Haruchiro

I still remember the sound of her voice when she said, ''But how could you live and have no story to tell?'' She had this curious tone, looking at me with confusion yet glittering, sad, pensive eyes. To love someone is to put your life on the edge, and I don't take it lightly. There was blood all over the place. What I witnessed is infrequent. No one knows what it feels like to be in that position. What we called home, turned into hell. I hadn't smiled in ages, forgetting what happiness felt like. It's hard to care when everything feels empty. It must be nice to experience happiness and peace. Sorry everyone, My promises amounted to nothing but empty words. Now, I have neither happiness nor sorrow; everything passes. Raising the gun felt like lifting a feather, the weight of it inconsequential against the heaviness in my heart. As I aimed, there was no hesitation, not even once. He looked me in my eyes, tears falling down his cheeks, as I stood motionless. 'I'm sorry, Haruchiro, I couldn't save you,' he said, smiling as if he accepted his fate. But those tears he shed weren't for him; they were for me. But I don't understand, and I don't even try. I shot him in the forehead, and he fell lifelessly as the gun fired. I make my way to our hideout after completing my work, leaving him lying on the floor. As I watch him on the ground, I have this thought: how would it feel to be lying on that floor, feeling nothing, knowing nothing? It must be nice. As I leave the building, Takumi is already waiting for me with a black car. I get inside, and he makes our way to our hideout, updating me on our criminal activities, how they managed to successfully send those drugs and guns overseas without encountering any issues. I just nod and say nothing. Tenma, a big criminal organization, was now my only home, a far cry from my childhood Days blurred into weeks . Takumi abruptly enters my space and excitedly shares the intriguing news he has received. A week after Detective Izumi's death, evidence was found at the place where he died. Takumi walks around with a serious face as I sit there motionless. Even though our organization is criminal, no one can really provide proper evidence to send us to jail. I couldn't care less. I don't even know why I'm still alive. I have no reason to live. Each day drags on, a relentless wait for someone, anyone, to arrive and put an end to this wretched existence, end my miserable and suffering life. I can't even guess what it feels to live a life like a normal human being, the prospect of living a normal life felt like a cruel joke, I don't want someone to lighten up my world and give me a reason to live; I just want to sleep and never wake up again. As I keep walking, I finally reach my destination: a bridge. As I stand on the guardrail, looking at the cloudy sky, I remain motionless for a second, and then it starts raining heavily. A beautiful bridge with a magnificent panorama becomes horrifying to behold when the storm arrives. The reason I can watch this horrifying sigh is Takumi. His silly idea of sending me away to some villages where nobody knows who I am, even suggesting me to stay in this village until the case of Izumi's death is over. Can I say he's afraid of losing Tenma's leader? Well, I'm just a puppet to them, with the position of leader.The thought comes to me of jumping off the bridge and ending my miserable life. This is my chance. I would die for sure with those waves. I could just end my life in this little village where nobody knows me. "Are you considering ending it all, like the others?" Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me. As I looked back, I saw a girl holding a bag of groceries and an umbrella in her other hand. Her eyes fixed on me with an unwavering gaze. Ignoring her, I continued to stare into the abyss below. "Could you just wait until tomorrow?" Jumping now will only lead to agony and nothing else, I watched the weather forecast for tomorrow, it says it will rain, so probably tomorrow the river flow will get worse and you will die in the flow of the river current. It's disrespectful to jump off today, where Yuuji died at this date." I remained stoic, my reply cutting through the silence like a knife. "It doesn't matter." My words were cold, devoid of emotion. "What's so appealing about ending your own life? Some of us yearn to live, to breathe another day. People like you make my skin crawl." Her disappointment was palpable, etched into the lines of her face. As I descended from the guardrail, she turned and walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Fate decided to act so cruel toward me, forcing me to keep living in this world, suffering and miserable. Since the day I decided to join yakuza, I have felt nothing except emptiness inside my chest. Takumi decided not to send anything that would make others suspicious of my involvement in criminal activities. I live in an apartment. Even though my apartment appears lively compared to my lifeless face, what is the life of human life anyway? A mere drop of dew? The cloud that arrives on a rainy day disappears when the rain stops. I spent my first week in that small, cozy village. All the people had peaceful expressions on their faces. It's a beautiful and pleasant village, except that the only thing that made it imperfect was me. I found it impossible to adapt to their way of life.I never ventured out from my apartment unless it was to buy necessities or to visit that bridge, hoping to witness that horrifying view of clouds strom and rain. But I never saw that girl again. She was a skilled liar and could easily persuade others. It never rained again after that day. The case of Izumi is still ongoing. As weeks melted into months, yet the investigation persists. That girl has never shown up on that bridge, and the rain she mentioned has never appeared. However, this afternoon, the sky transformed from clear to cloudy, it echoed the very day when I pondered leaping from this bridge. I stood there, gazing at the overcast heavens. As I watched, the clouds appeared so similar to the life I'm living – present but never shining.. A mere drop of rain fell, and suddenly it turned into a heavy downpour. The clouds are simply essential to produce rain; Once the rain has completed its task, the clouds will vanish. I ponder when my own rain will cease and my life will fade away. Suddenly, just as last month, I heard that voice again – same voice, same tone. "You don't have an umbrella or what?" she said as I turned to her. She looked just the same as the last time I saw her. As always, I disregarded her inquiries and shifted my gaze towards the cloudy sky I had been observing. As she persisted in speaking, "So, what are you doing here? Every time? The villagers see you and gossip about your weird behavior," she continued, "Anyway, I haven't seen you around before. Are you new here?" I met her gaze and offered a brief response, "Yeah." As I walked home, holding an umbrella with all my wet clothes, what is the use of this umbrella when I'm already this wet. There's a name written in small letters on the umbrella she lent me, belonging to a guy who's already soaked. The name written is 'Ishikawa Megumi,' which must be her name. I'm going to forget it soon anyway. Since I began living in this village, my days have been consumed by burying myself in the old books left behind by the previous occupant of this apartment. I haven't heard from Takumi in quite some time; I suspect the investigation is still underway. Amidst solitude, enveloped by these weathered tomes, my mind wanders back to days of yore, invoking nostalgia and reflection. Lost in my own thoughts, I heard a knocking on my door. Wondering who it could be, I opened the door and beheld an unexpected visitor.…