I AM THE THIEF

I once stayed in a hostel.I was running my pre-degree program at the university in Jos.I would have liked to stay in a private room in one of the student lodges but my sponsor wouldn't let me.He thought I was too 'soft' to stay alone.I don't know what he thought might come for me if I lived alone but he just wouldn't let me.So,off to the hostel I went;the hostel with it's stained walls,broken window glass,toilets that smell like death,bathrooms as slippery as freshwater fish and loud busy,noisy males overbearing on my introverted mind. It wasn't hard for me to make friends though.The minute my contact who had booked the accommodation for me took me to my room,I made acquaintances.Someone once told me I have a likeable face;my pastor said I have the spirit of favor.I don't know if it is the face or the spirit at work but I know that anywhere I go people warm up to me,even if I say and do nothing. "Come and join us" A bearded guy with a thick Idoma accent invited us to join in the porridge he was sharing with his friend. "Thanks boss,I'm okay" I muttered,tired from the five-hour bus trip. "That's our space" Dan,my contact said to the Idoma guy "Sir?" The guy asked,not sure the statement was directed to him.His friend kept on eating. "Is that not corner D?" "Yeah,this is corner D" "That's his space" Dan said and then opened one of the lockers to drop my bag in it. "You can put your stuff here" He turned to me.I squeezed my backpack in with the multitude of bags and suitcases that were already in the locker.Dan walked out and I followed him.The Idoma guy just stared.His friend was still eating. "Most students occupying the space from the last session don't like to leave until the new person comes to claim it" Dan explained to me when we were outside. "Oh,okay" "Do you still want to barb?" "Yeah" I said as I ran my fingers through my coarse,dusty hair. By the time I returned from the barbershop,the Idoma guy,his friend,their bed,bags and yam porridge were all gone.In a way,I felt bad;I thought Dan had been a little too straight.The guy looked nice and we didn't even get an introduction.I made other friends immediately though.Two other guys in the room,both northerners,both nice and friendly.The fourth occupant wasn't around. In two days,I realized hostel life was not for me;the bustle,the movement and the stink.I didnt go out much except for classes.But for these classes,I wouldn't have gone out at all.Despite my penchant for solitude,I still managed to make a friend in the next room;a pharmacy student called Oke.And then I started to go to the next room;to borrow a calculator or collect past questions or to watch movies on Oke's laptop. One evening,I went to the room.Oke was there with another roommate everyone called The Governor. "Well done boss" I greeted and sat on a plastic chair in front of the table on which the laptop was charging. "Yo,how far" Oke answered me "I dey" I answered back. "Bro,I dey come" Governor said.He stood up from his bed and walked to the door.He gave me a nod as he walked past my chair,the sort of nod a hostel man gives to a fellow hostel man.A few minutes later,Oke stood up too."Guy,this room is freaking hot! I'm going to sit outside,you're staying here?" He asked me. "Yeah" I replied,my gaze fixed on the laptop screen. He went out and sat on the verandah.Another guy joined him and then someone else joined them.In a few minutes,a small group had gathered on the verandah,sharing jokes and insults,laughing.I wanted to go out and sit on the verandah.The room was truly hot and I was beginning to get used to the feeling of community among hostel guys.I shut down the laptop and stood up.Walking out the door,I bumped into the Governor who was walking in and the plastic bag he was holding dropped. "Sorry" I said as he bent to pick it up.I don't know why but I felt and looked guilty;I hadn't seen him coming. "No problem " His lips murmured;"screw you" his eyes said. I walked out and joined the group on the verandah,sitting beside one of my roommates.Soon enough,I regretted it.The conversation was as meaningful as an egg was flat.One minute it was about cultists,then it shifted to the police,then to girls,then back to cultists.And there was so much noise;everyone was talking at the same time.It could hardly be called a conversation,more like a screaming competition.All of a sudden,Governor burst out of the room,shirtless. "Oke,you carry my phone?" He asked,his forehead a mosaic of capillaries. "No" Oke answered "Bro,I'm serious.I can't find my phone" "I said I didn't carry it! you see me with phone?" By now,the group was silent."Should I call your number?" someone offered. "It's switched off" Governor replied,he sounded like he wanted to cry. "Guy check well.Remove your bedsheet,or maybe it fell under your bed" Oke said. "I don check everywhere,you seff come see am na" Oke stood up and entered the room,the Governor followed him.Two boys followed them.The group began to dissipate;some went back to their rooms,two more boys entered the room.I was left alone with my roommate on the verandah.Voices came from the room.They were shifting things,lifting things and dropping things.Me and my roommate got up and joined them in the room.I stood at the door. "I kept it here,it was right here" Governor was saying. "You sure say you no carry am comot?,e fit be say you don leave am for the shop" one guy said. "I say I keep am for here,you dey talk another thing" Tears were about to be shed. Governor walked to the table.He looked like a rubber band stretched to its breaking point.Oke was kneeling close to his bed,a flashlight in one hand. "Who was in the room?who entered the room?" My roommate asked.No one answered him. Then the Governor looked at me,his face had a look of realization.At that point I realized my position;I had entered the room,I had been alone in the room and I had that guilty look on my face when I bumped into him at the door.His eyes pointed their fingers at me.He remained silent.I wondered how long it would be until I had real fingers pointed in my face.Oke stood up and sat on the bed.The searching continued.Suitcases were emptied,one bed was full of books.The governor paced from one end of the room to the other."And that phone is new,new phone that I just bought,all my important stuff inside" He moaned.The short glances he shot in my direction from time to time were poisonous.I knew he thought I was the one who took his phone.I knew the reason he hadn't openly accused me yet.Everything put me in a spot,under the light,any person with a functional brain would immediately ask everyone to search me or even harass me until I produced the phone.But what if I didn't take the phone? My roommates,the guys in the other room and some other people who knew me on the block would describe me as 'soft'.I looked like the kind of guy that was prone to tears;I called my sister everyday,I didn't play football and I read novels.I didn't look like the kind of person who would steal a phone.That was the reason Governor had not yet made his suspicion known to the other guys.If I didn't take the phone,false accusation would definitely hurt me.He didn't know what would happen if he accused me.I didn't know what would happen if he accused me.I hate crying,people say only weak men cry and I had been called weak more times than I needed to hear.So,I wouldn't cry but I would sweat so much and the veins would stick out on my forehead,I would be so nervous and shaken that I wouldn't be able to defend myself and then...I would be judged guilty. The searching had become slower.The guys seemed to have accepted the fact that the phone was gone.Someone was still emptying a suitcase,bringing out its content one by one.More books were now on the bed with books.The governor walked to the center of the room and looked up at me.He seemed to have made up his mind;a little tears never hurt no hostel man.I braced myself.He opened his mouth to say something when someone slapped the back of his head.Behind him,Oke stood with the flashlight still in one hand and a blue smartphone in his other hand. "Bro! Guy! where did you see it?where did you check?" Governor pumped,a hundred questions per minute.All the boys gathered round,I remained at the door. "Did you check your jacket?" Oke asked,pissed.All eyes immediately went to the brown jacket hanging on a nail over The governor's bed.Like magic,nobody had noticed the jacket.I only read about it in novels but that day I really experienced the feeling of letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding.One guy said something,others laughed.The governor looked relieved,I was relieved too,Oke was angry. "Just be putting someone under unnecessary stress.You go arrange everything,Nobody go help you" He grumbled,slamming the door behind him as he marched out.