Just Like Yesterday

TICKING TIME BOMB

DAVID’S POV

I approached the door and contemplated about twisting the door knob. I was almost having second thoughts about why I agreed to come to this place at first. But then, this is what I have to do for myself, I agreed to it and I must pull through no matter what. Yes David, you can do this. Slow deep breaths, slow deep breaths.

As I looked at the door, I saw a sign that said, “SUNSHINE IN ME TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY”, boldly written on it. I hope I will be able to have some of that sunshine in me some day.

I twisted the door knob and it revealed an emerald coloured room, a couch was by the left side of the room resting on the wall, a desk and an office was situated at the centre of the room which was at the front of the window, there was another chair opposite the desk which I guess was made for visitors. There were some wall décors like “SAVE TREES”, poster and other Foresters posters. There was a book shelf at the right side of the room, a wall clock hung on the wall above the door.

The floor of the office was tiled and an air conditioner was blowing actively considering how it has been hot today even though it was not summer yet. I guess it only rained at night because during the day most times in Bayside, it tends to get pretty hot.

A woman was seated at the chair that had its back away from the window, jotting carefully on her journal. Her glasses were perched on the bridge of her nose, she wore red lipstick that had a similarity with the colour of blood, she was smartly dressed in burgundy two piece corporate wear. She wasn’t too polished though, she had blonde hair, and when she looked up at me I noticed she had blue eyes and was quite pretty.

I stood rather awkwardly before her, “Well hello there. You can have a seat”, she said while smiling at me keenly. “Welcome to my office, my name is Miss Diana Laurence, your therapist. I hope we get along”.

I looked at her and noticed she was smiling at me expectantly and realized she was also hoping for me to also introduce myself. “I...umm.. my name is David Harper..”, I replied darting my eyes everywhere but at the woman seated in front of me and proceeded to sit on the couch.

“Well David before we start our session I would like you to know about some things. I am a therapist and my profession is only to help people. Anything we shall discuss now will remain between the both of us, anything that will warrant me to put a call across to your parents I will let you know. I wouldn’t be judgmental to you and do not be afraid to bring anything and everything up. Is that okay?” she asked me. I nodded still unsure of how I ended up in this place.

I thought I will be able to endure everything for the next two hours but being in this office right now with this woman I barely know and the fact that in order for me to receive therapy, I have to start talking about myself and all of those traumatizing experiences. I don’t want to open those pages I’m trying so hard to shut all over again. Why did I agree to this in the first place? Everything is suddenly becoming overwhelming.

⁕EARLIER THIS MORNING⁕

There was some rapid knocks on door. Mum was in the kitchen making Lasagna for breakfast, dad was on a business trip, like he always was. I was sitting in the living room watching some episodes of Stevie Wonder and having zero to no interest with the moving images on the flat screen TV.

“Dave honey get can you help me get the door please”, my mum called from the kitchen. I stood up from the couch and made my way to the door. Who could it be so early in the morning? Definitely not Mrs Lauren our neighbor and it can’t possibly be dad also because I remember he won’t be back until next week. I opened the door and saw the last person I could possibly think of. It was my older brother, Eric.

“Hey champ, how’s it going?” he smiled while pulling me into an embrace. A smile formed on my face. “Hey brother. I didn’t think it was you”, I said while pulling away from the embrace still in total disbelief. Eric was really here.

“Dave did you get the door? Who is it?” my mum called out to me while approaching us. Her eyes widened, “Hey honey. How are you my son?” she went up to Eric and hugged him too. She really misses him. Ever since Eric got into college, he hasn’t been home because his college was quite far from our town. He got his own apartment in Randolph and worked a part time job after classes because according to him, while in college you always have to have some extra cash ready just in case.

“I thought you said you’ll be coming tomorrow, I was ready to arrange your room just in case you’ll be staying the night. And judging from the suitcase and everything, you really are staying the night”, she said to him touching his shoulder and looking at him from the crown of his head to the sole of his feet, ready to make comments about how he is not taking care of himself or how he is not eating properly.

“Wait a minute. He told you he was coming?” I asked my mum because I guess I was the only one not aware of the fact that he was coming. “I was going to tell you but Eric insisted that he was going to surprise you so I kept my mouth shut. I guess the surprise worked”, my mum said while she and Eric shared an amused expression.

“Okay I everyone, as you can guess, I am coming from a very distant place and will like to get in now. Please Dave help me carry some of my things from my car and bring it upstairs for me”, Eric turned to me and I nodded.

Soon enough he got all of his stuff in his room and my mum was already calling out to us that the food was ready. We made our way downstairs to the dining table and took our seats. Eric helped my mum set the dining table and soon enough, everyone was seated. We ate in silence and some times, Eric asked me one or two things about the town, our neighborhood and what happened while he was away for college even though he asked me some of these questions when he calls. He asked about the ginger girl who lived down the street whom he used to date because they had a bad breakup and it was kind of like a puppy love, I mean they were both young then and stupid. The whole relationship with her was kind of funny if you asked me. I remember one time Eric crashed our parent’s car into a tree because he was showing her that he was a big boy and that he could ride a car.

We finished eating while Eric and I cleared the table and insisted on taking care of the dishes because my mum wouldn’t let us do it. She kept rambling on about how we have so much catching up to do. We finished cleaning the dishes and Eric invited me upstairs to his room and gave me some souvenirs he bought from Randolph, kept some aside for mum. He asked if I wanted to join him on his Playstation5, I agreed and soon enough we were gaming on his TV.

After some rounds, the both of us unable to continue anymore, we stopped playing and just laid on the floor. Eric was the first to speak up,

“So how have you been?”

“I’ve been doing fine”, I replied him.

“No Dave, how have you been doing after everything?” he asked this time his voice going a bit lower at the end.

I understood what he was saying. When the whole thing happened with Thomas, he kept apologizing for not being there when I needed him and honestly I wouldn’t blame him because his college doesn’t really allow them to take excuses that much. I told him it was okay but he kept saying he would be home soon. I guess he really kept his promise.

“Well, I’m still striving you know. It has not been easy with the whole thing, mum joining me in my breakdowns every other day is definitely not fun and I haven’t been to school ever since. I keep telling myself maybe I will be able to attend classes next semester, I really hope I will be able to. I’ve done some stupid s**t to myself because well I’m not who I used to be and I really wish someone can pull me out from this s**t hole. But overall I’m going to be alright, maybe not now, but eventually, yeah”, I finished with a c***k in my voice and I realized my eyes were starting to feel hot.

I think Eric noticed because he sat up and looked at me, “Dave, my brother, I know how it feels like to lose someone who you loved so much. I really appreciate the fact that you actually told me how you feel and trust me it’s okay to pour out your thoughts. It really helps you very much. Mum loves you so much and so do I, you are the only brother I have, my friend since the day you were born. Seeing you lose yourself and me not being able to help you, makes me so unhappy. I knew Thomas before he died; he was really kind and friendly, a very good person. Nobody deserves to go through anything like that trust me. I know you really loved him, I can still remember vividly all the plans you told me about how you were going to live together after high school and the name you were going to name your pets and the places you would like to visit together. Hearing the news made me wonder how you were going to cope after everything, you’re a really strong person Dave for pulling through all this time. But after everything, I’m not saying you should forget about Thomas but Dave, it’s for the trauma you experienced, I’m just saying you should consider therapy”, he finished and looked at me and waited for me to reply.

I looked at him finally registering what he just said in my head. Therapy? No. No.

There’s no way I’m going to go into a total stranger’s office and start talking about everything I experienced and them giving me pitiful glances, like the one I got every other day. “Eric my situation is not that serious. Why would I go for therapy?” I asked my brother while sitting up.

Eric sighed before replying, “Dave you almost killed yourself. Of course you need therapy. Mum called me crying about how she’s scared that she’s going to lose you very soon. Dave everyone is scared because of the amount of times you ended up in the hospital because of your attempts. I don’t want to lose you Dave please, think about it”, he finished with a tear escaping from his eyes.

I was in disbelief. He didn’t come home because he wanted to, he only came home because mum had called him about how I was trying to kill myself. “Well I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry for not being who you want me to be. It’s not my fault for everything that happened. I’ve tried to forget about it. Do you know how hard it is to wake up with the guilt feeling every day that someone died because of you? I guess you don’t know. The pain Thomas must have felt before he died, do you know about any of that. Since everybody is scared that I might kill myself someday, why don’t you just let me die? Leave me to my fate Eric. You keep saying you understand how I feel but you don’t know s**t about how I feel. I don’t sleep at night Eric, I am not myself. Everywhere I go, I am reminded about the fact that I drove Thomas to his death. If your concern is about me killing myself, if that is the reason you came back from college, I suggest you go back to where you’re coming from”.

And with that I stood up and left his room. Him calling out to me and me running to my room, shutting the door behind me.