Unexpected love from her

Chapter 5 (Hannah)

I still remember that day when Gin confessed her feelings for me. Since the day that Gin confessed her feelings for me, our friendship has been different. We are still friends, but not the same as before. We are still friends because of our family. There is awkwardness between us when we see each other. Gin tried to talk to me about her feelings but I let my emotions affect my decision. I tried to avoid her, especially when she opens up the topic.

“Hann, can we talk?” She said,

“Okay, about what Gin?” I replied, just like nothing is happening between us.

“About the day that I told you about my feelings. I am sincere about it. I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t know what to do. I am afraid that our friendship might get affected if I tell you how I feel about you”

“Gin, can you please stop? You are out of your mind. There’s no relationship between girl to girl. You made a big mistake.”

“I didn’t choose to be like this, Hann. Trust me, I tried to stop it, but I don’t know but my feelings for you are different. I like you more than friends.”

“Oh, stop Gin, I don’t want to hear that one. I like you as a friend. That’s it! And nothing else. I am happy with Andrew now, Gin, please stop it. Don’t waste your time with those nonsense feelings of yours. I don’t need it.”

I admit, my words that day were too harsh. But, I still did it. I hurt Gin that day. I never imagined that I would do that to her.

“Okay, if that’s what you want. I’ll stop. It’s hard to fall in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way. I won’t bother you anymore. I wish you luck with Andrew.”

Gin said it while she tried not to shed tears in front of me, but I know she’s hurt. Since that day, she never opens up about her feelings. We are still friends but we see each other sometimes if there is a family gathering or company event. Every time I am with Andrew, Gin acts like there’s nothing that happens between us. I can tell that she knows how to hide pain.

“Hi, there! How are you?” Gin asked me and Andrew.

“We are doing great, still loving each other. I hope this will last forever. I love her so much.” Andrew replied to her.

“Great! Just send me the invitation on your wedding day” she replied.

“You will be the first to know, I promise Gin,” he replied.

I miss the days when I was with her. On the days that we eat outside, we go shopping. The adventure every weekend. The cheers every competition that we have. I miss those days. But everything is different now. I feel empty when Gin is not around and I feel guilty for what I did to her. I can still see through her eyes that she’s still hiding the pain. She’s smiling outside but she’s broken inside.

My relationship with Andrew went well for 4 years. We are both busy with our studies. Gin is busy with her school papers and her training. Before, I watched Gin’s competition. I cheer for her. I always text or call her to cheer her up, but right now it is different. I heard news of Gin’s competition through Alexa. Alexa’s little brother is one of Gin’s teammates. There was one time when Gin lost her last competition due to an elbow injury. I was worried, but I tried not to show that I cared for her. Alexa told me.

“I watched my little brother's game today. It was nice. He won first place but Gin’s didn’t even get 3rd place. Her elbow was injured again. Her coach didn’t let her play another game due to her elbow problem, which is looking bad. I feel sorry for her.” She said,

“How was she?” I asked.

“How do you want me to answer that one? Are you asking about the injury or her feelings right now?”

“C’mon Alexa. Stop it” I told her

“C’mon Hannah, I know that you still care for her but you are not showing it, are you afraid?” Alexa asked me.

“Sorry? Afraid of what?”

“Afraid of the situation between you and Gin. You know that I knew how she felt about you.”

“Okay stop, let’s not talk about it. I don’t want to have a bad day because of that. Non-sense.”

“Okay, I won’t ask you again. I just feel sorry for her. She endures everything. She endures the pain both physical and emotional.”

I know I am still worried when she gets hurt. I still care for her but, I don’t want her to develop any feelings more. I am afraid that it will ruin her. For how many years, I tried to ignore Gin, especially when she got hurt during training or competition.

I let myself be busy with studies just to forget about her. I spend more time with Andrew and his family. Everything went well for the first 2 years of our relationship. We spend more time with each other. We went out of town. We watch movies. But the next few years of our relationship it has been a roller coaster. He spends most of the time at school and on other academic activities, while I am also busy preparing for my Law School.

“Hey, babe. Do you have time this Saturday? Let’s go to the mall just to unwind”, I asked Andrew.

“Sorry babe, I have a meeting this Saturday with the other department head councillor. We are so busy with our school organization. Can we do it next time?”

“Okay.”

I am free every Saturday since I don’t have any class on that day. While I was playing on my phone, I received a call from Alexa.

“Hann, are you available this Saturday?”

“Why?”

“Let’s go out. We will celebrate. It’s Gin’s graduation day on Friday but she refused to have a graduation party so we decided to surprise her on Saturday. Wanna join?” Alexa invited me.

“Oh no, maybe next time. Andrew and I will go out this Saturday. It’s our date.”

“Oh okay. I won’t disturb the lovers. Enjoy!”

I was lying to Alexa. I don’t have an appointment on Saturday. I just don’t want to go out with Gin. I feel afraid and somewhat guilty about what I did to her last time that we talked.

It was 1 p.m on Saturday when I went to the mall to buy new books. I saw Alexa and Gin sitting at a Chinese restaurant together with Gin’s teammate. Her elbow is still not okay. I wanted to text her to congratulate her but I didn’t. After that, I went home. I received a chat from Alexa with a message and a picture of her and Gin,

Dear Hann,

“Picture with my baby girl/ little sister. How I wish you were here just like she was there when you needed her.”

From your loving friend,

Alexa

I can still see through her eyes that she tried to be happy. I felt more guilty when I saw the picture that Alexa sent to me. I don’t want her to develop her feelings for me. I know it’s not right. She’s my best friend, she will always be my best friend.

“Babe? Are you going home tonight?” I texted Andrew.

“Hi Babe, so sorry if I haven’t texted you since earlier. We will eat outside with the rest of the council. Don’t wait for me. I will go home late. Don’t forget to lock the door. Love you!”

“Take care babe. Love you too. Miss you already.”

I always texted Andrew. I don’t have anyone to talk to except Alexa or Andrew. Unlike before that, we are still best friends. We spend all night watching movies, talking non-sense. I miss those days. I didn’t expect that would be our memories and won’t happen in the future anymore.

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It was 7 years ago when Gin confessed her feelings for me. I did not expect that she would burst out. I froze. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to expect. All I did was I walked out and left her without any reason. Everything changed after that day. I feel uneasy, I feel mad. I was still in a relationship with Andrew at that time. We went to the same school at Xavier Adamson University. I took political science while he took a business management major in marketing. We were in a relationship during our college days.

Because of our hectic schedule at school, my relationship with Andrew is getting worse. He did not have time for me, even on Saturday or Sunday. He spent most of his time at school. I don’t know why he’s so busy. Maybe because he is the president of the student council. Until one day, I felt like he was so cold to me. Our first 2 years are full of sweet moments, while the next 2 years are upside down. It’s our last year of our college days.

“OMG! We are almost done with our college days babe, what’s your plan?” I asked Andrew.

“I don’t know yet, there are still many things that I need to do,” he replied.

“Babe, can I ask you something? Don’t get mad if I asked you this”.

“What is it, babe?”

“I feel like you don’t have time with me. You keep making excuses about your school activities. Are we still, okay?” I asked him.

“Yeah, we are still okay. I love you, babe. I have things to do about school since we are going to graduate soon.”

“I am just afraid that you are too busy and you don’t have time for me.”

“How about this, if I am not around you can spend time with Gin. She’s your best friend, right?”

“I think she’s busy since she’s already on her college days.”

Andrew notices that I am not spending time with Gin anymore, unlike before. Gin is studying Psychology at the same school that I am in right now. I am a graduating student in political science and Gin has just started her college days. But I still have a few more years to go. I am going to proceed immediately to law school. I have already passed the entrance exam.

We’ve been in a relationship for 4 years now, but I didn’t know that keeping a secret would change our relationship. Before, when we are still in our high school days, Andrew mentions that he wants to get his master's degree at Harvard Business School. I thought at first it was a joke. It was during our high school days. That was so long ago until one day he opened up.

“Babe? I have something to tell you.” Andrew wanted to tell me something.

“Yes, babe? What is it? I am all ears.”

“Remember the time that I told you when we were still in our senior years in high school? That I want to get my master's degree at Harvard Business School?”

“Yeah, I still remember that one. I even made a joke that ‘You wish you couldn’t go anywhere without me, you are MINE’”. I replied,

“Exactly, I still remember that day. You even punched me that time. Time flies so fast, huh? Anyway, there is something that I didn’t tell you until I received the result last week.”

“What is it? Tell me! You are getting me, nervous babe. What?” I asked him seriously.

“I was accepted at Harvard Business School. I will get my master's degree there. Isn’t it amazing? I was so happy when I received the email last week”, he said.

“Huh? You didn’t tell me about it. Why? You promised me that we would be together after we graduate. You kept it secret for a long time, Andrew. I am honest with you. I opened up everything about my plans and you didn’t even share your plan?”

I got mad when I heard the news. I reacted immediately after I heard the news that he told me. I trusted him so much. This is me. I will immediately react with all the angry emotions that I have.

“Look, I was planning to tell you before I took the entrance exam but I want to surprise you with this.” He explained.

“You told me that you are going to stay after you graduate and you will be the one to manage your business. How come you didn’t tell me in advance? We have plans, Andrew. You told me that once you will be the one to manage your business and I will become a lawyer, we will settle down for good. What now?”

I don’t know why I reacted too much. I am mad at him. I burst all my anger at him. I am mad because of what I did to Gin and now, I feel like I was being betrayed because Andrew is not completely honest with me. I feel that no one cares about my plan. I feel like they don’t trust me.

“We can still do it after I finish my master’s degree, Hann,” he said.

“I can accept that this is your dream, but what I can’t accept is you didn’t share it with me in advance. We have plans. And lately, I feel like you are cold in our relationship. You are always busy while I make time with you. I don’t know what to do. How can I trust you if, even a small matter, you are not open to me?”

I was really mad at that time. I feel like I was betrayed. Betrayed that I trusted so much. In the end, he chose to go to Harvard Business School. We ended our relationship at that time. We go our separate ways after we graduate from college.

I was so broken-hearted at that time. I feel like no one likes me for who I am. No one trusts me. I am mad because I lost my best friend. I chose Andrew over Gin. I am mad because he didn’t trust me. I am mad because he does not have time with me. Now, I am mad because I don’t have someone to lend it to. My heart is full of anger. I think this is how Gin felt when I told her about my feelings for her and my relationship with Andrew. I can’t take it anymore. I called Alexa. I told her everything about Andrew and me. I asked Alexa to come to my place. I needed someone to talk to. I am going to go crazy.

“Can you please come over? I need someone to talk to, please?” I begged Alexa to come over to my place.

“Okay give me 30 mins. I’ll go there.” She said,

“Please don’t tell anyone, especially Gin.” I told her not to tell anyone.

“Okay. I’ll be right there”

30 mins have passed since Alexa arrived at my place. It was 1:10 a.m early Sunday morning when she arrived at my place and she was shocked at my situation. She was shocked when she saw that my place was a big mess.

“What the hell is going on with you Han?! You look like hell. It looks like this is not your place. What’s wrong? Why are you still drinking at this hour? Give me that bottle of whiskey. Are you planning to kill yourself?” She gets the bottle of whiskey that I am holding.

“Andrew and I broke up. We argued before graduation day. I just need someone, right, please?” I begged Alexa.

“Huh? You two broke up? You are the power couple in our school. I didn’t expect that.”

I told her about what was happening. I told her everything. I even told her that I missed Gin. Because of that whiskey that runs to my blood and my brain, I confess to Alexa all the things that happened between me and Andrew. I even told her about the day that Gin confessed to me and the words that I told Gin that day.

“I can’t take it anymore, lex. I feel like I am always alone. To tell you honestly, I love Andrew, I do. But what he did is not acceptable to me. I feel like I hurt Gin more. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Do you want me to call Gin? She’s still here in Singapore. I think her flight will be Tuesday evening.”

“She’s living? Why? Why is she living? Please, don’t tell me that Gin will leave me too. I don’t have anyone. All the people that I care about have already left me. Will you leave me too? Please stay.”

“OMG! Look at you. You are so drunk. You don’t know what you are saying. Let’s talk when you are not drunk anymore. I will stay here. I will be right here.”

I fell asleep that day. Alexa cleaned up the mess. I told her not to tell Gin about my situation. I don’t want Gin to see me how messy I am because of Andrew.

The next day. I feel terrible. I had a bad headache. My body is aching. I have swollen eyes because of the drama that I did last night. It’s the whiskey’s fault, I guess. Alexa stayed up all night. She cleaned everything. She even changed my clothes for a clean one. She took care of me the entire night. She ordered food for us.

“So, how’s the whiskey effect?” she asked.

“Don’t start Alexa. I feel like someone hit me on my head. It hurts”

“Drink this. It will help you to forget everything, including Gin, AHAHAHA” she teased me about last night's drama.

“Oh, God!”

“You remember what you did last night?” She still teased me about last night.

“Sort of?” I replied.

“What the hell is going on with you? You know that your alcohol tolerance is not that acceptable. Next time, if you have a problem, don’t you dare touch alcoholic drinks.” She said.

“Yes ma’am.”

That was the first time that I was badly drunk. Alexa knew that I was not a good drinker like her. I promised not to drink again. My head hurts. The hangover is kicking in. I can’t think clearly. All I want is to take a rest and to clean up. I hope I didn’t mess last night. I can’t remember what I did last night. I can’t remember anything. Oh God! What did I do this time?