The Game of Time

Chapter 2: Letter

Czerila's Point of View

After cleaning Grandma’s room yesterday, I went immediately to sleep. I don’t want to waste my time crying and crying for someone whom I know won’t come back.

If I can only make a deal with God and wish to swap our places, maybe I’ve done that the moment you closed your eyes eternally.

Growing up with Grandma is like a fantasy that every child wishes to experience not until the inevitable truth crosses your mind that someday she will leave me alone in this cruel world and unfortunately, the thing that I am scared of the most happened.

I only slept that night without any food intake, not minding my growling stomach, screaming for food. I slept and secretly hoped that everything was just a nightmare and maybe the moment I opened my eyes, Grandma’s face will greet me again as I listen to her sermons about me not eating anything.

Isolation- that is my routine for the past few days and I am even skipping school, already expecting that all of my grades dropped. Like, what is the point if I continue my studies when there is no one waiting for me to succeed?

I’m only attending school because of Grandma and now that she’s not here, I don’t see any point in why should I continue.

I used to be a kid that a parent should not be proud of. Being included in gangs, street fights, drinking alcohol, and smoking― I already experience all of those things during grade school. Every time I got involved in a fight, Grandma will rush to school and beg the teachers to not expel me with her knees kissing the floor.

That used to be my routine not until the day of the judgment came… It was during my first year of junior high school.

I received a slap coming from the palm of Aunt Catarina. Her eyes are fuming mad and her nostrils are flaring while looking at me with full of despise. Beside her was Aunt Camia, calming her down but we both know that what she is doing is futile.

“You’re such an ungrateful brat! You should thank Mom a million times for taking care of you but instead, look what you did!” She forcefully pointed to the emergency room while gritting her teeth. “You made her collapse!”

I just looked down while secretly biting my lower lip. Guilt started swallowing me while recalling the times that Grandma begged the school just for me not to be expelled. She even started paying the teachers to stay quiet about my violent incidents.

Apparently, Grandma saw me having a fight with those kids in the neighboring town and unfortunately, it made her panic, resulting in a heart attack. Embarrassed, I started to play with my fingers.

“Cat, it was not her fault. Czerila’s not the one to be blamed,” Aunt Camia softly said but Aunt Catarina just looked at her with her eyebrows furrowed as if she is asking her sister if she was serious while saying those words.

“Camia, stop defending this piece of trash! She’s still the reason why Mom collapsed! She’s just like her mother, no wonder,” Aunt Cat threw those dagger words making my chest feel heavier than before.

“Catarina, that’s enough! Czerila and Calista are different persons! Stop comparing Czerila to her!” Aunt Camia finally snapped.

Calista. She was often used to describe a black sheep in our family, even though she doesn’t exist in this world anymore. People are saying that they remind me of her. Obviously, I’m her daughter.

Calista Quirino― the founder of the gangs that I’ve encountered. She was a notorious delinquent that beaten up kids whenever she is bored, does not attend school, and doesn’t care about other people’s opinions. While recalling all the stories I’ve heard about her, I realized something…

What other people are saying is true. I’m just like her. But I’m far better than her- I know that.

That day, after Grandma was discharged from the hospital. I tried to change. Not because I don’t want to be compared with Calista anymore is because I’m doing this for my grandma also. This is also my way of saying “thank you” for all of the sacrifices that she made. Despite being the child of the black sheep of this family, she chose to take care of me and didn’t abandon me as my mother did.

However, the reason why I changed is now gone. I don’t know how could I continue my life without her.

I opened my puffy eyes when I heard the door banging loudly. I’m awake but didn’t move an inch- I don’t even have the intention to move from where I am sleeping right now. I just feel listless.

“Listen here, dumb brat! You’re going to school or else I’m going to drag you there!” Aunt Catarina’s voice echoed in this empty house.

Catarina, huh? I thought she doesn’t have time.

“Cat, shh. You’re going to wake up the whole neighborhood,” a soft voice spoke. It was probably Aunt Camia.

I simply glanced at the clock beside my bed and saw it was just 5 in the morning and I can’t believe this two visited their mom’s house― visited me.

“Czerila!” That was a short yet intense and powerful shout. A very loud one that almost knock down my eardrums.

“Catarina!” I could feel the secondhand embarrassment in Aunt Camia’s voice.

A few seconds of silence until I heard someone speaking in a very low voice. “Camia, listen to me. If we don’t discipline this girl, do you think she will listen to us? Definitely no! Today’s their midterms and she freaking needs to take the take or else she will fail the school year!”

Someone sighed and a minute passed when a soft knock enveloped the area. “Czerila, can we talk?”

For some reason, I sighed too and gently got on my toes and opened the door not so widely, just enough for me to see who are outside the room. I’m not wrong when the worried face of Aunt Camia registered in my system- so as the contemptuous face of Aunt Catarina but this time, I could sense the concern in her eyes.

“You need to go to school,” Aunt Camia softly said.

I just looked at them as if I am saying that I’m so done with them and I can’t keep up with their wants anymore. I really do appreciate their efforts of making time for me but I just really can’t go outside at the moment, not today or tomorrow.

I need time to recover.

“Thank you for your concern, my great aunties. But I can handle myself for now. Thank you,” I briefly said and was attempting to close the door when Aunt Cat slammed her hand against it.

“Camia’s not done speaking so you should just listen for a bit,” she said with her stern tone.

I stared at her for a moment and closed the door completely.

“I apologize for my rudeness. Since Grandma’s not here with us anymore, you can just abandon me. Stop acting like you’ve treated me as a part of this family,” I firmly said and crawled myself back to bed.

“This b―“

“Catarina, stop. Let’s just respect her decision for now.”

I heard a heavy sigh. “Fine, I’m going to pull some strings for now.” A hand landed on the door. “Listen to this, Czerila. Someday, you’re going to thank your bitchy aunt for being this strict!”

After a few seconds of silence and I heard the front door open and closed making me sigh in relief. They’re finally gone.

It’s not that I don’t want them as my family. It’s just that… they are the ones who made me feel that I am not part of it. Maybe because I am the daughter of the black sheep of this family? Why do I need to suffer as she did?

I covered myself with a blanket. If Grandma’s still alive, what would she ask me to do in this kind of situation?

Maybe she’ll force me to go to school and take my midterms.

I unconsciously looked out the window when I heard a sound of a falling raindrop. It was only one at first and seconds passed when a series of raindrops started falling from the grayish sky. I got up and slowly walked towards the window to attempt to close the curtain. However, for some reason, I couldn’t move anymore and there is this unfamiliar urge to get out of my room and prepare for school.

I glanced at my clock and saw it was just 5:30 in the morning. I still have an hour for preparing for school. Am I guilty because I just shooed my aunties away? Or am I doing this because this is the thing that Grandma wants me to do when she is still alive?

Yeah, obviously it was the latter.

I shrugged my shoulders and closed the window completely, fighting the urge to go to school. It was just midterms. I can always take a special test anytime and Aunt Cat already said that she will pull some strings, I should be good by then.

I was about to go back to bed when the doorbell on the front door rang. Closing my eyes because of infuriation, I get out of my room with heavy feet. I could literally hear every step that I take until I reached the main door.

I turned the doorknob. A breeze of cold wind greeted me with the clearer sound of dropping raindrops. That scenario is not the one that caught my attention. It was the fact that no one is present in front of the house right now. I tilted my head from left to right to confirm but I found no one.

For some reason, I looked below, and there I found something. It was a white envelope. Gently, I picked it up to see what was on the inside. I took a small piece of parchment paper and read what was written in the letter.

“Do you want to play a game with time?”