Love From A Distance

Chapter 18 Tell Me What To Do

Millicent's POV

He makes everything sound so easy to do, but for me, it's one of the most complicated things.. This is my life.. That's why I'm here, to get help for all of this apparently. I feel the frustration hitting my mind about not knowing how to handle all this when I leave here. All of this is easier said than done.

"So how would you recommend me being alone? When I know, for a fact, that I have a livid husband at home, probably coddling the woman who insulted me as if she is so much more important than I am.. Since he tried to hit me because I hit her.. So I know the house will be hard to get alone, especially when I left, there was a party going on.. plus a man I kissed and is wanting more with me than I can probably give.. he wants to solve this marriage situation as soon as possible to help me out.. Or maybe it's to help him out by getting us to be together." I spat, not at him, because none of this is his fault. I'm just frustrated, thinking about how bad this situation is at the moment.

"I think you need to go home with a determined but focused head, and just tell them what you need and how you feel.. I think you need to first and foremost tell your husband that you don't want to be with him anymore.. because the longer you're with him the worse all this will get for you.. You need the main source of negativity to go away to be able to properly heal. I do think, that even though you're leaving him, that you should still tell him about the fact that you did kiss his best friend. Mostly for your own consciousness. From what I know about you, your honest to a fault and this will haunt you if you don't clear your consciousness. We don't want that to be the case, so no matter how bad things are, I will always say that honesty is the best policy.. That brings me to the matter of things with your new love interest.. I think you need to be honest with him and yourself.. and tell him how you need to be alone to figure out what you need in life and maybe both of your paths will align later, when your happiness is figured out.. But figured out without his inflence." he explains to me and it honestly makes a lot of sense.. I am sitting here stressing myself out over something that he makes look like a child's play.

"You're probably right.. you're so smart.. but this somehow makes me feel stupid for not coming up with this myself. I had to pay someone to tell me something I should have figured out on my own." I replied with embarrassment, not wanting to look any more stupid to this man, than I already do.. But I guess that's how he makes a living.. he needs stupid people's problems, just for him to solve, to help him survive.

I watch the concern in his eyes grow for me as he scoots to the end of his seat. This grabs my attention without hesitation, not just because of the obvious comfort and attraction I feel for him.. But because I legitimately want to know what he thinks about all of this.

"You shouldn't ever feel stupid and that is the last thing I want you to feel around me. I'm not smarter than you Milly.. I just see things differently.. like you might say, I'm seeing it from a different angle.. you came to me, because I'm an outside source, so I'm using the knowledge given, to come up with a solid solution that will not only help you out but hopefully help your life evolve into something better for you.. But I bet if the tables were turned that you would be doing the same thing for me. You're just a sweet, genuine person who likes to help and I can already tell that by the conversations we have had together." he declares as he looks away, almost looking as nervous as I have been this whole time. I watch as he instantly straightens out the papers in his hands before fidgeting with them on his lap, still looking away from me.

No matter how nice his words are, it doesn't make them any easier to believe. "There is no way I would ever be able to help you out like you have helped me." I spat back in disbelief, sitting back before throwing my hands on my lap in a huff, hating how useless I feel in all of this, especially with it being mostly to do with my life.. I nervously rub over the top of my thighs out of straight nervous habit, to try to calm myself down. I feel his eyes on me so I can't help but look over at him. He smiles and chuckled at that comment, But I don't understand what's so funny.

"Oh you don't think you could possibly help someone out like that? What about when you're at work.. you told me that your coworkers call you mama.. so why is that?" He asks me as I softly reply, "Because when they need someone, I'm always there for any of them.. They know they can come to me to help them out with any situation, whether it's work related or not." I feel even more stupid at that realization because he is right.. again.

"See.. a smart neutral source can help anyone, because you're not invested in the situation, so you can give a clear-headed reply that may help, that is not based around emotions.. I'm doing the exact same thing for you.. So don't doubt yourself ever.. You deserve to have more confidence in yourself, especially with your sanity, sweetheart.. And if that ever becomes the case, that you can't see the truth and completely doubt yourself, then you can call me, anytime... here this is my personal number if things get too bad and, it's late.. but you need me." he declares as he leans forward handing me his card that has his cell phone number and work number on it.

I send him a small smile, staring down at his simplistic yet professional-looking card with his name, numbers and email to get hold of him. "Thanks.. that means a lot." He waves off my comment as if it's nothing crazy for him.. Maybe he does this with all of his patients to help ease their minds. But for myself, I don't get therapist's cards often.. I feel like I should almost be offended with him being so concerned, thinking my demons in my head or reality are too strong.. that I might not be stable enough at home and may need to contact him on the drop of a dime. But maybe he is right.. He has had years of experience with insane people, so maybe I shouldn't take this lightly.

I hear him clear his throat, bringing my attention from his card and back to him. The concern in his comforting eyes tells me that he sees this worry in mine. He leans forward as he places his hand on mine, that's on top of my thigh. "This is what I'm here for, so don't let it bother you.. I swear you're never going to be a burden to me." I huff out at that comment because I have felt like a burden every day for so many years.. Actually, ever since I met my husband.. strange.

I shook my head but didn't say anything back aloud. "Don't look at me like that Milly.. I mean it.. I know it's hard for you to believe, but you're not a burden no matter what you want to talk about. I'm here for you because you will always have me to depend on. You will never be alone." I felt his hand wrap around mine just to squeeze it tight into his grip. I sadly look up at him, not knowing how to feel right now, we're hitting a whole bunch of sensitive areas for myself.

He reaches up and touches my cheek, catching the tear that I didn't even feel myself shedding. I swallow as I look at him to see his eyes panning back and forth. He looks like he is thinking hard about something. He clears his throat again before letting my hand go and stepping away from me. "but.. um.. sometimes I know that you just need to do something to safely take you away from the stress to help you calm down properly.. You can do some fun things that will help keep your brain in tip-top shape while effectively distracting you.. Giving you confidence in yourself that you need." he explains as I continue to nod waiting for more information.

He sees this as he continues. "I personally, love to do crosswords and number games like sudoku.. There are plenty of those for your phone and other little things to keep you on your toes even in the morning. For example, I have a mathematical equation attached to my alarm.. so my alarm won't shut off until the equation is properly solved. But don't feel like you have to do any of those things, just because I do.. it's what makes me happy.. I have found out over the years, what I'm capable of and what really makes me happy.. I love a new challenge. Something I have to work for, that is complicated and easy to acquire. It is something I strive for on a daily basis.. But I know you said you have been questioning yourself lately and I don't want you to do that.. if all else fails at trying to not feel overwhelmed, then call me.. no need to seek these things in someone else for a moment.. They will just confuse you more in your trial to find yourself.. Besides, that's what I'm here for." he replies without hesitation, and with each word that comes out of his mouth I feel a huge weight lifted from my back.

"You're right.. and that's why I am here.. I needed someone to talk to and you're all that I could think of, as bad as that may sound." I replied, making him smile and nod. "Good.. I am glad I could help you out." I stood up after his comment. I'm afraid I might have made him feel a little uncomfortable with my obvious attraction. I don't want that. I know what this is and I don't want any more from this. He made me feel better, so I should go before I ruin this professional relationship.

"Well thank you for all of your help.. I couldn't be more grateful.. I guess it's time for me to face this head-on and hopefully get by afterward." I say with not much confidence behind my words. "Don't worry you always have me and if your husband tries anything you have to promise me you will call the police." He declares as I nod. " I promise.. Thank you again." He nods as he walks me to the door. I wave and leave quicker than I ever expected to.