Living in the Shadows

The Debutante

First week of classes in my new school...

I am now a Frosh as the people here in the university I chose call it. I love the vibe! People are also nice. And mind you, I heard a lot of celebrities attend this school as well. Would I meet Mr. Right here? I am so thrilled with my college life!

“Macky here we go!” telling myself as I hop off the car.

“Oh, honey, what time do I pick you up? I might extend at work later; would it be okay if you’ll just take a cab going home? We might need to get you a student’s license soon so you can get your own car. Or probably your own condo near the Uni?” mum nagged in just one breath. She is unbelievable.

“I’m gonna be fine mum, I can take a cab. Let’s discuss the condo later once you get home. Love you! Drive safely!” shutting the car door as I headed to the school gate.

I decided to take up Behavioral Sciences major in Organizational and Social Systems Development. Sounds cool right? I really want to understand human being’s behavior and how we can deal with one another better. Not sure, if my parents’ divorce influenced my decision with what to take up in college and what I want to become in the future.

Well, my mother is starting her insurance-related career here in the Philippines so she is really assuming I would follow her steps. I am not so sure about that; I know that I want to do what I love. That’s what she told me but with her actions and some words, it is like the otherwise.

(Schoolin' Life by Beyonce playing)

“Alright class, settle down, take your seats. Make sure to take note of all of the things I would write on the board as I would not entertain any questions.” Our first professor told us in a very strict tone.

“Hey, Miss, do you have an extra pen, I left mine in my car.” A guy in the class approached me.

“Uhm… Here you go...” I replied and try not to show any annoyance.

Seriously, you would not bring anything on your first day of class? thoughts in my head. This guy is a bit cocky. I do not like his aura at all!

“Hi…” He stretched out his hand and asked for my name.

“Macky.” I answered softly and did not turn around to shake his hand, as I do not want the professor to notice us and get called out for talking in class. Honestly, I did not catch what his name is. It doesn’t matter anyway.

Right after class, this new student approached me again.

“Hi Macky! Are you available for a cup of coffee? Tea? Lunch? Dinner?” he asked.

“Uhmm… sorry I am a bit busy, maybe some other time.” I answered while I am scanning through my bag. I am looking for my wallet and can’t find it!

“Hi Mum, I have an emergency. I think I left my wallet in your car. Can you drop by to give me my wallet?” I tried to be calm as I talk to my mum on my phone. I look like I am about to cry.

“Okay honey, I am sorry, manic Monday! But I will be there in an hour or two.” My mum answered, she sounded pre-occupied.

“I’ll wait for you mum.” I replied.

“Hi, Macky! Me again. Sorry but I did not mean to eavesdrop. I heard that you left your wallet inside your mother’s car. You wanna hang out while we wait for her?” the cocky classmate asked.

“Okay.” I answered gloomily.

I spent almost an entire day with him until my mum arrived to hand me my wallet.

I am thankful for this person, he became my friend in an unexpected way.

(Umbrella by Rihanna playing)

There would be instances that I am feeling blue. But my newfound friend at school would give me so much to look forward to.

We would hang out often together with our other classmates. He taught me how to eat street foods and taught me how to be street smart in Manila as I do not know anything about living in this country. I appreciate how he spends time with me and exerts effort in teaching me how to adapt, funny how he calls it “survival skills”. I totally enjoy the company of my new friends. It is like an escape from reality. Like, temporarily feeling numb, and forgetting the pain I have inside my heart. I miss Dad. I miss my friends back home, but I have to move on. This is my new home. They are my new friends, almost family. I always have a lot of what if’s but how can I be truly happy if my heart and my mind are always dwelling on the past. On my old life. How can I live at the present, if all I think about is what was before and not what is now. It is really difficult, this is not an easy thing to do. But I am trying, I am thriving.

Time runs fast, there’s this tradition in the Philippines that when you turn 18 your parents or family would set up a very grandiose party.

It is like celebrating your womanhood or becoming an adult, I really love the idea! Mum and I went crazy preparing for the event.

I love reading books, especially Greek Mythology and fantasy stories almost the same as it. So, for my party, I chose Greek with white and silver as my theme, it defines me. White as Innocent, Naïve, and young that I am. And Silver is symbolic of purity, strength, clarity, focus, and feminine energy.

My Dad came all the way from Australia to celebrate this day with me. Some of my cousins and friends traveled thousands of miles just to be there with me. I'm so elated!

Sounds crazy, but some friends from school brought models as their escort or date. I don’t know why it would even matter, it is my birthday, my 18th birthday, why do they have to flex models as their dates? I find it absurd, but whatever.

It was the happiest day of my life! My parents are there by my side. I am the princess of the day, no, QUEEN! I felt like I am a queen. Who would have thought it would be a roller coaster night of emotions for me.

One of my classmates, my newfound friend who turned to be my best friend in this new world, Galileo, brought his childhood best friend as his date. He is the first friend I ever had in school, I can’t forget the day he asked me if I have an extra pen. Funny eh? I really like this guy, I mean, as a friend! He is really funny. He has that sense of humor that any woman would fall for. But he is not really my type. For me he is mature and like a big brother to me.

His girlfriends, yes with an ‘S’, would often get jealous of me thinking that we have something.

“What? Erica broke up with you?” I recalled asking him while we were eating our lunch in the school cafeteria.

“Yeah, she was too jealous of you.” He blurted out as he put a piece of chicken nuggets on my plate.

I gave him a blank flabbergasted expression. “What the heck Gali. Of all people, why me?” I stuffed my mouth with the chicken nuggets he just gave me.

“Can you eat like a lady.” He wiped the sauce on my face.

And I just felt a bit strange at that moment. I gave him a puzzled look, and for a while, it felt like time froze. My heart leaped a little, “Hello, earth calling Macky!” he snapped his fingers.

I just enjoy hanging out with him and I find him as a true gentleman. I am just comfortable when I am with him. I can be my true self when I am with him. I can tell him anything and everything under the sun without him judging me. I love Gali, like a special friend, maybe like a brother.

I invited him to my party so he would be part of the cotillon, but he eventually refused and insisted he doesn’t want to. I don’t have much on my list to be part of the 18 roses as well, so I thought of asking him to be part of it instead.

So just background about 18 roses, this is part of the celebration where 18 special men in your life would give you a rose one by one and would dance with you for few minutes.

Galileo is one of those guy friends or one of those who matter to me here in this country, so I included him on the list. But he is such a jerk for switching places with Arthur, his best friend whom he brought as his date. Galileo was supposed to be the 17th dance before my dad who's my last dance.

He is going to be dead for bailing out! He would see, once this party is over, he’ll get what he deserves. I glared at Galileo, I know he understood what I meant by just giving him that look. But I do not want to spoil this night. This is my night!

His friend handed me over the rose, my heart suddenly leaped, there’s this inexplicable feeling inside me. A strange sensation in my stomach, I just can’t explain it at all. We danced, as part of the 18 roses, it would be just for a minute or two, but I am not sure if it was just a few minutes as it felt like hours! Everything was in slow motion. The music and crowd cheering sounded muffled, probably my classmates teasing us, those jerks. I knew they planned all of this.

Is there something in my ears? Am I going to pass out? thoughts in my head as he held my hand, he pulled me closer then we started dancing. My eyes and his eyes locked. It felt like I’ve known him for a long time, the feeling seems too familiar.

“Have we met before?” I asked. “Not sure, but this might be the first time. Hi, I am Derek Arthur, you can call me Art. Galileo asked me to save him from this. Soooo..here I am.” Arthur said as we danced.

My heart keeps on beating so fast. It is like I am going to have a heart attack. I am so lost in his eyes. I just can’t contain it, my heart is about to explode, I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know the right words to answer him. I was left speechless staring directly into his eyes. 

(Sea of Love by Cat Power plays in the background)

It was like I was awakened from a dream by the emcee as he called my dad's name for my last dance.

“Another round of applause for the 17th rose, Mr. Derek Arthur Roberts. May we call on the last dance, the father of our debutante, Mr. William Johnson.” the emcee of the party announced. “Thank you, and happy birthday.” He kissed my cheek, did let go of my hand and hips. I blushed and was dazed. My dad handed me over the rose, and we danced.

“I love you, Daddy! Thank you for being here with me, I will forever treasure this night.” I told my dad. “Happy birthday my baby! This night means that you are now an adult, a true woman, but no matter what, you will always be my only baby. My precious little girl. I will never forget the day you came to this world 18 years ago. You changed my life, our lives. You completed our family. You are the reason we strived hard to give the best that we can. We only want the best for you because that is what you deserve. Even though our marriage did not end up well, we know that you will always be the right thing and the best thing which happened in our life. Now that you are officially a woman, always make good choices, always put your heart in everything you do. We may not always be there beside you, but we will always be here to love and guide you. I love you my Macky-poo.” Dad said while we danced.

Who would have thought that in one night, my heart would be filled with so much joy and love – old and new.

(Just the two of us by Will Smith playing)