meth mimics mania

third year

Thursday, July 13, 2023

5:22 AM

On this day there years ago at this time my brother had been dead for a few hours. There was a heaviness that came from emptiness of emotions I couldn't describe. I knew that I felt hollow and had the unwelcome feeling that an unusually bright life force had been snubbed out but I couldn't place the blame on anyone but myself. I should have been there

for him that night because he had told me how he felt. Instead I ignored my nagging

feelings and I left him by himself and the urges got the better if him because the thoughts radiated to loud inside his already racing mind. I had left him just like every other time and I broke the most important promise I ever made.

I promised he would not be alone for any

reason other than work, but mom told me I couldn't stay I didn't have to accept it but for him I thought it was best if I went away and my brother got drugs that day. His tolerance had dwindled but that's exactly what he had originally wanted when he entered the sober living. He wanted it to be easier for him to die when he felt it was time and for us life sped up then it slowed down. I still can't go to sleep I can't listen to the sounds of my mom blaming me and my terrifying screams that couldn't over power what we were about to see

Because in our mothers bed she found our blue and cold baby brother

He knew that he was dying and he went to be with his mother

Or maybe he was in there because she pressured him to use. He would have held on

stronger but he had nothing left to lose