MY INNER SCARS

Ruth waited in the darkness, her fingers fidgeting with the ropes tied around her hands. Surrounded by that dank smell – that particular sordid combination of sweat, moisture, and animal urine. She stared at the giant beast ‘within her she had been smashed’, fear grasped her, and she tried to scream for help, but she was restrained. The building was dark and hulking with only one entrance. On the left corner of where I was restrained was an old, cracked jay with a horrible smell emanating from it. A hole in the top right corner of the roof blew down air directly on me, making my body shrivel. He was tall and muscular, with broad shoulders, in patched clothes, “Banga smoker”. His eyes glowed red like a soldier with only one motive: to kill and to destroy. He stood in sharp contrast to her, like a lion wanting to devour its prey. With bad omens of r**e all over him. A say ahh... you remember me? “the beast questioned” with a thunderous voice. Nodding her head, left and right, indicated to him her restraint. Ruth, murmured, with tears flowing down her jaws. “I go move that black piece to your mouth, and if you shout, I go kill you,” the beast said, with tension in his every movement towards her. Who could have ever imagined that history would repeat itself after so many years of loneliness? Finding one’s purpose is indeed another effort to be successful. At this point, this beast who hadn’t been tamed was out of control, following its instincts, without a name. So many incidents of kidnap have occurred over the years, which left marks of depression and loneliness. She recalled an old story told to her when she was only a child. It goes like this, “there was a road never to be walked by when the clock ticked midnight. It was said along the path that road nursed dangerous omens, which made the thought very painful to the ears of those who fell, the victim. Women, young and old, were never seen around that road. It was called “ Mandi yeh alui” meaning" the road of bitterness”. It was on the 12th of July 1982, a lady left the capital city to visit her family in the other region. Unfortunately for her, her wheels broke down. She was overtaken by time, with nowhere to go. She decided to take that road of bitterness to heels, with only one thing in mind: whatever happens, happens. It was about a quarter past midnight. When she arrived on that road, she felt these unusual feelings that made the hairs on her body rise with fear, and no one to call for help, but because she was prepared for the outcome, she grasped courage and stepped one foot at a time. Then she felt the chilling breeze and strange whispers as they took the whole of her. She heard one of the voices whisper to her “so you no hearsay, woman no di pass for this place for the night? Abi you want to tell, we say you strong no”. Immediately as the voice faded away, she was later found dead the following morning, with wounds all over her private part, and her two breasts cut off. A single man couldn’t have done this “said one of the investigators.” it must have been an act of at most 10 dangerous unknown men.” “Why you di overthink so? He questioned, as she woke up from her daydream which was as if she was in a trance, God was talking to her. With a slap on her face “splash”, she was told to recall him. “I don’t know who you are. If it is my last day of being alive, then, do what you have to” or tell me who you are. Ruth replied, with tears pouring down her eyes as if she were a river. Well, since you no fit remember me, I go keep you for here for some days, no man no go no sideway you deh until I don finish with you. “the beast said” with terror as he quit. He left Ruth vulnerable in the dark, with no lights, restraints, and dank smells as her companion for the rest of the night. Who is he, she wondered? I must recall… my origin. Maybe I will be able to grasp an incident that happened in my youth or my family. “Ruth grunted”. I can't even move my body, I feel this. It's a pain as though I have been cut with a double edge sword the pain is killing me slowly, so even if I want to shout, I won't be able to. I can't even breathe, it is as if the air in my lungs has been blocked and is suffocating me. Oh god, I can't breathe. At this point, I can drink an entire ocean. " Remember me," he said. Who could he be? He must have known me. Are we that close? I just want to leave this dark and hulking building, mama... I miss you so much for your thoughts of love for your children, especially for me. It's coming back after all. pass away, leaving me as the sole surviving heroine on the throne. Don't worry mama, I will be joining you soon. I may have missed something...but what could it be? Oh yes... I see it makes sense right now. I'm so pressed, but I can't move my legs. The restraints are keeping me fixed on the floor, holding me firm as though I was arrested for theft. I need to use the washroom if any. I can't hold it anymore... it's going to come out any time soon. Oh, I. My...god it's finally... I pooed Crack... My God. What a rumbling sound. An entire building is shaking like the walls of Jericho. The more I screamed, the more energy I needed to save. It is so dark, with no shred of light!! I can't see…the air around me is mixed with my poo and a dank smell. What will happen to me if he returns (the beast) " she wondered". Choi chwi...that sound, I feel the presence of someone. He…hell. Hello...hell.o.o is anybody there? How could anyone hear me, with all these restraints, I am just talking to myself. wait, I can hear voices outside the building. Hello, is there anybody inside this building? That was a voice. It seemed to be the corps doing their evening patrol. Come on, you can do it. Get up, pick up something, maybe a stick or a rock, and aim at the wall. It will call for attention. I can't. If I am able to move, I won't poo on myself. Knock, nock, nock... it shows there is no one here sir. Could we go back "? said one of the corps"