Becoming Worthy

    The sun was beginning to shine through the shades.  Abby rolled over and squinted at her phone.  6:48 a.m.  She stared at the ceiling while she fought with her bladder.  When she finally made her way to the restroom, she was grateful to her past self for bringing toilet paper to the master bathroom.  To get ready for the day, she laid across the bed and reached for her trusty metal tin.  She decided to start with a joint.  While other people might prefer a nice tall cup of coffee, Abby liked to start her day with a few hits of the finest sativa she could find.       After finding a sweater, she wandered out to the hall and found her way to the living room where most of her belongings had been dumped after unpacking the uHaul.  She was so glad that she paid for movers.  They were worth every penny.       Her intention was to locate the things that she needed for work, but she ended up sitting on the couch, staring into space.  This was her life now.  She was starting over.  Like it or not, this was going to be a new chapter where she got to be the main character.       Abby was beginning a new career as a caterer and event planner after years of taking random jobs to support her, now ex, husband pursue his dreams.  She was afraid of failure, but she was tired of living in the shadows and not allowing herself to be happy and deserving.  Sure, she wasn't totally convinced of it, but she was working on it.       Getting divorced after ten years of marriage was not Abby's goal, but it was what she achieved nonetheless.  She wanted to make it work, but she finally had to admit to herself that she wasn't the reason why her husband had married her.  He married her because of how useful she was.  Her existence in his world made his existence that much better.  So it was almost poetic how easily he walked away as if she was nothing to him.       He didn't mean it.  He just wanted to hurt her.  Within three months he had already shared photos on his social media of his new girlfriend.  Abby was still trying to deal with the wreckage if their life together.  He walked away from the house, leaving Abby with the debt and responsibility to sale.  It also left her tied to a location he chose until it sold.     Thankfully, she was able to turn a pretty nice profit on the transaction.  It was what she needed for a new start, and she was able to move to a more supportive location.  Pity and knowing the right people got her a few jobs catering and hosting for a few company events, but it would be up to her to succeed or fail.  She would not fail.  She just couldn't do it.       Fortunately, the contracts also bought her time to find regular day jobs.  In the meantime, she could plan at home whenever she felt like it.  Abby spent most of the morning making grocery lists and menus.  She corresponded with her clients and verified fine details.  Her first job was with a large law office that was celebrating someone's retirement from the firm.  It seemed like a pretty big deal since he was one of the original partners.   Abby,  Thank you so much for the suggested menu items.  I have attached the list of options we have chosen.  Please keep in mind that there will be an expected party of 50-75.  Guests are expected to arrive by 6:00 p.m.  I believe that you have been contracted for 6-10, but have given the option for overtime as late as midnight.  Please let me know if that has changed.   I will be at the venue at 4 to being set up.  Let me know if you need in earlier, and I will pass that along to the manager. Thank you, Susan     Abby read over the most recent email and felt her heart race a little.  This was getting real.  It was strange how nervous she got when it came to showing up for herself.  She did it countless other times for her husband.  Ex-husband.  Most of the sweat put into his projects came from her brow.  She never once hesitated.  Now that it's for her, she doesn't know when to begin or how to get started.       She decided that one step at a time would have to be good enough.  She got organized on paper, she unpacked a box for the kitchen, she only cried once when she came upon the photo wall box.  That's when she decided to got out for lunch.  Okay, lunch and groceries.  She didn't have to get her entire life together today.  She just needed to get her kitchen stocked for the week.