Living in the Shadows

Independence Day

“So, what kind of sheets would you like to have for your bed? How about this one? I think these gray ones are good, looks neat and comfy too. What do you think Maria Cristina?” Mum said as we walk the aisle for bed sheets and pillows in the department store.

“Mum! Why would you call me by my full name? It sounds so absurd. Cringe. Hate that name.” I said as I walk lazily pushing the shopping cart.

“Do we really have to buy everything today?” I asked.

“Honey,” mum stopped walking and faced me with a serious expression on her face. “Since you are moving into your new condo, we have to get everything set. I want you to be comfortable there. I am so sorry if you must try living independently this early, I’ll try to visit you twice a week to check on you. You are 18 now, but for me, you are still a baby, we do not have any choice but to try this. Since I am working so hard for the promotion I am aiming for, I could not pick you up on time every day from school. Since you can’t drive and failed the test multiple times, this would be best, to have your own condo near the university. Just promise me to behave well, and don’t do crazy things! Promise me?” she said with a serious tone.

“Yes mum, I promise. You don’t have to worry that much. I can take care of myself.” I answered.

Sometimes my mother would treat me like a baby but there would be times that she is tough on me and I have to act like an adult in a snap of her fingers. This confuses me at times, but I don’t have any choice but to suck it up and deal with it. I must adapt to my new environment.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, with all my heart and soul. It is just that she is the total opposite of my father. My mum is one tough cookie. She has good looks, very angelic face, she looks young for her age, but her mind is different from an average woman in their late 30s. Yes, she is that young, she met Dad when she was in college, and got married at the age of 20, had me at the age of 21. There were stories that there was a time that she had to fend for herself that is why she is so independent and detached. But when she met Dad, she changed. Becoming a mother at a young age, also made her learn so much about life. She did not stop from achieving her goals, she still pursued studying and got her Ph.D. when I‘m only in grade school. She achieved so much in her career and I could tell that not all women her age would be as successful as she is. I heard that she is the youngest candidate for the Chief Financial Officer post in the company she is affiliated with right now. Sometimes, I would feel pressured as there is this feeling that I should be as successful as her. No time for me to play dumb and stupid.

Leaving Australia and moving here makes me feel like I have to grow up and be mature in an instant. I left my comfort zone, but as my mother would always tell me, “Change is inevitable, it is the only constant matter in this world.” In her most cold tone.

I sometimes wonder, did she really love Dad, does she even miss my father, or would there be a time that she wishes she is just at home with me, taking care of me. Women nowadays are so different from how we are pictured in books decades ago. We used to be expected to just stay at home, be a wife and a mother. We have evolved to be human beings with almost the same capabilities as men. We are not designed just to bore children, but to make a difference in the universe.

(Independent Woman by Destiny’s Child playing)

My close friends at school found out I just moved into my new unit, so they decided to throw a mini party for me.

"Nice place Macky!" one of my friends said as they enter my condo unit. "This would be the perfect hideout for our gang! Woot! woot!" Galileo added.

"Come on guys, let's not do something illegal! My parents bought this place so I don't have to stress out to the crazy traffic jam out there, there is no need for me to commute." I answered.

I just promised my mum that I won’t do crazy things but here I am having a housewarming party at my new condo my parents bought me.

It was a family decision, so I can be near the university grounds and would just walk going to school. Mum is really working late these past few months and I’ve been taking the cab going home since I failed the test for the driver’s license multiple times, therefore, I cannot have my own car, mum thinks that hiring a driver won’t be ideal too. So, they decided to buy a condo instead. It has one bedroom for me, a living area, a small kitchen, and a dining area. Decent enough for a student like me. I am so grateful for having amazing parents like them.

“Hey Macky, my friend Art, remember?” Galileo called my attention. “What about him?” I asked with an annoyed expression. “Uhm.. he is waiting in the lobby for me, we were supposed to watch a soccer game today but ditched him so he decided to come over to pick me up, can he come over just for few minutes before we leave for the game?” he asked. “Ok, I guess it would be rude if we won’t let him in,” I answered.

It was just my classmates who were invited to my mini housewarming party, just 6 people including myself. Decided to order Japanese for our food and Galileo brought few drinks, not sure if you could say it is few as what he brought were 3 bottles of Jack Daniel’s black label. I am not really a party girl. I have low alcohol tolerance so not sure how the night would be if I would drink too much of those JD’s. Besides, I am in the comfort of my own home and I have 5 trusted people here, probably have nothing to worry about.

“Hi Macky, Happy Independence Day!” Art greeted me as he handed me over a box with tequila and some snacks.

“Huh?” I just answered completely confused.

“Oh, sorry, you must be confused. Gali told me this is like your parents’ gift as part of your independence.” He answered.

“Oh, no, they got me this condo so I can be near the school but somewhat for me to learn how to live independently, Uhm yeah, maybe you are somewhat right...” I answered anxiously.

“And you look hot on that dress.” Art winked and made his way to the couch where Gali was seated. I suddenly felt conscious about how I look and what I am wearing, as I am wearing a really skimpy dress. I really don’t mind it at first since I originally invited just some trusted friends.

We had dinner, had some games. Of course, Karaoke would always be part of any Asian party, right? We had so much fun, we played “never have I ever” we were laughing all the time. I never felt so alive. I just love this crowd.

“I never thought that you sing that well Gali!” I told Gali as I laugh so hard.

“Duet! Duet! Duet!” the gang shouted and buoyed up Gali as if he is in a concert.

“Thank you Araneta!!!” Gali replied to the crazy crowd. Araneta is where concerts are usually held in the Philippines. Popular singers would often hold concerts there.

“Ehem, ehem. What would be the next song?” I rolled my eyes and grabbed the second microphone.

Gali changed the CD on the player, with his game face on, he started singing as soon as the music started playing.

“Come with me my love

To the sea

The sea of love

I want to tell you

How much I love you..” he looked very serious singing Sea of Love by Cat Power

“Do you remember

When we met?

That's the day I knew you were my pet

I want to tell you

How much I love you..” he continued.

I sang the next lines, feeling a bit odd. Not sure if it’s because of being intoxicated, then the gang sang with me. This is the first time I saw Gali this serious, what’s with him? Why too serious? I just brushed it off, and enjoyed the night.

After a lot of drinks, everyone was drunk and passed out on the living room floor, can’t believe it was just me and Art who were left awake. I had too much drink and excused myself.

“Hey Art, you can sleep on the couch... Uhm.. just call me if you need anything.” I said then headed to my room so I could take a shower.

As I enter my room, I unbuttoned my dress took off my clothes to hit the shower, and did my usual routine.

While rinsing my hair, I felt a warm hand touch my back, I turned around flustered, "Art! What are you doing here?!" I exclaimed, trying to cover my body with my hands. "Shhh.. you might wake them up.." he said. "I think you drank too much, please go outside, you can sleep on my bed or the couch," I answered shakingly.

My cheeks felt numb and my head was swirling because of too much alcohol intake, but I can see Art clearly in front of me, undressing.

His sexy-clean shaved head, his six-pack abs, his perfect tanned body, broad shoulders, towering height probably around 6'1 to 6'2 complementing my 5'7 height. I just can't stop looking at the view I have right now. I just froze there... I was frozen and my eyes are just examining every inch of what I am seeing. I scanned from his head to toe. I know he noticed it, and I cannot hide what I am feeling at that moment.

"Let me join you Macky." He replied. He leaned towards me... I felt the warm water flow over my body. Or is it the water? What is this feeling? Why am I feeling this way? He leaned closer and started kissing me. I pushed him, “I can’t. I don’t…I don’t know…this is my first time. I don’t know if this is right.” I answered softly.

“I like you Macky, I never stopped thinking of you since the day we danced on your 18th birthday. I just can’t stop thinking of you. I can’t explain why I am feeling this. This is the first time I felt this.” He answered, scooping my face and kissing me again. I did not resist. I kissed back.

He touched my body, touched all over my bosom, and played with my nubbin with his fingers, I felt an electrifying feeling I never felt before. He moved his hand, down to my belly, he then touched my love box and felt how wet I was down there, not because of the water from the shower, but because of this intense feeling inside me.

“You are just perfect for me Macky.” He gave out those words while kissing me, going down my bosom and my body. I can’t resist. I felt like my whole being surrendering.

Just like when we had our first dance, we were like dancing. Dancing in the tune of our hearts’ desires. The most romantic dance I ever danced to. He took some towels, we got out of the shower. He then led me to my bed where we resumed the dance of love.

Is this right? Should I stop him? Should we stop? thoughts in my head as he kisses me.

“Art, I don’t know if..hmm...I am scared..” I uttered in between kisses.

“Don’t be. I will guide you. I will take care of you.” He said as he continued kissing me, going down my chest, my belly, down to my fanny. I never felt so warm down there.

Everything I am feeling at that moment was new to me. It was ecstatic. It was a mixed feeling of fear and excitement. It felt like I am so wet down there when he slid his hardened wang inside me. It was so painful! It's like a piercing pain, I just can't explain it. I just grabbed him and hold onto his shoulders and let out a small cry “It hurts.” I said. “I am so sorry. It will get better just trust me.” He answered. As we continue, it felt like I am being ripped apart, but as we go along the pain goes away little by little. I was so naïve, or maybe I am just really stupid, he had no protection on, he released all his seeds inside me, all of it, all three times he had to.

That night felt like forever. I’ll never forget the night he popped my cherry. And I don’t regret it.

For some reason, I did not fall asleep right away, I stared at his face. Familiarizing every detail of it. Caressing his face makes my heart leap. Just like what I felt when we danced. Just like when I met him the first time.

He woke up and kissed my hand. “I love you Macky, let’s be together.” Art said softly, half awake. “Maybe you are still drunk, don’t think that I would oblige you to love me or even marry me just because you popped my cherry,” I said scoffing.

He moved closer to me and scooped my face with both of his hands, "would you want to marry me?" he asked looking at me, and my heart fluttered, I noticed he has beautiful brown eyes. "Stop being ridiculous Art." I rolled my eyes.

“From the day I first met you, I felt this inexplicable feeling inside me, I just can’t contain it. When we danced, it felt like everything moved in slow motion. Everything around me turned gray, and you are the only beautiful thing in front of me. From that day on, I know that I love you. That you are the one. Maria Cristina Johnson, you are the one. Be my girlfriend. Be with me.” Art uttered, locking his eyes with mine. I let out a sigh, kissed him on his lips, and said “I love you too, I will. I want to be with you too.”

(Dreams by The Cranberries playing in the background)