The Game of Time

Czerila's Point of View Death is one of those inevitable things in our lives. Even if you’re rich, or poor, a girl or a boy, old or young, no one could dodge the scythe of the grim reaper. And today, our dear Grandma Cassandra, joined the world of the dead. Wails covered the whole area of the cemetery as we watched the white casket being lowered down to the ground. Everyone threw white roses while tears kept flowing on their cheeks, alongside the heavy rainfall that no one didn’t expect. Everyone that is present here in Grandma’s burial knows how wonderful Grandma Cassandra is when she was living. She was a retired accountant that happily served 60 companies at one time. Everyone knows that she was enjoying her life to the fullest until she was on her deathbed. I looked at the casket that is being covered with soil until someone gently pulled the hem of my shirt. I looked down and there I saw a little girl wearing her white dress. She looked at me with her wondering eyes and innocently pointed to the casket below. “Why are they covering Granny with dirt?” I stared at her for a minute and decided to pick her up and looked at the casket that is fully covered with dirt. “They are sending Granny to heaven,” I answered shortly. “Heaven? What’s that?” she asked again. “It’s a place where you can only feel happiness.” “Celestia! I looked for you everywhere!” a sophisticated voice shouted from behind. Celestia and I looked at our backs and there I saw Aunt Camia, holding a black umbrella, worriedness in her voice. Then I just noticed that we are the only ones left here. Everybody left. “Mommy!” Celestia exclaimed and tried to loosen from my grip that’s why I put her down and let her have a hug with her mom. Aunt Camia looked at me full of worriedness― no― full of pity. “Czerila, I understand that among us, you’re the one that is suffering the most. But…” she looked at me again. “You can’t just stand there drenched in the rain! You’ll get sick!” I blinked and unconsciously looked above. Right. It’s raining. I looked at myself from head to toe and just realized how wet I am. I looked at the pit hole where they buried my grandma and saw that it was completely covered with mud. “I’m going home,” I answered shortly making my aunt sigh. “Czerila, I and your Uncle Zeke are worried about your state. Are you sure you want to go home?” Aunt Camia is a softspoken person and I am very well aware that she is choosing her words carefully to not cause any kind of emotional damage to me. “I am. I’m going to clean the house, especially if it is just me,” I answered, making her sigh again. “At least take this umbrella,” she said and didn’t hesitate to lend me the umbrella that she is holding making Celestia shriek when the rain touched her skin. I looked at her damped face for a minute and wore the hood of my jacket. “You need that umbrella more than me.” After saying those words, I didn’t hesitate and ran away. I’m going to lie if I’ll say that Grandma’s death doesn’t affect me. Well, it does. She’s the one who took care of me ever since the world welcomed me. She forged me to be the person that I am right now and I just can’t believe that she died. I blinked when I felt droplets of tears coming from my eyes. I stopped running and wiped those tears using my arm and sniffed. I didn’t shed a tear during grandma’s funeral and it is very explainable if I will start breaking down right now. But I don’t want to break down in the middle of the cemetery with this kind of rainfall― a stormy one. “Excuse me, Miss?” I was back in reality when someone in front of me spoke. He was wearing a black polo and holding a black umbrella. I couldn’t see his face properly due to the gloomy lighting but I was certain that he is a boy. “You’re stepping on someone’s grave.” My eyes widened when I heard him speak again and automatically jumped to the side. I tried to look down to see whose grave I was stepping on but unfortunately, I can’t see it. Until a bolt of lightning occurred and for a second, I saw a familiar name flash from the ground. Benjamin Castaso Born: April 28, 1994 Died: September 8, 2019 Benjamin Castaso. If I remembered it right, my grandmother mentioned him once. I shook my head. It is other people’s business and I should stick my nose away from it. “I apologize,” I said formally and looked down as I hurried my leave from the cemetery. When I arrived home, it was quiet. Totally quiet and it is very new for me. There is no one showering me with concerned words anymore. Thinking about the things that might happen in the future without her makes me want to cry all night. Reaching my milestones without her is not fulfilling. Water is dripping from my clothes as I look emotionlessly around. Pure silence is enveloping the whole area. I looked at the telephone when it rang, doesn’t have any intention of answering it. I just stared at it until it stopped ringing. Damn, why do I feel so irritable right now? I took off my hoodie and shoes and decided to go upstairs to get changed. This silence is killing me. I want some noise. Just a little bit. My grandmother’s the best, she’s generous and kind- she’s the ideal grandma of all times. She’s strict and responsible at the same time which made her the best but… she lies. She lies that everything was okay- that she can handle everything with ease. She never tells me whenever she needs a rest or she needs to take a break. She prioritizes me above all. This irritable feeling that I am feeling right now is frustration and guilt. Why did I let her suffer in silence? Why I didn’t check on her beforehand? Why didn’t ask her how is she? If could just turn back the time then I will stop being a brat and follow her orders and let her live her life comfortably but instead, I made her life miserable. I go downstairs when I finished changing and noticed the telephone was ringing once again. I sighed and took the phone up but didn’t say a word. “Hello?” a woman in her 40s answered. “Hello, Czerila, is that you?” I remained silent and after a while, she sighed. “Very well then. If you don’t want to speak with me then don’t. I don’t have any time-” “What?” I said in a very cold tone. “Pardon?!” she sounded so offended. “You don’t have enough time to attend to your mother’s burial, is that it?” Sharp and blunt. That’s how a Quirino speaks. “Where are your manners, Czerila, huh?! You’re just like your moth―” I didn’t hesitate and cut the call off. Catarina Quirino― the eldest among Grandmother’s children. Followed by Aunt Camia and then the youngest is Calista- my mother. “Ungrateful people,” I hissed and took the mop, and started cleaning the floor. “You have your time partying with your amigas yet you don’t have any time to attend your mother’s burial or even funeral at least?!” I rant as I started mopping the floor aggressively. For some reason, I snapped. I stopped what I am doing as tears escaped my eyes and my lips started trembling. I hold the handle of the mop tighter as I put all of my weight into it and let my knees reach the floor. “Grandma’s sacrifices for all of you are incomparable yet you can’t even pay your respects,” I whispered. A minute after, I gathered all of my thoughts and pull myself together and decided to enter grandma’s room to preserve the things that she has for the next generations. I was about to open the door when my hands started trembling and a second thought crossed my mind. Am I ready to face the things that remind me of her? Her clothes? Her smell? Her stuff? I closed my eyes and breathe in deeply. “I can do this,” I motivated myself and pulled a heavy sigh. I reached the doorknob with my shaky hands and opened the door completely and in an instant, grandma’s smell entered my system. I bit my inner cheek to prevent myself from crying. You’re already here, Czerila. There’s no backing out and you’re just here for some cleaning. You’re not touching any of her belongings and remain the things here as they are. I started sweeping the floor and surprisingly there is no dust or any garbage can be seen. Grandma’s room is already clean. I unconsciously shifted my eyes to her bed and an image of her lying there suddenly flashed in my mind. Remembering that moment, her last words that up until now leave me confused. “If time gives you a chance to play his game, grab it.”