at the same time like he was curious about whatever thought was bothering me that time.

I hugged him back because I felt safe. But to me, it's wrong...

There's something wrong because my feelings grew even more with that hug.

I couldn't help but feel guilty and helpless with what I felt at the moment while my heart started pounding again.

Since we were so close while we hugged, he probably felt it too.

"Are you ok? Are you scared? I feel your heart pounding fastly" He grabbed both of my shoulders then looked me in the eye.

"I guess I'm just tired, that's all it is really" I slowly start to form a smile again thinking it'll convince him the second time around.

"Are you sure?" asked Troy.

Oh no, he's starting to doubt me but I try to act as normal as possible.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me" I answered while pulling off another smile.

"Ok, I trust you" He hugged me back and it sounds like he was convinced.

We went out together and when we were outside of the school we waved goodbye and smiled at each other once again.

I walked home while trying to lessen the weight of guilt I was feeling,

I tried to remove the heavyweights carrying me down for every step I walked with both my feet but I felt more defeated as I tried battling my emotions... The guilt of what I'm doing...

I know he'll hate me if he finds out and it might ruin our newly fixed friendship. But I can't help myself but think...

That there's a part of me still hoping that we can be more than this...

That we could be more than just friends...

"I wish I could change our destined fate,

I know our love is never too late"