My Triplet Lovers

Truth or Lie?

- 4:30 pm -

As soon as I arrived, I took off my shoes, changed my shirt then laid down on my bed.

I grabbed my phone and again looked at a picture of Troy saved on my phone with other countless pictures of him saved in my gallery.

"Why can't I see you just as a friend? Why do I only see you the way my heart wants to?

Why can't my heart accept that we're only supposed to be friends?"

I bitterly asked myself as I look up to the ceiling.

"Why can't I unlove you?"

I sighed while still looking up to the ceiling.

"I don't want to lie to you anymore, but I don't want to lie to myself either..."

I looked at his picture again to see if the way I see him changed.

"UGHHHH" Forcing myself to do it just got me even more frustrated as I see myself fail.

"Should I tell the truth? or just keep on lying?"

I took a different position and decided to sit thinking I might think better in that way.

I sighed as I sat there in bed and decided that maybe lying is a good option for now since I can't think of any better way of handling this at the moment that doesn't result to me losing him so soon.

If lying about how I feel is the only way I can't lose you then so be it.

I know there are other better ways to deal with this but it's like those reasonable ways left my thoughts already and this is the last option I have that stayed in my head.

I scroll through his pictures through my phone up and down then left to right as I swiped, then I swiped through our first photo together. This was before the whole mess or "ignoring stage" happened.

We look so happy together, but can we both still stay happy even when it's just lies between us?

I realized it was Friday so it means I have the whole weekend to think about it properly.

That night I kept thinking, could he be different? could he be different from the other guys I've known?

With that question in my head, my past failed romances started crossing my mind.

- Past crushes -

Failed crush attempt one*

"Ooh ooh there's your crush over there!"

"Go talk to him already, Come on!"

My friends kept on pushing me towards him so I had no choice, I eventually bumped into him and instead of apologizing, I CONFESSED TO HIM!!

"H-hi! I LIKE YOU!!" I looked straight at him looking hopeful that he won't reject me

His friends started chuckling at the back and whispered

"Ooooh you've got yourself a girlfriend HAHAHAHAHA!!" The tall one at the back said

"Yeah! then you'll start dating and kiss mwuah mwuah mwuah HAHAHAHAHA" Added by another one of his friends while mocking him with kissing noises.

I started to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed but I didn't lose hope because he hasn't said anything yet. I tried looking hopeful even if my confidence was somehow getting broken with his friends making fun of us.

Then he started talking or yet whispering.

"Stop it HAHAHA, I would never go out with a girl like her" He whispered to one of his friends at the back

"This is pathetic HAHAHAHA probably a dare HAHAHAHA" He said to his other friend at his side.

"This is a joke, right? I mean it's a dare or something? Good one HAHAHAHA"

He laughed and mocked me without him even knowing it.

Tears started forming in my eyes while my heart shattered with every word he spoke. Then I slowly walked backwards trying to get out of that place as soon as possible 'til he noticed I wasn't joking.

"Oh, you're serious... you know I don't like girls like... like... like you..." His last words hurt even more.

Which started out as walking slowly backward to running away while my tears started flowing down as I ran, I didn't care where I was going... I just want to get away from all the pain and embarrassment this caused me.

I eventually got tired then sat at a corner, I didn't even know where I was but it didn't matter to me.

"I have loved... and... s-stayed loyal... t-to you-u... for so long! and what I get in return is your mockery??

I'm. such. an. i***t!" I shout at the top of my lungs seeing no one was around anyways

"I'm never falling in love with someone like him ever again! I'll make them all regret embarrassing me like this!" I tried getting mad but all I could do was cry... crying over and over again... I then decided to write my future self a letter.

"Dear future me..."

I then cried my heart out until I couldn't feel it anymore or even until I could finally handle the pain.

Failed crush attempt two*

5th grade

"H-hi! I-I like you..." I nervously told the new guy I liked. He might be different I hopefully thought.

"I'll give this to you straight, I don't like you and I never will! HAHAHAHA you think someone would like you HAHAHAHA I'm one of the ones that won't, that's for sure" I was wrong, he was no different from the last one. His words hurt more than the last one and he straight up mocked my feelings. And again I cried and ran away until it hurt less.

Then I read the letter I wrote myself a few years ago. I haven't changed, I still continue to get hurt through these little things that are just crushes and nothing really serious. Many more crushes later, still mocked because of the love I gave to them.

"I'll get better one day, I won't care what they think one day" I hoped for the best that one day this cycle might change.

- back to the "present" -

I feel like I was overreacting with the choice of words I said that day but remembering how much that day hurt me before, the words I said didn't matter. I just said what I felt. Well, good thing I at least got over it.

Now that I think about it... I've never had someone I like be close or even be a friend too, Maybe he is different but as I said those words, I started to doubt it because I said that before too, that the other guys were different but I ended up crying my heart out. I should keep an eye out for this one.

I try to protect my heart but it won't let me. It keeps wanting me to stay vulnerable to my emotions and trust it more than my own thoughts. I know, it's stupid. But in some cases, it's the right way to go.

So does it mean I should stay true to my feelings towards Troy? Maybe I just use my feelings too much more than actually thinking about it first.

Confused with everything going through my mind I checked the time.

"Oh no! it's 12:30 already?? I need to go sleep and take a rest from my thoughts already! "

I decided to take some shut-eye for once and decide tomorrow what I'll do with both my feelings and thoughts towards Troy.

I thought maybe once I close my eyes and take a rest, I would finally stop being problematic of all kinds of stuff when it's only about Troy. As I close my eyes, I thought I could finally just sleep it off and take my mind off Troy for once.

"I guess I'll find out tomorrow, who knows what tomorrow will bring" I say to myself being more hopeful about my future and by future, I meant tomorrow.

- Saturday! -

I woke up 6 hours later, awfully a little too early for me since it's the weekends. I decided I wanted to go back to sleeping but as I lay there, nothing was happening so I thought it's better to wake up.

But before I stood up, I just sat there at the corner of my bed and tried remembering my dreams because they're always more exciting than this reality we live in.

It took a few minutes 'til I remembered and realized... TROY WAS IN MY DREAM TOO!

He was apologizing to me for something that he did and he looked really worried and guilty like it was that bad that he felt ashamed of what he did.

It wasn't really clear what he said there 'cause most dreams I have are usually forgotten but my dreams are either too dramatic or really interesting like telenovelas that you just can't forget to add the drama or could never forget the dramatic scenes. Maybe what happened in my dream wasn't that good that my brain decided to forget the important parts like what he said.

I shouldn't even think too much into this over some random dream.

Before standing up and coming out of my room to eat breakfast, I decided to open my phone which has been charging almost all night and is now fully charged ready for me to stare at the whole day.

I opened my phone and got surprised with the first thing that popped up on my screen.

It was a message from Troy! I was most surprised by three things.

One, I usually don't get messages especially this early.

The second was why did he message me and lastly, why is he up this early just to chat with me?

I then take a look at his message.

"Hey, you up?" Troy asked.

Oh, it's nothing serious.

"Cool, I see you're awake 'cause obviously you saw my message" Troy added.

I haven't even answered yet and he already knows what to say.

"Hey? still there?" Troy asked.

Ok, wait bro. Just chill. Unless this was important, I know you wouldn't be awake this early just to talk to me. Jeez, just wait 'til I could finally start typing.

"Yup, still here. Need anything?" I replied while I kept on telling myself "Don't make this awkward! Don't make this awkward". No matter how many countless times I said it, I couldn't help but add another sentence which could possibly make the whole situation I'm in "awkward".

"I mean, you usually don't chat this early and it looks like you need to say something important because I think you won't chat this much at 6 in the morning unless it was important"

I awkwardly added that sentence even if I reminded myself many times not to do it.

"Oh sorry... am I disturbing you? did you just wake up?" Troy asked

Oh God, as expected, I made things end up badly again.

It took me a moment until I could think of a perfectly normal reply.

Then he chatted again like he was worried I was taking too long to reply.

"Hey... sorry, did I make it awkward there?" Troy asked and based on what he chatted, it looks like he's worried he was the one who made the atmosphere awkward instead of me. It seems like I'm not the only one overthinking small little details like this. I smile at his message, it seems cute to me that I haven't seen this side of him and makes me wonder...

What's going on inside his mind?

"We're finally back to normal,

Can we stop acting so formal?

Can we just continue where we left off?

I know, I know it's gonna be tough"