The journal of deep thoughts

Thursday April 20

Hello stranger...

Nothing much happened at school, it was a pretty boring day. I decided not to make plans with anybody today, I wanted to be by myself. So I spent the rest of the day listening to "When you die" by MGMT on repeat. I was in the mood of hating people and humanity. My parents and brother were out so I had the chance to put my music at the highest  volume and since I was braking rules I went down to the kitchen and grabbed an ice cream and a spoon. You may think that what I'm telling you is boring as hell but I may have to disagree, listening to good music at high volume while eating ice-cream is the best thing ever, you should try it. After a while I got tired and fell asleep, when I woke up it was 11 p.m. After I finished my ice cream I decided to open my window and dance to the same song again, I wasn't in the mood of being original. After a while of dancing and screaming the lyrics I stopped all of the sudden, I felt like if someone was watching me. I look at my door, it was closed. I looked through the window and didn't like what I saw, Damien was there and he looked like he had seen everything. I don't know if it was the sugar but the only thing my brain could think of doing was throw myself to the floor, real smooth. I peeked through the window like a little kid hoping that I was just seeing things but he was still there, laughing. I decided to get out of the house and ask him what the hell was he doing looking at me through my window like a weirdo.

"May I ask what the hell are you doing here mister?"

"I just came by to talk but you looked really busy" he said laughing 

"So why didn't you leave?"

"Believe me, I tried but when you opened the window and started dancing and singing I just couldn't help but to stay. You looked really cute"

I was blushing, great

"Was there something in particular you wanted to tell me?"

When I said this his smile faded away, s**t this was serious

"Can we go somewhere else please?"

We go towards "The hideout". I was worried, he looked...scared, but why? I guess I would find out soon. We get in and we sit down at the farthest table so no one can hear us, for a while we go silent, I can't take it anymore and ask

"Hey, are you okay? Its okay, you can talk to me"

"Are you sure? You won't run away from me or anything?"

He looked really cute when he was insecure, I smiled and I said

"I wont, tell me Damien"

"I know I haven't told you anything about my past but its not because I don't want you to know, its because I feel that you wont look at me the same way as you used to. But I guess I can't run away from it, even though I wish I could. So here goes nothing...

I was born in November 17 in a place that I can barely call home. My mom is never home, she's always working her a*s off trying to at least pay the bills and I'm pretty sure she's having an affair. My dad is just a useless drunk that enjoys making everyone miserable. I spend as much time as I can from that house where they live, I just continually get reminded that they don't feel a bit of appreciation for me...I had a brother...have...dont know. His name was Sam, he's 16 years older than me and the only one that actually loved me but he... he just wanted a break from his life, he had nothing to live for, so one day he took me out for the day and we had the time of our lives, we wished that moment never to end but you have to wake up from every dream right? H e got me out of his car and gave me his favorite leather jacket, he gave me the longest and tightest hug ever, after that he made me promise that I wouldn't end up like my dad, I was six so I just said that I would which apparently meant everything to him. The last thing I remember was watching his car disappear from my sight, I never knew of him again, I don't know if he killed himself of if he's still alive, the thought of his death wakes me up at night, I just can accept it. After he left I found Steve, that one person that never left me no matter what, he introduced me to his friends and when we were ten we created The death crew, we just though it was a cool name. We had fun and I was proud of belonging in that crew until one of the g**g brought w**d, we were alone and had no one that cared about us to put is a limit. And before I knew it that one promise that kept my brother alive was broken, my dignity was gone and my will of living had disappeared. I ran away, what else could I do? Steve went with me but not because I asked him to and I thank him insisting on going, because if he hadn't come I wouldn't had the chance to meet you. I was angry at myself, tired of being a disappointment for everyone, tired of not being able to be happy on my own, I wanted to stop hating myself and crying myself to sleep. After a few months I came back and I was determined to end with all the misery in my life but it was harder than I thought, I had a toxic girlfriend and when I broke up with her she took the " If I can't have you no one can" very seriously. Even though the crew became known full of thugs and that s**t they were still loyal to me and when they saw I was having a bad time they came up with a prank that would get me expelled, so that's how I got to your school...look...I'm not proud of my past...if I could I would change it, but I can't...but I just want to make one thing clear, I'm not the same as I used to be. I'm the guy you think I am, I'm your friend, I'm the guy that held your hand while running in an empty street, I'm the guy that listens to your stories and enjoys every part of them. If I'm honest I've never met anyone like you, your just so...unique. I really don't want to lose you...you are the first person I've opened to in two years..."

He just closed his eyes as I see tears where falling... I really meant that much to him... He had a ruff past, I have to admit that but still there he was with his guard down opening up to me and hoping I don't take it the wrong way, that had never happened to me.

"If I'm honest I don't want to lose you either, your the first boy I talk since forever and I've never had so much fun with anyone. Your always there to make things fun, just walking in the streets with you makes me smile. I don't think I will ever find someone that makes me feel like this, you've made bad decisions and that's okay, you've learned from them, and as for your brother... I would love to help you find an answer, even if its a hard one. I've never felt so important to someone except my best friends, so I'm not leaving you Damien, why would I? You've done nothing but tell me the truth and I appreciate it, I really do, I finally know that I can trust in you just as much as you trust me" I say as I feel a tear on my cheek.

He looks up, his eyes still full of tears, the only thing he is able to say is

"Promise?"

I smile and grab his hand

"Promise"

We go out to take some fresh air but  we don't let go of our hands, it feels right. I look at my phone to look at the time, 1:00 a.m. Wow, time really flew. I suddenly stop, Damien looks at me confused. I give him the biggest and tightest hug I can letting all the tears run free, he does the same. We forget what hour it is, we forget that we have school tomorrow, we just want to hug until the hole world disappears, thats all we ask for. After we're done we face each other with a smile, I don't know how but we had just become more closer than ever, I wipe the tears from his cheek and he does the same. This time he says:

"Thankyou"

"For what?"

"For staying with me"

I smile

"I wouldn't dare to leave you"

I sit in the bench and signal him to sit beside me but instead he kneels in front of me

"What are you doing?"

"Your shoelace is untied"

"You don't have to do that"

"Its the least I can do, I mean you are falling for a f****d up boy"

I smile, knowing he was right.

Lost teenager:)