Living in the Shadows

A Whole New World

As I walk down the aisle, all eyes are on me, I could see some close friends teared up – tears of joy to see me in my white gown, white lacy veil with white flower ornaments on my hair. Like a fairy, no, like an enchanted queen of this mountain.

The world turned black and white and the only person I could see is Art, my fiancé, my husband-to-be.

Everything seems to be in slow motion.

The background music sounded muffled.

Just like when we first danced, when I first met him.

My heart was beating so fast.

I could not explain what I am feeling, I’ve been with him for months. We’ve shared nights, and days but today is different.

We will be ONE. We will be officially husband and wife.

I could not imagine that my dream, my ultimate dream, which is getting married, is coming to reality at that moment.

We had an intimate garden wedding.

It was a dreamy wedding set on the wide expanse of a mountain resort on an island in the Philippines. It felt like I am just dreaming as I walk down the aisle. I walk under an arch of white and pink roses, which leads to the altar. On the side are the seats for the guests - who are mostly just family members and close friends.

We decided to have the ceremony start late in the afternoon so it is not too hot, and we could feel the cool breeze. We chose this spot as we both love nature and it has a view of the sea.

How beautiful it is to see the colors of the sun setting and the sky turning into night as Art and I exchanged our wedding vows.

“I am the happiest man alive, thank you for accepting me and agreeing to be my wife.” Art whispered to my ear as we dance as newly “husband and wife.’

“I love you Macky, I love you and our baby.” He added.

“I love you too, Art. I will forever keep this memory in my heart. You will be the only man I will love. Thank you for making me happy.” I answered.

Everything is like a dream. Nothing in the world matters to us at that moment. There was only him and I. We were over the moon.

Right beside the ceremonial grounds is where the reception would be held. It's like an open field where we set up seats and tables, and the open spaces were filled with fairy lights. At night, during the feast, it looked like a sea of lights.

Our wedding day, united my family as both my parents were there. My dad flew to Manila to attend my special day. All important people in our lives are present to be with us and celebrate our love.

I’ll never forget this day.

(Can’t Help Falling In Love version by Kina Grannis playing in the background)

Art’s parents gifted us plane tickets to go to the UK for our honeymoon. Art would love to go back to the place where he was born, he would always tell me that once given a chance he would show me around.

I love Enfield, England! I loved every inch of it. I know that this is where his heart is.

He was born and raised in England before their family decided to move to the Philippines. His parents established a good security company in the country, so they decided to stay in the country for good.

That is also the time he met Galileo, my friend, our mutual friend. They’ve been good friends for a long time, and he’s like a brother to him.

I know that our engagement was short, but it always felt like we’ve known each other for a very long time. Maybe, in our past lives, we’re somewhat connected. Maybe we were lovers but did not end up being together, so when our paths crossed in this life, we decided not to waste any time and be together. Forever.

“I’ll never get tired of loving you, you’re the only woman I felt this way Macky.” Art said as he brushes my cheek with his hand. He kissed me, we shared a passionate kiss.

This is our first night as officially husband and wife. “I love you, Art,” I replied. It was an unforgettable night for us.

We were making love before but this is different, it is just magical.

There is just so much passion, so much adoration.

All the love we have for each other is being shared that night.

“I love you, Art,” I whispered to his ear as I feel his body next to mine.

“I love you more Macky. Forever, and will always be.” He answered softly.

It was a night I will keep in my heart for the rest of my life.

(What the World Needs Now by Cat Power playing in the background)

We flew back to Manila and everything seems going well for us.

“Babe! I just got a call from my talent manager. I am scheduled for another casting call.” Arthur excitedly shared the news.

“I am so happy for you! I hope that sooner or later, you’ll get your first official contract.” I kissed him on his cheek.

Whatever makes my husband happy, makes me happy.

I could not ask for more. I feel like I have it all at this point in my life.

All I want is a loving husband, just a happy life.

After a few months, we got the clearance from my obstetrician so I can fly back to Australia to give birth to our firstborn, William Sydney Johnson Roberts, named after my dad and my hometown.

Arthur and I came up with an agreement to have our son born in Australia so my father can be with his grandchild – this is where I want all our kids to be born, I want to be with my father as I enter a new phase of my life. With my new family. This is where my heart is at peace.

Just a month after we had little Syd, Art got his first contract from the country’s top Artist Agency. His dream of becoming a rising actor is coming to life. He got back-to-back offers for endorsements as well.

Therefore, we can’t stay that long with my father. We must travel back to Manila with our newborn. Dad tried to convince me to stay a little longer, but my husband needs me. He needs me to support him and to take care of him too.

As his number one fan, I want to be there every step of the way, I would give all my best to my husband. My full loyalty, support, and love.

After resting for a few months, I had to juggle studies and being a mum. I promised my parents that I would still graduate. Dad was convincing Art and me to move to Australia and raise little Syd there, but I know my husband would be happy to stay here and pursue his career.

All I want is his happiness. I would really love to go back there but I can’t be selfish now that we are a family of 3. My decisions would not only affect my life but also my boys’ lives.

They are my everything. They are my world.

“Babe, can you hand me over the diapers. Syd pooped again!” Art shouted as he was changing Sydney’s diapers while I am working on my thesis.

At this point, I am just grateful, my heart is just full. Seeing my husband juggle his work and being a father to our son. He is very hands-on with Sydney, he tries to be present as much as he can.

Even though his work requires a lot of time, as filming or photoshoot would take hours, he would make sure to spend some time with me and our son.

He would never forget to call or send me a message, just to make me feel he is thinking of us. He checks on us frequently.

“What did I do to deserve a great husband like you?” I murmured, as I kiss him on his lips.

He kissed back, “Let’s go out this weekend. Just the two of us.” My husband said.

“Where? But I have tons of paperwork to do.” I sighed and frowned.

He scooped my face, “Just be with me, ok?”

I nodded and hugged him.

We would still spend some alone time even though we already have Syd. It is like I am living in a fairy tale with my perfect husband.

I graduated, got my diploma, and made my parents proud. I fulfilled my promise to them as a daughter.

Time flies when you are having fun. That’s what they said.

“Happy birthday Sydney!” Dad greeted him over the phone.

“Oh! I miss you, Daddy! I wish you’re here to celebrate with us!” I almost cried; I sure miss him.

“My Macky-poo, my baby, I miss you too! Don’t worry, we will be together, and I will play with my little Sydney.” Dad answered he sounded tired.

“Don’t exhaust yourself Dad, you are not getting any younger. Once Art would have a chance to take a break from work, we will visit you soon! I love you!” I replied with a worried tone.

“I love you too! Kisses to my grandson.” Dad said and ended the call.

We celebrated Sydney’s first birthday, it was a Safari theme which Art and I did all the DIY decorations for the party. I can’t believe that it is exhausting! Nevertheless, we were happy to see our son happy! At a very young age, I could tell that he enjoys what he is seeing, and was happy to see his aunts, grandparents, and cousins. Gali, his godfather was there too! Oh, I am thankful he is there! Art and I could not do it without him. He is the most awesome, the best friend we could ever have!

“Hey Macky, let me have Syd, you can check on the food, and other guests.” Gali took Syd from his nanny as he is getting fussy.

“Wow, he likes Uncle Gali!” I giggled, as Syd calmed down when Gali took him.

Did you know that kids can feel an adult’s energy? If you have a good aura, if you emit positive or negative energy, they get it too.

I guess, Gali has a good aura. He is a good person and my son can feel it.

So much like a brother I never had, I am blessed to have this guy in my life.

I just squeezed Gali’s hand, thanked him, and left to attend to the visitors. “You are so awesome, thank you! Thank you!” I blew kisses to both of them as I leave the room.

(Thank You for Being a Friend by Andrew Gold)

Everything is going well with my husband’s career. We were able to save up and Art was able to buy our little family a new home, too. We chose a property near his parents’ home; we bought a 2-story home with 4 bedrooms in the same village where my parents-in-law live. I love them, I want little Syd to grow up close to his grandparents.

After a few years, when I was about to start a career in the same company as my mum’s, we received another good news. We were expecting another baby! I would become a mum of 2 at the age of 22, crazy eh? But this time, Art became busy with his career.

I know that all our babies are unexpected, they were both not planned but all are blessings. But finding out that I am pregnant with our second child, was not the same reaction as he had known we were going to have Syd. Maybe this is how Dads react when it is their second child?

He was not upset; he was not that very happy as well. I am not sure how can I put it into words, but... he was just neutral.

“Babe, are you tired? Are you not happy hearing the news?” I asked worriedly. “I’m sorry, maybe I am just tired. There is just so much going on at work. I would also have early call time tomorrow for a shoot. It is going to be out of town so I will not come home for a week or so. Always remember that I love you and our babies. No matter what, I love that baby inside your womb.” He kissed me on the forehead, touched my belly, and headed to our room and slept.

It felt a bit strange, to be honest. I followed him, hit the shower first before joining him in bed. I wore my favorite red lingerie. This was his favorite. I know he knows what I mean whenever I wear this set. But for some reason, he just snoozed off. I kissed him on his cheek, I got up and checked on our son’s room. I was just checking Syd and did not realize I fell asleep. When I woke up, I went to our room and saw a note on our side table. “Babe, I don’t want to wake you and Syd up, I have to go, see you in a week. I love you. -Your hot husband”

All my worries went away, maybe he was just really focused at work. I know that this is what he wants to do all his life, as his wife I should support him and be more understanding. For now, I must focus on taking care of my babies.

(Dream A Little Dream by Pink Martini, The von Trapps plays in the background)