KELENNA

Pass Away

On my way home one random evening, my bag slung across my shoulder as usual, hands in my trouser pockets, eyes occasionally drifting toward the gloomy clouds that moved like they were on their way to a serious meeting.

"Omo heaven and earth don dey pass away? Abi na me dey pass away?"

"E fit be you oo guy." An amused voice declared behind me.

I chuckled and greeted, "Hi, good evening." Without turning to look at who that was, knowing that they'd walk past me soon enough.

"Hmm." The person responded.

Wait... I paused... Ehh?? Is... is this who I think it is right now? No freaking way!

I pulled off my earphones that were blasting one Hausa song I didn't even know I had in my playlist. Let me first be sure I actually heard correctly.

I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder next and turned to meet a smiling face, fair skin, sharp features, with a single acne that has stuck long enough below his chin to look like it has started paying rent there and a shirt I know too well.

Jideka...??

"How far my guy."

"How far your guy? Jideka... how far your guy?"

"How far nah Kelenna, leave that thing wey u wan do now, are you not happy to see me?"

He spread his arms and turned around so I could indeed see him well.

Fair skinned, annoying, nonsense, god-damned Jideka. So he finally decided to show his face? Good for him because I was beginning to think I now need to book an appointment, ticket, apply or something to see him, since he's been very busy after bringing me here.

"Happy to see you? Ha, of course I am, because I been think say u don de die and you wan share your things between your family first before you go reach my side again."

He laughed and stared at me like I had gone mad.

"Chineke! Kel you want make I die?"

"I buy candle yesterday, I don begin mourn you sef." I rolled my eyes.

"Alright then, I'll run into a vehicle—"

"Shut up."

"I thought you wanted me to die?"

I didn't even bother to reply, I just walked on, we've almost reached home.

"Come here oga, no de do like small pikin." He caught up with me and swung an arm over my shoulder, attempting to turn me around and hug me, this is Jideka being annoying, he is a little bit bold mad i***t.

But this would not look good from a third party view at all!

"Yo Jideka get your hands off me. Jeez!" I swiftly pulled myself out of his embrace.

Wait... Is Jide really weak...? Sick...?! Or did he intentionally leave me alone easily, we're age mates... though we're not in the character of seriously exchanging blows to know who's stronger.

But usually, when his stupidness starts he'd not let me go easily unless I used little force, and this one he is talking rubbish about dying.

Well, that's for later, maybe he's finally had small sense to at least know we're going to attract weird attention.

Reaching the gate, I gave him a side glance as I opened it and stepped in.

"No dey misbehave werey, let's go inside."

"Hope say you cook." He followed next.

Bigi was behind us as well, with a headset around his neck and some shopping bags.

"You see kitchen apron for my body?"

"Lazy."

"Good evening guy, what's up?" That was Bigi as he extended his hand for a shake.

"I'm good, how was today?"

"Nice." He shrugged and moved on, after waving at Jideka.

"But I'll cook akamu this night." I turned back to Jideka.

The way he rolled his eyes soo back, his iris almost disappeared forever.

Jideka HATES akamu (pap)

"Kelenna you—"

"Hey Kitty!"

I freezed... No, no, no! Why now?!

Malam Faruk, was jogging to towards us with a smile on his face, Jideka stared at him, then back at me with a raised brow, even Bigi paused briefly, as if to confirm who is the kitty.

"Let's go Jide." I tried to urge him, wanting to avoid Faruk but he didn't move.

"No we should wait."

Faruk reached us in no time. "Kitty, you just de come back?"

Mtcheeeew, it's of no use now, I twitched my lips. "No I just de wake up now."

"Bro is your name Kitty?" Bigi asked with an amused and slightly irritated voice.

"It's Kelenna."

He looked like he wanted to say something but refrained on second thought, then shook his head and turned to Faruk.

"Kelenna is not hard to pronounce Faruk."

"Na the same thing with Kitty and e talk say e like anything wey start with K."

Damn you Faruk!

"Says who??"

"The other time—"

"Okay, okay maybe I did say it, but I didn't say you should call me kitty for Christ's sake! No be you de call me Kelili and Kelani abi wetin again? Oga Faruk abeg I wan de go now."

"Alright, shey today go well then Keelana?"

"Ahha better!"

"I just wan inform you say person come find you before. I see am for here now..." He scanned around and turned to Jideka "...Ehe na this guy."

"You did?"

He shrugged. "Good to see you've gotten busy around here Kitty."

Kitty... Lord, please give me patience, if you give me strength I'm going to be needing bail money.

I ignored Jideka "Alright thank you, I've seen him, he is my friend."

"No wonder, the two of you are very handsome!"

"Haaa, Oga Faruk so you can speak well?"

Even the other guys were stunned as well.

"I never said I couldn't Kelenna."

"Hoho yoo!! Kelenna? Right, so you could actually... okay no problem, I won't get annoyed, I promise."

"Faruk you fooled us all so well." That was Bigi again, he still hasn't left.

"No offense, but I am utterly perplexed and thrown into a state of the most profound bewilderment by this singularly delightful disclosure of your capacity to articulate and comprehend the English with such impeccable propriety. Whatever, pray, motivates you to maintain so duplicitous a facade of ignorance?”

"...."

"...."

"...."

What the...?! Jideka be saying and interjecting a few of these crazy medieval words sometimes and I thought it was him just being uncalled for and playing around, the i***t has gotten so damn good since the last time I heard him this way.

And him looking very serious with a small smile on his face makes me want to knock his head now, so he'll glare at me and ask 'wetin be that?'

"Bro where are you from??" Bigi asked.

"Me? Mtcheew." Jideka sighed dramatically, "I was begot from a universal—"

"Abeg shut up." I rolled my eyes, what the heck is he at right now? Hehe.

"If I heard you right, you asked why I pretend not to know better, no? Well it's easier and... kind of fit where I... currently am better. Saves the embarrassment and weird concerns of being fluent in English and being a gatekeeper."

"Omo, every where go good soon." Jideka gave a sorry remark of a console. Though he meant well, Isn't this exactly what the man doesn't want?

"Abi?" Faruk just smiled

Okay here is getting sad. "Alright everyone, I think we should... get going, we have been standing in the compound for a while."

"Please wait, I have something for you guys." Bigi called out, coming closer.

"Oya nah Bigi, Mr. Friend, Kelenna, e go be." Faruk said, turning to me with a smile after calling out the guys and they nodded at him. He didn't seem to hear Bigi just now.

"So we are back to pidgin?"

"You don see am nah."

I paused, took a step back and stared at Faruk properly... this guy... looks different today, he looks great.

"Oga Faruk, you're glowing today o. Any news? Share your skin care routine nah."

"Haha, e say na skin care routine. My wife put to bed today, twins! A boy and a girl after 5 years of waiting."

"Woooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

That wasn't just from me! Jideka and Bigi had shouted as well and laugher followed after.

"Congratulations!!! This man! Na wetin you de talk small small be that?!"

"Loud am loud am abeg!!"

"Approved! You are free to call me kitty for a week now. I'll answer."

"Don't complain later oo, Kitty!"

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha."

The neighbors looked out from their windows to make sure they didn't need to start running or anything.

"Congratulations oga Faruk!!! I'm very gladdened about this, call your wife let's congratulate her." I said after the excitement died down.

"My phone is off, I was on call with her when it died and there's no light, I would have gone to charge it somewhere but you know I can't leave here anyhow."

"Oh that's sad. But when are you going to see her then."

He shook his head "Ahh, I won't leave oo, landlord said—"

"Whatever he said is a lie, you will go, you must go oo, we will talk to him. If your work bothers him so much he can get his son to occupy till you come."

Everyone burst out laughing.

"No be so Jesus take talk am? 'occupy till I come', so he'd even be doing the Lord's work." Jideka said.

The laughter intensified.

"Time don de go guys, I said I had something for you." Bigi spoke up louder again and we all turned to him.

At some point he had dropped the shopping bags he was carrying, he picked three bags and gave one to each of us.

"I proposed to my girlfriend today and she accepted."

"Omo! This one na wedding bells I de hear so? wetin come de sup for here today nah Kelenna? You sef fit get any surprise for us?"

"Close your mouth Jideka, congratulate the guy first before you start planning to marry me of, I no get any news for una."

"Congrats guy, two of una don become chairman now oh, you and oga Faruk, na to de address una as chief from now."

"Thank you, we are having a small engagement party next week, you're all invited, and Mr. Faruk? I no even know say you don marry sef, but there's a power bank in that bag, you can charge your phone and call your wife."

Faruk thanked him, so much, we all did and went into our apartment. Lucky Jideka, the day he finally showed this yeye face is such a good day. The days has been pretty nice though with Mrs Victoria really teaching me well and being nice to me, except that whenever that husband of hers came into anything, or was the reason for anything, it was still never anything good.