Fate

Skye The day I said "I do" had been the happiest day of my life, or so I convinced myself. Surrounded by over 100 friends and family, smiles, hugs, drinks, yet, something wasn't sitting right. This wasn't me. The planning of this day was something that I let get out of my control. That I let turn into this big to-do without me in it. I managed to slip in the two flowers that made me happy. Peonies, my favorite, and sunflowers. They reminded me of my dad, who was not here, and made me remember that it was, in fact, fall. The sweltering air made me forget. However, the rest of it was not me. Too soft and feminine, I hate my dress and I really hated the fact that there were SO many people. All staring as I walked down, as I read my vows, watching my reaction to his vows. It was something that I hated, being the center of attention when, clearly, I didn't deserve it. I try to make the best of it. I listen to the speeches, they are all so beautiful. I dance with my grandfather, a man of stature who, even though not genetically my grandfather, has never failed to show up for me. I dance with my new husband, Jason, a man that I have known for over 10 years. A man I grew up with that I thought was completely out of my league in school yet chose me. Settled. That may sound harsh but it's a fact. A fact that his brother, Jacob, had made known when he didn't think I was listening. A fact that Jason admitted himself, first in a draft of an email to another woman, then again after we got engaged. So here I was, at my own wedding, going through the motions. I was happy, ecstatic, to anyone who was on the outside looking in. I truly do love Jason. He was mine. Jason was about 5'9, shaggy brown hair with gorgeous green eyes and eyebrows so perfect you think he shaped them. He doesn't. So unfair. Slender, skinny and built like a runner. Couldn't grow much of a beard, so kept it shaped to a goatee for the most part. He was the person that I told everything to. Someone that watched my relationship with my dad crumble. He was the person that picked me off the floor during a panic attack that rocked my core. I think that was when everything changed. The panic attack. I remember being calculated. I remember being able to process and speak up for myself when it mattered. When I received that envelope with a letter from my dad that was making it clear he wanted nothing to do with me and all of my school pictures, a big piece of me, of my sanity, broke. I didn't process it. When I got off that floor, I donned a mask. A different face. A different me. "Skye!" I am pulled out of a trance of self-thoughts by my best friend. Marie is one of the most beautiful women inside and out I have ever known. 5'3, curvy, bombshell blonde, tattooed and piercing blue eyes. She was standing behind me, holding her 2-year-old son, Alex, who was reaching out for me to take him. I grabbed him naturally, the little man that stole my heart when Marie told me she was pregnant. "Auntie Skye, you promised me a dance." he said with his little hand on my cheek. With one hand, I grabbed his hand and kissed it, kissed his nose and whispered, "That I did bug, and off we go," side-shuffling and twirling with my nephew to the dance floor. Life through a child's eyes was always so pure. I barely registered Jason's hand on my lower back. "Hey little man, mind if I steal my wife?" He directed his words to Alex. Alex looked between him and me, gave a little pout, then kissed my cheek before saying, "Fine, but I get her back." I smiled as Jason chuckled, "Deal buddy." I set Alex down and pointed to Marie to guide him where to go. Jason pulled me in for a dance, even with the song being upbeat, he kept the pace casual. He didn't dance. One hand on my lower back, the other holding my hand. We move in unison for a few silent moments. He looked me in the eyes and lowered his voice, "Are you having a good time?" I smiled at him, "Of course. Are you?" I asked with a sweet disposition. He just smiled and gave me a light kiss. "Only a little while longer, and we can go back to the hotel" he says calmly. I nod. I let myself fall into comfort. Resting my head on his forehead, bringing us closer. Two hours later, we are back at the hotel. Settled into our room, ignoring the guests in the halls. A bit drunk and trying to gather the strength to perform my duty. I look at my husband and at the bed calling to me. To my aching feet. He chuckles and loosens the corset enough for the dress to slide off before I fall into bed. Jason climbs in a few moments later and puts on a movie before pulling me into his arms. He kisses the top of my head and whispers, "Sleep love, we have the honeymoon." I fall asleep in his arms.