Just My Luck 2

Chapter 14

I'm assuming by the sounds of the machines I hear in the back round that Isaac busted the door down and my attempt at joining my daughter failed.

"She lost a lot of blood, but she will be okay. We have to hold her until we are sure she won't try this again. Is there a reason she tried to take her own life?"

"We recently lost our daughter. She blames herself." I heard Isaac explain what the doctor said and how there was nothing we could have done. How it was a rare occurrence that happens. I didn't open my eyes. I just listened.

"I'm sorry about your loss. A loss like this can be very traumatic. We can help her with counseling and antidepressants while she is with us. I will ask that when she wakes up you say your goodbyes and let her come to you when she is ready."

"Thank you doctor." Really!! He's just going to leave me here? I hear the doctor leaving. Isaac sits on the side of my bed.

"I know you're not sleeping. I just want you to know that I love you. And I'll be here when your ready." He placed a sweet kiss on my forehead as tears fell from my eyes. He really is leaving me here.

I have been forced to talk about how I am feeling, why I tried killing myself, and if I still want to end my life. I have refused to take pills that would supposedly make me feel better, so I was sent to a longer-term facility. Yay for me. Well I guess it hasn't been all bad. I am finally able to release all the anger that I have built up at the boxing gym. Of course I have to box and talk at the same time. But it is helping some. I can only tell my life story in private sessions and not with the group so I chose boxing as my private session spot.

"You've been through a lot Sam, no one blames you for having all this anger or wanting to hurt yourself."

"I didn't say they blamed me for wanting to hurt myself. They blame me for losing my daughter."

"Are they blaming you, or are you blaming yourself?" I stopped boxing for a second. Is it just me? Wait!

"How do you know they don't blame me?"

"Why don't you ask them?"

"I don't think I'm ready to see them yet."

"I do." I haven't seen anyone in a month. I have been refusing to let them call me or come see me. Is it time?

"We can do a session with you and Isaac first. Start small and work our way forward." I sit down on the ground from where I was standing. The doctor joins me.

"I know it's a scary thought seeing him after so long. But you will never be able to truly move on until you see him and start healing."

"Okay."

"Okay, we will make an appointment with him for tomorrow. Give you the night to shower and relax and think about what you want to say to him." I simply nod and stand up to make my way to my room to shower. Yes, the gym is connected to the housing development I am staying in. The next day I am kind of freaking out so I asked for another talk before Isaac gets here.

"What if he does blame me? What if he hates me?"

"Those are your fears talking. You know how Isaac feels about you, right?"

"Yes."

"Then trust that."

A few hours later it is time for Isaac to come. I see him coming up the walkway through the window. He looks good. He walks through the front door and looks left. The smile that spreads across his face when he spots me is beautiful.

"Hey baby." He says coming up and pulling me into a hug.

"Hey." A smile spreads across my face as I hug him tightly. I didn't realize how much I missed him.

"Are you two ready?" The doctor says walking up to us. We both nod and follow him into the private room that we normally have our group sessions in. We catch up a bit on my "recovery", as they call it, before the doctor speaks up.

"Sam, I know you have a burning question to ask Isaac, would you like to voice that concern to him?" The question catches me off gard for a second. I look at the doctor and back at Isaac.

"I need the truth. No matter how you think it will make me feel."

"What is it?"

"Do you blame me for losing Emily?" Isaac looks down at his hands for a moment taking in a deep breath.

"I did. At first."

"Isaac could you elaborate on that please?" The doctor asked.

"When we first lost her I did blame you. Because you didn't go to the doctor when I begged you too." I look away from him as tears threatened to spill over.

"But after hearing the doctor say that what had happened was inevitable and we couldn't have stopped it, I no longer blamed you. It became about healing and trying to move forward." I slowly looked back at Isaac.

"But I couldn't move forward."

"I know that now. And I'm sorry I didn't see it before."

We talked for another hour before the doctor called the session. I had another private session with him after a few hours to give me time to process everything.

"I believe with the progress you have made that you are able to go home. If you so chose." That was the last thing he said at the end of our session. I nodded, thanked him, and asked him to call Isaac to come take me home. I am in my bedroom packing my clothed when I hear a knock on my door. Turning around I see Isaac standing there. I run into his arms and hug the life out of him.

"Let's go home." He says pulling away from me a little and grabbing my bag. I nod and we head for the front door. I was told to take an way and reintroduce everyone in my life slowly. This is supposed to help me not get overwhelmed and break down. I understand it I guess. I hate it, but I get it. No one comes to see me for the first week I am back home. They wanted to give me a chance to get used to being back home. Sadie was the first to come see me, then Ian. Then some friends from work.

I'm doing better now. I am now keeping tabs on the books full time and moving forward the best way I know how. While Isaac went back to the bar to help manage it in person. I'm okay. I still had phone sessions with my doctor once a week, but I am managing so much better now that he has moved our sessions to once a month. I feel healther. Happier. Stronger. I had a moment of weakness and I will struggle with that for a long time, but I am managing. I even have a surprise for Isaac when he gets home.

"Hey babe."

"Oh, I was just thinking about you. You're home early."

"Ya, slow day. You look beautiful." He says coming up to me kissing my cheek.

"Thank you."

"What's the occasion?"

"Well..... Here sit down." I say as we sit down on the couch.

"Are you okay?"

"You know how much I love you right?"

"Yeah."

"You have been such a blessing in my life. And you never left me."

"Sam, what is it?" I get up off the couch and kneel down on one knee as I pull a ring out of my dress pocket.

"Isaac will you marry me?" He laughs a little then bends over grabbing me, lifting me up into his lap kissing me.

"Of course I will." He says kissing me again.

"Today?" He looks at me a little taken back.

"Today? Are you sure?"

"Yes" I say with a smile on my face. I stand up and take his hand, leading him out to the back yard. Where all of our friends are gathered with a cute little set up for a wedding.

"So this is why it was so dead, and why you look so beautiful." I nodded my head vigorously.

"So is that a yes?"

"Yes." He says while he picks me up spinning me around kissing me. We make our way to our home made alter, thanks to Sadie and Sam and say our vows in front of our family and friends. It is perfect.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." Isaac grabs my cheeks and pulls me into the fiercest kiss ever.