Kabanata 11
1133 Words
Hestia's POV
"Who really am I?" Nanghihina kong tanong kay Caspian. "Why...didn't you tell me everything from the start?"
It was so hard for me to trust anyone but here I am, doing everything I could just to keep my trust in him. It was all about him. It has always been about him from the time my feet landed in this damn island.
Someone who's unsure about what they feel, who's suddenly changing the emotions kasabay ng pagbabago ng panahon, that's exactly the fvckin' opposite of me. If I want the person, I would immediately admit it maybe not to that person but at least to myself. What's the use of denying it, though? Denying it would just deepen the sea ground of falling inlove itself.
"Solene..." He uttered out of concern. Kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya ang pag-aalala.
Even if I want to set aside the questions on my mind, I was still so eager to know the truth. Would that truth set me free? Why do I want to know about it, anyways? I just want to live a life knowing all every possible truths I could have, kahit hindi na lahat basta 'yong mga pwede sana naman makuha ko. Kahit 'yon lang.
"Shall I seek for it?" I heaved a sigh, facing him this time. I saw how confused he was when I suddenly turned to him. Naisip ko lang na baka hindi pa ito 'yong oras.
"It's your choice, Sol..." He sighed, pulling my hand to squeeze it a bit. "Whatever decision you make, I'll support you."
Everything has a right time. I guess. I actually don't believe in waiting for the right time. When the fvck is the right time? Isn't the time we choose the right time itself? Why would we even choose that time if we won't make it as the right one, after all? Nakakatanga lang isipin na magiging tamang oras ba ang panahon ng kusa? That's bullsht. We choose time and our decisions make it either right or wrong. Basically, hindi naman talaga oras 'yong hinihintay natin na maging tama, but rather the way we decide.
And right now, I don't think I can accept whatever truth could be behind that picture yet. Masyado akong nagpadalos-dalos dahil sa nararamdaman ko, hindi ko manlang naisip na baka hindi ko pa kaya tanggapin lahat ng nasa likod ng litrato na 'yon.
What if it's too much for me to bear?
"Why did you...uhm choose to not tell me about it?" I asked, naguguluhan pa ako sa tamang tanong na dapat ko ibigay. "I mean, I came here weeks ago and you didn't even dare to try telling me about it, not even just the picture."
Gusto kong isipin na niloloko lang ako ni Caspian sa sitwasyon na 'to dahil sa bigla niyang pagtawa. His lips rise up, amused with me. I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from hitting him back to reality. Para naman kasing tanga! Seryoso ako dito tapos tatawa siya diyan.
"You really are my Solene," He shook his head, still smiling. "I assume you already know the answer to that, baby."
He was still chuckling when he saw me stopped on my track, napatigil din siya at pinagmasdan ako ng may pagtataka dahil sa biglang pagtigil ko. Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa ideyang pumasok sa isip ko. Are we...
"Are we twins?!" I exclaimed, nanlalaki pa ang mga mata. "Is she my long lost twin?!"
Tama naman 'yong tanong ko, ah! Posible 'yon. What if pinagtaguan nga ako ng kambal ng mga magulang ko? What the fvck?! Caspian's brows furrowed because of my sudden question. Tinignan niya ako ng hindi makapaniwala sa naging tanong ko.
"Was she?!" I repeated, getting annoyed because of confusion.
If she really was my twin, then why would my family hide it from me? Bakit wala silang sinabi sakin? Bakit nila hinayaang lumaki kami ng magkahiwalay? I was only taken back to reality when Caspian flicked my forehead. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Akala niya ba hindi masakit 'yon?
"You're thinking too much," He said. "Missing pieces will fall into it's righteous place when you can finally take them all." He gave me an assuring smile kaya wala na rin akong nagawa kundi bumuntong-hininga, claiming my defeat for once.
"You'll be with me during that time, won't you?" I asked out of fear.
I'm afraid to take everything by myself. Fear was swallowing me from the time I landed on this island and now that everything became too difficult to take. Sa ngayon siguro nakakaya ko pa tanggapin dahil hindi pa naman nasasagot ang mga tanong ko, it was just the top that I know but it's too deep to reach the bottom. The feeling was just too suffocating that even if I haven't dive onto it yet, I already felt like choking.
"That time and the time after that," He seriously said. "I'll be with you."
There are truths that we really have to unfold but sometimes it's just better to keep them hidden before another chapter could even be turned. Gusto ko munang mag-ipon ng lakas ng loob at mga dahilan para magpatuloy. Just by seeing the picture pangs my chest so hard, I know that there's really something behind that image which Caspian chose to not tell me so I would find it out by myself. He wants me to find it out by myself but not alone, I know he would be with me no matter what. I trust him that much that I even let him choose to still not tell me anything about it even when my mind screams confusions and doubts at once. Confusions with the truth and doubts of the reasons.
"Ate, kakain na!" I heard Artemis' voice. She kept pulling me out of my bed. I sighed and let out a smile while watching her get piss off because of me.
"Later na." I annoyed her. She immediately glared at me. Napatingin ako sa may pinto nang maramdaman kong may nakatitig sakin mula doon. Caspian was leaning on my wall beside the door, his arms were crossed on his chest while raising an eyebrow at me.
"When do you plan to eat? Christmas?" He sarcastically asked. I rolled my eyes at him out of annoyance but still managed to laugh at his sarcastic tone.
"Lift me up," I raised my hands, jokingly asked him to get me out of my bed. I was shocked when he really went to me and carried me like a kid.
"Lift you up, huh?"
- Writer
