Something Gained

Chapter 1: The sun peeked through a gap in the curtains, mocking me as it did so. Its endless taunts had become a morning ritual over the past six days. Every morning I would wake to its golden rays bathing directly across my face almost as if it was daring me to get out of bed and face reality. I didn't want to. Reality sucked. Now you may argue that I could simply fix the gap in my curtains and continue to wallow alone. You wouldn't be entirely wrong, however, that would require moving, which in turn brings us back around to our original problem. It could mock me with its happy glow as much as it liked. I was not going to move. Not for a second. "Ohh Cassandra!" Came the long drawn out call of my best friend. I really was going to have to take away that spare key... The bedroom door swung open to reveal an entirely too cheerful Roxie. "Go away Rox, I'm not in the mood" I groaned.  "Too bad" she said flatly. "You have been burrowed away in this bed for six whole days, the pity party is officially over." Deep down I knew she was right but I liked my pity party. At least no one there stomped on my heart with a big, betrayal sized BJ from classy Kelly-Anne. God I hated her. She was always so smug and for what? Her dad left when she was three and her mom turned tricks at the local motel. She wasn't exactly what you would call a stand up kind of girl. Although I suppose spending most of your time on your knees would do that to a person. I cringed internally at my own bitterness. I was never that girl that blamed the mistress instead of the cheating spouse but there was just something about the fact that he picked that irritated me in a way I couldn't quite describe. It was his fault. The very thought of him turned my stomach and made my teeth clench like a riled up Staffordshire bull terrier.  "Hello? Earth to Cassy?" Whined Roxie, bringing me down from my hateful storm cloud. "I said which one would you prefer, the red or the black?" "For what?" I pouted. She looked at me through her lashes and gave me a little shimmy. This meant trouble.  "For the party silly! It's totally compulsory by order of your best friend and you can't say no because I will drag you in your pj's." Oh god. I knew that look. That accompanied with the aforementioned shimmy meant that I was going to this party by hook or by crook. Roxie marched over to the curtains and threw them open, allowing the sun to intensify its incessant attack. I covered my eyes and groaned as if I were a vampire being seared by the rays or a teenager who was hoping to skip school by feigning illness. Never one to be deterred or take a hint, Roxie stomped over to my bed and ripped me from my cosy nest of depression that I had built for myself.  "Hey!" I shrieked, not impressed with my hasty eviction. Suddenly, a strong odour infiltrated my nostrils. Oh my god. Was that me? I looked at my rapidly cooling sheets on my bed only to find that they were covered in a river of mascara streaks and a sea of abandoned tissues. Rock. Meet bottom, I told myself. Roxie helped me up from my pit and led me over to the full-length mirror that stood by my window. I winced. I was not a pretty sight. My usually perfectly tamed hair looked as though I had attempted to remove gum from it and had somehow made things worse in the process. My skin, in response to an abandonment of all skin care and hydration, had retaliated with angry pimples located on my forehead and my lower chin. Any trace of the makeup I had worn six days prior had been erased with the only tell-tale signs of it being clogged pores and a faint red smudge along my cheek, which I could only guess was what was left of my lipstick. Why couldn't I have just stayed in bed? The next few hours were like a one-woman intervention, with Roxie making me take a shower while she cleaned and threw together outfits for the party. She babbled on about all the cute guys we would dance with and how getting back out there would be good for me. I had no intention of going near another guy ever again. I would be spending my evening with a lemonade and a quiet corner, that much I was certain of. Roxie had a good heart; she could be a little overbearing at times, but nevertheless, she always had my best interests at heart. Although originally I had been against company, I was glad she was here now; even if it did mean I was being dragged out into the outside world against my will. Maybe Roxie was right. Maybe this party wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe I'd even manage to have a little fun.  My cheerful kidnapper grinned at me as we pulled up outside the party. She chuckled as she wiggled her eyebrows at me in an attempt to elicit a smile. It worked. I flashed her a toothy grin which only led to more laughs as she hopped out of the car and quickly closed the door. She dashed round to the passenger side like I might try to escape and drive myself home and as tempted as I might have been, I couldn't drive . Roxie grasped my hand, pulled me out of the car and closed the door. She gave me a reassuring squeeze of the hand as we stood facing the crowded house. With a determined nod, I took the first step forward and together we marched into the party with our heads held high.  As the music boomed and the lights blared, I had the sudden realisation that I had no idea whose party this was. I'd been so wrapped up in my own woeful thoughts that I'd never even thought to ask. I reasoned with myself that it didn't really matter. Whoever's party this was wasn't exactly going to be offended that I (possibly a complete stranger) wasn't aware of its host. Roxie mimed that she was going to get us drinks. A small thumbs up was the only real response I could give. I'd been there for under two minutes and I was already getting a headache. After six days of being anti-social and pretty much anti anything, my brain was definitely feeling the strain of having to deal with an immensely populated room. I was beginning to miss the solitary confinement of my dimly lit room when Roxie suddenly reappeared by my side. She proudly held two red solo cups, one in each hand, and thrust one forward with gusto. "What is it?" I asked sceptically.  "A little cup of happy Cassy. Just drink it" She smiled. I brought the cup to my lips and tentatively sipped at the mystery liquid. Whatever it was, it definitely had a kick and I suspected it was mixed with vodka of some sort. Either way, I finished my cup and straightened my dress. So much for my quiet lemonade, I thought. Roxie tugged at my hand as we expertly weaved through the crowd into a spot with a little more room to move. As I watched my best friend dance without a care in the world, I felt myself relax a little. It was as though she was absorbing my sadness and stress with every fluid movement. With the beginning of the next track, I found myself dancing along with everyone else and as the beat coursed through my veins, I felt like myself again. After a few more drinks and a lot more dancing, I was beginning to feel woozy. Roxie had abandoned me for a tall stranger in the corner who clearly had no idea what he was in for but was definitely interested in finding out. I sighed inwardly; I wished I was like Roxie. Outgoing, beautiful, determined and bold. She wasn't afraid  of going after what she wanted. Nor did she fear rejection of any kind. In her mind she felt that she knew her worth and if a guy couldn't see that, then it was his loss. I was about to shuffle into the kitchen for a little reprieve when the front door opened again, welcoming a new guest. For a second, my heart stopped, my jaw clenched and my stomach turned. There he was. The heartbreaker, the betrayer, the big, stupid asshole that trampled all over my fragile heart like it was an insignificant little ant. I cursed at myself for noting how good he looked. I wished that he at least had the decency to look a little rough. No dark circles under those perfect eyes or a tiny break in that charming grin. I darted into the safety of the kitchen and looked on as he casually greeted his friends with a nod or a fist bump. The first group of women he saw got a flirty wink and a snap of the fingers. Anger surged in my stomach at just how little all this had affected him. He didn't care in the slightest. How ridiculous could I have been to think that he might be lying awake feeling guilty or losing sleep over the way things ended? As the rage burned within me, I took another drink and then another until his face didn't make me want to murder him anymore. My thoughts became incoherent and the crowd began to blur into one big smudge as a sickly heat started to take over my body. I needed air. I blinked, rapidly trying to clear my vision and haphazardly putting one foot in front of the other in the direction of the exit. The cool air hit me like a brick wall and I was now looking up at a sea of stars in an endless night sky. Grass tickled my bare arms and legs as everything else outside of my body continued to spin. "I'd give that a seven out of ten" came a male voice. "What you lacked in grace you certainly made up for in effort" he chuckled sarcastically. I forced the top half of my body up off the ground so that I was now sitting in a less than lady-like position.  "Oh yh and who are you Mr judge man sir?" I slurred angrily. "Woah, calm down, just a guy who saw a pretty lady fall. I was only trying to make you laugh, "he replied. "Yh well... wait. You think I'm pretty?" I stared at him confused.  My head was pounding and I was convinced I hadn't heard him correctly.  "Gorgeous" he winked. I blushed. My confidence and self-esteem hadn't exactly been at an all-time high, all things considered, and I wasn't sure what to do with a compliment. I took a moment to look at the complimentary stranger and to my surprise and utter embarrassment, I found that he was unbelievably hot. I scrambled to my feet, trying to avoid any further awkwardness, only to trip over a rogue heel that I hadn't realised I had lost. A pair of strong arms gripped at my waist, saving me from yet another fall. I was now face to face with my saviour and what a perfect face it was. His thick brown hair fell forward, almost daring to touch my forehead. It framed his face in a way that made it seem as though he was sculpted by some wonderful God as a gift to all women, while his piercing blue eyes burned into mine with a look that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I allowed my own eyes to travel down to his lips only to find them parted slightly and tinted with a luscious shade of pink that could have been custom made just for him. "Thanks" I said breathlessly. In an instant, I sobered up as I let him guide me back to my feet. He was slow and gentle in his task, like I was a baby bird that was quick to startle and fragile enough that I might break at a firmer touch. The music from inside seemed to quieten until it was a dull thud in an otherwise silent world. I softened under his touch as he traced his finger along my cheek, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear as he did so. His hand found the nape of my neck and guided me in until his lips  passionately met mine. I parted my lips ever so slightly, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Soon enough, we were frantic, grasping at each other with an indescribable hunger, never wanting our hands to be still for a minute. The cool breeze gave a gentle reminder that we were still standing outside for any pair of wandering eyes to observe. I grabbed his shirt and led him around to the side of the house where the shrubbery would hide our promiscuous acts. His strong hands met with my behind and hoisted me up around his waist. I was feeling lightheaded as his kisses stole the air from my lungs and heated the depths of my core. I let out a satisfied sigh as his mouth began to venture down my neck letting his teeth nip at the delicate skin that so desperately craved his touch. I arched my body into him silently begging him for more. It was his fingers that obliged, eagerly making their way into my underwear. He drew in a sharp breath as he felt the slick results of his delicious torture.  "Fuck." he cursed.  I was becoming rapidly undone, panting breathlessly, my head spinning. He plunged his fingers deep into my core and I moaned. I didn't care who heard. Not even if the devil himself heard. Part of me wished that he would come outside and find me wrapped up in the arms of another man, losing myself in pure, heated bliss. His pace quickened until his fingers were pumping me relentlessly. I threw my head back, not even flinching when it connected with the wall behind us. "Ah, I'm so close!" I cried as my nails dug into his back. "Not so fast" he whispered, removing his fingers and instantly making me ache for their return. He returned me to my feet before I heard the sound of a belt unfastening. My pulse quickened and the heat only intensified further when he spun me around pinning my hands above my head. My n*****s hardened against the cool wall while goosebumps pricked my skin that was now exposed to the brisk evening air. He gripped my behind, spreading my cheeks and before I knew it he was thrusting into me. My moans grew louder which only drove him to quicken his pace. With every thrust came a slight friction on my n*****s from the wall and by this point I knew I was soaking every inch he dared to give me. He continued to pin my hands to the wall with one hand while his other rediscovered my waist, pulling me closer to him and deepening himself. I cried out, panting and begging for release when I realised he was finding his own. He grunted deeply before letting out a low and sultry sigh and slowly removing himself from me. I grinned as I pulled my underwear up and readjusted my dress. I turned to face my orgasmic angel, still breathing hard from our joint release. He was eyeing me with a look I still couldn't quite decipher and honestly, I didn't need to. I didn't even know his name and I wasn't sure that he knew mine and that was fine by me. Here I thought this whole night was going to be my own slice of hell and instead I just bathed in the pools of heaven. Or more accurately, my handsome stranger did. I smiled at the thought. "Thanks" I chuckled more to myself than to him and before he could respond, I slipped back into the party and into the crowd to find Roxie. The rest of the night was a blur and whether that was the alcohol or the endorphins I'll never know, but for the first time in what felt like forever, I was finally having fun. The next morning I awoke to the smell of coffee silently trying to coax me from my bed. Except I wasn't in my bed, I was on my sofa, still fully clothed and with a blinding headache.  "Well good morning there sleepy head!" Called Roxie from the kitchen. "Shhh! Not so loud" I pleaded. I wasn't a morning person at the best of times and this definitely wasn't the best of times. I rubbed my eyes only to smudge inky black lines across my hands and face. Great. My skin was surely plotting a rebellion against me after sleeping in my previously glamorous makeup. I could only imagine what it looked like now. "Looks like someone had a good night after all" chimed Roxie in her sing-song voice. "Let's just say it wasn't a total bust" I said in the most controlled tone I could muster. I gave her a small smile and she smirked in return almost like she knew exactly what I meant. I was sure that no one had seen my little tryst with a certain mystery man, but at the same time privacy hadn't been my main focus. My face burned as images of the night before began to flood back. His face, his touch, his... I scolded myself internally, it was far too early in the day to be dreaming of such things. After all, it was... 11:54am... s**t! I scolded myself again before realising that at least I was actually up. I wasn't in my nest of blankets and tissues moping around after Zack. My stomach turned at the thought of him and his guiltless face. I shook it off. I didn't need him, he clearly wasn't crying over me, so I wasn't going to cry over him. Not anymore anyway. I had better things to do, like hanging out with Roxie or going to work or… Oh my God! Work! I hadn’t submitted a single thing since I found out about Zack and Kelly. There wasn’t a single cell in my brain that had an ounce of inspiration. I had to find some kind of creative jumpstart or maybe use some old pieces to inspire a new one   and I would. Just as soon as I beat this hangover. I took a shower, threw my hair into a messy bun, slipped into some leggings and an oversized jumper and sat at my desk with a new found sense of determination. I flipped through my sketchbook thinking something might jump out at me and pull me into a land of creativity where all of my creative energy would flow. It didn't. Nothing on my tablet either, I thought, as I tapped my pencil frustratedly on the desk. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. I closed my eyes, placed the tip of my pencil on the paper and allowed my hand to begin creating lines as freely as it desired. After a few quick, loose strokes, I opened my eyes. OK, I could work with this. It kind of looked like a torso and I guess if I rounded out this top bit here, I could make it a head. Far too wide to be female, definitely male, I decided. Now what? I darkened my structural lines so that my loose squiggle slowly began to resemble a human body. Then, bit by bit, I began adding details. First the eyes, always my starting point. I worked carefully as I sculpted out soft orbs that I later decided I would make a melted chocolate color, something you know is bad for you but you just can't resist. I was making myself hungry. I needed to focus, I needed a good piece, something I could submit to the board to go in this month's advertising for the gallery. I needed something that would grab people's attention. I had this rigid mental block that I couldn't see past, almost as if someone was covering my eyes from behind. "Cassie! Snap out of it!" came Roxie's voice, pulling me from my mental slumber. She looked irritated, she'd been saying something and I clearly hadn't listened to a single thing she'd said. I hoped it wasn't too important. I'd never want to hurt her feelings, whether it was a case of accidental insensitivity or not. She was the closest thing to a sister I had. "Sorry Rox" I pouted. I knew she wouldn't be able to be too mad, not with this puppy face. "I said, where on earth did you disappear to last night anyway?" Uh oh. I thought she'd been too drunk to notice i was gone for more than a minute or two. Suddenly my face began to burn an incriminating shade of crimson. "Oh I umm, I just stepped outside for some fresh air, you know, with Zack turning up and everything" I stammered out. Roxie eyed me for a second, like an FBI agent putting pressure on a suspect. She took a step around the desk before perching herself carefully on the corner. "You must have got a lot of air" she said slowly, still eyeing me. I blushed harder and I was convinced that at any second my leggings would slowly start to singe from the bottom, giving away that I was a liar liar. "Mhm" I squeaked. Suddenly, her suspicious eyes widened and her face split into an enormous grin. "I knew it! You hooked up with someone, you floozy!" Roxie was practically cackling at me now as she ran in circles around the apartment, almost falling over herself with excitement. She had questions and whether I was willing to give them up or not she wanted answers.