Hidden Passages

Chapter 6

Needless to say, I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to tell Dr. Murray or Dr. Grayson about the call for fear one of them could be playing a mind game with me. No one besides them and my mother had my cell number except Rick, and they both knew my history, the reason I was in the program to begin with. Then I suddenly had a flashback. It wasn’t a dream. Like Murray said it would, it came on with a feeling of dizziness, and then there I was back in the entertainment room with Dr. Grayson and the others. We had returned there after dinner and had just finished watching a Star Wars movie.

As the ending credits flashed over the screen, Grayson switched off the set and announced, “That about wraps it up for today, folks. Sorry there’s not enough time for questions, but we can discuss this movie tomorrow if you’d like.” I glanced across at the wall clock with the large black numbers that indicated it was 7 pm. I was told I would spend twelve hours a day at Memory Makers. I’d been there since 7 that morning and was ready leave.

As the ending credits flashed over the screen, Grayson switched off the set and announced, “That about wraps it up for today, folks. Sorry there’s not enough time for questions, but we can discuss this movie tomorrow if you’d like.” I glanced across at the wall clock with the large black numbers that indicated it was 7 pm. I was told I would spend twelve hours a day at Memory Makers. I’d been there since 7 that morning and was ready leave.“Is school over so soon?” Virginia asked.

“Is school over so soon?” Virginia asked.Bill looked at her warily, but it was Maureen who replied. “Yes, honey. It’s time to go.”

Bill looked at her warily, but it was Maureen who replied. “Yes, honey. It’s time to go.”Dr. Grayson said, “Your uber’s already been called, Virginia.”

Dr. Grayson said, “Your uber’s already been called, Virginia.”“Oh, goodie, the school bus is taking me home. But is he riding with me again?” She pointed toward Bill who avoided her eyes.

“Oh, goodie, the school bus is taking me home. But is he riding with me again?” She pointed toward Bill who avoided her eyes.“Yes, Virginia,” Grayson said. “Neither of you drive, so you’ll be taking the, uh“bus” together until the end of the term.” I found it strange that both doctors insisted on humoring Virginia’s belief that she was a student, but I assumed they knew it was best to treat her that way.

“Yes, Virginia,” Grayson said. “Neither of you drive, so you’ll be taking the, uh“bus” together until the end of the term.” I found it strange that both doctors insisted on humoring Virginia’s belief that she was a student, but I assumed they knew it was best to treat her that way.She made a face and, still pointing her finger at Bill, said, “You better behave, or I’ll tell the bus driver.”

She made a face and, still pointing her finger at Bill, said, “You better behave, or I’ll tell the bus driver.”Bill ignored the remark. We all followed Dr. Grayson out of the room. I saw him drop the patient folders on the table with mine on top before escorting us out. He didn’t lock the door behind him.

Bill ignored the remark.We all followed Dr. Grayson out of the room. I saw him drop the patient folders on the table with mine on top before escorting us out. He didn’t lock the door behind him.The flashback ended as I was abruptly jolted back to my apartment. I was sure the folder had my contact number in it. I thought Brian and I were the last ones to leave, but it was possible someone snuck back while we were talking and looked through the folder. The thought frightened me. “I remember you … You and Patty.” What type of sick joke would cause one of my fellow group members to call me and say that?

I tried taking my mind off the incident by showering and dressing, but I kept replaying the message – the gravelly voice. It sounded like a man, but it could’ve been an older woman or someone changing their voice. The only one I thought I could trust was Brian. We’d left Memory Makers together, and he’d even shared his number with me. I checked the time on my cell. I still had an hour before I had to check in at Memory Makers. I swiped the screen to my contact’s page and found Brian’s listing. Hesitantly, I tapped the number.

Brian answered on the second ring. “West here.”

“Brian. It’s me, Lauren.”

His voice changed, took on a lighter tone. “Lauren. Hi. What’s up? You okay?”

I sighed. “Not really. Something happened last night. I had a flashback about it. I need to talk to someone … away from Memory Makers.”

“Flashbacks are normal, but if you’re worried about them, I can meet you at the coffee house on the corner near Memory Makers. We won’t have much time, and we’d need to avoid anyone seeing us.”

“I can leave now. Thanks.” I hung up the phone wondering if I was doing the right thing.

Brian was already there when I entered. I’d parked my car in the coffee house’s back parking, glad that it wasn’t visible from the street. I noticed Brian’s rental car there, too.

He was seated at a table away from a window pretending to read the menu. When I came through the door, he waved to me.

“Thanks for coming,” I said sitting across from him.

He put down the menu. “I already ordered two coffees. You look like you need one.”

I noticed he did, too. There were dark circles under his eyes.

The waitress brought over the coffees. As soon as she dropped them off and went to serve another customer, I said in a low voice, “I had a call on my cell last night. They knew about the reason I’m in Memory Makers.”

His hazel eyes deepened. “I guess you’ll have to tell me that reason then.”

I looked down at the laminated plastic menu. “It’s personal, Brian. No one else knows except Dr. Murray, Dr. Grayson, Nurse Hanover, and whoever else had access to my file. That’s what my flashback was about. The file was left in the room yesterday. One of the members of our group may have read it.”

He opened a packet of half and half, dropped it in his coffee, and swirled it around with a stirrer that was on the table. Taking a sip and swallowing, he glanced back at me. “That’s possible, although I don’t know who would want to do that. It would help if you told me about it, Lauren. I promise I won’t say anything. I think you were right not to report this to anyone else.”

I blurted it all out without taking a breath – the k********g of me and my sister, her murder and my escape, our parents’ divorce, my guilt, the years of treatment to help me recall the face of Patty’s killer. It all came flooding back on a tide of words ending with my recollection of the gravelly voiced caller.

When I was done, he said, “Sorry, Lauren. I know that was hard for you to tell me, but I have an idea. If the call came through on your cell, maybe we can trace it.”

“How would we do that?”

“Can I have the phone?”

I took it from my purse and handed it to him.

“We don’t have much time. Can I keep it for a day?”

I nodded. “Okay if you have to. I have a landline at the apartment.”

“It would be easier if I could come there, but I know that might jeopardize your continuing the program. I promise I’ll get this back to you tomorrow. I’ll put it in my glove box when we leave and lock the car.”

“How will you trace it?” I continued to keep my voice low, so the other diners couldn’t overhear our conversation.

“I have my ways. Drink your coffee. It’s getting cold, and we need to leave soon.”

“Wait!” I realized I’d shared something personal with him, but he hadn’t reciprocated. “You haven’t told me why you’re in the program. You said you had a personal reason. I think you owe me that now that I’ve told you mine.”

A grin spread across his face. “You’re right, Lauren. My bad.” He took another sip of coffee, swallowed, and looked at me again, his eyes intent, lips tight. “No one else can know this. I’m keeping your secret, so I need you to keep mine.”

“Agreed.” I met his gaze directly.

He took a breath. “I work for the FDA. I have my own reasons for joining the trial, but I’m also keeping an eye on how they’re conducting things at Memory Makers.”

I was stunned. “Hasn’t this trial been approved? How can they test their injections without FDA approval?”

“That’s not how it works, Lauren. d**g companies test first and then seek the approval of the FDA. In the U.S. only about ten per cent of all drugs that reach the clinical stage are approved.”

“I didn’t know that, but how do they get tested in the first place?”

“Clinical trials are funded by sponsors. These can be d**g companies, institutes, academic medical centers, and other organizations, even individuals. A principal investigator, Dr. Murray in this case, is assigned to conduct the trial along with a research team. With Memory Makers this includes Dr. Grayson and Nurse Hanover. Clinical procedures are reviewed by institutional review boards. The members of these boards review and approve clinical trials before the trials can begin.”

“I don’t understand. If their trials were approved, then why are you investigating Memory Makers?”

“I’m not investigating them in an official capacity. I’m just observing what’s going on and, as I said, I have a personal reason, too. The FDA has a review board whose purpose is to ensure that appropriate steps are taken to protect the rights and welfare of participants in research studies. They’ve already done this to a degree, but I can’t help but notice some things seem odd.” When he saw that my face was still blank, he asked, “You recall signing a consent form when you joined the trial, right?

“Yes,” I agreed.

“That was an informed consent document that everyone in the study was given. It was reviewed by the IRB to make sure that the testers were complying with certain regulations and protocols. There are four trial phases, but there’s no need to confuse you by explaining all of them.” He paused and took another breath. “We’re in Phase 2 which tests for safety and efficacy on a small group of randomized patients that either get the d**g or a placebo. The goal of Phase 2 is to prove an endpoint. In this case, the endpoint would be the induction of flashbacks to uncover repressed memories. Although the consent documents were approved, I’m still not sure that everything is up to par. You see how they’re recording everything, keeping all the subjects under such tight scrutiny. I’m taking note of things.”

“They don’t know you work for the FDA?”

“No. I told them I was self-employed. I’m surprised they didn’t check further.” He stirred his coffee. Looking into the cup, he spoke in a lower voice. “That’s not the only reason I volunteered, Lauren. My wife was murdered a year ago. It’s a long story, but let’s just say I believe I can identify her killer if the Memory Maker’s injections can help me recall what happened that night.”

“Oh, Brian. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” This was the first time he’d mentioned being married. I never considered that because there was no ring on his finger.

He stopped stirring and looked across at me. His lips loosened with a smile. “So now we’re even. You know everything about me, too.”

I wanted to ask him more about the bombshell he’d just dropped but decided not to probe. Now I knew we had something in common, and I understood if he needed to keep the details private a little longer. I changed the subject.

“What do you make of that call I received?”

“It could be a scare tactic. For your sake, I hope it is.”

“What do you mean?” I pushed my half full coffee cup away. The waitress walked over to us.

“Would you like anything else?” She glanced from Brian to me.

We both shook our heads. “Thank you,” Brian said. “We have to get to work.”

After she dropped the bill wallet on the table, Brian slipped some cash into it and handed it back to her. “Please keep the change.”

I assumed he’d given her a nice tip because she smiled widely as she took it.

I followed him out to the parking lot. “You didn’t answer my question,” I said as I stood by my rental car.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask again, Lauren, but since you did, there’s only one other explanation I can think of other than someone is trying to spook you. I know it’s farfetched, but could your childhood abductor be someone in our group?”