My Possessive Admirer

17. Regrets

Bella's POV

"Do you really remember nothing?" The police asked me for the third time and I lied this time as well.

"No," Actually I didn't remember most of the things.

"Well she was drugged, it's normal to forget. We should let her go," The other chief looking guy said to the younger guy who was sitting there, raising an eyebrow.

"Sir just a minute please, "The young officer looked back at me with doubts in his eyes, "Miss Isabella, were you the only person who was there at that time? There's no camera or any guard in that area. If you can't help us we can't progress in this case. Two people went missing miss. Please tell us what happened…" The officer requested this time. I could feel my knees shaking in nervousness but I didn't let it reveal in my expression.

"I'm sorry after I got the message from my best friend, I went there. I didn't know it was someone else who called me there. They used chloroform on me and I lost my consciousness. When I opened my eyes I was in the cave, blindfolded, hands tied. They injected something in my arm that's all I remember," I lied looking straight at the officer's eyes without a flinch.

"Ok, you can go for now! Thanks for the info," The chief looking guy told me to go.

I overheard their conversation while leaving.

"This case is going nowhere," The older guy said to the younger police officer.

How did I even get away saying several lies? But I also felt guilty hiding everything from them. I hope I didn't do anything wrong. Things would have been different if I told them the truth. It would definitely raise questions against me. It's true that I didn't want the rapists to live. Still, somehow inside as a human, I was feeling guilty. I hardly remember what exactly happened after they drugged me. They went missing, the police said. Someone saved me. It was definitely Ben. But I don't remember it clearly. Everything seems to be in a haze. Like my memory of that time got blurred or something. However, I do recall what happened in the cave with Mr Stalker. My memory of him being on top of me can't be easily forgotten nor the pain that I was feeling in between my legs was avoidable.

"Mom, dad!" I exclaimed in happiness seeing them there. My parents hugged me as soon as I came out of the interrogation room.

Mom kept on crying holding me. She has always been soft-hearted.

"I'm glad nothing bad happened to her," Dad assured mom.

"I'm good mom, don't worry," I comforted her. I couldn't tell them what happened, never…

It's a secret between me and him. What would I even tell my parents?

I made love with someone who didn't even show me his face. Sounds absurd, sounds desperate.

"Pathetic Bella!" I whispered to myself. Even though I blamed it all on the drug to cover the act of my foolishness, inside I somewhat knew that relatively I was the one who created such a situation that led to our intercourse.

When we were leaving I saw Becky and her parents rushing into the police station. My eyes met with Becky but she looked away. They seemed sad, devastated. I got worried about what happened but didn't go and ask. I had questions in my mind. Why did she ask me to come there? But the police were looking into the matter. I hope we'll find out the identity of the two thugs soon.

I ran my fingers over the jacket that I was wearing.

"Mr Stalker's jacket…Thank you for saving me..."

Tears were running down my cheeks before I could realise. I ran to the shower room and showered for hours that night.

Glad I could find some peace in myself. My virginity was not taken by a rapist but by someone I love.

But still… I didn't want it to be like this…

What were you thinking Bella, what were you thinking at that time? I kept asking myself.

Ben's POV

I remember the first time meeting you Bella. I was very young, probably ten years old. I ran to the garden of our house after overhearing my dad's conversation with one of my uncles that he was getting married again. He arranged the party solely to announce it there. A year didn't even pass at that time, after my mother's death due to her sickness, and dad already had someone he wanted to marry. He was careless about mom. Maybe because it was an arranged marriage between them and dad didn't wanna marry her.

My mom was the only daughter of my grandfather who passed away just two years before my mom's demise. Mother had no one except my dad in this world. But he was too reluctant to care about her. She always knew he had another woman in his life whom he loved. All her properties were transferred to dad after she died. Because I was too young. Dad was now the richest young bachelor with a burden, me…

I scarcely existed for him. I was only there to continue the legacy. The family's precious heirloom, an object.

It was nothing but a disgrace to me that I belonged from there. After all The murderer of my mother, the one who worsened her mental health day by day, was my father at the end. The family name I possessed it used to make me feel like a murderer as well. I used to feel disgusted calling him dad.

Then she came into my life that day… Isabella...

"Wanna become friends? You look like my age." She said to me, eyes twinkling with excitement, face gleaming with her astonishing beauty. It wasn't like I have never seen a beautiful girl. But one with such unique white hair and filled with kindness, yes… that was the first time.

I could only avert my eyes to hide the fact that I was blushing. It already was embarrassing enough that she saw me crying. I didn't wanna make a fool out of myself any further.

I excused myself after I showed her the direction because she was lost. I wanted nothing to do with her. I had my own grief, anxieties to deal with. But her plans were different. She kept looking at me and smiled, now and then, as I stood in a corner aside from the crowd. She was with a young boy, her age, who wasn't quite appreciating the fact that she was staring at me. His foolish attempts to distract her each time she glanced at me was amusing to watch. But then soon I found out that her aunt was the lady that my father was about to get married to.

I loathed everyone from that family. Especially Helena, Isabella's cousin. Helena became my stepsister after dad married her mom. She was a snitch. She and my stepmother hated my presence. They couldn't stand me at all. They started to make things up and tell my dad to scold me...and dad...He, as usual, believed them over his own son, his own blood. At one point, I stopped defending myself, knowing it will bring no changes. I was only a child, no child deserves this. I didn't either.

I was the arrogant, ill-tempered rich boy in others eyes who actually in reality didn't even own a dime. I was the most unlucky one. The only thing that I got free from my dad was his looks which seemed like a curse to me. I didn't wanna look like him. I hated my face, those blue eyes, brunet hair. Years passed and as I grew up I only started looking more and more like him. Every time I glanced at the mirror I despised my face. But everything changed when she stepped into the darkroom that I struggled to hide myself in, from her, everyone…She was like a ray of eternal sunshine, so bright that it gleamed in every corner of my gloomy darkness.

I thought if I frightened her or pushed her away from my life she'd give up. But despite my uttered warnings and resistance, she kept following me everywhere. Even in school. She turned out to be my new junior who recently transferred to our institution.

The more I wanted to avoid her, the more she caught my attention. She was an annoying girl, an attention seeker. But for some reason, I couldn't hate her. She was too kind for her own good. Too straight for the twisted world. And with time I understood how lonely she was even though she was surrounded by friends who actually couldn't stand her. Jealousy is a dangerous malady, for the person himself and others as well. Isabella was too blind to see that, it used to break my heart. Slowly I started growing feelings for her. It didn't take time for me to realise that she was already in love with me. We started spending time together. Mostly in libraries. She adored reading just like me. We both skimmed through the books all day. She used to make me recite poetry for her because she loved hearing it from in my voice. I couldn't deny her childish whims. She became everything for me. My love, my family, my companion everything…

She was the only person from my stepmother's family that I didn't hate. Instead, I loved her to the point that it was crazy…

Isabella was my safe place, my peace, the love of my life. I was ready to give up anything for her. Until that day… that brutal night which rewrote everything…

And today I couldn't control myself from kissing her when she submitted herself in front of me like that. It was absurd, my body was against me. I didn't want to touch her like that, not in such place. Yet it was an opportunity for me to grasp. The situation is now under my control so is Bella. But true I was blinded by anger. I was trembling in outrage. I couldn't accept someone else touching her, seeing her naked. I guess I was too harsh with her. Even though from now on things will be different. I thought to myself chopping the last piece of meat. I needed to sharpen my knife. I put my meat cleaver down looking at the other body. He was apparently still breathing.

"You love to record videos right?" I asked smirking. He didn't respond. I cut off his tongue a while ago and tapped his mouth to his ears. I wasn't expecting an answer.

"I'll make a nice video of you getting skinned, di*khead…" I whispered grabbing my gut hook knife and started peeling his skin.