Return To Be Mine

LIVES APART

JOSHUA

I was having a drink with my friend Adauco.

After the visit to Estefanía, the last thing I wanted was to think about her. It had been days since I saw her and I couldn't stop thinking about her, but my i***t friend Adauco insisted on bringing up the subject.

"But couldn't you just call her? Why go see her if supposedly you can't stand her?" The bar was crowded, and I appreciated that because no one was listening to our conversation.

"Because she's useless. She wakes up late, lazes around all day. She became a simple and graceless woman since we got married," I complained. Estefanía used to be the most beautiful woman, full of positivity, that I knew. It was this tender blend that overflowed with sensuality and was something you couldn't find anywhere else.

"It can't be that bad. Besides, you're living in separate houses, something your mom appreciates." He took a sip of his whisky. "I heard her say that at the last party at your parents' house."

"I don't deserve a woman like her by my side. I need someone by my side who can truly excel and, above all, be faithful." I had this burning sensation in my chest. "You had her at some point, right?"

Adauco remained silent for a moment. He hadn't taken anyone seriously since his last serious relationship.

"Vanessa was unique," he took a sip of his whisky. "She had been working with Elio Guinot, and when I met her, she was a master at everything she did. I didn't care that she was a single mother, but she chose that i***t Alex Camil instead of me."

"That's what I mean. Estefanía has no light of her own. She's so gray that even her appearance has become like that. She always looks simple, messy, and doesn't care about anything."

Things between her and me had gone to hell because she had betrayed me. I had given up everything for her and had even gone against my parents who opposed our marriage. I had been willing to turn my back on my family for her. I took a sip of my whisky.

***

When I met Fanny, it was a summer night. My parents had forced me to go out with my then-fiancée, Paola. Paola was a very beautiful woman, but there was no comparison when I saw Estefanía for the first time in her waitress uniform, with a genuine smile that had killed me almost instantly.

When we left the restaurant and got into the car, Paola spoke for the first time after we finished eating.

"Do you know her?" Paola lowered the volume of the music to hear me better.

I took the road that would take us to her house. I didn't plan on spending the night with her.

"Who?" I didn't take my eyes off the road.

"The waitress, Estefanía."

"No."

We remained silent for a moment. "Radio Gaga" by "Queen" was playing in the background. The heating was on and thankfully there was no traffic.

"Did you like her?"

"Why are you asking such stupid questions, Paola?" I didn't think it had been so obvious. I had only found the girl attractive, nothing more.

"These aren't stupid questions, Joshua. I clearly saw how your eyes lit up when you saw her. You never smile when you're with me, but with that... woman… your smile was automatic, your expression changed, you were in a good mood the whole time."

"I don't know what you're getting at. Our marriage is arranged, it's not like we decided to do it on our own." I tried to remain calm and not shout.

I hadn't realized I was stepping down on the accelerator, as I wanted to get her home as soon as possible and not be overwhelmed by her complaints. I knew deep down she was telling the truth. The waitress had impacted me with her charisma. But it didn't matter. I had an obligation to Paola and my family. I couldn't afford to see someone else who wasn't the woman beside me.

"The point is that you could at least pretend that someone else doesn't interest you! I'm going to be your wife, and it's through this marriage that your family will survive their debts!" she shouted.

I deviated from the path to turn onto a road to the right. We were close to her house. I wanted to arrive quickly and have no more arguments with her.

"You're acting like I slept with her!" I exploded. "I didn't do anything except order my food and make sure she was listening to me!" I felt guilty because deep down I had felt a strange attraction to Estefanía. It was probably something temporary.

We remained silent for another moment. I stopped in front of her house. Paola was staring straight ahead.

"You're right," she turned to me and forced a smile. "Our marriage is arranged, and I think we need to make more effort to get along."

She kissed me on the lips before getting out of the car and disappearing into her house as she closed the door. Who would have thought that I wouldn't marry her, that I would let my parents down and end up with Estefanía, the waitress who made Paola jealous.

I had to fight a thousand battles to do it.

***

Being in the bar with Adauco was the only thing I had imagined when I proposed to Fanny.

The bartender brought us snacks as a courtesy of the house. The voices around us sounded cheerful, as if they were taking a break from work. My friend's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"I think you should have thought about that before marrying her. I don't know her well, but I know you. I'm surprised you fell for someone like her. So, what would be your ideal woman?"

"Someone who shines on her own. Someone who is so intelligent and eager to conquer the world. Intelligent and stands out from the rest. Instead, Fanny became a complacent woman. She enjoys being surrounded by servants and luxury. She does nothing with her life. She's a parasite living without purpose." I felt disappointed in her.

"And yet, you don't divorce her," Adauco shrugged.

"I have my reasons for not doing it." I took one final sip of my whisky.

"Isn't infidelity reason enough to leave her?"

"No. Unfortunately, it's not."

I asked the bartender for another whisky. We focused on being friends. I wanted to talk to someone about the two years of marriage I had with Estefanía. I readjusted myself on my stool when I received a message from Estefanía on my phone. For a moment, I thought of not responding, but in the end, I opened my w******p.

Estefanía: I don't know who to turn to, I don't feel well.

I stared at the phone for a while, thinking about what I should do.

"Aren't you going to go see her? It could be urgent," suggested Adauco, who was looking at the message.

I pondered it for a moment.

Joshua: Take a paracetamol and, if it's really urgent, take a taxi. Don't bother me.

I put away my phone and decided to continue with my own business.

***

ESTEFANÍA

I had caught a cold from taking care of Mrs. Palomares and one of her grandchildren. I rented myself out some nights as a nurse, usually for the elderly. That night, Juventina had to replace me because I had a fever.

"Are you sure, ma'am, that you'll be fine?" Juventina asked me for the tenth time.

"Yes, Juve, and call me Fanny, I've told you a thousand times." I lay down on the bed. I had taken a paracetamol to control the fever and body ache.

"Okay, Fanny. I'll tell Jair to keep an eye on you in case you need anything. It's a shame Mr. Chevalier didn't want to come."

"I told you. He hates me."

"Don't get out of bed."

"I won't. I have a lot to study before going back to college. I asked for a few days off to rest from my practice at the hospital. So at least I'll have this week free in case my husband decides to come." I let myself fall onto the mattress, grabbing one of my anatomy books.

"That's the advantage of not living with him." She smiled conspiratorially.

"Yes, at least something good came out of his absence."

I would have preferred him to be more involved in my life. Bitterness filled my mouth. If only I could have a brief moment with the Joshua I fell in love with... I would believe in miracles. Sometimes I wished I could see that.

I had thought about running away several times, but... I couldn't. It was dangerous to be out there alone. I thought about my darkest secret, and it anchored me to the absence of my husband. In a cold and empty house.

"Fanny, I'm leaving now. See you in the morning." Juventina bid goodbye.

"Thank you so much, Juve. I owe you one." I smiled at her.

I remained absorbed in my book, studying concepts and trying to understand the etymology of words to make it easier for me to memorize them. In the end, sleep was overtaking me when another message from Joshua entered my phone.

Joshua: You better be fine tomorrow. I won't allow you to miss the party, and give people something to talk about.