OMITTED

Advent Someone said that to live is to love and to love is a life, a good life indeed. I wonder how does it feel to live a life. To certainly live like an ordinary life that humans can have. I guess, even so, I have a lot of time in this world, I wouldn't get to live that life anymore. So pathetic! This is not all about love, though. We know that. But what matters to us, humans is to agree on the statement of it, that we are living because of love. That we are here because of love. I sighed heavily as I looked up into a blue sky, as usual, was never getting weary of dancing to the other side of euphoria. It was a busy afternoon, and I am here sitting on one of the chairs of this cheap restaurant near my apartment. They have an acquaintance that makes them not unaware of their surroundings. Catching each other opinions about the actual subject. I hauled my gape above as I busily watch the serene wind that passes through my face, it gives me hope for something... something I didn't pay interest in at all anymore. Closing my eyes and breathing heavily as I recall some memories that I hardly keep in my mind. I must stop! I held my breath. Minulat ko ang aking mga mata at sumalubong ang magandang tanawin. Blue light is scattered in all directions by the tiny molecules of air in Earth's atmosphere. Blue is scattered more than other colors because it travels as shorter, smaller waves. This is why we see a blue sky most of the time. Closer to the horizon, the sky fades to a lighter blue or white. I smiled heavily. The blue sky brings music to my steps as if it composes them into a steady rhythm to compliment the birdsong. I imagine it as an open page of heavenly hue, an invitation for my creative soul to rise, to fly. The sky was ablaze with the fire of the setting sun. Nurturing how beautiful the skies give me comfort. "Miss," I heard a small voice beside me. "You are incredibly beautiful but your eyes are so sad po." I turn around and see a five years old or not-so, girl. She's wearing a floppy hat that I think was so huge on her head but it is seemingly cute. Her outfit suit very well on her, a floral dress and ballet flats. May hawak siyang Ella sling bags. Napangiti ako at hindi napigil ang kamay na haplusin ang kaniyang maitim at bagsak na buhok. Hanggang balikat niya iyon. "Hi!" I uttered. "What's your name, honey?" She pouted her small lips forming a smile. "My name is Irina, what's your po?" "I am--" "I!" "Papa!" Hindi ko nakuhang hawakan ang bata dahil sa mabilis nitong pagtakbo sa boses. Maybe He's her dad. I was just frozen there, I cannot move for some reason. "I am sick of finding you! Where have you been?" My heart started to beat aimlessly. That voice... "I'm sorry po Papa. I wouldn't do it again po, I promise." I reached my left chest and feel the wild beating of my heart. Para bang sasabog ito dahil sa lakas ng kabog. Hindi ko magawang makapag isip ng maayos nang dahil sa pagkataranta, as if I am in an interview and this is my first time. How could this happen? Of all days, bakit ngayong araw, bakit ngayong oras at bakit nangyari pa 'tong eksenang ito sa amin. "I meet a woman right there, Papa. She's extremely beautiful like Mama, Papa." Lumingon ako sa gawi nila, he's carrying Irina in his arms like she was no weight at all. He is actively listening to whatever she's saying and it seems that he is interested in her passage. He was wearing a navy shirt that emphasizes his well-built body and a black trouser that fitted his legs perfectly, added to that he wears a monk's shoes that he always wear as I remember. The glass he is wearing is in his head, adding to make him look physically attractive and cool. Maayos na nakawax ang kaniyang maitim na buhok, he used to have a long hair back then though, ngayon ay maikli na iyon at halatang hindi napapabayaan sa alaga. He wears also a Rolex Nordgren native watch that was visible in his outfit. Kapansin pansin iyon lalo pa't matikas ang kaniyang mga braso. Every time he swayed his hair on the other side made my heart pound like crazy. He uses actions that I was used to. "Really? Where is she, then?" He smiles broadly. Tumingin sa gawi ko si Irina kaya't mabilis akong tumalikod dala dala ang kabang kanina ko pa nararamdaman. "That woman, over right there, Papa." How I wished I can be invisible right now. I am not ready to talk to him, or maybe he is. Ilang segundo kong hinintay ang kanilang presensiya, I acted like I was busy reading when in fact I cannot even understand what was inside the magazine I was reading. I felt nervous but I refused to entertain myself as I heard a footstep coming. "Hi," I closed my eyes and composed myself. I must be brave. This is the last time that we will see each other, after all. Unti unti akong humarap sa kaniya nang hindi inaalis ang mga mata. I saw how his jet-black eyes formed a shocked expression. His eyebrows stretched. Nagtatanong ang kaniyang mga mata na hindi ko kailanman masasagot. "H-Hi!" He said, awkwardly. Binawi niya ang tingin sa akin at sa iba itinuon. "What are you doing here? Some business?" I showed him my purest smile kahit pa nga alam kong hindi niya iyon mapapansin. "It's nice to see you again, Isaac James." Huminto ang kaniyang mga mata sa pagtingin sa paligid. Dahan dahang tumingin sa akin. "Yeah. It's nice to see you, too, again, Yvonne." I feel how awkward our situation is. Irina is just staring at me like she was fascinating some part of my face. Walang gustong magsalita, ilang segundo kaming tahimik at nakatayo. Kapag nagkakasalubong ang aming paningin ay agad kaming nag iiwas ng tingin sa isa't isa at pinipiling sa iba ibaling. There were changes in him. I don't know what it was, but I can feel that something changed in him. "Babe!" Sabay kaming napalingon sa pinanggaling ng boses. It was a woman. May kalakihan ang tyan, iyon ang una kong napansin. Her soft and curly hair waves every time she steps fast towards us. Pakiramdam ko ay ilang minuto akong napatanga nang malinawan ako ng tingin sa babaeng palapit. The way she smiles, the way she walks, her hair, her body. Oh my God! I gasp when I felt some tears fall on my cheeks. Irine. Its Irine. Tumingin ako sa kaharap ko at mabilis na pinadaanan ng tingin ang kaniyang palasinsingan and I couldn't help but cry inside my heart. There's something broke again, over and over again. I don't know if I can handle acting calm when my heart wanted to scream of betrayal. Unti unti akong nanghihina, nanginginig ang aking mga tuhod dahil sa labis na galit. How can this all happen? "Babe," Isaac uttered softly. Mas lalo akong nanghihina. The way he calls her babe, it was full of love. It was me! It should be me!! Ako dapat ang nagmamay ari ng callsign na iyan! How can he use it on somebody else?! Napayuko ako. Maybe... I am the 'somebody else.' Ako ang taong iyon. My heart was so heavy. Nangingibabaw ang sakit sa puso ko. Hindi ko kayang pigilan ang luhang nagbabadyang tumulo sa aking mga mata kaya't mabilis akong tumalikod at tumingin sa kalangitan. I feel betrayed. I feel that some thief came and take everything I have at wala akong nagawa kundi ang hayaan na kunin niya ang lahat lahat sa akin. Pumikit ako at naramdaman ko ang pinong kurot sa puso ko. Just imagining how it hurts more than the pain I felt five years ago. I must not let any single tear fall in front of them. Hindi ako ang magiging kawawa dito. Humarap akong muli at inihanda ang pasalubong na ngiti sa parating. Nang malapat ang kaniyang mga mata sa gawi ko ay bumagal ang kaniyang kilos. Nanantiya. Kinikilala ako sa mapanuring tingin. My heartbeat gets wild, not because I am nervous but because of some emotions I cannot name, perhaps I am ignoring it to give a name. I am f*****g jealous! "Yvonne..." Her lovely voice feels the void of silence. "H-hi!" Ngunit ganito na yata talaga ang nakatadhana sa akin. Kahit anong gawin kong pagpipigil sa mga luha ko ay mabilis pa din itong bumaba sa aking mga mata. My tears know what I felt. Masagana itong nagsibagsakan, walang tigil. . .