Crescendo In Blue

ALICE --- **Ten years ago I was late. Not that I’d ever been late before—but the sun was already bleeding into the horizon, and Jeremy Goode wasn’t the kind of boy who waited. I yanked a brush through my damp hair, ignoring the tremor in my hands. *One real friend. One real boyfriend.* That was all I needed. At least, that’s what I’d told myself for a year. But tonight? Tonight I had to let one of them go. My Jeremy..would graduate tomorrow and there was no way in hell he would actually choose to stay in this sorry excuse for a town..Heck, I was running as far as I f*****g could the moment I graduated in two years. So him leaving wasn't a problem, but what would happen before him leaving was. Jeremy was the first boy to ever break through my walls, and I'm not saying this to sound conceited or anything—having a pimp for a father and a gold-digger for a mother could do that to a girl. The mirror showed the girl I’d built for him: soft lips, smudged eyeliner, the sundress he’d once said made me look like summer.I stare at my reflection as I mentally prep myself for the walk out of this run down neighbourhood. My mother wasn't tight on cash, not when she was out every other night with a new rich bloke she'd "coincidentally" meet at the bar where she worked..she just chooses to live here..why? I'll never know and neither will anyone else because I never let anyone come here. Which is why I have to walk about ten blocks to where Jeremy is parked My phone buzzed with SZA’s *Blind*, and i immediately knew who was calling. “Ali.” His voice was a lazy tease. “Starting to think you’d rather binge Stranger Things than say goodbye to your boyfriend.” “I’m on my way,” I said, already jogging past the liquor store where my mom worked her “second job.” I hear a grunt of approval, then “Hurry. I’m two seconds from ruining your surprise.” I rolled my eyes. Jeremy’s surprises usually involved cheesy playlists or stolen desserts. But tonight? Tonight felt heavier. --- **His silver Audi idled under a flickering streetlamp.** Before I could knock, he was out, pinning me against the door, his mouth hot on mine. “Missed you,” he murmured. “You saw me two hours ago.” “Two hours. Two decades.” He nipped my lower lip. “Same thing.” He drove us to the restaurant where we’d met—not a meet-cute but it was definitely a meet something. I'd been with Tiffany in one of the booths here and he'd be on a date with another girl in another booth, who I later found was only a girl who'd gotten herself kicked out of her parents' house and was hungry...and Jeremy was just that kind of a person to help her out, she never reached out again. Then he took my hand in his and led us towards the entrance of the restaurant, the very same restaurant that he'd shown me that boys could actually think past football and p***y. Granted he ended up taking care of me like that. He just happened to have a tampon when I was having a mental breakdown in the bathroom hallway because my period had come early. Why he even had that handy? His answer..he had a sister. Now, under the same dim lights, his knee bounced under the table. “What?” I eyed the ring he kept twisting—his tell. “Nothing.” His grin didn’t reach his eyes. “Just thinking how you’ll forget me by Thanksgiving.” The waiter brought our food. We ate in silence, the air thick with everything we weren’t saying. --- **The fight started in the car.** “We can’t stay together,” I blurted. which earns me a frustrated growl and "Why Ali?" "you know why, you're.." "going to college?, so what?!" my voice started to quiver "Jere, listen to me..please..I love you but.." Jeremy’s hands clenched the wheel. “Bullshit.” “You’ll be at UCLA! You think you’ll want some hometown girl dragging you—” "Ali, please..it would ruin me if we broke up right now" I notice his eyes getting glassy,and I feel like taking it all back but this has to be done. I look down at my fingers and feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes as I whisper "We can't...not when you have your whole life ahead of you" That. That is when s**t hits the fan because suddenly he's whirling on me "Is that what this is about, or this is about your mom and you're already looking for some rich bastard to replace me.” The words hung between us, poisonous. I look up at him them, seeing the crazed look on his face and feel the tears start to roll down my cheeks. I wipe at my eyes furiously and ask him honestly "is that what you think?, a year we've been together and that's what you think I'll do the moment you're gone?.." I manage a harsh laugh, look down at my fingers and continue "Fan-f*****g-tastic, Jeremy, I understand this is your hurt speaking but.." I glance in his direction and see that the crazed look he had before has disappeared. His was was contorted in pain now as if I were physically hurting him. He was the master of expressions tonight, I almost laugh at that His face crumpled. “Ali—” “Take me home.” --- *The goodbye wrecked me.* We drive in silence the whole ride back to the pick up spot 8 blocks away from my actual house. Immediately he parks, I open the door and I'm out. I hear him open his side too, and in a second, he's in front of me "We're really breaking up?" He asks with a broken voice, mine mirrors his as i reply "yeah" He runs his hand through his hair again and says "you have to know I didn't mean what I.. " "I know, Jere..it's okay" "It's not...I'm sorry, Ali..I never should have said that. I know you wouldn't do that" "Yeah" I reply quietly, looking down at my feet now He blows out a breath and then "Can I at least kiss you goodbye?" I nod at my last opportunity to be in my beautiful boy's arms. I want to kick and scream and wish this whole conversation never happened but I can't, because we have to do this. He kissed me like it was the last breath he’d ever take. Our tears mixed, salty and bitter. “I love you,” he whispered against my mouth. “Always will.” Then he was gone, his taillights burning into the dark like angry stars. I watch the boy I love drive away from me running my heart over on the way. But I put my heart there in the first place, noone hurt me but myself. I didn’t know then that stars always come back around. ---